I woke up slowly. There wasn't any light, other than the TV which was muted. A blanket covered me and a pillow was under my head. Where was I?
I got up off the couch and stretched. We must have been in one of the spare living rooms. Yeah, never thought I would ever be saying that. I looked around. The boys had left me alone, which was a bit new for them.
I found them in the kitchen.
"What do you mean it's gotta go in there for thirty minutes? It's frozen bread. Why does it take that long?" Lucas asked, looking between the box of frozen Texas Toast and Xavier, who was shrugging. Of course the boys were clueless when it came to cooking. They were lucky I loved them.
"Did you defrost it?" I asked, making Lucas jump. Gabriel, Ethan, Jaydon, and Kade were all sitting at the kitchen island, trying to make sense of cutting the fat out of steak. Oh, those poor boys. They were going to die come time to move out. Living off of take-out was where they were going to be.
"No. Were we supposed to?" Xavier asked, his brow lowering in adorable confusion. I sent him a small smile before making my way over to the marble island. I took the steak from Ethan and started cutting off the fatty parts.
"Yes. And you don't want to cut that much off. The more fat, the more juices that get melted off. And if you grill them perfectly then they taste like heaven." I said with a laugh. Lila entered the kitchen at the moment, making my smile fall.
I was still mad at her. Maybe because she was the one who refused to tell me. I didn't want to be angry anymore. It was exhausting. I washed my hands slowly, then looked at her. She was looking around awkwardly, like she didn't know what to do or say. The boys weren't being much help.
"Ariel..." Lila's already soft voice faded off. It was obvious she didn't know what to say. I almost pitied her. Then I realized she deserved this feeling. But I wasn't one to let someone drown in their own suffering.
"No more secrets." I said. A small smile broke her sad expression. She nodded enthusiastically, like a child.
"No more secrets." She repeated. I pinched my lips together. What she said was almost enough. Almost being the key word.
"I understand you lost a daughter already. But you can't decide what I do and don't know about my own life. It's my life; it's my decision. I get that you didn't tell me because you were afraid that you would lose me, you were afraid I would hate you for telling me. But you nearly lost me because you didn't tell me. I'm not Serenity, Lila, you're not gonna lose me." I told her, a pleading tone to my voice.
Tears were welled up in both of our eyes. The boys were shocked to silence by the fact that I knew about their sister and her untimely death.
Lila rushed over and pulled me into her arms. She squeezed me until I thought my head was going to pop off my shoulders and my eyes would pop out of my head. She let me go and wiped under her eyes, making me smile softly at her. She pecked my cheek and quickly walked from the kitchen.
She hated people seeing her cry.
I could understand that perfectly.
"You knew? About Serenity?" Ethan asked me, his voice a type of quiet I didn't enjoy hearing. Only then did it hit me that I was the biggest hypocrite ever. Here I was, preaching about honesty, and I didn't tell them I knew about their little sister.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Are you mad?" I asked softly. Ethan shook his head and wrapped his arms around me. I guessed that was why they were always so protective over me. They didn't want me to get hurt. If only they knew.
"No, of course not." Jaydon joined in on the hug. I smiled into Ethan's chest, his heart thumping steadily against my head. I could have sworn it was in tempo with my own. But that would be silly. Hearts weren't synced with each other.
Father entered the kitchen, his peaceful expression turning into a furious one. I was suddenly pulled out of my fantasy world where everything went perfectly and I had family that loved me. A fantasy world where everyday didn't hurt me. The boys turned away from me and looked at my father and Nathaniel and Zander, who had entered in behind father.
"I thought dinner would have been ready by now?" He asked, looking at the empty table with an angry sort of confusion I had seen too many times. Jaydon looked at me with a wild sort of panic. He wanted to tell the boys right then and there. They would try and protect Jaydon and I when father tried to kill us, getting them hurt in the process.
I couldn't let anyone else get hurt because of me.
I shook my head, telling Jaydon to keep his mouth shut. I could take the pain. Hell, I was used to the pain. The one thing I couldn't do was let someone else get hurt because of me.
"It's only five. What's the rush?" Nathaniel asked amicably. Father glared at him, causing the other boys to grow defensive. You don't mess with family. Not the Steel family, that is.
"I asked for it to be ready at five. Ariel?" Father glared at me pointedly. The boys all looked at me in bewilderment. They knew something was going on. They wanted to know what was happening. Lila walked in, probably wanting to hug and kiss up on my father.
I was too afraid that he would lash out on her to be disgusted.
"It's alright. I'll handle it. Go and do something you want. I know you're bored here." I said delicately. Jaydon shook his head, telling me he wasn't going to leave me here alone.
"Are you sure?" Xavier asked, looking at me right in the eyes. I couldn't lie when someone looked me in the eyes. I nodded, not trusting my voice in that moment.
"I'm sure you guys don't know how to cook. Go on. Before I get a steak knife and chase you out of here." I ordered with a grin. Xavier threw up his hands in surrender, then ran from the kitchen. Lila got a call and excused herself. The rest of the boys followed, tugging Jaydon behind them. Saying something about playing that new game that had eight different players and they could all play together, while not promising that they wouldn't kill each other.
I rolled my eyes. Boys.
I turned to face my enraged father and that slight sliver of peace I clutched so tightly to my chest turned to smoke and vanished. I breathed in deeply, prepared to feel the pain. Father's fist swung out and smashed into my stomach. The air flew out of my mouth in a huff. I gasped as I doubled over.
God, did he usually hit that hard?
I bent over, my arms wrapped around my middle. I was trying to stop the radiating pain coming from my abdomen. I forced myself to breathe through my nose and out of my mouth, trying to focus on anything but the pain.
Father's hand swung around again and sent me reeling into the counter, where I landed with a loud bang. Father's head whipped around, looking for anyone who could have possibly heard the crash. The boys were steady playing video games in the game room and Lila was on the phone with an important someone or another. I hadn't really paid attention when she had said who.
"Be quiet!" He hissed at me, like I had much control. I simply nodded and let him continue to take out his frustrations. This meant he wouldn't get mad at Lila and hit her. This meant he wouldn't get mad at the boys and hit them. I was willing to take the pain if it meant that those I loved were safe.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I whispered. I didn't know why I was sorry. I just was. It was an impulse to be sorry, seeing as how I was always screwing something up. He didn't let up, even when I fell the floor.
His foot kept on landing in my gut. I heard a couple of cracks, but nothing I was too concerned about. What I was really concerned with was how I was going to hide the black eye father had given me. Maybe bullies?
Isn't it funny how I suddenly found myself able to think clearly while everything else around me was being covered with pain?
I thought it was funny, at least.
What a way to pull me back to back to reality.