**
JACKIE
Finally, the hospital had allowed me to go home, but I had to stay with someone for a while to watch me. At first I was gonna stay just with my parents, but then they invited Paul to stay too. Well, it was more Mum that invited him rather than Dad. Dad seemed to hate him for something.
Paul gave me a tired smile as my Dad opened the door and we waited a she fumbled with his keys. I felt terrible. I woke up and he started professing his love for me but I didn't have a clue as to who he was, apart from that he was in The Beatles.
I didn't know what to think of him. He seemed cocky when we first met and was awfully flirtatious. Of course that was a while back, but that doesn't mean he's changed. He could've, I'm just not sure I could imagine it.
Everyone tells me that we were in love with each other and started dating last year. I don't remember it. I really wish I could, but I couldn't. Apparently I was so sure he was the one and would tell Mum all about him.
For all I know, they could be lying to me. Not that they would, but you never know. He seemed heartbroken when I didn't remember him though. The look on his face was enough to have made me wanna cry. He seemed so genuinely hurt by all this.
Mum told me he knows about what happened to me. It feels weird knowing that he knows. He's like a stranger to me. If only I could just reach into my brain to find the memories.
"Welcome home, Jack," Thomas said, making me slap his arm.
"Ew, you know I hate that nickname," I playfully whined.
He shrugged with a smirk, "Why else would I use it?"
Thomas was such a typical brother, but I loved him. We were only 3 years apart, even though when we were younger that seemed like decades in difference. He'll always be my best friend. Quite literally, he's been there since day one. I'll never forgot all the times he's helped me.
I was surprised when I found out he was finally released from prison. I was also incredibly excited, talking to him with guards watching and everything always just made me uncomfortable to the point where I could barely have a normal conversation with him.
Apparently I had told him about Paul too. Gee, he must have really been something for me to go preaching about this alleged love I had for him. With anybody else, I'd wait ages before telling my family and letting them meet. The only thing that kept him from meeting Paul was the prison.
I think Thomas liked Paul. He didn't like the boys I usually was with, but he was already treating Paul like a good friend. Maybe he was impressed with how he had visited me everyday, even after I woke up and didn't know who he was. I guess that impressed me quite a bit too.
I looked over at Paul and couldn't help but swoon a bit. He was extremely attractive, I couldn't believe I managed to score someone like him.
Maybe I could try to find some sort of connection with him again. It couldn't hurt to try, right? I was sure that my Dad only didn't like him because he was being a Dad like always. That was just his job to hate the boyfriend.
"I'm gonna be going over to your house to pick up some things for you in a bit. Did you want anything in particular?" Paul asked, speaking shyly like we were strangers. We were strangers, but I thought it was odd he thought of it like that.
"I can come with you if you want," I offered, thinking some alone time together would do us some good. Maybe if we talked about things together something would come back to me.
He smiled a bit, but looked like he was trying to hold back his excitement. It was adorable. He was adorable. Only a few days and I was already getting wooed by his cute looks.
"We can go whenever your ready. Just settle in here a bit and we'll go," Paul said. Such a gentleman.
I hadn't been back here in a while. The last house I can remember was this one that I had moved out of I'd been told. It was strange knowing I don't live there all of a sudden when it felt like just yesterday that was the home I never wanted to leave.
Paul looked clueless as to what to do once we were inside, so I decided to help him out a bit and make sure he doesn't feel like such an outsider. "Do you wanna stick with me for a bit while we're here? After all we do have to share a room."
"I told you, the couch is just fine, love," Paul said. That made me feel special, though I knew everyone from around here threw around that pet name.
I shook my head. "Surely a mattress is much more comfortable, even if it's on the floor."
"I just don't wanna make you uncomfortable, that's all. You don't really know me, you don't have to pretend to be okay with all of this," Paul said.
"After that whole thing you did where you went on about your love for me? No way am I letting you take the couch. That really did things to my heart," I admitted, feeling like a stupid school girl trying to flirt with the cutest boy at school. I was never usually like this, but it seemed so natural.
"I can't decline it, can I?" Paul asked, chuckling as we walked up the stairs.
"Nope," I said, popping the p. When we went into my room, I let him dump his bags on the floor, before sitting on my bed and thinking about my childhood. At first it made me smile and brought me such joy, but then it all turned bitter and found myself resenting the world again.
Paul said softly, "You okay, darling?"
I shrugged. "Just thought about my earlier years in life. Ended up bringing my memories to a bad place. You know about it, right?"
He nodded, his eyebrows furrowing upwards. "I'm sorry about all that. I know my words won't change what happened, but I really wish you could've lived more happily without those things happening. It ain't your fault and you certainly didn't deserve it."
"I tell myself that everyday, but I can't help but wonder what I did wrong that caused all this to happen to me," I conceded.
"I know, we can't help that stuff. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong that made God take my mother away from me," Paul said, making me look at him only to see his eyes filled with pain.
"Oh god, I'm so sorry about that," I said.
"It's alright. I've learned to accept it, sometimes stuff just happens. I guess it gave me some kind of drive to be better at all that I do. In a way it kind of helped me, but I wish it didn't happen," Paul said. He suddenly giggled at himself. "We should stop talking about this sad stuff. Do you wanna go grab your things now?"
My mind went back and forth on whether or not I should say it, so I just blurted it out, feeling like taking some risks, even though I knew he wanted this. "I wanna go on a date with you."
His eyes widened and were now filled with excitement. I could tell he was ecstatic, and then I realised I shouldn't have even felt nervous or scared to ask him on a date. It seemed a bit fast, but those days where he stayed with me despite me forgetting him really left an impression on me.
"We can go eat out and then grab your stuff. It ain't much, but how does that sound?" Paul asked.
"Perfect. Just want some time to get to know you, I don't mind what we do," I replied. He gave me an odd look, before shaking it off a bit and smiling at me again. "What?"
"I dunno, it's just a bit strange. Our first days were nothing like this, y'know. We kind of hated each other. Like with a passion. You thought I was some dumb and cocky flirt and I thought you were some cold and stuck up meanie. Sorry, meanie's the only word I could think of without sounding like a dick."
I giggled. "It's alright, I know what you meant. Maybe it's just because I know that you're supposed to be a pretty alright guy is why I wanna get along with you so much. You've been nothing but nice to me, even when you could run off because of my memory loss."
He shook his head and grinned sweetly at me. "I'm not gonna run off. You probably don't understand how much I care for you, after all you forgot you ever loved me, but I never ever wanna lose you. We fought hard for what we had, it wouldn't feel right leaving you. You were my girl, and in my mind you'll always be my girl. I love you. You don't have to say it back, but I really love you."
He spoke so beautifully and passionately that it almost made me cry. If only I could remember him. We seemed like a really happy and loving couple. I wondered what it was like having someone like that. At one stage I knew, now all I have to do it try remember it and I'll know again.
"Please take me on this date," I said, making us both laugh. "You're so sweet. I must be a really lucky girl if I got you."
"You deserve much more than me, but I wanna do all I can to make you the happiest girl in the world and feel so incredibly lucky, because that's how I feel. I don't know why I got you, but I did, and it's changed my world. You are my world, as cheesy as it sounds."
"You're really into those cliches, aren't you?" I giggled.
He shrugged. "I suppose I am, aren't I? Well, come on, it's already past noon and we haven't eaten yet. I wanna take you to one of my favourite old joints. You'll like it for sure, and I'm friends with the owner. He can make sure we get a bit of privacy while we're there."
*
We had gotten there on a weekday and it wasn't even close to peak hour, so we weren't accompanied by many other people in the diner he took me to. There was a young and excited band playing and a few couples dancing. It was a lovely place so far.
Paul seemed to be such a gentleman. He would hold the door open for me and waited for me to sit before he did. It was so incredibly attractive to me and a real breath of fresh air compared to how I've been treated before. No wonder I had fallen for him before.
"You ever come here before?" Paul asked, looking down at the menu.
"Nope, my first time. Any recommendations?" I asked.
He smiled. "I know all the good stuff here. Can I order for you?"
I shrugged, before nodding. "Alright, impress me."
Even towards other people he seemed so polite. He was much more than I thought he was when I initially met him. Maybe he's matured a bit more since then or is just a very well mannered flirt.
He quickly ordered before we went straight to the dance floor. Usually I don't really dance. I've never danced with a date before so I felt kind of shy as he brought me over.
I couldn't help but think about how well our hands fit together when he held mine. My hand looked quite small in his, but it felt right holding his. It felt right just being around him, like I remembered him but I didn't.
The band was playing some upbeat music that had everyone wanting to get up and dance together. It reminded me of my teen years when I would hang out with some friends of mine and I'd see people dance to this kind of music. I missed when it was like that, much simpler times.
For some reason, we kept giggling as we danced even though nothing was funny. It was just happening because of the amazing time we were having. We barely had to say a word in this moment but I felt like we were bonding and getting to know each other quickly.
"You're keeping up quite well. I know you aren't much of a dancer," Paul panted out.
It felt super weird knowing that he knew things about me that I didn't know I had told him. "Well you're a good leader, I'm just having some good fun with it," I replied.
He grinned giddily at me as the song came to an end and they started playing some slower music. I put my hands on his shoulders and he put his around my waist. My body involuntarily flinched when he touched me there, though I didn't want to. My instincts were coming back again.
A worried and slightly hurt look came upon his face when he noticed. He moved his hands away quickly. "I-I'm sorry, I forgot that you were sensitive about touching intimately and-"
"It's okay, Paul. That's just how I am, I didn't mean to, that's just how I react. Don't worry, I'll get more comfortable as we get to know each other, remember?" I asked.
I took his hands and placed them back on my waist for him, taking in a deep breath as I did so, before smiling at him. He smiled back and pulled me close to him, keeping me in his warm embrace.
"Are you sure you're alright with this?" Paul asked.
I nodded, before resting my head on his chest. They say your heartbeat will match up with the music you're listening to, but for some reason his was quicker. Maybe he was just nervous, it was like a first date for us again.
He had a relaxing scent, one that I quickly become obsessed with. It wasn't anything too strong, but it wasn't too faint either. It was like a fading cologne that he had applied ages ago and hadn't touched up on since then.
"This is one of my favourite songs," I said quietly.
I could tell he was smiling because of how his cheek moved slightly against my forehead. "I should sing it to you on my guitar one day then," Paul said. "My god, I've missed holding you so much."
"I don't remember what being held by you felt like, but it feels so familiar. I like this," I said, shutting my eyes and appreciating how it felt to be held by someone who undoubtably cared so much. I could feel it from it.
He kissed my forehead and put his hand behind my head, keeping me close to his heart. "I love you, Jackie. I already told you you don't have to say it back, but I just wanna make sure you don't feel like you should just because I'm saying it. In fact, I don't want you to say it yet. They'd be empty words otherwise," Paul said. "I know it's a bit awkward to tell you I love you, but I need you to know that. I've learned to accept that you may have forgotten who I am and the things we did together, but I'll never accept you forgetting how I feel about you."
He made me want to cry of happiness again. This time, I actually did. Even though my eyes were closed, I knew a tear would come out. I quickly wiped my eyes and felt that it already had, making me giggle at myself. He really didn't know how much that meant to me.
He bent down and looked at my face, smiling as he wiped my face for me. "I'm sorry, I'm being stupid," I laughed.
"It's quite alright, love. Come 'ere," Paul said, pulling me into and embrace again.
I hid my face into his chest, embarrassed that I was getting so emotional. "It probably seems so stupid, but I've never felt so loved by a guy before. Just the way you talk about it, it just brings me these feelings and they really get the waterworks going," I explained.
"Darling, it's fine," Paul chuckled. "You're adorable, I guess I'm happy I can communicate a bit of what I feel for you."
"Do you really love me as much as you say you do?" I asked.
He nodded. "Jackie, I love you even more than I can explain. What I said was just a taste of what I wish I could tell you. There just ain't words to explain it," Paul said. "Sometimes it makes me a selfish man. I don't want anyone to ever even look at you like I do. I don't care if there's someone else who deserves you more than I do, because I want you all to myself. I'd do everything to make you mine. I love you, girl."
"I don't know what the hell I did to deserve someone like you, but damn I really thank myself for doing whatever I did that day," I said, smiling into his chest.
**