I laid in bed, staring out of the window. I feel utter shit. MDMA has been out of my system for a week now, why am I still feeling like this?
'Hello Quinn. How are you feeling today?' Nurse Demi asked as she knocked on the door.
'Crap' I replied. She walked and sat on the chair next to me. 'Couldn't be any better' I sarcastically spoke.
'Someone's very sarcastic today' She chuckled.
'Sorry' I sighed.
'Don't be, it's fine. I came in here to talk' She smiled at me reassuringly. 'We've obviously kept you in here for one week and you've been observed. You have depression, but I think you already knew that. So, I've arranged for you to see the hospital counsellor in about 10 minutes. Is that okay?' She asked.
'E-erm. Is that really necessary?' I asked. I felt quite shocked to hear that, I wasn't ready to hear that I have depression. Confirmed by a nurse who's medically experienced. Makes it all real.
'I think it'll help you a lot. You don't share your feelings with the people you love, do you?' She asked. I sighed and shook my head in response.
'Only because I don't want them to worry' I replied.
'Exactly. And they won't worry when they know you're getting help' She reassuringly smiled at me.
'O-okay I-i will do it' I said nervously. 'Can I have someone with me though?' I asked.
'Yeah if you feel better having someone you know with you. If you trust them enough to know your situation' She smiled. I quickly grabbed my phone to call Brad. I wasn't sure if he'll be here yet as it's 9am.
'Hey' He answered the phone, sounding like he just woke up.
'Hey, sorry if I woke you up' I chuckled. I miss his voice so much.
'No you didn't' He said.
'Liar' I laughed. 'Are you home?' I asked.
'Yeah. Do you need me to come over?' He asked.
'Yeah if you don't mind. I have a counselling session in 15 minutes and I'd really like it if you're here with me' I said. Therapy is a big thing for me and I want my boyfriend to be here with me. I want him to proud of me, that I'm accepting help. I don't want to shut him out any further because I'm scared that I will lose him if I do.
'Sure baby. I'm already on my way. See you in 5. I love you' I could hear how happy he was in his voice.
'I love you too' I smiled before hanging up.
//
'Quinn Jones. I'm Darren Edwards, nice to meet you' The counsellor said, shaking my hand politely. He then shook Brad's hand.
'This is my boyfriend Bradley, I asked him to be here with me' I smiled, holding Brad's hand as we sit down.
'So... Demi explained why you're here?' He questioned. I nodded my head in response. 'How did you feel about that?' He asked.
'I was quite shocked. I always knew there's something wrong with me but I never expected for her to say depression. My mum had that and it made me feel closer to her in some way' I spoke. I looked at Brad for reassurance and he smiled at me. He's never heard me talk about my mum before. I don't talk about Mum.
'Is your mum here?' He asked.
'N-no' I stuttered. Brad squeezed my hand. 'She died when I was 15. She tripped down the stairs. She was an alcoholic' I replied. I took a deep breath and processed the fact that I actually said it out loud for the first time in years.
'Sorry to hear that' Darren looked at me sympathetically. I didn't say anything.
'So, what's been happening before the MDMA incident? Like any panic attacks or?' He asked.
'No panic attacks. But I've been having a lot of breakdowns recently. Just been crying all the time and feeling like I have no purpose in life' I explained. I knew that this hurt Brad so much because he doesn't like hearing me talk so low of myself.
'But your family, your friends and your boyfriend have been supporting you through this, no?' He questioned.
'Yeah, they have been all the way. Especially my boyfriend. He's been my rock. Even though I've been a big pain in the ass this week' I chuckled.
'You're my big pain in the bum' Brad laughed.