I was scared out of my own skin as I stood outside her dorm door. I felt hot, sweaty, my nerves were getting the best of me.
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy..
I brush my hair back and let out a deep breath. "You can do this, just be honest." I attempt to calm myself down.
"Worst case scenario—I lose the first girl I've ever been in love with. The girl I've been in love with for so long and didn't even realize it until this year." I whisper to myself and internally face palm.
Fuck I was an idiot.
I should've known I was in love with her the day I lost everything to keep her in my life.
Bella got sent to Brighton before I did, she didn't even deserve to be here but there was no way around it. She set fire to her childhood home after her father tried to rape her.
I remembered the night she did it as clear as day.
The phone call, her voice blaring through the phone screaming and crying.
I ran like hell all the way to her that night, I watched her house as it went up in flames.
As we heard sirens and fire trucks, we ran away into the bush and up in the rocks behind the houses of her street.
We ran and hiked upwards until we were at the top of the highest rock. We could see the flames from her house and the abundance of smoke in the air. I sat on the rock as she layed in my lap, balling her eyes out as we both watched her house turn into nothing but a pile of ashes. After everything that happened to her that night, she still wanted me to touch her, hold her and comfort her.
She was broken and I was all she had.
The next day, word spread quick of what happened and only a select few knew that Bella was the one who started the fire.
Those select few included my parents.
They said after the 'stunt' she pulled, they didn't want anyone from our family around her or anyone close to her again.
They went on very little about how it put me in danger, but went on forever about how it would damage their reputation if their son was running around with an 'arsonist bitch'.
I wanted to scream in their face. Scream that she wasn't an arsonist, and that her father tried to rape her two hours before the fire and left.
Leaving her to lose her sanity in the house alone.
But that wasn't my place.
So I kept my mouth shut and refused to cut Bella out of my life, they repeated themselves and made it clear if I didn't agree to cut Bella off, I'd be cut off—from my family.
That was the risk I was willing to take, and I took it for her.
How I didn't realize in that moment I was in love with her is beyond me.
Fucking knock on the door you pussy.
I shake it all off and finally put my fist up and knock on the door, two loud knocks.
Please answer. Please answer. Please answer.
As I wait filled with anticipation, I hear the sound of the door unlock. Quickly I fix my hair, check my breath and straighten out my shirt.
The door opens finally revealing Bella behind it. Beautiful, blue eyed, chocolate haired Bella.
"Hey." I give her a quirky smile as we lock eyes.
She nods her head to the side, motioning for me to come into the room. I walk through the door and she closes it behind me as I enter the room.
"I take it you're here to talk?" She says in very emotionless tone.
Fuck she already knows, I know it.
"Well you've been dodging me, this was my last resort." I scratch behind my head nervously. Years and years we've been around each other and she always makes me sweat.
I mean she's hot as fuck soooo...
"Believe it or not I've been wanting to talk too. I think we have a lot to talk about." She sits on the couch, not taking her eyes off of me. I make my way beside her and take a seat.
If I wasn't sweating before, I was sweating buckets now.
"I—I couldn't agree more." I look down to the ground, completely ashamed.
"You're probably wondering why I've been ghosting you, and honestly it's because of a discovery I've made, a pretty big one actually. I needed time to figure myself out and cope before opening up about it..." She trails off.
I swallow what feels like a golf ball as I listen to her go on.
God this must have destroyed her, she couldn't even talk about it.
"I've had time to think and now I'm confident in how I feel. Now I really don't know how to say this to you Niko.." she starts tearing up, I could practically feel my heart disintegrating in my chest. "But I can't lie anymore, I can't pretend and I can't try and mask the pain from all the lies."
I didn't know if I could hear anymore, the guilt was swallowing me whole and I felt disgusted in my own skin.
Demons crawled around me as the guilt played with my mind, I couldn't believe I let myself do something this terrible that hurt her this badly.
She was a sobbing mess in front of me right now, almost sobbing the way she was that night.
I never wanted to be another person to make her hurt that way.
"We—" She sniffles. "We can't be together Niko. It's not right, and I love you so, so much it's just that-"
God I can't take this anymore.
"Bella." I wine as I feel tears pooling in my eyes.
"You don't need to explain, I know okay. And I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say really because nothing can change it, nothing can make it forgivable." The tears make their way down my cheeks.
"You're the love of my life and I've been so stupid not to have realized it all this time. I never planned on hurting you, I never ever want to hurt you and I did, I hurt you bad and I don't know why I even did it. I don't see how you could forgive me so I understand." I grab her hands in mine as tears stream down my face.
The one girl who gets me that weak. I was practically a dog begging for her to love me as I stare into her glimmering eyes.
"Wait. Niko, what the fuck are you talking about?" Bella raises her hand up in confusion as her eyebrows ares furrowed, the sobs become silent.
"What do you mean what am I talking about? Aren't we talking about the same thing?" My voice raises as the anxiety hits.
I'm so confused.
"So you're talking about the fact I'm a lesbian right now?" She raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms.
—Huh?
Did she just-
"You're..." I point to her as I narrow my eyes, dragging the word out then pausing.
"You like girls?" My voice shoots high pitched again.
Keep it together fuck.
"See, your face tells me we were definitely not talking about the same thing Niko. What were you going on about?" She pierces my eyes with hers.
Good god she was completely beguiling. I was drawn to her like a half to it's whole.
"I fucked up Bella." I shrug and nod as our eye contact stays constant. "I let my emotions get the best of me one day when Grace was at a low point and I got trapped in how abandoned I felt by you shutting me out again. She was pleading into my eyes the way I wanted you to, and I got sucked into the feeling of it. The feeling of being needed."
"So you slept with her, that's what you're saying?" She asks, her voice remaining unbroken.
I clear my throat and struggle to say the words.
"I did."
"It makes sense Niko." She throws he hands up in surrender and sighs.
Ummmm.... come again?
"What I did to you was fucked up, and this is the second time I've done it too. Last time you didn't have someone who truly treated you good, you just had me. I discovered a lot about myself recently and it's made so many other things add up for me, I wasn't living the truth and I'm so sad to say it because I've loved so many moments of it. Especially you, you're my bestest friend Niko and I thought that was the best it gets. But then I got the chance to truly love you and have you love me and I really did love it, and you, I still do. I hope you can understand that I just know this is who I am and I can't keep locking her away." She finishes, I watch as tears pour out of those big blue eyes, her hand clutching her heart.
The moment I thought I was really gonna hear it from her, I got the last thing I expected. My best friend of god knows how many years, is gay.
I had no idea, I mean neither did she so how could I but- I didn't understand how it could just happen like that.
Especially when we were so in love—before the ghosting of course. But I love her and if she stands up and tells me this is her, then that means I'm going to take her for her and make it through this.
"I love you Bella. I'm always going to love the shit out of you, you're my day one. If it didn't make me the happiest in the world to know you can truly be yourself, then what kinda fucking friend would I be?" I give her the signature smirk. She pushes me back and laughs before latching on to me in a hug.
"I'll always love the shit out of you too Niko, forever." She places her head on my chest.
I bet she could feel how fast my heart beats when she's so close to me. I run my fingers through her hair and stare out the window of her dorm. I feel a tear roll down my cheek, I quickly wipe it off into my shoulder.
Forever Bella.
Now you guys know more about Niko's background and why he did what he did.
Also the news with Bella! Sometimes it's hard to truly discover yourself, and whenever that time comes you shouldn't do anything less but embrace it.
How do you guys think Niko's going to handle this?🤭🥺His true woveee.
Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter in the comments rn!!
Don't forget to vote too lovelies!
I'm just gonna say that updates will be random, since I try to make a date but post beforehand anyways. So just expect consistent updates is all I gotta say!
-Tia