Snape was in the drawing room, aimlessly leafing through a book; the whole day he had tried to keep himself busy so as to not think about what kinds of trouble Hermione might be facing out there. He was beginning to worry, when he heard a slothful knock at the door. He almost flew across the room to answer it, but as soon as he opened the door, he saw Hermione's slacked shape in the dark and knew something was wrong. Her hands loosened their hold on the object she was carrying and the furry creature bounded past Snape; Crookshanks was happy to be home once again.
Snape quickly looked to her when he heard her sniffle and when she raised her chin, he saw her face was tear-streaked, upon one cheek there was a terrible bruise and her lip was cut and bleeding. It took him an instant to realize what had taken place and his blood boiled in sudden acrimony.
"I'll kill him!"
"Sev, no-"
"That bloody- swine!" He tried to rush past her in his rage, "How dare he?!"
"Severus please!" She caught the hem of his coat and clutched at him to make him stop. "Please...Don't go! I can't- I can't...I swear I'm gonna die..." Sobbing she sank to her knees, completely broken down. He saw the miserable state that she was in and decided to put his outrage on hold. He bundled up a crying Hermione in his arms and went straight to the bedroom.
He set her down on the bed and fetched some potions to apply on her. Her hysterical cries had stopped and the swelling and redness had been brought down considerably; he looked at her face afflicted, as he dabbed at her tender lip. She looked deplorable, silent tears still leaking out of her.
"It's my fault...it's all my fault..." she whispered under her breath.
"Don't do that, Hermione." he said with emphasis, "He had no right to hurt you-"
"I hurt him." she said, "I was way out of line. How could I say those things to him after- after what I did?"
He was still stewing the affront inside him but he could see that she was overcome with guilt and regret and he knew he had to take care of her at the moment, lest she collapsed. "Still, he shouldn't have hit you..." he grumbled.
"I deserve this..." she sulked.
"Hey, stop it. Okay?" he cupped her face and looked into her eyes, "Stop this. You didn't deserve any of that. You did the right thing by telling him and it got too much for him to handle. I wished it would've gone better but I understand if he chooses to hold a grudge against you. But that does not make his own actions right. If he can't cherish a woman it's his loss..."
She gazed up at his face and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. He wiped them away and pulled her along with him to lay down on the bed. She hid her face in his chest and sobbed while he hugged her close and rocked her gently, shushing her cries.
"I didn't want to end things like this." she muttered, "I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I wish...I wish things could've been different..."
You know it's toxic when all they ever do is hurt you and all you ever do is forgive them, because you are helpless- this pain was better than losing them altogether. But Ron had accused Snape of being emotionless when he had been aloof to her while she had confined herself to demands, complaints and negligence, hoping that he'd realize that she too deserved to be loved, cared and valued. That she won't be taken for granted. She knew it was toxic but she didn't want to cut him out completely.
"He begged me...he begged me to stay." her voice broke into a hoarse rasp.
"I am...sorry." he whispered to her, having a hard time listening to her crying. It pained him greatly that she was hurting so bad and that he was partly, if not fully, responsible for it.
"He loves me..."
Snape stayed quiet; he was upset to hear it even though he knew it was obvious. He clenched his jaw and looked at her small form, wishing he could make her pain go away. "Anyone would be a fool not to." he muttered and let his thumb caress her wet face as tears soaked her pillow and his hand. She let her tears fall as she gazed at the man who was so concerned for her.
His gaze met her own. "You love him too, don't you?"
Hermione sniffled and bowed her head, afraid of what would come out of her mouth in this state. Would he become angry and yell at her too if he came to know the truth even if it wasn't what he thought? Her voice was dry and it cracked as she replied, "Yes."
He breathed in deeply and nodded, remaining silent. He did not shy away or pull back from her. He stayed with her even then. She knew he couldn't have been pleased to hear her response but she was shocked that he didn't react brashly. Rather, he was sad. Something he had said to her that morning was ringing through her head...
Just know that at the end of the day, you'll always have someone who loves you, no matter what you choose...
His love for her was stronger than his hatred for others. Even though he had heard her honest answer, he remained with her because he loved her. Hermione's lip quivered with new tears threatening to fall. "I love you more." she said, earnestness oozing out of her as she pulled him closer to her and squeezed his hand over her beating heart.
"I know." he said sadly and slowly, almost choking.
Hermione could see it tearing him apart inside but she needed him to know, "He wanted a big family and kids and a home in the country. He thought we would be blissfully happy, like his parents are..."
"A reasonable dream." he said curtly, broken. Why was she telling him this, when he probably could never give her all that?
She had never seen him so crushed. She took his hand and said, "I thought, Ron's dream would become my own, until you came and showed me another world entirely." A ghost of a smile played across her face. "You have bewitched my mind and ensnared my senses...and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone but you."
He was touched by her stating out the reasons for her absolute commitment to him and his throat closed up with his emotions; for the time being he could do nothing but brush his fingers through her hair and rub her arms comfortingly as she continued, "But I know what I did to him- them- was wrong. After all that they've done...I wish things weren't like that. I'm not saying I regret anything...I just wish we could be like how we were before. I wish he and I could remain as friends..."
He kept silent and listened, unable to stop her from blaming herself. The last thing he heard her mumble, before she drifted off into a tired slumber, was, "He's going to hate me...they're all gonna hate me forever."
***************************
Long after Hermione had stopped heaving and had been drained enough to succumb to sleep, Snape remained awake. He still had his arm around her but he was staring up at the ceiling and thinking things over. Whenever he felt her body tremble, he ran soothing circles on her skin to calm her.
It was early in the morning, when Hermione wasn't fully awake, that she felt Snape shift beside her in bed and then carefully extract himself from her, but her senses did not function properly as yet nor did her tired limbs muster up the energy to draw him back to herself. She couldn't tell correctly, but after a while, she felt someone sit beside her in bed. She got a whiff of freshly applied cologne and thus could tell it was him; she felt him brush a strand of hair out of her face as he bent down to kiss her head. "I love you." she heard him say, but her eyelids were too heavy to open still.
She didn't know how much later, she rolled over and found his side empty. She was curious at first as to where he could be, but then she recalled the happenings of that morning. And she remembered last night and how aggravated Snape was about Ron. With a sudden sense of terror, she remembered he had threatened to kill him, and she leapt out of bed. He had beat up Mundungus in fury and she knew he couldn't be trusted in his rage. He had gone somewhere and she dreaded that he had gotten himself in trouble again- she couldn't let him risk himself again and she wondered what would happen, if indeed he had gone to confront Ron.
She hastily changed into some clothes and apparated straight to The Burrow, running in to find the Weasley family bearing grave expressions, sitting across the parlour. She feared the worst but if something bad had taken place, they would have been more distressed; their countenance wasn't what she had expected, although still troubled. They seemed surprised to find her there.
"Did- did-" she stammered, realizing suddenly that she couldn't even begin to explain herself to them. However, Molly was as welcoming as ever. "Hermione...come."
Arthur came forward too, "We were...uh, quite startled, when Severus paid us a visit this morning."
"He..." She was anxious about their encounter and suddenly felt alarmed when she couldn't see Ron anywhere. "Where are they?"
"Snape asked to speak with him privately." George offered.
"Quite courteously, I might add," Arthur quipped, "After he finished talking to us."
Hermione was amazed at this, but she quickly searched their faces to know what he had said and what they felt about it. Molly exchanged a glance with her husband and turned to her, saying, "He explained everything to us."
"He- he did? I'm- so sorry...Molly, I-" Hermione bent her head in shame. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"Of course, sweetheart." Molly encouraged, "It's okay, petal. You don't have to be ashamed of anything. Ron had already told us about last night and Severus gave us some perspective. So what, that you two couldn't work things out? You know we still love you as our own."
She couldn't believe how accommodating and generous and empathetic they still were towards her. "Really...?"
"Undoubtedly!" Molly came forward and took her hands into her own warm ones. "Didn't I always tell you that you are like a daughter to me? And you always will be. A mother always wants to see her children happy. So I have to make sure that you are happy too. And as much as I wish he was, from what I can tell, Ronald isn't the one fit for the job." She tucked the hair behind Hermione's ear and gave her a genuine smile, "I'm glad you chose to follow your heart and I hope you have found what you've been searching for so long. For I can see, that the yearning in your eyes has finally been appeased."
Tears welled up in her eyes and Hermione hugged her, overwhelmed by their compassion and generosity. Suddenly Ron appeared from the next room and they both looked at each other; after what had transpired between them last night, they could barely look each other in the eye. But Hermione approached him first and he was quick to extend a hand of amity as well.
"I...I guess I should say sorry." She was surprised that there wasn't a trace of spite in his voice, that was there last night.
"I'm sorry too, Ron. I truly am."
"And apologize to her for what you did, Ronald." Arthur said seriously, "You were raised in a household which taught you never to raise a hand on a woman. You'd do well to remember it."
"I'm really sorry, Hermione." he said in all earnestness, "I never should've done that...I don't know what I was thinking...I regret it more than anything."
"I shouldn't have said the things that I did either." she said, "I'd understand if- if you hate me...if you want nothing to do with me."
"I don't hate you." he said, "I tried to. I wanted to...but I couldn't." Shoving his hands deep into his pockets he hooded his eyes and watched her closely, uncertainly asking, "Do you still love me...at all?"
With great difficulty, she made herself look up at him, "Yes...but not in the way-"
"I know." he stopped her before she completed the sentence that was still too painful for him to hear. "I saw the way he talked about you. Snape. I've seen the way you look at him. It's the way everyone wants their lover to look at them. Which sadly, I never got from you."
Her lip quivered in sorrow- she never wanted to be the cause for his disappointment. "I couldn't keep up this pretense when I knew I didn't share the same feelings as you. You are my friend and I swear I never wanted to hurt you."
Now, he nodded, "I understand. And I want you to know that I love you too. I love you enough to let you go. As much as I loathe him...you deserve to be happy, and if he's the one that can fulfill that, then...I guess, I have no business getting in your way."
After everything that had happened, she didn't think that they could be friends, but with a surprising turn of events, everything was okay again. She was amazed at how immaculately he expressed himself- surely he had some help in arriving at such an epiphany? He answered her unasked question by saying, "He spoke to me. He made me see things from your perspective. I gotta be honest, my first instinct upon seeing him was to break his fuc- ahem, nose. But he was remarkably calm while talking to me, when I believed he had come here to pick a fight."
She listened, astonished that he was speaking about Snape like this. He continued, "I understand now...I was a fool not to see it before. Upon seeing you glow like you never did when we were together, I reckon things did fall into place. Although I'm sad that you couldn't find happiness with me, I'm still glad that you're happy now. I realize now that I was perhaps lost in my own naive world and wasn't mature enough to make it work with you. And perhaps what we truly need is to be apart- to become more of who we really are and less of whom we want each other to be."
That was a pretty mature thing for him to say; no doubt Snape had helped him with it but she believed the decision of his acceptance of everything was his own. She was positively affected, "Can't believe you're willing to forgive me..."
"Can't believe you used 'who' and 'whom' correctly in a sentence." George joked, suddenly making them aware that their entire conversation had taken place in front of his family.
Hermione snorted out a laugh and wiped her eyes. "Where is he?"
"He's through here..." Ron took her to the kitchen, on the other side of the door but it was empty. "He- he was just here!"
Hermione quickly scanned the meadows through the window and spied a little black figure in the distance. "He must've left through the back door-" She didn't let him finish as she knew there wasn't any time to waste and she went sprinting after him.
He hadn't disapparated yet, just strolling in the sun, but she thought she might be just short of catching him, so she used magic and appeared right before him in the blink of an eye.
"Where do you think you're going?!"
Snape hadn't expected an unkempt and slightly out of breath Hermione to suddenly materialize in front of him.
"You told them everything, you talked to Ron for me, you did all this for me, now where are you going?"
He stuttered, "I- I...well-"
"You're running, aren't you?" she asked him bluntly, "Why do you run away from life and every moment that can make you feel something?"
He was known to make the sacrifice play; he made everything in her life right again, was willing to be the saint for her even if it meant giving up his own happiness. He stared at her blankly, not giving away his fears, as he looked into her eyes that were already pinned on him. She spoke nothing but stood there with a face that demanded answers. He wasn't exactly running, but he was afraid of facing such questions- he had been afraid his entire life. But her glance was unfaltering- this time there was no escape. He was unsure about how to explain. What did he have to lose? Nothing except a fragile heart.
"I did not wish to impose myself on you...I mean, you do deserve someone better-"
"Oh for crying out loud! Are we back on this again?" She realized he might have felt guilty because she had been whining about things to be different last night but she hadn't meant it like this. He had confessed to the world of their love for each other, yet he left her to make her own decision about whether she wanted to immerse herself into the boundless sea of squalor or grab a life-vest to save herself.
"I'm a sad story- bear with me," he asserted, "I come with this baggage of unending, unknown sadness and I'd rather not burden you with it."
"But that's the point. I am willing to do it." she said, "I want to stay with you and I do want to bear with you. Now, the question is, do you want to bear with me?"
It wasn't a great analogy and as proposals go, it wasn't exactly the most ideal or romantic, but it was cute. And the honesty behind it made it all the more guileless and eloquent. He gazed at her fondly and then slowly his eyes turned soft, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "I do."
She beamed at him and grabbed him to pull him close as she smashed their mouths together. Their lips were conjoined in the most passionate way, their tongues coming together in warm and sweet touches, conveying their love.
"Sometimes you can be so- so-"
"Stupid?" he chuckled, before bringing his lips back on hers, "I know, love."
***************************
They had fallen in love and they knew that this love story stands in the long queue along with million others, waiting to be stamped with the big bold letters of the word "approved". What lies in the future was unknown to them and everything they shared right now remain trapped in the cage of uncertainty. Their love is the one which stands before the court now, having no witness for itself, being tried for the crime of existing.
What lies inside of them and between them is pure, like the heart of a child. What lies outside is however the dirt of the world.
The result of this struggle, therefore, can be soul shattering and this is not because they didn't believe in them, but they have little faith in what lies around them.
Once- some time in the future- while reorganizing their house together, Hermione had found this little notebook of his, which he used for writing stray thoughts and musings, and sometimes poetry when he felt like it. The last thing that Snape wrote in it, was~
I've fallen in love with you without knowing why- I've loved you like people love the stars and the disturbed love solitude. Loving you is a question and its answer is unknown. I know nothing of tomorrow, all I know is that I'll love you forever because forever is a reason good enough to know why.