i recommend reading this in dark mode:)
POV. MATTIA
i walked through the halls of my high school with alvaro. we were on our way to chemistry, my last class, and at the same time my least favorite class.
"and he was super clingy, ale isn't like that at all which is why i think it's gonna work out great." alvaro rambled on about his love life while i listened... partially... sorta... maybe i wasn't listening at all but it's ok, i hear the same rants about alejandro everyday from him. i was on my phone as i was walking and felt a backpack push into me causing me to drop my phone and stumble backwards a little bit. kairi. he was being taunted again by josh (no hate to josh lol). i pulled kairi back by his back pack, making him stop mid insult and look at me. i looked into his eyes. i missed him, a lot. not a day went by where i didn't miss his presence. his eyes went from the beautiful brown orbs that would mesmerize me everyday, to cold, lerking eyes that could see right through me, and wanted me gone. i told josh off, causing him and his friends to scurry away.
"are you ok?" i asked kairi, almost giving him a hug but deciding not to overstep any boundaries.
"i can stand up for my fucking self." kairi glared at me before walking past me, bumping into my side hard as he went. alvaro looked at me in shock.
"you really fucked him up mattia."
"it's not my fault he is so salty because i said we needed to take a damn break."
"you know, i never wanted to get into this with you but all the boys and i think you were in the wrong." alvaro told me as entered the classroom and sat down in our chairs.
"what the fuck. how?!"
"don't play dumb mattia. we all know why you wanted to take a break. including kairi, hence why he hates your guts." i sighed. i did fuck up, i knew it too. i would cry about it every damn night, but there was nothing i could to to fix it. i couldn't make kairi forget. i couldn't take it back. i told kairi we needed to take a break because i was mad. i knew that it would hurt him, and i didn't even have a reason. i was mad at kairi for making me fall for him. because of him i wasn't at home. i was kicked out of the house and living on my own, paying for everything by myself. at the time i blamed him. but nothing was his fault. he did nothing wrong, he just loved me when i couldn't love myself.
"can we not talk about this right now." i sighed shakily as all the memories came back, good and bad.
"don't make stupid ass comments about kairi like your weren't the problem then." alvaro said before getting out his homework and turning it in. i put my airpods in for the rest of the class and worked silently. i had no idea the boys felt this way about the whole situation. after school i walked home, no stopping to see the boys, or going to get food with them before parting ways. i knew that they would just tell me off if i tried to confront them about everything. when i got home i went straight to my room. i played some music through my alexa while doing my homework, i was doing anything i could to distract me from the fact that i lost my everything. his sweet smile, his small hands that fit perfectly in mine. they would never meet mine again, i was going to have to face it at some point. i was interrupted from my thoughts when i got a text from my little brother.
TEXT FROM: LUCA
hi mattia, mom and dad
aren't gonna be home
for a few hours, can i
see you? i miss you.
i sighed, i missed luca as well. i really didn't expect to be kicked out of my house for my sexuality. i haven't talked to my parents in three months, it's hard. i texted him back, letting him know that i was on my way. i grabbed my keys and slipped on my shoes before walking out the door. i got in my car and drove to my parents house, parking around the corner just in case. i texted luca to tell him to come out. i was trying to find a good song when i heard a little tap on my window. there he was, my little brother, his smile was beaming from ear to ear. i got out of the car to give him a hug.
"i-i missed you so much." luca muttered out before starting to cry.
"aww i missed you too man, don't cry... i-it's alright. i'm gonna try to see you more often okay?" i promised. luca nodded his head before wiping his tears and getting in my car. "where do you wanna go bud?"
"i'm kinda hungry, can we go to that one restaurant we would always go to on saturday's?" luca asked me, excitement lacing his voice.
"of course we can" i smiled at him. the rest of the ride we talked about life, how he's doing at home, i was really trying to just catch up on all that i had missed from my brothers life. we pulled up at the restaurant and walked in, we got seated and i listened while luca talked my ear off. i couldn't help but be happy, this was the first time i had got to see him since i was kicked out, you never know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
"so she came up to me, and kissed my cheek mattia!! do you understand how crazy that is?????!!!" luca exclaimed, almost shouting in excitement. i couldn't help but laugh. i looked over across the room to see all my friends in a booth together, plus kairi. we locked eyes and his glare burned straight through my soul. i looked down at my hands before redoing attention to luca, however, it was too late. he looked back to see all my friends and waved to them. the waitress came over to us holding clean plates, since this restaurant was a buffet.
"ready to go get food?" i asked luca, trying not to bring light to the fact that i am extremely hated by a person at that table.
"yep! but you have to go fix that." he said while pointing to my friends. i looked at him with a questioning look. "now. while you do that i'm gonna go get some food." i looked at him once more, trying to see if he was serious or not. "bye bye mattia, don't come back until that doesn't feel as awkward." he smiled at me before getting up and going to the buffet. i sighed before getting up and walking over to my friends table.
"hey guys" i smiled at them, dapping them up, well all of them but kairi.
"hey where were you after school?" alvaro asked me.
"i had to get luca." i pointed to my little brother who was over by the deserts, of course. "u-um kairi can i t-talk to you?" i asked him, he looked up at me when i said his name.
"fuck you bitch."
everybody at the tables eyes widened.
"kairi chill, he just wants to talk." alejandro stated, calming the table down in a sense. kairi rolled his eyes before jabbing roshaun in the side, wanting him to let him out of the booth. kairi walked in front of me towards the door of the restaurant so that we could talk outside.
"kai i-"
"it's kairi." he coldly interrupted me.
"kairi i get you are hurt. i am so so sorry. i feel so empty without you and knowing that i am the one that hurt you hurts me even more. i'm not begging you to take me back... but what would it take for us to be cool again?" i watched as tears welled up in his eyes
"do you understand all the fucking hurt you put me through? all you ever did when i wanted nothing but to help you was make me feel like complete shit. you ruined me mattia, i can't trust anybody with my heart because of you, y-you made me the bad guy when we were both going through it. why don't you understand?! i-i hate you i hate you i HATE you!" tears where now streaming down his face as he pounded his tiny little fists against my chest. i gently held his wrists and pulled him into a hug. he relaxed, although he was still sobbing, his head pressed against my chest.
"shh shh shh. i'm so sorry kai. i never meant to do this to you. i didn't realize how selfish i was being. you have every right to hate me baby. but i will never stop loving you."
"i may be hugging you right now but you sound manipulative as shit right now." kairi mumbles causing both of us to chuckle. he sniffled as i pulled away from the hug and wiped the tear from off his cheek.
"i know that i fucked up. i'm not going to ask for your forgiveness so soon, i just needed you to know that i regret doing anything that made me lose you." kairi smiled slightly.
"i look like a little bitch right now." kairi replied, wiping the tears from his eyes. i chuckled at him once more before pulling him into another hug. we stayed hugging, my hand rubbing up an down his back as we slightly swayed back and forth.
"your profanity is-"
"yea shut up i cuss a lot when i'm mad" kai giggled.
"ready to go back inside?"
"yea." kai replied before leading me back inside. when we got back inside he sat back down with the boys and i sat down across from luca, who had already gotten both him and i food.
"all good??" he asked before holding up his thumb. my phone dinged. kairi cosentino has unblocked you .
"y-yea" a smile crept on my face, "all good."
word count~1745