I was no fan of afternoon strolls to begin with but sneaking our way back to that meadow was the worst journey I'd ever taken. The fresh, clean air. The sunlight peeking through the clouds and bouncing off the raindrops.
Gross.
Not only was Pippa nervous about being outside after what happened this morning, but my feet were wobbly and limp as they tried to keep me from going through with this. The only thing keeping me from fainting was the fact that she was still holding my hand.
When we got close, the tall prince G'juni was across the clearing, engrossed in his book, just as he had been when I showed up here.
This time, he had a large umbrella over his chair to protect him from the rain. He was so stuck in the pages that he didn't notice our arrival. We hid behind a bush. I didn't want to let my time with her go just yet. I wanted to remember every last second with her before Jo arrived and I threw my heart down the sadness well.
"Wow. I haven't been here since I was first taken," she whispered. "But are you sure you don't want to go catch frogs? I think I'm feeling well enough to do it now. We could meet Jo later."
She squeezed my hand and looked at me hopefully. Going and catching frogs in a rainy swamp sounded like the best thing in the world. I wanted to do it so bad that my heart was a tornado in my chest.
I wanted a lot of things right now, I was noticing.
But if I took her to a swamp to catch frogs with me, I might never bring her back. This was the plan, and I had to go with it.
I had to. So she could have that son she talked about. So she could have everything she wanted. Everything I couldn't give her.
The image of her holding a fat baby and poking it was growing clearer and burning me alive, but I reminded myself that she had been kidnapped at the age of six and stuck alone in an angry witch cabin for years. She deserved giant buckets of happiness and love.
All the kisses and intimate touches she wanted.
She deserved to have someone like Jo who could give her fat babies or snap their fingers and summon an entire army of babies.
Baby battalion.
Babrigade.
With that inspiring thought, I swallowed back the stomach that was trying to escape out of my face and forced a wobbly smile-grimace. "No, I don't want to keep you from them. You've been waiting so long for this. Every princess wants her true love. It's in all the books."
Her lips wobbled. "Rory, I don't-"
Jo blinked into existence on the grass, flat on their stomach with their limbs spread out like a squished spider.
Somewhere deep inside me, that strange voice that desperately wanted to know about spider eyebrows perked up, but I stomped on it. This was already hard enough. I didn't need Pippa's last memory of our time together to be me wheezing to death. I started chewing on my puffball lip piercing again.
Jo was dressed in a different outfit now. Soft black sleeping pants, and a long-sleeved green shirt that said something about a zelda.
I automatically turned to Pippa, trying to ignore little-bearded-manly-Rory that was now screaming at me to rip off my shirt, pick her up, and run. She was looking at Jo with a crumpled brow and a small frown, tilting her head, and it squashed my heart.
That wasn't the way she looked at me.
She liked them already, I could feel it, and it felt like... pain. Like all my internal organs were getting tattoos at the same time. As they stubbed their toes. It was even more painful than getting my nipples pierced.
"What do you think?" I blubbered.
"I think they look very... comfortable," Pippa said after a few seconds, giving me a tiny smile. "They have nice clothes. And lovely hair."
"Is that good?" I asked. I couldn't even disguise what a nervous wreck I was. "You like clothes, right? You like them?"
She searched my face for a second before her expression turned grumpy and she looked back at the meadow.
"I don't know if I like them," she said curtly. "I don't know them yet."
Well, that didn't sound happy. Why wasn't she happy?
I squeezed her hand, feeling my eyes widening and my heart telling me to say something stupid. "Do you want to go-"
Muttering a string of words that I didn't recognize and probably weren't appropriate for anyone to hear, Jo popped their head up and removed our chance of escape. I probably should have walked over to them right then, but it didn't feel like there was anything more important than hiding in a bush with the girl of my dreams for a few more seconds.
"Hello! Welcome to Somnia!" G'juni stood up from his chair, put down his book, and started walking over.
The charming grin on his face disappeared when he helped them up and saw their totally green eyes. His jaw hit the ground.
"Thanks bro," Jo yawned, reaching up and putting one finger on his nose and saying 'boop'. They looked around the meadow, nodding their head. "Cool place. What are you reading?"
G'juni stared back, mouth gaping and dark skin flushing. "What kingdom are you from? What is boop?"
"I'm Jo. Whatcha reading?"
"It's this book about-"
Jo made a retching noise and snapped their fingers. "Read this one instead. That old-timey stuff is boring."
A book with a pirate on the cover appeared in G'juni's hand, making him impossibly more confused.
I felt very blank. Very empty. My time with Pippa was finally done.
This was weird, but she already knew I was an idiot, so I had nothing to lose. I lifted our hands and smooshed the back of her hand against my cheek before letting it go and feeling my whole body deflate like a squished mouse.
"Jo," I tried to call out confidently before the heartbreak set in. It mostly just sounded like I was crying. It was entirely possible that I actually was crying.
"Roro, my emo son!" Their face lit up when I stumbled out of the bush. "It's so good to see you. And to see the lady. Wink wink."
Did they just say the word wink instead of winking?
G'juni's face also brightened. "What the- we've been looking for you, Ki, where have you been? Are you all right?"
His jaw clenched when he saw Pippa step out of the bush too, still holding my hand. "Never mind. I should have known. Phillipa, have you hurt him at all? You were supposed to bring him back immediately!"
"I didn't do anything," she protested quietly. "He asked to stay with me. He didn't want to stay in town."
"Oh really? He doesn't seem happy, and knowing you-"
"Hey-" I started to say in a tiny croak, shifting nervously.
"Hey, don't be a dick," Jo said much louder. "Roro's just shy. And don't talk to Phillipa like that."
"No, you don't understand, when she was younger, she used to-"
Jo shut them down again. "I don't care what she used to do when she was a kid. I used to bite people. Like last year. We all have rough pasts. You can still be kind."
G'juni pulled his head back in surprise, but eventually nodded, giving Jo a look that managed to simultaneously be embarrassed by his own actions and impressed by them.
He then turned to Pippa. "That was rude. I shouldn't have been so quick to disbelieve you or speak of you like that. I apologize."
Pippa smiled in response. "Thank you. And thank you too, Jo."
I wanted to flatten into a puddle of mud. What kind of man was I? One who couldn't even tell people to stop being so terrible to my supposed true love?
When my plan worked, at least she would have a spouse that wasn't a limp weasel.
"Hmm," Jo hummed, casting their eyes over G'juni for a few seconds.
G'juni raised an eyebrow and eyed them right back.
Jo grinned, then elbowed me. "So, Roro, when do you want to give her the surprise?"
"What are you talking about?" Pippa asked them. "What's the surprise?"
Her voice was shredding me to bits. So bloody sweet. Then a little hamster of jealousy started nibbling on those tiny Rory bits, and four more hamsters of doubt gnawing at my stomach. I had never felt this much feeling before, and I didn't like it.
Don't look at them, Pippa. Look at me. But don't look at me because I can't love you like they can. But maybe if I tried to work on my muscles, then-
"You can just give it to her right now." I stopped that dangerous voice and shoved my hands into my too-tight pockets.
"All righty." Jo grinned and snapped their fingers.
I ducked my head when I heard the rustling of fabric and Pippa's gasp. G'juni stumbled backwards, arms flailing, but whatever he was saying was flying right past me. My body felt like it was trying to turn to rock.
Why did this have to hurt so much?
"Oh my gods!" she stuttered. "How did you do that? Where's my other dress?"
"Your dress is in my laundry machine, probs freaking out my roommates. It'll be back in your house when it's done," Jo answered, folding their arms.
"Rory, did you get this for me?" she said quietly. "Because of what I told you?"
I could feel her gaze poking softly into my lowered forehead. Don't look at it. Don't do that to yourself. If I saw her in that dress, the image would torture me for the rest of my life, because I was already sure she looked good enough to punch the air out of my wimpy lungs.
"They did it," I said quickly, staring at my squishy stomach. "Jo got it for you."
Jo stared at my lowered face, their green eyes widened. They were looking at me like I was insane, and they weren't wrong. "Well, yeah, I summoned the dress, but I only did it because-"
"It has pockets," I interrupted. My throat felt like it was full of snot and sadness. "For, um, all the things that you find when you go on walks. And flowers because you like flowers."
"Pockets?" The sensation made absolutely no sense, but I could hear her chipped-toothed smile lighting up the air. "You didn't have to do that!"
I shrugged. It seemed like the only thing I was capable of doing besides staring at the ground and feeling my cheeks burn.
She held out the skirt, and my guard must have been down, because the movement made my eyes pop up to her.
"Well, what do you think?"
I heard her question, but I wasn't thinking anymore.
Just looking.
It was a light pink, with small white blossoms covering it. It had sleeves, unlike her purple dress, meaning she wouldn't need my hooded jacket to stay warm anymore.
And the color, combined with the brown of her eyes and hair, the golden hue of her skin, and the purple on her arms, looked basically as perfect as color could be. Like a human sunset.
I really liked pink.
...I really liked her.
"Rory?" Her sweet voice poked my daze like a needle.
"Gah." I gasped and jumped.
"Do you like it?" The way she was looking at the dress had changed. She seemed sad. "Does it not look good?"
"That- pink," I sputtered. My entire body was roasting, filled with the fires of eternal shame and idiocy. "Dress. Yes."
Jo looked at me like I was an idiot before grinning at Pippa and slinging their arm around me. "I think what Rory means to say is that you're a total snack and that you look ravishing and that he's one lucky son-of-a-gun to be able to look at you."
"Yeah, radishing," I mumbled. "Really nice, dood."
Better than nice. What was the word for that? Brice?
She looked great, but I couldn't just let her know that. What would happen when she realized that I was a blubbering idiot that wanted to marry her after three days and who would probably never look at a sunset again without crying?
"I hate to interrupt, but I should really be taking you into town and introducing you," G'juni said. I think everyone's going to want to know what's happening. We've all been worried sick about Rory, and I've never seen two pop up in such a short amount of time."
"That's what she-" Jo started, but they cleared their throat to stop themselves. "Yeah, definitely we should. Let's hit the town."
"His name is Roran, G'juni," Pippa said flatly.
The corner of my mouth popped up in a silent thank-you. I didn't know how she remembered that I didn't like to be called Rory by strangers, but I appreciated it.
We walked down the road in awkward silence, me trailing behind and not taking my eyes away from the dirt.
"So," Jo interrupted the silence. "I just LOVE putting my arm around beautiful people that I traveled ALL THE WAY TO A DREAM WORLD TO TALK TO. Say, Rory, have you ever done this before? Would you like to do it right now?"
They were talking very weirdly. I shook my head without looking at them. If it made her happy, that was what mattered, but I didn't want to see them touching her. My chest already felt too tight and sore.
"Rory," they continued, emphasizing my name. "I really think you should try it someday. Like today. Right now, even. Are there any pretty girls you know? Anyone here that you like and haven't texted me about like you said you were going to?"
"I don't like using the fone," I said quietly.
I also didn't text because I was a selfish bunghole who didn't want to share any of Pippa's goodness with Jo before they got here, but I wasn't going to admit that to anyone in any world ever.
"Okay then," Jo sighed. "Why don't you tell me about yourself, princess? What do you like to do?"
Her voice was flat and calm. "I enjoy art. Sewing. I enjoy cooking and baking. I wish I could do more of it, but it's a bit difficult here."
"I wouldn't worry about that for too much longer. Now that I've showed up, I don't think you'll be sticking around forever," Jo said suggestively.
I tuned out the rest of that conversation, letting the sneezes of my heart drown out Jo's flirtatious words. I wanted to be anywhere but here. My heart was already on the floor sobbing, and I just wanted to go curl up in a bed and cry too.
The other voices started as soon as we stepped into the stupid colorful town.
"Oh gods, is that a fairy?"
"Wait, the Ki was with the crazy one?"
"Did she hurt him? Do you see any bruises?"
Pippa squished against my side and I ground my teeth together at the way everybody was talking to her. How dare they call my lady crazy? What was wrong with these people?
Little-manly-bearded-Rory was trying to break out of my shy cage of lumpiness to defend her honor, but once again, Jo was the one who stood up for her. And this time, G'juni joined in.
When the apologies were issued, there were words flying around everywhere, but they all missed my ears. All I could pick out was Jo's confident tone and jokes.
Jo was distracted by all the attention. Everyone was laughing at what they had to say, and no eyes were on the lump of prince backing toward the alleyway. She didn't need me. Jo had everything under control.
It wasn't necessarily uncomfortable. This was how things always were when I had to go do prince things with Tory. I didn't mind staying back in the shadows, letting somebody else stand in the light. In fact, it was a bit of a relief to know that the happy horde's attentions were elsewhere and now I could finally get away from all of this.
I had only made it a few feet away before I heard a honey voice. "Where are you going?"
Piss in a bucket. I snapped my head back to see Pippa standing in the alleyway with me.
My stomach was an accordion of pain as I came up with an excuse. "I have to go... sh-shave my... chin."
That settled it. I needed to get my voice box removed.
She rubbed her upper arms. "Can I come with you?"
"To shave?" I said dumbly.
"Um. No." She bit her lip to hide a small smile at my idiocy. "Just to go with you."
That was both the thing I most wanted to hear and least wanted to hear. "No, don't worry about it. You should spend some time with your true love. I just need to go to the house."
"Rory, I'm not doing well. I don't feel comfortable here."
Her voice sounded shaky, and it oddly made my anxious quakes stop. She'd had a terrible morning, and here I was, abandoning her with the happy horde. The plan wasn't worth making her uncomfortable like that.
It was all meant to make her happy, but if she wasn't happy right now, then I could give it one more day before letting her go for good. It would hurt, but that would be okay. Better than her hurting.
I took a deep breath and held out my too-sweaty hand. "Do you want to go catch frogs?"
Jo and the crowd were so absorbed in each other's presence that they didn't even notice as she grinned, nodded, slipped her hand back into mine, and turned me to pudding.
Yeah, I could put the plan off for another day.
And as we walked to the swamp, picking up face-sticks and making use of the pockets in her dress, I finally let little-bearded-manly-Rory wade through the mental pudding, gawk at how lovely that smile was, and use my eyes to silently shout the words he'd wanted to say all morning.
You look beautiful.