*Dean*
Veronica and I haven't spoken more than a few words to each other since the other night. I can't tell whether she's angry or scared of me since she refuses to make eye contact. In fact, she tries to avoid looking at me altogether if she can avoid it. I can't exactly blame her for it either.
I don't know what got into me that night, but I suddenly I was kissing her and when I calmed down enough to realize what I was doing, I backed off, but there's no way I can forget the expression on her face when I pulled away. It was like I'd hit her for real or something; and while I should apologize, that would mean we'd have to talk about it, acknowledge that it happened, and I can't bring myself to do that.
Currently, we're working on a this weird "alien abduction" case that Kris sent us on. She promised that after this, we should be safe to go to Lebanon, finally. When we're working on a case, it's not so bad. We can both be professional despite the near constant tension, but considering this other hunter that showed up while we were investigating (his name's Michael Wicket) that Vee apparently knows, she's been even more edgy than usual....which is proven when I come back from being kidnapped only to have her deck me straight away.
"Goddammit Winchester," she snaps, "You scared the hell out of me! Do you know what your brother and sister would have done to me if you'd died?!"
There's something in her rust-colored eyes that says more than words, something in her expression that lets me know that she wasn't just worried about her own skin in this instance. I give her an incredulous look, glaring at the guy in the middle of our hotel room who looks really smug for some reason.
"Yeah, I can tell you were really worried," I spit, that same anger from a few nights ago rising up unexpectedly.
"Trouble in paradise, Veronica?" Wicket quips.
Vee's obviously taken aback by my outburst, but that doesn't stop her from getting pissed off too as she waves the other hunter off in annoyance, like he's just an annoying gnat or something.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she snaps, planting her hands on her hips angrily.
"You're trying to get laid with this guy while I'm missing? Did you even try to find me, or did you just figure I was a lost cause and move on to the next guy?" I shout, not even bothering to hide the accusation in my voice.
What's even gotten into me? I'm not like this with everybody. I mean, I don't mind when most guys talk to Vee, actually. For some reason though, that guy at the bar the other night and this Wicket kid just make me so goddamn jealous that I can't think straight half the time.
The worst part is, I don't know why I'm so pissed off. It's not like Vee and I are together, so I that can be justifiably jealous. It just makes me feel all sorts of things that I refuse to acknowledge whenever I think about her with other men, let alone see it happening like in the bar; and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that her and Wicket have some history.
"What the hell are you talking about, Dean? Did the aliens take your last few remaining brain cells while you were gone?" she snarls, throwing her hands up, "I was asking Michael for help, you jackass! He said he knew what kidnapped you, so I was going to ask him to help us."
She looks particularly disturbed by this thought, like the mere concept of owing her old flame any sort of favor sickens her. Truthfully, it's the same for me, but the implication that she was actually willing to team up with him to help me hits me harder than I thought it would and makes all my conflicting emotions that much worse.
"Wow, you found yourself a real catch," Wicket interjects, almost sounding amused.
Both Veronica and I stop and look at him for several long moments, wondering if he was speaking to me or her.
"Get out," we snap at the same time, gesturing to the door, still slightly ajar, behind me.
He starts laughing as he leaves, although I don't see what's so funny about me wanting to stab him in the face as much as Vee does.
"You know what, you two deserve each other," he's saying as he goes at the door, still chuckling to himself.
He's about to say something else, but I slam the door in his face, ignoring him. Vee and I both just stand there for a few moments, and she's still trying to avoid eye contact before she shakes her head, face setting into a mask as she snatches up the towel she left on her bed this morning.
"I'm going to take a shower," she mutters, ducking into the bathroom without looking at me.
There's this feeling that keeps nagging me, eating me from the inside out. It has to do with the fact that she won't even look at me for more than a few seconds when before she could stare me down with the best of them. There's something about the way she smiles when she thinks something is actually funny and the way her eyes spark when something sets her off, the way she can make a grown man piss his pants by looking at him just the right way, and the way those scars on her face make her prettier...
"Oh my Cas, please stop," Kris groans, appearing on my bed suddenly.
Her arm is thrown over her eyes dramatically, her other limbs splayed out, taking up most of the mattress. She returned to normal after Vee and I killed the trickster, but she refuses to talk about her time as a four-year-old. All Cas is able to say without getting a death glare from my sister is that things got a little crazy when Balthazar agreed to babysit her.
"Stop what?" I ask, furrowing my brow.
"Your angsty internal monologue," she answers, "if I have to hear you praying the attraction away one more time, I'll personally make sure to lock you two in a room together until you admit you have feelings for each other."
I'm so shocked that I can't even manage a noise for a few seconds. She raises her eyebrows at me, smirking a little.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I finally manage to choke out.
"Denial's not just a river in Egypt, big brother," she informs me fondly, sitting up and crossing her legs, "but believe me, if we were there, you'd be drowning at the moment. Get it? Drowning in deniel?"
She snickers at her own joke before sobering a little as I just continue to stare at her in disbelief.
"Shut up, Kris," I snap.
She snorts a little, not even the least bit offended.
"Rude," she comments primly, playing with her hair little.
"You're crazy, you know that?" I ask, crossing my arms.
"Look, I can't make you see it, alright? If you want to keep being oblivious, far be it from me to pop your bubble of ignorance, but do all of us a favor and stop being so jealous that you're literally praying for Cas and I to smite people if you don't have 'feelings' for Veronica."
With that last, loving suggestion, she disappears again, leaving me alone to my thoughts. It's not that I don't like Vee. In fact, if things weren't the way they were, I'd probably already be head over heels in love with her...but I'm a hunter. I can't just "fall in love" and call it good. It just doesn't ever work out that way.
All the people I even remotely care about end up dying on me-Dad, Jo, Sam several times, even Cas. Once we become hunters, that's it, there's no going back. Love isn't something that happens for us. Keira and Cas were exceptions. Keira is literally from another dimension, and Cas and Kristy were put together by cupids.
That kind of stuff has never been in the cards for me. What am I supposed to do? Get married, have kids? That's rich. What then? Live an apple-pie life in an apple-pie town with an apple-pie job and pretend I haven't literally been to Hell and back? Act like I don't know the types of things that hide in the dark? I doubt I would be able to do that even if I tried, no matter how much I wish I could.
The next day, it's just like it's been for the last few days. Vee avoids as much contact with me as she possibly can and the tension nearly crushes us in the front seat of the Impala. I noticed how she keeps getting calls and once I even catch a look at the name on the screen-Michael Wicket. Eventually, she just rips the battery out and drops her phone on the floor by her feet.
She stares wordlessly out the window the entire time. She doesn't doze off though, despite the fact that I know she didn't get any sleep last night. I only know that because I stayed up most of the night myself, thinking about what Kristy said, and heard Vee rolling around and sighing every once in awhile.
I glance sideways at her, but she shows no indication of noticing my gaze. It's hard to miss the tension in her shoulders though, and the way she keeps clenching and relaxing her jaw. I watch the road again, my hand tensing on the wheel as I get more frustrated with the oppressive silence. It was just a kiss after all. There's no damn good reason for all this...weirdness.
I mean, her and that Michael guy obviously were an item once and she mentioned something about them being partners for awhile. Not to mention, it was her that so easily said that it was "just sex" when we were at that bar, and that was about a complete stranger. I don't see the difference when it was only a kiss between me and her.
"So what was the deal with you and that Michael Wicket guy. Didn't seem like you two were on the best of terms," I say at last.
"I told you," she deadpans, "we were together for awhile, and then we weren't. That's all."
I nod my head at her blase tone, but her answer isn't exactly satisfactory as she goes back to staring out the window again. Finally, I can't take it anymore, and I slam my foot on the brakes, yanking the Impala to the side of the road. Vee, surprised and alarmed, grips onto the door, eyes wide. Once we're safely on the side of the road, I yank the emergency brake up and stare ahead, thinking.
"Dean?! What the hell was that about?" She questions, staring at me like I'm insane.
"I'm sick of this," I say-well...shout.
My voice is louder than I mean for it to be, but now that I'm finally getting all this pent up aggravation out of my system, it's impossible for me to lower my voice again.
"What are you talking about?" she asks, her voice rising as well.
"This!" I exclaim, gesturing between us, "The tension, the silence, I'm sick of it all!"
She looks stunned for a moment, and I can tell I actually took her off gaurd for once.
"What are you-"
"You know what I'm talking about, Vee," I call her out, "if the kiss is bothering you that much, then fine, let's just talk about it, get all the tension out of the air."
She struggles to find something to say for probably the first time since I met her. I can see her internal dilemma, like she's trying to choose between one thing or the other.
"What do you want me to say, Dean?" she asks harshly at last, glaring at me.
"I don't know," I yell back, throwing my hands up like she did last night, "something other than 'how long 'til we get there' or 'I'm going to shower'? How does that sound?"
Vee looks like she desperately wants to hit something, but restrains herself, staring at her fists in her lap for long, tense moments.
"I'm glad you kissed me, okay?" she snarls at last, making me come up short, but she just continues on in a rush, like the words won't come out fast enough, "I'm glad you stopped me from having sex with that loser. I'm glad you followed me out of the bar. I'm glad you pressed me up against that disgusting wall and kissed me, and I liked the way you looked at me before you did. I-I don't know how I feel except that I don't want to feel this way and it's not freaking fair because I should know better by now. Is that what you wanted to hear, Dean?"
I stare at her for several long moments, unable to say anything because this is definitely not what I was expecting, although I don't know what I expected either. I try to figure out what she means by "know better," and guess that she's talking about her and Michael. She stares out the windshield for a long time before speaking again.
"Just drive," she says quietly, sounding completely exhausted, "let's just get back to Kris and Cas's house. It's getting late. We can start the drive to Lebanon in the morning."
Without another word, I put the Impala into drive again and pull back onto the road.
*Veronica*
Dean doesn't say or do anything for the rest of the drive. When we pull into Cas and Kris's driveway, I get out like the car is on fire and don't even bother to get my things out of the trunk. We're leaving in the morning, anyway.
When I get inside, Macy and Jayden both greet me, but I don't say much, other than that I'm going to bed. At first I don't think they notice the mood I'm in, until Dean comes in after me and I hear Macy interrogating him about what he said to upset me. I don't break it up, like I usually would, just continue my escape up the stairs.
Some sleep will do me well, I think. A few hours without having to think about Dean is a nice reprieve. Hell, maybe I'll wake up and realize that the last few days has all just been a really stupid dream.
I flop onto the bed without turning the light on when I reach the guest room I claimed as mine, silently regretting my choice to be honest with Dean earlier. I said the possibly the dumbest thing I could have (apart from "I love you") but there's no going back on it now.
I legitimately consider crying for a second before remembering exactly who I am. I'm Veronica Steele. I don't go in for all this sappy shit. I don't have chick-flick moments, or cry over stupid men named Dean Winchester.
"There's a first time for everything, Vee," Kris says, suddenly sitting next to me, playing with the short, blonde strands of my hair.
"I don't want to have feelings for him," I groan, feeling my eyes begin to water anyway.
She sighs and shrugs, looking away at the wall
"I didn't want to have feelings for Cas at first," she offers sympathetically, obviously hoping it'll cheer me up.
It doesn't. I rub my hands over my face, wiping the tears away in the process.
"Can't you just, magic the feelings away?" I plead.
She grimaces and looks away.
"I can't, I'm sorry. Humans have free will and I that's something I can't tamper with. Even if I could, I wouldn't."
Another groan makes it's way past my lips as I close my eyes, tears coming freely now.
"Is there any other way I could help?" she asks.
"Could you smite him for me?" I request hopefully.
She laughs a little, patting my head apologetically.
"Sorry, but no. I would never hear the end of it, both from him and Sam."
I smirk tiredly, wishing I could just disappear like Kris and Cas do.
"If it makes you feel better, Dean's not any better off," she adds after a minute.
I squeeze my eyes shut without answering, knowing that I've just dug a deeper hole for myself than before.
"Get some sleep," Kristy suggests, "it might help clear your head a little."
Then she disappears, leaving me with my miserable thoughts again.
"Dammit," I mutter, turning over and burrying my face in my pillow, "Dammit, dammit, dammit."
So much for hunting first, and "love" later...
A/N: sorry this took so long for me to update, but my computer became autonomous and decided to restart my computer when I was halfway through this chapter when I hadn't saved it, and I was so mad, I refused to write anything for about a week. So blame my computer, not me. I'm sorry. This was also a little angstier than it usually it is, but we all know Dean's a drama queen so...