Faces, Faces… so many faces… why can’t they just leave me alone!
Sitting bolt upright in my bed I realised it was nothing more than another nightmare, a nightmare about them… those who taunted me every day.
My name is Victoria Cruz, you’re average looking every day run of the mill teenager… except for the fact I have been self-harming for years now, and I have more self-inflicted scars than I care to count. Now as for the rest of me? Well I have long, black hair which reaches my shoulders, light blue eyes; I’m fair skinned… even though I have been compared to Casper a lot… I am 5’4 and I am extremely skinny… I think that sums it all up.
Now l have nightmares these days about 3 maybe 4 times a week, and they’re usually about the people who bullied me from school but it’s not your usual ‘you’re a slag’ kind of bullied… I was thrown against walls, stones thrown at me, pushed in the bushes, kicked, punched… you name it, it’s happened to me. But they never hit me in the places that showed evidence… oh no they were too smart for that… my face was never touched… and they would always threaten to make it worse if I ever ‘grassed them up’, typical of a bully won’t you agree? But as I was saying, these nightmares are about them… they messed with my head as well as my body. I self-harm because it’s a release from the pain… a release from all the upset… tragic isn’t it?
Breaking out of from this chain of thought I rolled out of bed, yawned and stretched upwards feeling the bones click along my back before slumping back down. Glancing around my room I grunted, the place was a right shit tip… when was the last time I had cleaned this place? In fact when was the last time I went out? Shrugging my shoulders I slugged my way over to my wardrobe and began to search my way through the masses of clothes before settling on black leggings, a strapless puffy long top, purple jumper and black ankle boots. Before getting changed however I wanted a shower… I bloody stank this morning! So I walked out my room and straight into my little sister Hannah
“Sorry Han” I exclaimed, louder than I wanted it to be
“S’okay” she muttered back
“Do you need the bathroom or?” I began
“No, it’s ok” she said with a gesture of her hand, I knew she wanted a shower as much I did… but she said I could go in first...
Once inside I shut the door, flicked the lock then waltzed on over to the sink, where the mirror was to check my reflection. My eyes were droopy, puffy and red… did I cry in my sleep? Frustrated I walked over to the shower, turning it on with a scowl then tapped my foot with impatience as I waited for the water to warm… I’m not a morning person. Once the water was warm however my clothes flew off my back in a fluster and I jumped on in, reaching to the side of me I grabbed the shower gel, squeezed some onto my hand then began to scrub, working the gel into a nice lather that left my skin feeling and smelling fresh. Looking down at the scars on my legs I couldn’t help but feel depressed… why did I let them get to me? Why was I so foolish?
There was a knock on the door, guess I lost track of time. Quickly I turned the water off, dried myself off with a towel, got changed and unlocked the door; quickly Hannah barged her way in… rude much?
“Excuse me would be nice”
“Don’t take so damn long… some of us still have School ya know?” she scowled, boy she was bitchy when she wanted to be. I just shook my head at her and went back to my room, I guessed Hannah was one of ‘popular’ kids long ago when she started having a different guy come here almost every day… it was sickening to tell the truth. Now, just by looking at our parents you would know Hannah was there child… I on the other hand might as well say I’m adopted… I look nothing like them, I don’t act like them… we don’t even have anything in common for pities sake!
I decided that today things were going to change… I was going to go out, and I was going to bloody well like it too. I grabbed the Hairdryer that was slanted on my dresser, plugged it in and let the warm air flow. In total it took about 30 minutes to get my hair dried, get dressed, find my phone, grab my bag with my purse in and put my boots on, I was ready to roll… but why was I still stood on the spot?
“Victoria” I heard my mother call which snapped me back “Could you come down here a minuet?”
“Just a second” I replied, wondering what she wanted… I could have done anything wrong; I didn’t talk to them both much… I stowed myself away in my room most days… and when I did go out, I was usually alone anyway… my so called best friend stopped caring long ago when she found out what I was doing. Rolling my eyes at things in the past, I made my way downstairs and walked in the living room, there I saw my father sat in his chair reading the newspaper and on the sofa, sprawled out like a cat was my mother… watching Television, I cleared my throat as I entered the room, alerting them both to my presence.
“What did you want?” I asked them
“We were wondering if you fancied coming out with us tonight, for a meal?” my mother responded, but a meal? I knew what it was really about, she wanted me out of the house… make some friends and all that crap.
“No thanks” I stated very dryly
“You need to get out of the house Victoria” my father’s voice boomed as he spoke “It’s not healthy to be cooped up in that room all day”
“For your information I am off out… just not with you” I leaned on the door frame with a tight and false smile planted on my face, I didn’t care where I went.. As long as it wasn’t here. When I didn’t get a reply from them however, I spun on my heel and walked through the front door.
The fresh air hit my face like a slap, it was fast approaching autumn now… the trees were starting to malt their leaves, the birds had flown south, the days were shorter and the time it took to catch a cold was quicker. It didn’t take long before my hands began to freeze and sting, bloody awful this time of year was… well I liked the season just not the weather. Now living in Shere had both its benefits as well as its downfalls, the positives were that it was absolutely stunning here… there wasn’t a moment I didn’t think WOW, the place was what the word beautiful was made for. But the downside to being in a beautiful town… was the amount of people it attracted on a daily basis. Shere is known for its title of ‘Most photographed village in Surrey’ so you can imagine the amount of people who stick a camera in your bloody face.
I clasped my hands together and blew hot steamy breath on them, thinking it would actually have a prolonged effect of something. Scolding myself for not thinking to wear gloves I trotted on, glancing at the cottage style pubs, St James church which is meant to be the prettiest thing in Shere… but I’d have to disagree with them for all of Shere was beautiful. But pretty as it was… I couldn’t help but linger and want for more… just a chance to escape this place.
“Well, well, well… what do we have here then?” someone sniggered behind me “It’s rude to ignore people Vicki” a bunch of people began to laugh, so I decided to just… walk away from it all, I didn’t need this… no I didn’t want this at all.
“Wait a minute” someone grabbed my hand, thus spinning me around, it was who I had thought it was… Serena Riverton… the queen bitch at high school, she made my life a bloody misery! “Where do you think you’re going?” a smile began to widen on that smug little face of hers, I yanked my hand free of hers and began to walk away… but she grabbed my hand again “Did I say you could leave?”
“I don’t care what you say or don’t I’m outta here!” I yelled in her face
“I don’t think so freak” she dug her false nails deep in my skin, I winced as they cut skin… it only made her smile even more
“What do you want?” I asked through grinding teeth
“Just not to be ignored next time, oh and to… catch up” as she said those last words, the gang she was with surrounded us, well when I say gang I mean her boyfriend Leon, his friend James and then finally Serena’s friend Gemma. Serena let go of my wrist and I backed away, not realising that Leon was right behind me… but as if I were acid, as soon as I made contact with him he pushed me into Serena, who pushed me into Gemma, who then pushed me into James who ended it by pushing me on the floor. Gemma kicked me in the stomach and I yelped out in pain, it only made them laugh
“Thanks Gem, maybe that will teach her not to be rude anymore… let’s go” one of the boys tapped my foot with his, but I just lay there clutching my stomach and trying to catch my breath, I don’t know what I did to them to deserve shit like that all these years… and I wasn’t prepared to find out in case things got worse.
Once I knew they were long gone I got up, brushed the dirt off my clothes and walked to the nearby wall so I could sit down. My stomach was still throbbing and it felt as though I was going to be sick, this wasn’t right. I began to feel better after a while, though it still hurt I was determined for it to not ruin my day, I swore I was going to have a good time in one way or another. I sat up and strolled over to one of the pubs, hell I was legal now… May as well make the most of it right? Deciding on a pub I made my way there… not caring how far it actually was from me, I thought ‘the white horse’… well I knew roughly where it was… but the only time I had ever been there was when my father was working, and my mother would dress me and Hannah up and take us to go see him… but that was a very long time ago… I just hoped I could remember the way.
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jumper, thinking it would warm them up… or at least shelter them from the icey wind that seemed to take chunks out of your skin just from one blow, grey cloud was also beginning to paint the sky… maybe it would rain and warm this country up a bit… but knowing Britain… that wasn’t likely to happen… if anything it would get worse! I turned a few corners and walked along some streets… but could I find the pub? No, I was getting more and more frustrated by the second.
“Victooorrrriiiiaaaa” I closed my eyes and came to a hold, it was Serena again… what the hell did she want? Was one punishment not enough, as I turned around however I noted that she was on her own for a change but she still had that smug grin plastered on that cement mixed face.
“What?” I breathed, but she said nothing and walked towards me “Serena what do you want this time?” again she said nothing, the grin on her face growing broader yet darker… she was up to something, and that something included me. She was now face to face with me, I could smell the tobacco on her breathe… it nearly choked me
“Why Vicki, Vicki, Vicki… when will you learn to just… stay away” she used her finger to trace over my nose... my stomach knotted, I should have fled, should have pushed her over and ran away… yet I stayed, glued to the spot “Surely you know what will happen when you cross my path” her eyes glanced behind me, but before I could look back I felt hands grab my wrists and pin me behind… no matter how much I squirmed, kicked, tried to head-butt… it didn’t work… I was well and truly trapped! Tears began to fall from my eyes… I didn’t do anything wrong… I didn’t… or did I? What had I done to deserve this? “Keep her pinned!” she shouted to my captor, she curled her hands into tiny little fists… I closed my eyes… accepted… waited.
One blow came after another, aimed once more at my stomach… but every time I yelped in pain, she would hit me twice as hard, so I finally learned to stop squealing and let silent tears flow from my eyes, if I closed my eyes she slapped my face… never punched it once… in case she got found out. Once she was done I heard her tell my captor to let me go, I fell to the floor with a thud
“That’ll teach ya!” she screamed
“Serena… what exactly did she do?” I heard Leo ask her
“Plenty” that was all she said before leaving me there… to cry and cringe, not having the energy to whimper, not having the will power to move… I felt broken.