Alan took his time, gliding casually through the infinite corridor of spacetime towards his bi-millennial status meeting. This was going to be his finest moment and he took great pleasure in making him wait.
He'd left the universe via his preferred route of taking the fourth black hole northbound at the centre of the galaxy then changing platforms at the Grand Unification Epoch. To even consider any other route at that hour of the millennia would have been utter madness.
As he glided, he occasionally glanced across at the portraits that adorned the corridor walls, 'only a matter of time' he thought to himself.
It could only be a matter of time before he was up there in that hall of fame because he had in his possession something only a handful of the greats had ever possessed: a loophole.
He tapped gently on the door of Meeting Nebula A and breezed straight in.
'Ah Alan, you're late' it said curtly.
It was a perfect sphere of pure light, it was also the god of the dead; god of resurrection into eternal life, ruler, protector and judge of the deceased and Alan's direct line manager. It was Osiris.
'I appreciate you're still very much disappointed about how the Earth account ended but lateness is no excuse and anyway, soon another cycle of humanity will begin and you'll have another thousand or so years to try again. So let's discuss the admin for your end of campaign report.'
'Ended?' Smiled Alan, 'far from it, why It's only just begun.'
The perfect sphere that bobbed wearily in front of Alan, sighed deeply.
'Really Alan, I must implore you to read the Supreme Beings Users Manual you were given for the Earth account as you will find it very clear on the matter - your opportunity to become their deity is now at an end. The humans have now left Earth and are en route to the holding pen, before long work will begin on rebuilding the damage caused to their planet and the process will begin again. Your numbers were strong this time around and you made reasonable progress with that Susan character, coming as close as you ever have to gaining enough worship to start a religion in your name and elevating yourself above this species, of which you should feel immensely proud. But your admin, Alan.'
Alan felt the antimatter where his jaw should be tighten.
'No one knows that manual better than I do and subsection 14b clearly states that while the humans are in transit, they are still under the care of the account manager, which is me.'
'Indeed it does, Alan,' breathed the perfect prism of clear light. 'But only within a caretaker's capacity. I don't need to remind you of the trouble caused the last time you attempted to play fast and loose with the manual to further your cause, do I Alan?'
'Right, so it's okay for Elvis to take advantage of a misprint on paragraph...'
'YOU ARE NOT ELVIS!' Bellowed Osiris. 'We will not discuss this further, Alan. You will return to your account, perform your duties in accordance to the manual and complete your admin, is that clear?'
'Cristal,' said Alan defiantly as he picked himself up and slammed the portal of Meeting Nebula A behind him.
He would be damned if he was going to waste this opportunity and wait for another Earth cycle to begin. A loophole like this came around once a career; a loophole that allowed him to reveal himself to the humans, then watch as they fell at his feet in worship, begging for redemption and cowering before his terrible majesty. His numbers would be through the roof!
It was well documented that the manual states that 'any worship gained from a supreme being who has shown themselves to humans on Earth will not count'.
But it was hardly Alan's fault the humans were no longer on Earth.
He'd complete his objective, smash his worship targets before the Earth cycle closed, then rub it in that ball of light's celestial face before the end. Oh, and make sure those humans suffered for his centuries of humiliation along the way.
If it were possible for an amorphous, celestial ball of gas to smugly strut as it glided back down the infinite corridor of spacetime, then that's what Alan would have done.
He bloody was Elvis!