80 parts!? This is insane! I never expected it to get this far, thank you so much to everybody who reads and especially the ones who take time to comment too, it means the world!
I'm a little stuck with ideas, so if you have any suggestions please feel free to comment or message me privately :)
Enjoy!
*Dakota's POV*
Jamie is due back today, I'm secretly really glad, for the fact that I've missed him and I haven't slept very well because of Charlotte and her teething problems. I know it's not her fault and I hate seeing her in pain.
I'm not sure what time they're back, but I'm at my moms house. We're with the wedding designer talking over last minute decor. I'm bouncing Charlotte on my lap and she's got her pacifier in. Once the wedding planner goes my mom clears away our coffee mugs.
"You're quiet baby you okay?" She rubs my shoulder as I stand, Charlotte resting on my hip. "I just haven't been sleeping very well" I sigh and she pouts "I didn't want to be rude but I was going to mention, you look knackered" she looks to me then to Charlotte, she's glancing from her to me.
"Her gums are hurting her, I just don't know what to do to help her" I sigh, stroking charlottes cheek as she smiles up at me. "Just give her lots of cuddles.. she'll get there baby" my mom says, stroking Charlotte hair softly.
"Do you want me to take her tonight?" She asks and I shake my head, pouting "it's okay, Jamie's back tonight so.. should be a little easier" I say quietly, looking down as my mom takes Charlotte.
"I get so annoyed with myself mama.. I should know how to help her but I don't.. it makes me a bad mom and she can sense that" I sit at the breakfast bar and she frowns, nudging my arm.
"Don't you ever let me hear you saying that again missy. You're the best mommy, and she loves you so much" she says, tickling charlottes stomach. "Don't you? You love mommy so so much" she speaks in her baby voice and Charlotte squeals, giggling. It makes me smile.
"I'll be fine.. just feeling really down mama... it's really getting to me" I say and she pulls me into a hug. "Don't think too much, you're doing amazing baby.. speak to Jamie if you need to, don't keep it from him." She kisses my head. "I will mama" I whisper, taking in her scent.
"What time are they back?" She asks me and I shrug a bit. "I'm not sure, but they're all coming back.. I have to go back to a house full" I say and my mom frowns. "Have you two argued? You're really not yourself" her frown deepens.
"No we haven't.. I just don't feel very good in myself" I whisper and she pulls me into her arms. "If you need to get away later you're more than welcome here" she kisses my head repeatedly and I curl into her, thanking her.
---
I pull up outside mine and Jamie's, noticing his car is there which means all his family will be inside. I sigh and get out, undoing Charlotte from her car carrier seat. She smiles widely up at me as I kiss her head. "Are you excited to see daddy? I bet you are" I kiss her cheek and she coos in reply.
I head inside and hear the general chatter of Jamie's dad, Sam and his sisters. Heading straight for the kitchen I put my phone down and Charlotte makes a noise in my arms when she sees her daddy come through the kitchen door to us.
Her face lights up and she kicks her feet. He comes over and takes her from me carefully. "My beautiful girls. I missed you both so so much" he kisses her head repeatedly and I watch as she clings to him, cooing loudly. He leans across to kiss me.
"Hey you" he smiles, kissing me again. "Hi.. how was your bachelor party?" I ask and he grins. "It was really nice thank you.. I felt like me and your dad and Jesse really bonded out there" he says and I smile. "I'm glad" I smile slightly and he frowns.
"What's wrong?" He asks and I shake my head. "Nothing.. I have a yoga class booked soon.." I say, grabbing myself a bottle of water from the fridge before going in to see his family. I say hello to them and share hugs then I sit on the arm of the chair by Jamie.
I'm quiet and I only really talk when I'm spoken too. Jamie leaves his hand on my knee as he cuddles Charlotte, watching as she slowly falls to sleep. "Dakota, do you want a coffee?" Sam asks me, smiling slightly at me. I shake my head.
"No thanks.. I actually have my yoga class.. so I better go get ready" I smile, rubbing Jamie's shoulder as I stand. I feel all eyes on me as I leave the room and head upstairs. Whilst I'm changing into my gym leggings, Someone knocks on the bedroom door. "Come in" I say and Jamie opens the door.
I grab my sports bra and slide it over my head and then reach for my baggy Rolling Stones shirt and throw that on. "I'm sorry, If I was a bit rude" I frown, sitting on the bed to put my trainers on.
"Are you okay? You've hardly spoke to me, touched me.. even kissed me, since I got back?" He frowns and my heart breaks. I look down, tears forming. "I'm just not feeling great. I'm exhausted, I just feel so down and sad" I whisper and he sits beside me, placing his hand on my back and gently stroking it.
"Baby.. I'm sorry" he kisses my forehead and I shake my head. "I just feel like I need a break" I sniffle up, wiping my cheeks as tears fall. I really wish I knew what was actually wrong.
"Go and have some you time, I'll make sure my family are gone before you get back and you can relax okay baby?" He kisses my head and I nod, leaning into him, wiping my eyes. "Thank you.. tell your family I'm sorry.." I say, looking to him as he stands.
"Don't be silly, you don't need to apologise... I'll see you later?" He asks, watching me carefully as I stand. "Yeah.. I'm so sorry" I whisper, kissing him softly before we head downstairs and I grab my phone before leaving.
---
After my yoga class I head to get myself a iced coffee from Starbucks. As i climb back into my car I contemplate phoning Addison to see if she's free. I'm not ready to face Jamie yet. I well up as I put my seatbelt on, texting Addison.
'Are you free? Could use a chat x'
I go to put my phone down but it rings. Jamie's name flashes on the screen. I answer after the fifth ring. "Hello?" I say quietly. "Hey.. I just wanted to check you was okay" he says softly. "I'm okay.. I was just going to see if I can see Addison for a little bit.." I say and I hear him sigh.
"When will you be home?" He asks. "I'm not sure" I whisper. "Baby I'm worried about you.." he sighs and I frown. "I'm worried too Jamie" my voice is hoarse "we can talk.. when you get home okay?.. I've got you" he says softly and tears begin to fall.
"I'm sorry.. I love you" I whisper, sniffling up as I wipe my cheeks. "I love you so much." He sighs and we both end the call. I see that Addison has messaged me back saying I can pop round, so I drive to hers.
She hugs me when I walk in, she must be able to tell I've been crying. I hug her back tightly. "What's going on?" She frowns, holding me at arms length to examine me. "I wish I knew" I well up, shrugging slightly.
She takes me to the lounge and we sit. "Talk to me.. Jamie phoned me saying he's worried about you" she takes my hand. My heart melts at how sweet Jamie is. "I just feel rubbish. It started when Jamie went to Ireland.. Charlotte never settles, I feel like she's only like that with me.." I well up, fiddling with my fingers.
"I'm a bad mommy and she can sense it.. I don't think she likes me, all she does is whine and I never seem to know how to calm her down" I sob and Addison frowns, pulling me into her arm. "I should know what's wrong with her but I don't. I'm so stupid" I put my head in my hands and she gently rubs my upper arm.
"Shut up, that beautiful girl loves you! Her face whenever she sees you or hears you says it all" she kisses my head. "I felt all of this with Ezer.. I think it's normal Dakota, especially being on your own with her" she squeezes me, gently wiping my eyes.
"But she knows I'm not good enough. She only wants her daddy" I choke out. "She's teething right?" She asks to which I nod. "Well that's why she doesn't settle, ezer was so bad for it, she was in agony all the time and I felt exactly like this" she pulls away and I look to her, wiping my eyes.
"Really? I hate seeing her in pain.. I should be able to help her" my voice is hoarse. "You're a Mom and you're human.. you're not superwoman" she chuckles and I laugh a bit. "Did you breastfeed?" She asks and I nod. "I stopped just before Christmas.." I say, wiping my eyes.
"When you breastfeed it gives off a hormone with the nickname love hormone.. its called oxytocin or something I think" she frowns a bit. "it's the hormone that makes your breast milk flow, it helps you and the baby love and bond emotionally.." she finishes her coffee and I do the same.
"Yeah.. I think I heard that get mentioned before" I frown a bit trying to remember. "Once you stop breastfeeding your body feels like you lose that bond, sometimes it can make us feel emotional and a little bit down." She rubs my arm and takes my dirty mug away.
"Really? I never knew" I pout following her. "Me either.. the moms told me at the group I went to with Ezer.. I felt the same when I stopped breastfeeding her" she smiles sadly and I nod "I remember.." I stand from the breakfast bar and hug her tight.
"I don't know what I'd do without you" I whisper, kissing her cheek. "You're doing amazing, don't ever doubt yourself girl. You've got this" she says softly, rubbing my back as I well up again.
"Thank you. I love you Addi" I pull away and she grins. "Love you! Now go home to your man, he's worried about you" she chuckles and I smile shyly. "I feel a little silly now.." I pout grabbing my bag. "Don't! Just explain to him.. and take him some food, that'll win him over I'm sure" she giggles and I giggle with her.
"You could feel like this for a few weeks, but he loves and adores you, he'll understand..." she kisses my cheek and I smile a bit. "I'll talk with him.. thank you" We hug and say our goodbyes.
----
I close the front door behind me and lock it, making sure the front gates are locked using the keypad by the front door. I go through to the kitchen but nobody is there. The house is tidy, all Charlotte's toys are neatly packed away in the box with her name on.
I smile slightly to myself, fussing Zepp as he sniffs around my feet, before picking up the pizza box I fetched us and heading upstairs. Our bedroom door is shut over slightly and the light is on.
"Jamie?" I say quietly as I walk to the door and push it open slowly. He's half laying down, his head up straight on the headboard. He smiles when he sees me. "I've only just got her settled" he whispers, putting his finger to his mouth to shush me as he moves slowly, resting Charlotte in her bassinet.
I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge, placing the pizza on the bed. He watches me, his eyes light and full of worry. "I got us pizza.. peace offering" I smile shyly and he reaches over, opening it.
"Mmm my favourite" he grins, taking a slice and laying back in the position he was in before, holding his arm out to me. I reach for a slice of pizza and shuffle up beside him, my head resting against his side. We eat a few slices of pizza and Jamie flicks through the tv.
"I'm sorry... about earlier, I realised it was rude of me.. I was rude to your family too for not really speaking, I will make it up to them I promise.. and to you" I whisper, looking up at him as he pouts. "You don't need to apologise baby.. they understand.. I told Sam I was worried about you she helped calm my worry" he smiles sadly and I rest my hand on his cheek.
"I'm sorry" I whisper and he shakes his head, kissing my lips gently. "What did I just say? You don't need to apologise" he squeezes me and I smile a bit, resting my head on his chest. "How was your time away?" I ask after a few minutes of silence, taking his hand and softly playing with his fingers. "It was nice, thank you.. I missed my girls though" I feel him kiss my head.
"We missed you" I whisper holding onto him closer as I feel tears threaten. I try to sniffle them away. "Talk to me please" he whispers and I sense his frown as he rests his face against my hair. "Oh Jamie it's so silly now, when I think of it" I laugh a bit and wipe my eyes, sitting up and crossing my legs as I face him.
"Nothing is ever silly when it comes to how you feel, tell me" he reaches for my hand and grabs another slice of pizza with his other hand. "I've just been feeling really down recently. It started just before you went to Ireland but I guess I never really noticed it..?" I look down to our hands.
"Charlotte never settles, I feel like she's only like that with me.. it scares me sometimes, like she knows I'm a shitty mom" I well up, looking to him before looking back to our hands. His face is full of sadness. "Dakota.. " he starts but i stop him. "Wait.. I spoke to Addison, she really reassured me"
He opens his arms and I lay back over him, wrapping my arm around his waist. "Because she's teething I feel like I should know how to help her but Addi said she felt the exact same with Ezer, she couldn't help her" I pout, smiling when I feel him kiss my head.
"Apparently because I stopped breastfeeding too that causes me to feel down and upset sometimes, I didn't know that" I laugh a bit, wiping my eye. "Its to do with a hormone or something like that, I don't know" I shrug and he squeezes me.
"Listen, you're the best mommy to that beautiful baby girl.. I really think it's just her teething that's keeping her awake, she was really bad earlier, wouldn't settle for me or Sam, my sisters even tried" he says kissing my head again as I look up at him.
"Really? It really upsets me.. I should know how to help her Jamie and I can't." I well up and he cups my cheeks. "No.. you're not psychic Dakota, it's normal to not know what to do sometimes" he kisses me and I lean against him, relaxing properly for the first time since he left.
"You could never ever be a bad mom.. fuck you're even the best step mom for Dulcie. I really wish I could let you see yourself through my eyes. You're absolutely amazing" he kisses me repeatedly. My heart beats faster with love for him. He really is my world.
"I love you so much, I'm so sorry for being so cold with you earlier when I first saw you" I well up, resting my hand on his cheek as he does the same with mine. "It's okay baby.. it'll be okay. Charlotte loves you so much, she wouldn't stop smiling when I kept mentioning you" he strokes my cheek and I smile shyly, gazing into his eyes.
"It's completely okay to feel down sometimes, but please just talk to me about it next time.. I want to look after you but I can't do that when you don't communicate with me" he pouts and I kiss him. "I will I'm sorry.. so sorry" I kiss him again.
"I've got you baby.. always and forever." He whispers, pulling me closer and kissing my hair gently, making me smile. "You get yourself some sleep, I'll wake if Charlotte does" he whispers and I close my eyes. "I love you" I whisper as I drift off into the first full night sleep since he left...
Comments are appreciated as always ❤️