CHAPTER TWELVE
AS THE MILLION THOUGHTS ran through her head, Athena found herself sobering up a little after the encounter with a broken and beat down Andrea — her rational thinking kicking itself back into gear. Although, she did still find herself bumping into a wall ever so often. Maybe she wasn't completely sober and maybe that was a good thing, she needed something to numb all the pain she felt deep down even if it was only temporary.
Athena was good at hiding things, no not good, brilliant. Especially when it came to her feelings. Even though she was brilliant at concealing her feelings, it made her fear, pain and panic grow deeper every time she told the lie that she in fact was fine. The truth is she is terrified, terrified of what is going to happen to them if the truth she's been searching for isn't worth their while. But her biggest fear of all? Was if she was going to survive at all.
With the bottle in hand she took a big swig, the liquid pouring down her throat, leaving behind a sort of burning sensation. Once the brunette seemingly arrived at her door, she lifted her free hand and twisted the door knob before pushing the door open. Athena sighed as she entered the room and shut the door behind her, eager to get into bed and wake up fresh tomorrow. She turned away from the now closed door and went to walk forwards but was immediately stopped in her tracks, jumping out of her skin at the sight.
"Shit." She cursed as she laid a hand on her chest "Shane you scared the hell out of me."
There he was. Sitting at the rounded table with messed up hair and a bottle by his side. His shirt was unbuttoned a little, exposing the top of his chest. The man sat with a solemn look as he stared at the bottle, twisting it with his fingers until he directed his concentration to the woman in front of him. His mind was a mess, quite frankly he didn't know what he was doing in Athena's room but he had an urge to see her — almost like an unshakable craving that led him to here. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."
A light frown washed across her face as she looked at him in confusion. "How did you get in here?"
"You left your door open. I came by to see you but when I went to knock the door was already open. I called out but you weren't around so I figured I'd wait and keep watch while you were gone." Shane explained, occasionally slurring his words from the amount of alcohol they had earlier. It seemed as though he had helped himself to more the more she thought about it. "I can leave if you want."
"No." Athena said rather quickly, causing the woman to curse at herself for being so forward and frank. She definitely needed to sober up sooner rather than later. "No-uh I actually was going to come and check on you. See how you were doing after what happened earlier."
Shane scoffed and took a sip from the bottle as Athena took a seat opposite. "They're all fucking clueless. They'd rather sit around and play fantasy, pretending that nothing about this place is suspicious. I mean that's the whole reason we're here right? To find answers."
She nodded "Yeah something doesn't sit right about that Jenner guy. But for now I'm happy to have an actual bed to sleep in. Everything's been getting worse since we set up camp outside of the city. I'm just glad we don't have to sleep with one eye open, I think we all need this." She sighed defeatedly "Even if it is for a short time."
A brief silence filled the room, her statement resonating between them that they could in fact be gone before they knew it. It was a tragedy really, the group had only just found a safe haven and now there was a possibility that it was going to be stripped away from them. Maybe Andrea was right, maybe there truly was nothing left. "Whatever happens, we'll be together." Shane trailed off, staring at the woman for longer than he thought before realising exactly what he said. "Together, as in like a group."
Shane didn't know what was happening to him, he felt strange; restless, sweaty palms and a dry mouth — but he narrowed that down to the alcohol. He hasn't experienced this before but he sussed that it must've had something to do with Athena. It seemed to be the only valid reason to explain what was happening, why else would he be in the woman's room. The truth was he couldn't stop thinking about her, the way she walked, talked and even the little things she did. The fact he was drunk was only amplifying his thoughts and feelings.
Athena took a drink before staring at her hands "I hope so. I'd hate to lose someone else. Jim, Amy. Both gone within twenty four hours of each other. Andrea's a mess, I went to check on her before and she's not doing too good, Dale said he'd keep watch but I still can't help but worry. Just makes me wonder who's gonna be next, damn it could be me for all we know."
"Don't say that." Shane snapped, reaching forward and putting his hands in hers, surprising the woman at his action. "I won't let that happen. You're strong and don't give yourself enough credit to how tough you actually are. I bet you could out live each one of us with just a knife by your side."
Athena felt tense at his touch, she'd never seen him so open and vulnerable. It was surprising to say the least, but somehow after a few moments had passed, she relaxed and felt comfort within the action. Anything Shane did she somehow always found the good, she knew what it was like to be judged and mistreated because of how closed off she was, but around Shane she felt calm. A feeling she hadn't felt in a very long time. She released a breath, relieving the built up tension and shaking the morbid thoughts out of her head. "I'm sorry, It's just always on my mind. We don't know how long it's gonna be before we're next, it's best to prepare ourselves rather than ignore it all together."
The man nodded in agreement, he knew full well that thing's weren't going to get better and hope was just pacifier for people who were too scared to face reality.
Athena pulled her hand away, noticing how long it had been in Shane's before clearing her throat. What was she doing, she couldn't allow herself to be put into a situation where things could get messy. She just couldn't. "But in despite of it all, it was actually nice to see everyone enjoying themselves. Happy."
The man chuckled, a small smile appearing for the first time since they'd arrived. "You're telling me. I haven't seen Rick that drunk since we were in high school. There was this one time, we were maybe eighteen, me, Rick and a couple of guys thought it'd be funny to steal traffic cones."
"Traffic cones?" Athena raised a brow.
He nodded with chuckle "It was a stupid idea, I know. Anyway, we were black out drunk and Rick suggested we put said traffic cones outside of our teachers house with the letters D-I-C-K sprayed painted on the front."
The woman giggled, unable to believe the ridiculous story. "And was he dick?"
"The biggest dick in the whole city, always calling me and Rick out in class for no apparent reason, purely because he hated us. Now, the idea was amazing, but it would've been better if we actually put the letters the right way round. Instead of it saying D-I-C-K, it spelt out D-I-K-C. Fucking idiots. That story still makes me wonder how I even became a cop."
Athena giggled lightly, her voice filling the room with a heavenly sound. "Sounds like you guys had some fun." She said before standing up and walking over to the table to pour herself another drink.
"We did. Best times of my life." As Athena poured herself another drink, Shane began to reminisce from the times when he was a teenager. They were some of the best years of his life, no responsibility, no serious worries, he was able to to do what he wanted without thinking about the consequences. He wished his life was still exactly like that, instead it was now full of worry and fear of the unknown.
"I have to agree. My friends and I had the wildest times." Athena smiled, her friends face appearing in her head before her smile ultimately starts to fade. "Well I say friends, I only ever really had one."
Athena swished the liquid around in her glass, her eyes focused intently on the book shelf in front of her. Her mind was a dark place, there were no doubt about it, but the memories of her past were even darker. They were so deep in her mind that she barely visited them at all. Shane twisted in his chair "Yeah? Tell me about them. What made them worthy enough to be in your company?"
The woman briefly shut her eyes before a light chuckle came from her nose. She couldn't believe she was telling him this, but she trusted Shane. "For starters her name was Thorna. She was this crazy, whack job that I met when I spent a night in a cell after I got arrested. She was in after she was caught trying to steal alcohol from a store and flashed a police officer. We didn't stop talking all night until we were released in the morning, just talking about the stupid shit we did. From that moment on we became the best of friends, almost like the sister I never had. Thorna knew how to make things good when life got too hard and was always there whenever I needed her. She was the only person I could trust."
Shane enjoyed listening to her talk about her past, the more he got her to open up the closer he felt to her. And for once he didn't want to resist it. "Sounds like you really cared for her."
Athena finally looked at Shane, a look of sudden sadness quite evident in her eyes as she nodded. "I did. When the virus started to spread and people started eating each other, Thorna and I decided to leave the city. As soon as we fled my grandfathers farm, we ran into some trouble and um-" She paused, a lump forming in her throat as she attempted to refrain from crying. "We ran into some trouble. We were about to get into my car when Thorna forgot her bracelet. I mean it was a fucking bracelet but she insisted on going back to get it. A few minutes later I was waiting by the car when I heard this scream. I ran as fast as I could to find the sound but when I got there, I saw Thorna. Laying on the ground with blood pouring out of her neck and a dead person beside her."
She stopped, feeling the small droplet of water fall down her cheek as her words became frantic. "I had to watch my best friend die in my arms because she didn't want to leave behind her bracelet. I should've gone with her, I should've been there for her."
Shane stood up abruptly, putting down his bottle and running over towards Athena, embracing her in a tight hug and she cried into his shoulder. "Hey, hey, hey. It wasn't your fault. No one could of predicted that people were going to eat each other. You did all you could."
Athena lifted her head, her cheeks stained with red as she looked into Shane's eyes "She died cause I couldn't protect her, Shane. It's why I'm too scared to get close to people, cause someday I'm going to lose them just like I lost Thorna." Her breaths are more steady now, Shane's warmth calming her down and she can feel herself falling off the deep end. "I guess that's why I'm scared to lose you two."
"You're not going to loose me, okay? I promise." Shane whispered as his hand grazed her face, wiping away her tears. The glaze in her eyes only made the colour more vibrant, the green reflecting back into his blue ones. He'd never seen someone so beautiful and felt so lost within their presence. Shane had never known someone so diverse and complex as Athena but in many more ways she was so easy and care free that he forgot about the hard parts.
Athena pulled away from his hold, clearing her throat and shaking her head as she glanced to her feet. She knew what he was doing. "I can't, Shane. I can't do this, not now."
"You once told me that if it feels right then you just gotta go for it." Shane quoted, a tone of desperation in his voice. "Since I found you on that highway, there has been something between us. Don't act like you don't feel it two. All those moments that we've shared, I can't ignore it anymore Athena."
He was right. She did feel something for him, a feeling that ran deep like nothing she'd felt before. But fear was getting the best of her. "I do feel it, I've felt it for a long time. But what if I die shane, or what if you die? Surely we can't put ourselves through the heartbreak."
Shane moved forward and gripped onto her arms "The world is ruthless now, I get it. But we can't live in fear of what may or may not happen. We'll protect each other." Shane inched closed and Athena's breath hitched in her throat. "Don't you want something real again?"
The pair were silent as Athena thought to herself. She didn't want to live in fear of the future, being fearful was simply out of character for her. This time she was grabbing life by the horns and taking what she wanted. Athena nodded before Shane's hands slowly cupped her face, her arms wrapping around his neck before their lips touched.
Athena knew it was right, there wasn't a single doubt in her mind. All she wanted was something real again, something that made her feel alive in a dying world. And in that moment, Shane was going to be just that.