Do you ever wonder what death feels like? We all do at some point in time. We wish for it or hide from it, cause it or let it happen by itself. We don’t know what happens after or if heaven or hell exists. Although we all understand that it is inevitable. October twenty sixth is a day I will never forget…. Jonah Price was always the shy boy at the back of the classroom, but he changed everything that day and it was my fault.
The school day was almost over and I sat in the center of what you might call “the popular crowd”. How I got there was something I was ashamed of but never acknowledged. Jonah Price sat under the bleachers just out of sight so that no one could see him and make him sit with the rest of us. The only reason I could see him was because he was directly beneath me and we both were sitting near the exit doors. The principle rambled on without realizing that no one ever actually pays attention to the stupid pep assemblies. He schedules them every month but only the cheerleaders enjoy them. They get to break dress code and show everyone up because we can’t do back flips and hand stands and have flat stomachs and curvy bodies like them, who wouldn’t want to do that? I dare just one school to make their cheerleaders wear actual uniforms that don’t fly up when you do a handstand or a flip. Sorry to say it ladies but we don’t want to see your junk. Jonah was moving underneath the bleachers and for some reason he caught my attention. He was eating something, and a lot of it. It sorta looked like hard candies. I shrugged and went back to hating on the cheerleaders.
“Denise,” One of my friends, Carry, whispered. “Your scowling again, I know you hate them but come on! You know you’re my bestie but, if you’re going to be a party pooper, then just go wait in the hall.” I leaned forward off of her knees, smiled, and left the gym. Carry was an ex-cheerleader, she had to quit when she broke her elbow. After meeting her a few years back I learned not all cheerleaders were bad. I walked into the girls’ bathroom just off the corner of the gym entrance and fixed my makeup. I cursed buying such cheap mascara and touched it up with just two flicks of the wrist. I walked out and struggled to zip up my handbag until I bumped into somebody and its contents spilled onto the floor.
“Oh! I’m so sorry!” I dropped to my knees and started to shove things into my bag. “I can be such a klutz sometimes,” I looked up to see who I had bumped into. It was Jonah. He looked completely terrified, and not the kind of terrified that you are when you have done something embarrassing or your nervous. He looked almost… petrified. His face was both white and red at the same time and he clenched his teeth and stood rigidly in front of me. “Hey, it’s okay,” I started to speak until I noticed what he was holding. His hands shook uncontrollably and his knuckles were completely white at the tension of his robust grip. Pointed directly at me was a gun. Before I could react it went off. I was propelled backwards onto the floor. I could feel warmth encasing my body, I recognized it as blood. I watched through my hazy eyes events unfold in front of me. It felt like I was so far away; voices and people sounded dull like I was watching them through a bad TV connection. The gun going off attracted the attention of teachers and they rushed out of the gym only to be met with more gun fire. Jonah had gunned down almost three teachers and a few students mingled in the mix. Then all of a sudden he stopped. His body swayed and the SRO surged forward and seized the gun from him. Jonah whispered something right before he fell to the ground right next to my body. His body jerked uncontrollably and foam formed at his mouth and drizzled down the side of his face. A crowd formed around us and soon people were grabbing and pushing at our bodies. Slowly my vision faded until everything went black and the sounds of the emergency response team and the shouting of voices faded away.
When I woke up I was in a white room. Judging by the dripping IV tubes and the slow dull beep of a heart monitor I guessed I was in a hospital somewhere. I turned in a circle and took in my surroundings. A girl lied in a bed in the far side of the room. I approached her and vaguely I realized she looked a lot like me. As a matter of fact, I thought as I got closer, she was me. I stood frozen just feet in front of her, I mean my, bed. I watched myself just lie their without moving. People walked into the room and I turned to face them. My mother was following a doctor into the room.
"What's wrong with her?" She wrung her hands together. It looked like she hadn't slept in days, possibly weeks. They walked towards my bed and straight through me. I gasped and clutched at my stomach; it felt like my stomach had dropped from a huge height.
“According to her charts, she is in a coma.” I followed them over so I could get a closer view of my body.
“Why weren’t we updated on this? How long has she been like this?” I looked so peaceful in the white linen sheets. They had put one of the paper-like robes on my body and removed my makeup.
“We stabilized her a little over a week ago. She lost so much blood that we weren’t surprised that she went into a coma.” My head snapped over to look at him. A week ago? “The body goes into a coma so that it cam gradually repair damages made to the body over time. She is very lucky the bullet only went through her shoulder and missed her spine. I looked back over to my body and noticed the bandages taped up and down on my chest and arm.
“Is she going to be okay?” My mother held back tears. “If she ever actually…wakes up?” The doctor softened his look.
“Ma’am, it would be extremely unfair of me not to warn you that your daughter possibly may never be the same again. You see, it is possible that she obtained a concussion when she fell backwards and it may have upset her brain. It is also possible that she stays in a coma too long and ultimately forgets how to operate her body.” My mother wailed and sank to the chair next to the bed. Her head fell into her waiting hands that rested on her lap. I walked towards her and kneeled at her side.
“Mom, mom! I’m right here! It’s okay, stop crying!” I wailed.
“She can’t hear you.” A voice came out of nowhere. I looked around the room looking for its origin.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“You can’t see me, but I can see you and I have something you need to see.” I leaned away and closer to my mother.
“What is it?”
“Close your eyes and I shall show you.” I looked back up to my mother’s weeping face.
“Okay,” I said as I closed my eyes. It felt as if the whole world was spinning about me. The wind lashed at my body flipping my hair into my face and my stomach felt like it was doing back flips. Then it all stopped and everything was still. The voices of children slowly faded into sound and I opened my eyes. I was in the middle of a field surrounded with lunch tables. It looked like the children were sixth graders. I stood up and brushed myself off. I was at my school. Since it was sixth grade I knew where I would be. I looked over to the far lunch table and saw a lonely girl eating her lunch alone. I walked towards her and saw a version of me that was from so long ago.
I remember that I was so lonely and I wished that I belonged. I had wished I was popular too. I watched myself glance over to where the popular group was. They were making fun of Jonah Price. I already knew what was going to happen next. I followed myself over to them and toned into their conversation.
“Hi Jonah,” A straight red hair girl cooed at Jonahs side.
“Hello, Gillian.” He whispered.
“Can we sit with you Jonah?” A curly blond hair girl flashed him a dazzling smile.
“I’m actually just leaving,” Jonah started to rise. Gillian grabbed his shoulder and shoved him down.
“Sit.” She snapped. “Listen up loser; you will do as we say when we say it. Got it?” He harshly nodded. I knew that he would get up to quickly and accidently trip over my foot. The girls would laugh and adopt me into their group. I watched the same event happen again. I had always wondered what happened to Jonah after that. He stayed where he fell and didn’t move. I could hear the faint sounds of him crying. He didn’t even move when the bell for next period rang. No one came looking for him.
He lay there for who knows how long…forgotten.
Then all of a sudden it was like someone hit fast forward and the sun rose and set as people walked back and forth. Winter came and then summer. For a while no one came back and when they did it was like the play button was pressed. I was now in front of the school and the big billboard sign read “Welcome back students!” That meant it was seventh grade. The first period bell rang and a bus pulled up. I smiled, our bus was always late. Gillian, the others, and I all sauntered out of the bus and stood in front of the school. Jonah walked past us clutching folders full of papers. He tripped and they went flying everywhere. Gillian laughed and the others followed her lead, but all I could do was stare.
“Jonah,” Gillian composed herself and stood over him. “Why don’t you just stop trying? You’re a mistake and you, always. Will. Be. I mean we would all be better off if one day, your existence no longer bothered us.” She smiled and left. We followed her but I watched myself glance back over my shoulder torn about what I should do. In the end, I still followed her. Jonah scrambled to pick up the scattered papers. I looked down and realized I was standing on one of his papers. I read the last paragraph.
One Day I will give them what they want. I will show them all what I can really do and they will be eating their words and regret everything that they ever did to me. One Day I will get them back…
Jonah picked up the paper and ran inside. All of a sudden I was I in a musky, dirty, small bedroom. All that occupied the space was a small desktop, a few worn books, and a tiny lumpy bed. The door flew open and yelling voices drifted into the room. I peered out and saw a drunken man sitting on a pullback chair with a can of beer yelling at a crying bruised woman. A boy yelled back. The father rose up and hit the boy across the face so hard that he almost fell over. When the boy readied himself and turned I caught a glimpse of his face. It was Jonah. A little boy moved over to my side and watched what happened through the door. I looked down at his face which was streaked with tears and a few cuts. He must have looked about nine. Jonah shouted a few harsh words and walked towards the room the boy and I were in. The little boy darted into the closet as Jonah slammed the door behind him.
“Just kill me!” He screamed at the door. He turned quickly and grabbed a pill bottle underneath his pillow and poured out half the jar. He paused when the pills where half way to his mouth and dropped his hand. “Liam, come out here.” He sighed. The little boy slowly opened the closet door and stood awkwardly at its entrance. Jonah poured the pills back into the bottle and sat down on the edge of the bed. The little boy slowly walked over to him. Jonah gathered him up in his arms and comforted him. “It’ll be okay, everything will be okay…” he whispered into the little boy’s ear.
Before I knew it I was back in the school and I saw Jonah standing over my body.
“No, no, no,” He whispered as he watched me bleed out. “He started to wail. Teachers flooded out the doors and stopped in their tracks. The math teacher slowly inched forward with his hands extended.
“Jonah,” he softly spoke, “give me the gun.”
“No!” Jonah screamed. “Leave me alone, don’t touch her!” He started shooting again at the same time as he cried. The shooting stopped and his arms dropped to his sides. His face grew blank and everyone froze. The distant sound of sirens was the only thing that could be heard. “It’s okay now, everything is okay Liam.” Jonah whispered. He fell back and faced me as everyone heaved towards us. “I’m sorry,” he said almost inaudibly. His eyes rolled back into his head and his body started to surge once more.
“Get back!” A teacher yelled, “He is having a seizure, he must have over dosed on something!” I stood back and watched the emergency response team come onto the scene. People were shouting and crying while the teachers called out their class roasters and the Meds examined the bodies. They called out both Jonah’s and mine as still alive and I followed them out to the ambulance that they were taking Jonah’s body into.
All of a sudden everything was dark. A sharp pain was coming from my right wrist and once again I heard the dull beep of a heart monitor. Someone had left the TV on and a news program played. It talked about the shooting in the school and the victims. Surprisingly no one was killed but three were in stable condition in the hospital still. The broadcaster talked about me and gave information about my state and afterwards she spoke about Jonah.
“The shooter in the case has now been upgraded to critical conditions. Doctors believe that before the shooting he over dosed on several different pills causing cardiac arrest. The shooters motive has not yet been determined. More on this case as it progresses.” The broadcaster informed.
It’s surprising how just one day, can change a person’s life forever. How one person’s action can affect dozens more. How one cruel word or action decides your fate. In just one day three thousand six hundred and ten teens are assaulted, two thousand eight hundred teens drop out of school, six teens commit suicide, eighty are raped, one thousand three hundred and seventy seven become mothers, and four thousand two hundred get an STD. In just ONE day. In just twenty four hours their fate is decided for them. I am not going to pretend like I knew what Jonah was going through. I am sure that he felt unwanted, unloved, and like he didn’t belong. Even though I wasn’t the one who bullied him or made fun of him I still watched it happen and did nothing. I didn’t realize the kind of impact I was letting happen. It cost not only his life, but my own. In one simple instant a life can be lost. We think that our responsibility is focused only on us; that we don’t have to fret about problems that aren’t about us. We just sat back and watched it happen. We closed our eyes and thought that something like that would never happen to us, but we were wrong. It wasn’t Jonahs fault. He did what he thought was the only way. I wished that I could go back and try to save him. I wished that I could try to save his life.
It was then that I woke up. I needed to tell my story.