“What are you doing?”
“Just landed in LA.”
“How about you?”
“Rehearsing.”
“Ok, be careful.”
“You too.”
Byul placed her phone on the table. Its been 3 months they didn’t meet each other.
If Jin was overseas, Byul must be in Seoul. If Jin landed in Seoul, then Byul must be in another province, doing gigs and perform.
Sure, they had one or two days off, but if it is rest time for Jin, it would somehow a super busy day for Byul. If Byul had a day off, Jin would have a long and tiring shoot. If they coincidentally had the same day off, Byul would never meet him because Jin was in another continent.
Byul sat down on her seat, waiting for another guest to rehearse while consuming tteokbokki. She opened her anonymous twitter account to see Jin’s several fansites. He looked so tired and handsome at the same time, walking out of the airport and waved.
“LA, please be near…”
She said after downloading a photo from that social media platform. She kept looking at the photo until her manager calls her to get ready. She quickly finished her meal.
After rehearsing, they need to go to another place and film something. The gigs started at noon, and Mamamoo was performing last.
“Okayy!!” She stuffed 3 rice cakes in her mouth, throwing the wrapper and ran to her members.
.
.
“Aigoo, my back,” Jin whined after finally sitting on their van, on the way to their hotel.
“Hyung, you sound like an old man.” Hoseok teased.
“Define old man.”
Namjoon joined the conversation and stated, “You could say a man is old when he keeps whining his back hurts.”
“I always thought that old man is someone who had a grandchild.” Tae threw his perspective.
“Tae, Hyung is not an old man,” Jimin said.
“Except he marries noona and have a child, and after that, the child has a child,” Jungkook said in a happy voice.
Everyone in the van laughed, including the manager and staffs. But not Jin, hearing someone stating about Byul made his heart glitches. He missed her. Badly. But the way he missed her is gradually changing.
At their first year of being together, if he missed her, he would call her, and done. If he missed her, face-time will be the answer. They could talk for hours and hours until someone fell asleep.
But now, their conversation felt dry. He felt distant, and he knew that she was feeling the same. She would text him about what happened on her day, and he never forgot to greet her good morning and good night.
Regardless, it was just that.
Where did all the butterflies go?
.
.
Every relationship had its phase when it all feels like saturation and dull. They had been together for 3 years.
Jin couldn’t find himself excited to end his schedule like any other years when he used to call his girlfriend after that.
Those sparks had become dimmer.
Byul couldn’t see herself like she always talked fondly, their phone conversation usually lasts all day.
There was this space after one is answering, and when the topic is gone. The silences used to be never that long.
After today, they officially haven’t met each other for 4 months straight.
.
Long-distance was not the problem, they had been going through something like this for so long. Okay, maybe their busy schedules, but haven’t they always be that busy before?
Something was missing, and they didn’t know what.
Jin still loved Byul and Byul loved Jin the same as before.
They knew that, and they didn’t want anyone else.
But maybe love isn’t always enough?
Something was missing, but it surely wasn’t their love for each other.
So what is it?
.
.
.
“And then Jimin fell straight from that chair. In front of everybody.” Jin told her what happened in today’s interview.
Byul laughed a little, “Yeah, I saw the video.”
This kind of silence. Always like that.
Byul didn’t know what to do, and Jin couldn’t open a new topic. How did they talk before this? It was just they breathing in 15 seconds, until Byul asked, “Have you eaten today?”
“You had asked that question before.”
“Oh, really? hahaha, Jin-ah you eat a lot, so maybe you wanted to eat again.” She joked.
“Byul-ah, is there a problem?”
us?
“No.”
Silence crawled once again until Jin was called by another member.
“Okay. Talk to you later.”
Byul hummed before breaking the contact, she thought to herself about before.
‘Do I have any problem?’
Concretely she had no problem. Her carrier was in a good state, its never better. Mamamoo is living their best life, winning shows, and getting more recognized in the world.
Wheein had overcome her personal problem and resting.
Hyejin was busy with her CF deal here and there.
Yongsun was so overwhelmed with the love for her Youtube channel.
They had a successful comeback, peaked the charts and set a new records for them.
And for her, she chastely happy when their members are happy, and plus she had the famous worldwide handsome to be her boyfriend. People had loved them even more, and she made a lot of new friends, so there was nothing a problem.
Really?
.
.
.
‘I’m at home’
‘My flight is delayed.
I’ll be there in 5 hours.’
‘You don’t have to.
You need to go to Busan
first thing tomorrow.’
‘I want to see you.’
She smiled, although just having six hours left for his upcoming schedule, he would come. He would come to see her.
.
.
Byul woke up in surprise when her phone rang loud. It was 5 am in the morning. Has she dead asleep? Jin supposed to come at 11 pm last night. The call was from Jin, informing that he couldn’t come to see her.
“Byul, I just landed. I have to go to Busan at 6 so I can’t come by right now.”
but you promised.
"Um… where are you?”
“On the way to the agency.”
“Ca-can I meet you?”
He hesitated, “Yeah, sure.”
Byul rushed to the washroom to wash her face and brush her teeth after that fixed her appearance a little. No time to think about what to wear, she just grabbed a long casual gown and a big long coat.
It took her twenty minutes to arrive. She just had this urge to meet him, her heart aching uncomfortably. Not thinking about anything, she just parked in the basement and ran to his usual studio.
She saw him, still playing around with his members. That urge and discomfort turned into tears. She opened the door and ran to hug him.
The rest of the members were surprised, never knew the clingy side of their noona. Tae about to tease them, but he fell silent after Jin hand-signed them to leave them for a moment. They agreed and rushed out.
It was Jin and Byul in the studio.
“Do you miss me that much?” Byul didn’t reply, still hugging him.
“I miss you too.” He hugged her back, leaning his chin on her head.
Oh, how he missed her scent. That particular scent that used to trailed in his bed sheets and pillow. His hands travelled everywhere, her body feels warm in his cold hands.
He took her head away, about to kiss her.
“Oh my god, look at you.” He chuckled at her face, drenched badly in tears. He took a tissue from the table and wiped her tears.
He kissed her forehead, her cheeks and her lips. After that he pulled away, giving her the most assuring smiles, and made her hugged him again.
The long hug was interrupted by a knock. “Hyung, we need to go.”
Byul shook her head in his chest, tightening her hug.
He also tightened his hug and yelled, “Yeah, just give me a minute.”
Byul really didn’t let him go, she locked her hand and shook her head vigorously.
“Baby, I should go.”
Hearing that, Byul slowly let her hand away. She didn’t want to be a burden, so she smiled, and nodded.
“Don’t put that face. I love you okay.”
He kissed her again with a long kiss. Jin broke the contact between the two lips, as he grabbed his suitcase and pushed it out.
take me with you…
He didn’t turn to face her when closing the door, because if he did, he will look at Byul's face drenched with tears.
.
.
With that brief meeting, they continued their life.
The conversation went dry as the time goes, they even barely called each other now. Nearing the end of the year, there were so much to prepare.
Byul couldn’t even find a time to peacefully eat and sleep, so how can she manage to be around Jin?
He himself seemed never that excited to call or text her, so let it be.
Byul blamed herself for being clingy because she understood the jobs. If Byul could be that busy, Jin must be two or three times busier than her. But she wants him, she needs him.
She still remembered that day when everything just too much out of her handle. She impulsively bought a ticket to Amsterdam, wanted to reach him. But when she called him, he said that he was on their way to London.
She smiled and laughed bitterly.
‘what was I thinking, wanting to follow and catch him like that.’
She cancelled the ticket, finally got her senses back
‘This is not healthy.’
.
.
Today is Jin’s birthday. But our Byul was in Jeonju from the night before, had to finish a film this afternoon and came back to Seoul for Jin’s birthday party tonight.
But something happened, its almost sundown and they haven’t even finished half of the filming.
Her manager patted her gently, “How about Jin?”
Byul smiled, even though deep inside, she was about to cry.
“He’ll understand.”
.
.
One by one his guest come and go, wishing and congratulating his birthday. The party was arranged by his members, it started three hours ago and still going on. Jin refused to blow his candle and cut his birthday cake until Byul come.
Smiling to everybody, he sat on the couch, eyeing the door, waiting for his girlfriend to come. She texted him two days ago she will come, and he believed her.
Jungkook was not having it, he muttered to Namjoon, “Hyung, we need to do something. The rest of mamamoo is here, but where the hell is Byul-noona? Jin-hyung isn’t happy is his own birthday party. Are they divorcing or something?”
Namjoon agreed, “Yeah if he doesn’t want to blow the candles yet at least we can show him our surprise video.”
Jin felt numb. This thing happened again. He thought, if they can't match their own schedule together, then how can they match anything else.
He swore he see this coming, the feeling was familiar because he had felt it before. It kept repeating in a cycle, like a spinning record. He had come to the faint conclusion that everything they had was over, so he couldn't be mad or angry.
All of the time it felt like they pretend to be a couple, entertaining themselves that the relationship can be saved.
Its been so obvious and clear, why they still holding on?
“Hyung! Look at the wall.” Taehyung yelled in excitement as everybody started to look at the same wall.
A surprise video of Jin was playing. It began with his parents, his brother, his member, and his friends congratulating him happy birthday. Then it turned to a mini-series of their life, in the plane, in his house, in tours, in music shows, and every other beautiful memories.
And then the scene changed to something like an interview session, with only half of her body showing, and a glimpse of her snowy coloured hair. It was taken last year, exactly a day after his birthday.
A hidden camera interview, with only 6 members of BTS and Byul.
“Noona, now we are gonna interrogate you. Because both of you signalling a message of giving us a niece.” She laughed.
Jin eyed the wall, smiling happily. He missed that laugh.
“Do you like our Hyung?”
Byul whined, “Aaa, what's with that question.”
The members laughed. “Okay, okay. I'm gonna change the question, but you have to promise us to answer this one.”
“Okay.”
“Do you love our Jin-Hyung?” and then the member laughed again, success to fool her.
It took a while for Byul to answer, “Yes, I do.”
The members got excited, wooing a long oooh, and teased her. “What did you give him last night on his birthday?”
“A snowboard.”
“Did he ask for that?”
“No. He kept asking for the same impossible thing all these years.”
“What’s that?”
“He asked me to call him oppa.”
A big laugh was heard on the video.
“But what thing did you really want to give him, noona?”
Byul stopped and think, she stared to the ceiling and said. “I want to learn how to cook well, so I can make him something he liked. Its always him who cooks for me, and I want to do the same.”
Jin stayed still, staring at his girlfriend on the screen.
I’m here so where are you?
“Happy birthday to you…” a song started marching from behind, making all of the audience clapping and sang along. Jin turned happily, expecting that it would be Byul who had his cake. But, no.
It was Taehyung.
She said she’d be here.
He looked around the crowd, hoping on seeing someone he misses the most, but none. The song continued as he turned his eyes on the door, hoping on the door-bell will ring, but there was none.
She should’ve been here.
The chaotic yet lovely party turned into silence in his ear, the laughing and singing were faded and his sight got blurry.
“Hyung, why are you crying?”
Jin slowly raised his hand to his cheeks, not realizing tears had streamed down his face.
“Aah, I- I’m just really moved by all of this, Tae. Thank you.” It was awkward.
He closed his eyes, made his wish.
‘Byul, please knock on the door now.’
And then he blew the candle.
It was happy and delighted, everybody clapped in joyful. Jin smiled chastely to everyone and then took a glance to the door.
She wasn’t there.
.
.
Byul opened the door and placed all of her belonging in the hallway. He walked around to see Jin and found him sat on the couch facing a wall with a paused video on it.
“I’m sorry I didn’t make it.”
Please just be mad and angry with me. Don’t put on a fake smile.
"It's okay.” He patted the couch beside him, telling her to sit beside him.
“The kids made this video.” The video continued and Byul saw herself on the screen, saying things she had said one year ago.
“It's good.” She said.
“Did you manage to learn cooking?”
“No.”
Please shout and argue to me, we can fight and make up like always.
“It's okay. I understand.”
It will always be like this, huh?
Byul inhaled a big gulp of breath and sighed in a quick blow.
“Jin, we didn’t work out.”
Please say something
Jin didn’t answer, somehow he didn’t even surprise Byul brought this topic. “Okay.”
Please don’t agree with me.
“I’m sorry. Maybe someday in the future.”
Again, Jin didn't answer. He just nodded.
Please say something, lets just talk and figure this out.
She took his hands, kissing it a few times.
“Happy Birthday, Kim Seok Jin. I love you.”
And she kissed him. The kiss was sloppy and filled with tears, Byul was already weeping and crying. Jin didn’t say anything, he just slowly kissed her back and wiped her tears with his thumbs. His eyes were open the whole time, trying not to break down.
“I love you,”
Jin whispered to her ear, and kiss every part of her face. Byul couldn’t handle her feeling, she got up and quickly walked away, leaving Jin alone.
Go after her!
Jin didn’t do anything to catch her, although he knew that she was probably nearby, isolating herself to cry alone. He saw the video again, this time in a different condition.
How can the same video that he used to see with joy and happiness now make him cry?
He took a glance on the door once again, denying the fact that she was gone, maybe she will soon gonna knock on the door again.
Is she?
This time he really realized that she was gone taking all the stars and sun in his day, warmth and happiness he had ever had, and all the beautiful memories they had shared, leaving him nothing but pain and sorrow.
Every part of his body hurts, as a ton of punch being thrown at the same time. He grabbed his chest tight, Something burning in his lung, he can’t breathe.
He lay down, covering his eyes with his arm.
It all messed up and he doesn’t know what to do.
Are we really over? Please let me know.