~ So this is so extremely short and pretty bad but I felt like I had to post something today and I'm having sort of a writers block so yeah. I am working on the Malum one and I just want to warn you because it will be extremely awkward and probably really really bad. Now you know.
this is dedicated to @calumsthingortwo because you're so amazing and I love you a lot and yeah :) xx /M ~
Three letters are laying on the floor next to the bed, three envelopes with no more than his name on them. three pieces of paper that’s been unfolded so many times they’re close to falling apart. and next to them, a small piece of metal that’s shining in the moonlight. There are a few stains on it, stains of dark brown, almost black in the soft light falling through the window.
There’s another thing on the floor as well, a small watch. It’s laying on the side, with the glass cracked so bad it’s almost impossible to see what time it is, but now, at this hour, you can. 4:03, the night slowly turning into morning.
And on the bed, one of the few people awake at this hour. Ashton’s been tossing and turning, struggling to relax and trying to get rid of the feeling of drowning even though he’s perfectly fine, physically. But mentally, mentally he’s broken. Ever since Calum left he’s been like this, empty, scared and lonely. There were no promises made, no “I’ll be back in a week” no “we can work this out”. Calum just left, mumbling something about needing space. And Ashton gave him space. He haven’t called once since he was left alone, haven’t sent a single text. He needs Calum to be alright, but calum needs space. So Ashton’s trying his best to hang on to the little hope he has, even though it feels like trying to hang on to a thread no thicker than the ones spiders makes their web with. He promised himself to always give Calum what he wants, he’d sacrifice his own heart if it meant he didn’t have to lose him, it’d be a small price to pay.
He’s laid awake every night since he left, counting all the words he could have said differently, all the things that went wrong. He’s laid awake thinking about all the ways in which Calum makes him a better person. He’s awake now trying to forget, trying to convince himself he can do this without Calum, that he’ll be fine, but he’s drowning in his own feelings and the only one who can save him is the younger boy. If he only knew.