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I wake up to the sound of someone crying out, followed by the sound of a sob and a whimper. I instantly shoot up, looking around for an intruder of any sort, but I don't find any.
Instead, I find Sophie on the bed, fisting her pillow and writhing in her sheets. Her face is contorted into a stricken look, sweat a sheen on her forehead. Something about the tears on her face make me want to wrap her in my arms.
"Foster?" I ask, to no reply.
She cries out again, another tear leaking down her face. The moment I see it, I swear my heart hurts.
I shake her gently, my voice becoming more urgent. "Foster. Sophie. Sophie!" At the final shake, she gasps, snapping upright in the bed.
Her eyes meet mine before she knows what she's comprehending. There's a haunted look in them, her brown eyes looking emptier than I've ever seen them. Her chest heaves, and she buries her face in her hands, her sobs coming out in splinters.
I stand there like an idiot, watching her cry. I have no idea what to do in a situation like this. After it registers that I'm not doing anything to help her, I go around the other side of the bed and crawl in with her, tugging her into a hug. I'm not sure if it helps at all, but I want to comfort her somehow if I can.
In the end, I think it's the bond that manages to calm her down. She starts breathing deeply into my chest, her breaths slowing down and her sobs starting to disappear. I rub circles on her back, uncertain.
When she's fully calmed down, I reluctantly let her go, watching her carefully. "Are you okay, Foster?"
Her eyes avoid mine, and they go straight down to her hands. "I'm fine. Sorry for waking you up."
"Don't worry about it," I dismiss, my eyes searching her face for any sign of what happened. "Was that a nightmare?"
Sophie hesitates, her eyes meeting mine for a lengthy moment. "No."
It takes her a minute, but she does elaborate under my stare.
"No, it was a memory."
I tense when the words register, freezing up when I see a tear trail down her face. I want to hold my mouth. I should hold my mouth. I don't. "Of what?"
"The accident. My parent's death. They're gone. I should have gone with them. I wish I had gone with them, Keefe," she confesses, her eyes void of any kind of light.
My first thought: her parent's death? What about Grady and Edaline? Was she adopted?
My throat dries up. "Sophie, no. Don't say that."
She ignores me, hugging her midsection and looking away from my gaze. "I shouldn't have survived that accident. How is it fair that they're gone and I'm still here?"
I don't know how to answer that.
"Maybe that's why I've got cancer now. I was meant to die, and the universe screwed it up. Now they're just back to fix their mistakes. I wish I hadn't survived that accident. I can't help but feel guilty that I'm here and they're not, as though it's somehow my fault. I wish I had gone with them."
I move over, holding her tight and letting her sink back into me.
"Do you want to die?" I ask. Fear laces my body as I anticipate the answer.
Sophie looks up at me, her eyes dazzlingly clear, her face flushed. Her mouth contorts, forming a weak smile in a way that makes it look hard to do. "I don't want to die. But I will eventually."
My chest feels tight at the answer, but still, at least some small breath of relief escapes when I exhale, holding her tighter.
"Please don't say things like that," I plead with her.
Her head falls back against my chest, and she stares off into the distance. "I'm grateful to be alive, but that's the truth. I feel guilty for being alive but too grateful to die. If I let myself go, where does that leave everyone else? If I let myself go, I'm throwing away a gift that someone out there gave me. If my parents can't live, well, I may as well do my best to live my life in their absence."
Wow, and I thought I had baggage.
Everything she's saying makes me feel regret for wanting her all to myself, always and forever. I don't want her to ever leave my side. But I suppose that's her choice, isn't it.
"I don't want you to go."