My hands are shaking,
My hole body is shaking.
I feel unwanted, I am unwanted.
I don't belong here, they don't understand. They don't understand the pain I indure everyday, yet I have to take this from my own family.
If this is what a family is I don't want it, I don't have a family.
Tears are non stop flowing down my face, I can't help it. I want to stop crying, I don't want to show them I'm weak that they can't hurt me but, they can. And it hurts so fucking bad.
Not the bruises or hits but the close ones I call family can hurt me in such a way. You would think 'family' means the people who are there for you till the end, make you feel warmth, will protect you and you would want to be close to them as possible but instead you want to be as far away from them as possible.
The scratches on my thighs still sting as they are fresh. My head is pounding as my face is hot and red. I can see and feel the bruises on my arms, already covering them up with makeup so no one can notice them, or won't ask anything.
I hate it here.
She tells me it's okay, she loves me, she understands, they are going through things too but. I don't think they realize how much this hurts.
I thought older siblings were supposed to protect not hurt. No one understands when I cry for help.
I can't take it anymore, I want out.
I don't belong here, in this world.
I imagine how easy it would be just to end it all, I would be in peace right? They won't miss me, they hate me. Everyone hates me.
They do this all the time. I'm getting tired. I can't cry myself to sleep all the time...I need to get out. I need to go.
And yet the tears never stop flowing.