🎶Don't give up on God, cuz he won't give up on you ~ Deitrick Haddon.
●Tara Afua Henrie●
"Can I ask you something, Auntie T?" Keke looked up as we walked hand-in-hand down the pavement to the bus station.
"Yeah. What is it?"
"Why do you need to work in Mamà's restaurant?" She wondered. "You already have your own job."
"Umm, no." I shook my head, casting an uncertain glance at my niece. "I don't have my own job."
"Yeah, you do," Keke pressed on. "It's right behind you."
I stopped to take a brief look behind me. An old mailbox that could really use some fresh paint sat on the pavement, awaiting new mail.
"Not the mailbox!" Keke giggled. "This..." She tapped the guitar case on my back. "You can be a singer, like Selena Gomez or Ariana Grande."
A loud chuckle left my mouth, finding it hard to believe that I could be like Selena or Ariana. Those two were legendary singers. There was absolutely no way I could match up to them.
"What's so funny?" Keke asked with a frown. "I didn't say anything funny."
"Yeah, you did." I dabbed at my eyes with a tissue after laughing so hard. "Look, Keke, becoming a famous singer isn't easy at all."
She slipped her hand in mine as we continued to the bus station. "First, you need a demo of a couple of your songs, then a good manager to promote them, and finally, you land a record deal."
"That's it?" Keke asked.
"Yeah, that's it." I looked at her briefly. "And since I don't have any of those, I can't be a singer."
"It's not too late to get them," she grinned. "I can be your manager. We'll get that record deal in no time."
Another chuckle left my lips. Her enthusiasm was admirable. "I appreciate the offer, but a kid can't be my manager. It's a lot of hard work."
"Oh." She sounded a little disappointed.
"Don't worry about it, Keke." I gave her hand a comforting squeeze. "It's not a big deal. I wasn't expecting to land a singing career anyway."
For a moment, I could only hear the slapping of shoes on the pavement from other pedestrians and the honking of passing cars until Keke spoke up again. "You know what I learned at church last week?"
"No, what did you learn?"
"That as long as you're on earth, God has a special task for you," she replied. "All you gotta do is to have faith and believe it."
I blinked at my niece. The words that came out of her mouth were simple, but they held a powerful message. Growing up in a religious family, I was never one to doubt God's control over our lives. Of course, there are things He does that we, as humans, will never understand. But like Keke said, as long as we're on earth, God has a distinct task for us.
I had no idea what mine was, but I had to believe it wasn't far behind.
Out of the blue, a loud honk pulled me back to reality.
"Oh, the bus is here." Keke pointed at the big ash vehicle, coming to a halt at its regular spot.
"C'mon, let's go." Holding hands, we covered the short distance to the entrance.
¤¤¤¤¤
Later that evening,
My eyes were hurting from staring at my laptop screen for too long.
The mouse pointer hovered around the green 'book plane ticket' button.
I had already filled in the necessary details. So why was it so hard to click the damn button?
Because anytime I put the pointer on the green button to click, my mind came up with what-ifs.
What if Mama gets mad at you for leaving?
What if you run into Sheeda or Cudjoe when you get back home?
What if things haven't changed and you still don't get a job?
Or even worse...
What if you're making the biggest mistake of your life by clicking that button?
I pulled my fingers off the mouse pad to rub my eyes. This isn't going so well.
A knock sounded through the door. "T, it's me!" My brother-in-law yelled from the other side. "Can I come in?"
I sighed, "Yeah."
He pushed the door open. Still dressed in his police uniform, Nando walked in, carrying a mini white bag. "Heyoo," he grinned. "Got us some ice cream."
"How did you get that past Pam?" I turned in my swivel chair. "She usually doesn't like anyone having sweets at night unless-"
"Unless it's a special occasion, I know." My brother-in-law nodded. "But after the shitty day we've all had, I figured we could treat ourselves to something sweet. She didn't argue with me on that." Before settling down on my polka-dot-covered bed, he offered me the plastic bag. "Sorry, it's just left with the ice cream bars. Keke and Pam picked the sandwiches."
"Naa, it's fine." Selecting one of the two bars, I handed the last one over to Nando and proceeded to pull off the covering. "Did you clear things up with Pam?"
"Yeah." Like me, the ice cream packaging kept his hands busy. "She said she's not completely over it, but I'm over it, so... whatever." He shrugged after successfully pulling the bar out and taking a hearty bite. "What are you up to?"
The moment the question left his mouth, his eyes went straight to my computer, and I immediately regretted leaving the airline page open.
"You're booking a flight back to Ghana?" He sat upright, quickly swallowing the ice cream. "Why? I mean, I know things haven't gone according to plan since you got here, but that doesn't mean you should leave?"
"You won't get it, Nando." Scooching over in my swivel chair, I exited the browser and closed the laptop. "I know Pam. The fight I had with her isn't something she'll push aside and gloss over. She's definitely going to make sure I regret this by giving me a lifetime of silent treatment, and I'd rather leave than tolerate all that childish shit." I bit into my ice cream bar, allowing the rich chocolatey and nutty goodness to soothe my mood.
"Ok, that's true," my sister's husband admitted. "Pam can be a drama queen ninety per cent of the time. But come on T, you just got here. You can't just up and leave like that; what about everything you've established so far? What about all the friends you've made over here?"
He said that as if I'd made a bucketload of friends since my arrival, which definitely wasn't the case. But the few people I'd met here had left a deep impression on me, like Roberto and Areli. It would be nice to keep in touch with them, but it soon hit me that I didn't have their numbers.
There was also my mystery crush, Shaun. I didn't know him that well, but there was this strange need to stick to him, to find something more. I suddenly remembered how disappointed he looked when I said I was going to leave Mexico.
Maybe Nando was right. Perhaps I shouldn't be leaving so soon. There was no need to take such a drastic decision because I fought with my sister and gave her restaurant a bad reputation.
"Keke told me about Paula and what you did for her at school today." Nando finished his ice cream.
"It was nothing." I took a second bite out of mine.
"From the way Keke described it and the call I got from the principal, I don't think it was nothing."
"The principal called you?" My eyebrows flew up. "Why? I made sure to apologize and everything before leaving."
"Relax, it was just to make sure that I was the one who sent you to pick up Keke," he chuckled. "At first, she thought you were some sort of aimless street singer who had wandered into her school to solicit money from kids. But then I made things clearer for her, and later on my way home, our entire conversation got me thinking about you, T."
"Me?" I queried.
"Yeah, you. You sing so well, play guitar, and write your own songs. You have all this talent, yet you still don't have a job."
Here comes the singing thing again, my subconscious chimed.
"I'm not looking to start a career in singing, Nando."
"Why?"
"I dunno, I honestly dunno," I heaved a sigh. "The whole singing thing at Keke's school was nice, but it also made me realize that it's not that simple. Starting a music career seems like something huge, something bigger than me. It's fun and all, but... I just don't think I have what it takes to pull it off."
My eyes flitted up to my brother-in-law's. "Yeah, I have all this talent, but talent isn't enough. Some people have this truckload of talent, and they haven't even made the cut yet. What makes you think I can?"
"You're limiting yourself, T." Nando peered at me with an inquisitive look. "The fact that others didn't make the cut doesn't mean you can't do it too. No matter how hard the circumstances may be, everyone has different results."
There was a beat of silence, which I deliberately broke by squashing the ice cream wrapper in my hand. His words were sinking in, and I really, really didn't want them to.
"Look, I don't want to be the one to tell you what to do with your life because it's your life. You have complete control over who you want to be. Just give it some thought, ok?"
Nando looked expectant for a positive answer, and when I nodded, a warm smile touched his features as he stood up to hug me. "Goodnight, T."
"Night, Nando."
He exited my room, leaving me in a pool of wandering thoughts.
"God, adulting is hard," I said as I took the last bite of my ice cream.
*****