Iris lived on the same street as Fleur it turned out, in a comfortable two-story house with a giant circular pool in the backyard her twin brother, Malcolm, spent the entire time I was there swimming in. Malcolm was a mirror image of Iris, just taller, skin slightly darker, and sporting a wide scar across his right cheek.
"Hockey," was his explanation for the injury when he caught me looking at it as Iris handed him a green smoothie while giving me a tour of the place. Malcolm attended High Valley Prep, a school two towns over and known for its rigorous sports program. Tommo had almost transferred there junior year, but decided at the last minute not to, not wanting to uproot his entire family.
Tucked on the lower level of the house, Iris' room was surprisingly understated with a queen bed pushed into the corner and lavender curtains. I spent a while looking at her shelves, covered in photo frames, expired gift cards, tubes of lip balm, and CDs. Not a single book that wasn't school related sat in the room, and a pair of red and blue pom-pom's dangled from the ceiling above her bed.
"I figured if we made good headway we could order pizza in a couple of hours," Iris said, taking a seat on the end of her bed and pulling free a laptop from under it.
"Yeah, I'm easy," I shrugged, dumping my bag on the ground as sat down next to her. The mattress rippled under my weight, making Iris tip towards me. "I was wondering if you wanted to go over some calculus too, I saw the textbook was sitting on your desk."
"Sounds good, just as long as you promise not to laugh at my practice essays for English," She blushed and I bumped her shoulder with my own lightly.
"Whatever, I've seen your notes on Macbeth in class. You know what you're doing, don't talk yourself down," I said and Iris smiled softly, tucking her hair behind her ear before shoving her computer onto my lap.
"Okay, here's my outline for the exams first section. I can look over yours too, if you want."
I balked at the level of detail staring back at me on the screen, offering a frown at the rushed pencil written work in my notebook. Slowly handing it to Iris I gave her a sheepish smile and started reading. We spent longer than a couple hours working, breaking down past exam questions, and I listened as Iris spouted out quotes without prompting, enjoying the way she blushed when she realized what she was doing.
"Sorry, Melissa says I have a habit of doing that," She apologized, even going so far as to cover her mouth with her hand.
"It's fine, helps me learn, believe it or not. Plus, it's cool to see you so in the zone," I said, smiling as Iris bolted upright.
"Pizza," She said, sending me an apologetic look when she saw it was almost five in the afternoon. "I didn't notice the time. Give me a second to check what Malcolm wants and we'll order."
Slipping off the bed I waited until she stepped out to go back to her photo frames. They were normal enough, photos taken with friends, and what I assumed to be her family. A few were from sophomore year, back when she was still on the cheerleading team. Several were with Fleur, mostly taken on the beach, and I chuckled at the sight of Iris with a massive sunburn on her neck.
"That had hurt like hell, don't laugh," Her voice came from behind me, followed by a slap to the shoulder. I looked back, craning my neck to catch her face as she pressed her phone to her ear.
"Pepperoni, right?" She asked, and I nodded. Ducking her head, Iris placed the order, beckoning me into the living room. The space was decked out in wide seat sofas, covered in a blizzard of plush pillows that Iris had no qualms about shoving to the floor as she took a seat. Rather than a TV there sat a projector on the table with a pull-down screen on the opposite wall. At my raised brows Iris blushed, covering the speaker as she explained, "Dad's a little eccentric."
Nodding I sunk into the couch next to her, checking my phone. Bypassing Mom's text asking when I would be home I read a message from Tommo, asking how my exam on Friday went. It's while I was struggling to come up with a reply that Iris ended the call, turning to face me. I pocket my phone and turned to give her my full attention.
"I have to admit I never thought I'd have you, Beau Minders, sat on my couch," Iris said, shy and nervously running a hand along the side of her phone's case.
"How'd you mean?" I asked, confused, and Iris rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Beau," She chided, looking at me with big hazel eyes that crinkled at the edges as she smiled. "You're kind of untouchable at school. People still talk about Thomas, how great a QB he was, and a lot of people look up to you. I mean, you're his brother, how could they not. Plus, you never talk to anyone but the guys on the baseball team and Theodore, even though I know at least ten other girls who would love nothing more than to talk to you. I was surprised you even talked to me in English since you were always so quiet in every other class we shared."
"You make me sound like such an asshole," I laughed, but it was a little strained. I still hated when people reminded me of Thomas, of how I still living in his shadow in a way April never had to.
"No! That's not at all what I meant," Iris groaned, pressing a palm to her forehead in embarrassment. "I just meant, I'm really glad you came over today, and that you made English fun. That's all."
I nodded, moving to speak when the front doorbell went off.
"Perfect timing," Iris said, trying to smooth her features into a less embarrassed expression. "We can eat outside if you want, the weather's been good today."
"Sure, I'll wait there for you," I said, struggling to my feet against the plushness of her sofa. Iris offered me a hand, quickly retracting it when the bell went off again.
"I'll be back."
Malcolm was reclined in a chair when I made it outside, face covered by his t-shirt and chest developing a deep tan. I shaded my own eyes as I walked over to the table, feeling sweat start to build up at the back of my neck.
"You two finally decide to join the world of the living?" He asked through a mouthful of fabric, making no move to take the shirt off his face.
I scraped a chair free across from him, half shadowed by the table umbrella. "Something like that."
"You should know I don't take kindly to guys alone with my sister in her room," Malcolm remarked, slowly peeling the shirt down in a way that made the skin on my back crawl. "But you seem harmless."
"Thank you?" I said, confused but not wanting to push it as Malcolm flung his shirt onto an empty chair, pulling a soda can out of thin air and cracking it open. I checked behind me to see if Iris was anywhere to be seen, met with an empty room and no sign of her.
"I'm not going to give you the shovel talk if that's what you're scared of," Malcolm said, rolling the can across his forehead and blinking up under it at me with squinted hazel eyes a lighter shade than his sisters.
"I wasn't going to do anything warranting a shovel talk," I promised, startling when my phone buzzed in my pocket, making Malcolm laugh.
"Jesus, you're so easy to scare man," He cackled, slapping a hand down on the table's surface before relaxing more into his seat. "I know my sister isn't stupid enough to bring home a boy she's interested in while I'm here... though she does get a little tongue-tied when mentioning you, which makes me wary of you, Beau Minders."
"I never realized how threatening it sounds, hearing your full name." I swallowed and Malcolm laughed again, eyes darting behind me as a wide grin peeled onto his face.
"Thank god, I was starting to think you ran off with the pizza man or something, Izzy," He called as Iris shifted into view, placing the boxes onto the table and handing out plates.
"Shut up, Malcolm," She flushed, glancing at me. "Lemonade okay? Or do you prefer water?"
"Lemonades great," I nodded, watching as Malcolm flipped the boxes lids open so three glistening pizzas were shining back at us.
"Plans for college?" Malcolm asked, seemingly out of nowhere as he tugged a couple slices from each onto his plate. I stared at his lithe body and wondered where the hell he was going to store all that food. Malcolm smirked back, taking a giant bite out of a slice, as if knowing my exact thoughts.
"Applied for a few places," I said, vaguely and Malcolm caught this, arching a brow.
"Studying what?"
I paused, wringing my hands as Iris returned with a wide smile, placing a giant glass in front of me.
"Engineering. Dad's the one pushing for it, but I surprisingly have grades high enough to qualify so..." I trailed off and Iris rolled her eyes, taking a seat beside me as she reached over for a slice.
"Beau is being modest. Everyone knows he's top of the class for physics," She fussed, glaring at Malcolm when he jerked the pizza box she was reaching for away. "Stop it."
"How do you know that?" I asked, furrowing my brow as Malcolm relented his teasing. While it wasn't untrue it wasn't something I liked to think about. God knew I was getting through calculus on pure luck thanks to my newfound dedication in actually using my study period for its intended purpose this semester. Plus, physics class was filled with slackers, so getting the best grade in it wasn't all that hard.
"Evan Grant is always complaining about you doing better than him," Iris laughed, nudging me with her elbow as she gestured to my empty plate. "Eat something, Beau."
"Or is Boy Wonder too good to eat among us mentally inferior peasants?" Malcolm chimed in, grinning through a mouthful of dough.
"Ew, Malcolm, gross," Iris scolded, throwing a napkin at her brother. "Ignore him. He's just jaded since he has no friends back home."
"It's cool," I waved her off and Malcolm's smug expression dimmed.
"But anyway, engineering. You've never mentioned it before, though, then again, you never really talk about college," Iris said and it was true. In the limited amount of time we spoke, college wasn't a topic either of us dwelled on, though I knew Iris wanted to go into journalism like her mother.
"Well, I mean it's not like a dying passion of mine," I said, drumming a hand on my leg nervously at the undivided attention thrown my way. "But I think I might like it. If I get in that is."
"I'm sure you will," Iris smiled and I nodded back, noting the somber feeling that broke out across the table.
"I just wished all that boy wonder power transferred over to biology though," I joked, and Malcolm chuckled, pulling free a slice of pizza. "That class has been killing me and I have the exam on Wednesday."
"You'll be fine. Spencer told me you've been studying together for it," Iris said and I snapped my head her way, surprised. Obviously, this caught Malcolm's attention, who grinned like a predator and sat up.
"Your Art friend?" He asked, eyes on me and I forced myself to take a bite out of my slice of pepperoni as Iris nodded.
"He talks about you all the time, honestly," Iris laughed, pushing her hair out of her face. "It's nice you've been such a good friend to him. Spencer was really nervous when he first moved out here, could barely get a word out of him the first week."
"He's a good guy," I nodded after a large gulp of lemonade.
"Shame about him and Gillian though," Iris frowned before her eyes widen. "Sorry! I wasn't supposed to say anything."
"I already knew, he told me all about it a few days ago," I chuckled. "Breathe."
Iris' brows pursed together, a small pout falling on her lips. "He told you everything? That's surprising."
"Why?" I asked.
Iris obviously missed my oblivious expression, busy fussing with a stubborn slice that wouldn't pull free, blurting out "Well, you know he broke up with her because he had fallen for another guy. And he literally made me promise not to tell anyone, especially not you. I mean, I thought it was a little weird, since you seem to be, like, his best friend since you're the literally the only other person he seems to hang out with and–"
"Iris," Malcolm spoke up, "Stop talking."
Darting her eyes from the pizza, Iris sent her brother a confused look. "What, why?"
"Because, you seem to be overestimating just how much Beau knows about the context of the break-up," Malcolm gritted out and something about his expression had alerting Iris' attention back to me. I knew I was gaping at her, pizza forgotten as I turned the words over and over in my head.
Oh.
My.
Fucking.
God.
"Oh my god, Beau! Sorry! When you said he told you everything I thought you knew about... Shit, Spencer is going to kill me," She all but squeaked, dropping her plate onto the table in order to grip her cheeks as they glowed violet.
"I'll be inside," Malcolm muttered, though a faint smile lingered on his face as he picked up his pizza box and soda, disappearing into the living room.
"Can you pretend you didn't hear anything I just said," Iris murmured from behind her hands and I shook my head limply, her words rolling my mind.
Fallen for another guy.
Spencer dumped Gillian for–
"Did he say who?" I asked her.
Iris glanced up from behind her spread fingers and shook her head.
"'No' as in he didn't tell you, or as in you can't tell me who it is?" I asked her.
"He didn't tell me."
"Did he say anything about who it was?"
"No, just that he thought liked them for a long time and was only now realizing just how much," She said, biting her lip. "Honestly he seemed pretty torn up about it, but sure. He said he couldn't stay with Gillian, he liked this guy too much. It was all very sweet and I felt really bad for him, especially when he said he couldn't tell you about it." Her tone grew harder at the end and I swallowed.
"I need to go," I said, standing, and Iris drew herself to her feet.
"The guy's hurt, Beau, and I really think he could use his friends," she said, serious. "But if you don't think you can handle this information in a way that's helpful or kind then I think you should leave him alone."
"What? Iris–" I said, stopping when I caught onto what she was implying. "Whatever you're thinking right now is probably completely wrong."
"Really? Because the way you reacted to this and the fact Spencer was scared to tell you tells me everything I think I need to know."
I stuttered for a second, still trying to work things out for myself. Trying to figure out the right way to word things to Iris without everything crashing down on me. I closed my eyes, taking in a quick breath that Iris matched if the quivering hum she let out meant anything. My mind shifted back to the night with Tommo, when I came out to him, and how good it had felt, finally talking to someone about it. I thought back to what he said about Spencer and me.
He also brings you up a lot, don't worry.
"I like Spencer."
There.
I had said it. I had told Iris. And judging by the squint in her brows, she didn't fully get what I meant. I shifted from side to side, waiting for her moment of clarity, but it wasn't coming.
"I mean, I like Spencer," I repeated and she nodded.
"And?"
"Jesus, Iris," I groaned, running a hand down my face. Letting out a sigh I caught her eyes, forcing myself to maintain eye contact as I gritted out the two words I was still getting used to saying out loud. "I'm gay."
Her lips broke into a small o-shape, eyes widening as her cheeks took their on-brand shade of red.
"Oh, well, that explains... That explains quite a lot, huh. Okay, yeah... Okay then," She babbled, nodding to herself as a small smile broke across her lips. "See, I thought you were, especially after you borrowed that pen from me. I was so sure you were going to ask me out but you didn't, so I thought– but then we have this weird... flirting? Can I call it flirting? I don't know. But Fleur said you didn't make a move on her at her party. And then Grace..."
"Iris, stop talking," I said, blushing myself as I was reminded again of how obvious I was. Jesus, Tommo wasn't lying when he said girls liked me.
"Does Spencer know you're gay?"
I went to say no but then paused. I never outright told him but as Tommo said, there was always an energy between. A live wire we both knew never to touch or bring up, but always skirted a little too close to.
"I think he knows, or guesses," I told her, and Iris nodded, her eyes widening and I took a step back when she squealed.
"Oh my god," She said, clapping her hands and only stopping at my pained expression. "You think it's you, don't you? That Spence broke up with Gillian for you?"
"I mean, I don't want to get my hopes up, but, I think so," I said, barely audible with how my heart was beating in my throat.
"It makes so much sense now. I mean the way he talks about you and having to act with you in his cousins play bordered on excessive, but I let it slide because I liked talking about you too," Iris ranted, blushing, "Ignore that last part. Please, for my sanity."
"You know about the play?" I focused on, letting Iris save face and trying to ignore the stab of guilt at her words and for what could've been.
"Well, yeah, I even ran lines with Spencer a few times when we had the classroom to ourselves while everyone else went to spray-paint," She chuckled, tucking hair behind her ear. "I never went to see it though, he made me swear not to. Kinda wished I had."
"We had to kiss, in the play–"
"I know," Iris cut in with a now knowing smirk and I blushed this time.
"I think that's what made things... weird? I mean, we always had a tension between us since he was there when... when I was... Fuck," I gritted my teeth, pushing down my shame, and told myself that I could trust Iris with all this, that I already must've trusted her since I got this far. "He was there when I got arrested for what happened at Barkers' house, the fire. His Mom was the cop who arrested me, and it was all by chance we ended up doing the play together and becoming friends, and as much as I hate what lead to us meeting I'm sort of glad it all happened."
"You really like him, don't you?" Iris smiled dopily. It was a little wistful around the edges but warm nonetheless. And I nodded, wishing the burning sensation in my cheeks would die out already.
"I think you need to talk to him," She decided, nodding to herself as she pulled out her phone to check the time. I chuckled at her background, a candid shot of her tripping in the snow, arms scrambling to hold onto two other girls I vaguely recognized. "Actually, it's almost eight. Probably not the best time for a home visit."
I shook my head. "He's not home, probably at work. You're right, I should talk to him before my nerve leaves me and I chicken out."
"Sucks this all has to happen right when life wants to pull us all apart from each other," Iris mumbled through a sigh and I offered her a sad smile.
"You gotta promise to annoy me even if we end up studying across the country from each other," I said.
"Friendship's a two-way street, Beau."
And there it was. Another reminder from someone in my life about actually reaching out for once. I winced internally at just how much I sucked at talking to the people around.
You know you can say hi in the halls to me right?
"I know," I promised her, and, on a whim, I opened my arms and pulled her into a tight hug.
"I'm so happy I finally got to know you, Iris Malt," I whispered, only relaxing when her arms wrapped around my shoulders and squeezed.
"You call me, later tonight, tomorrow, I don't care when. Just call me, okay?" She made me swear, only letting go when I agreed.
"I'll call."
Iris idled in the doorway as I walked off, my feet taking on a mind of their own and moving twice as fast as usual. I stopped by the house long enough to pull loose April's old bike from the garage. Covered in rust and neon stickers I ran a hand along the chains to make sure they weren't going to combust at any moment, willing to ignore the 'sassy lassy' stickers on the handlebars if it meant not eating the pavement five seconds into cycling. Sneaking inside to swipe my helmet took a couple tries as Mom flitted in and out of the kitchen, brewing tea that she seemed insistent Dad had to drink. I frowned at that, not sure when was the last time I'd seen my Dad drink anything other than black coffee or tap water.
Wrestling the helmet onto my head I mumbled a prayer that Spencer was in fact still working, that the bike won't break down, and that I wasn't about to make the biggest mistake of my life.