Later in the day, after I had already been on the bed for a while, save for the one bathroom break, Nakoa hobbled into my room, her smile bright, any pain she felt undetectable. "I missed you," she exasperated, throwing her arms around me and collapsing on my lap.
"I missed you too," I replied, running my fingers through her short black hair, the locks smooth against my dry hands. "That feels so nice, don't ever stop." Nakoa cuddled farther into my lap, bringing her knees in, practically curling into a ball. With a chuckle, I asked "what took you so long? I've been lonely."
"I was waiting for the painkillers to kick in, moving was too much of a hassle." She breathed out a tired sigh, clutching one hand over my calf. "You saw how Lucas had to carry me down." Having had the same experience with Chandler, I knew it wasn't pleasant, depending on them. "Is he being gentle?" Despite not being able to actually do anything, it still mattered to me how Nakoa was treated by Lucas, especially after he hurt her so severely.
"He's usually relatively gentle with me, just not when he's upset." Still combing her hair softly, I couldn't help but feel the connection between her and Avery; they were so similar. "How about we compare notes now? Looking up, she gave me a small smile, holding a thumbs up.
"Does Lucas get upset often?" Although our situations were extremely similar, there are aspects that would make living with these men different. "He's more passive-aggressive, honestly. I'll think he's okay, but after a bit, he'll just explode, and all hell breaks loose." Her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke, recollecting past memories.
"I don't know if that's better or worse than Chandler. He gets upset all the time, even when I say something that seemed okay in my head, but he doesn't 'explode' unless I've done something to really anger him." Chandler is like a puzzle; slowly, I'm putting together the pieces, understanding him further in order to predict his reactions better.
"It seems like he's the type of person to show different sides with certain people, but maybe he's just different with you because he knows you don't have much of a choice except to do what he says." Turning to me, Nakoa dramatically rolled her eyes before pushing herself up to sit. All I could do was shrug at her, unsure how to respond. It didn't sound far from the truth.
Contemplatively, I focused on the world outside, feeling the desperate tug on my heart, aching with a need to be out there. Perhaps if I 'behaved' for long enough, Chandler would grant me that small freedom, just a few minutes in the sun would be acceptable. I could work it up from there, maybe convince him to walk with me. My thoughts were hopeful, but I didn't allow myself to hold on to something I knew wasn't likely. Ponder for a bit and then release the thought.
"Why did Chandler chain you to the bed?" As Nakoa asked, I looked to her, watching her gaze on the slim metal clasped around my ankle. "Because of last night," I mumbled, not wanting to relive the eventful evening. Beginning to pick at the skin around my short, bitten nails, I wasn't sure if I felt regret or relief towards my actions and the outcome. Maybe I actually struck something in Chandler that would make him want to be better, but I knew the possibility of him releasing me was very slim.
"Chandler came into our room yelling that you weren't breathing, and Lucas wouldn't let me go with him when he went to help, so I'm not entirely aware of what happened." One of her hands came over mine, lilac color polished immaculately over her almond-shaped nails. "I mean, I'm not stupid I can form a basic idea of what happened, but I figured you could tell me about it since Lucas doesn't tell me shit. Of course, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine too." Flustered, she rambled on, her eyes wide.
"Nakoa," I called while squeezing her hand, drawing her attention and cutting off her words. "It's okay, you can ask me whatever you want, I'll answer." With a small smile that didn't quite reach my eyes, I breathed in deeply. "Yes, I did try to kill myself, and since I'm talking to you right now, it clearly didn't work."
"What does cuffing you to bed fix?" She inquired with a quirk of her head, seemingly bemused, but saddened by my response. "Chandler doesn't trust that I won't try it again, so he's ensuring that I can't hurt myself if I wanted to."
"Oh, so you don't want to die still, that's a relief." My mind is currently a mess, I never know when it'll change, so perhaps it's a bit too early to get excited, even if I am serious about my new plan. "No, I don't."
For a short time, we met each other's stare, neither of us looking away. Her eyes progressively became more tear-filled before she burst into sobs and threw her arms around me. Pulling her against me, I held her shaking frame silently, allowing her to release every emotion she felt at that moment. Soothingly, I ran my hand along her back, unable to find words, as if they all disappeared.
"It's not fair, Jess, and I hate it. There's so much I wish I could do, but I'm scared. I just started college, there's so much I wanted to do and experience." Her delicate fingers gripped my sleeves, bunching the fabric while she hid her face on my shoulder. "And you're so unhappy here, it breaks my heart. I wish I could see you truly smile; I see how sad you always look, you don't have to pretend, I'm not expecting anything of you, I only want you to be yourself."
The stinging sensation hit me, prickling my eyes as tears formed. Anxiously, I grasped her tighter, afraid she'd be stolen from my arms. Her resemblance through her actions to my sister is to blame for my attachment growing so quickly, yet she was still so different. I cared tremendously for Nakoa.
"I don't want to leave you, but I know it's going to happen soon; in a few days. One week is all I get with the only person who understands, and I don't know when I'll see you again, hopefully in the outside world." Finally, she drew her head up, sniffling through tears. "I hope so too." Gently, I brushed her wet cheeks, flushed pink from blood-flow.
"I'm so scared, Jess, of what will happen to us. It's already so awful now, what'll happen in the future? I know it's only a matter of time before Lucas rapes me, and I'm scared. Chandler is so mean to you, he's always hurting you, it's his fault you feel this way. I wish it would all just stop."
I wish for that too.
"We'll be okay, Nakoa," I answered softly as she continued sobbing, pressing her face against me again. With one hand stroking her back and the other massaging her scalp, I laid my head against hers, breathing deeply as small tears streamed down my face.
Her lament made my heart ache; a true portrayal of her inner feelings. As bright and airy as she seemed, she had her demons as well, in the form of fears. She can't be denounced, because I felt it too; the trepidation.
Shifting my head, I caught a glance of the doorway, a suit-clad silhouette standing there, watching our intimate moment keenly. Meeting the cyan eyes of Lucas, I gave him a stern look, subtly shaking my head. Now wasn't the time for him to interrupt, Nakoa needed a break.
Seeming to understand my silent words, he looked between us once more before walking off. Satisfied, I gave Nakoa a gentle pat, slowly releasing my hold on her. "Hey, why don't you lay down with me and we find some series on Netflix to binge-watch together?"
---
Despite being chained to the bed, my day wasn't all bad thanks to Nakoa. We were both able to cheer each other up, spending the afternoon watching tv together. Time away from Lucas and Chandler with the company of one another was something we both desperately needed. Having no one around except for the men, being able to spend time with another person was beneficial for our sanity and overall well-being.
Now, I was alone. Lucas took Nakoa out of the room a bit ago, announcing that Chandler was on his way up to the apartment. I was grateful that he didn't bother us for a few hours, it surprised me since he seemed to have asshole tendencies.
Blowing out a puff of air, I laid back on the bed, turning to the window and clutching the cotton pillow close to my head. Reaching my left hand out, I touched the spot where Nakoa sat, already missing her. The blankets were still warm, although she had left over five minutes. The feeling of loneliness slowly crept over me, triggering a weight to fall over my body.
"I miss you, Avery and dad," I mumbled into the sheets, shutting my eyes. "More than you'd ever know."
A minute later, thumping footsteps resounded through the hallway, announcing the arrival of Chandler. Everyone's favorite person. "Hello," I grumbled the moment he entered the room, not turning to look at him. "Hi," he responded, his words clipped and stern.
Was he upset?
Peeking over my shoulder, I watched as he shrugged off his coat and shoes, taking both items into the closest, his posture straight and stiff. Because of his rigid mannerisms, I decided it'd be best if I refrained from speaking to him unless absolutely necessary. Seeing him in a bad mood that wasn't caused by me was a rare sight, so I still didn't know exactly how to deal with it.
Leaving the closest, he carried some clothes, moving quickly towards the bathroom. "Wait, Chandler!" I called out hurriedly, as he side-glanced at me. "Aren't you going to let me out?" Asking with a motion to my leg, Chandler scoffed, subtly rolling his eyes. "No," he answered blankly, continuing to the bathroom.
God, he's in a bad mood.
"Chandler, that's not fair!" His body disappeared into the room as I yelled to him, my voice all but ignored. If I haven't done anything to him, why should he take his anger out on me? I've been chained to the bed all day, for crying out loud. My body fucking hurts, I want to move around.
Without a care in the world, I pleaded with him the whole time he was in the shower, knowing he'd hear me due to the lack of a door. "If you're going to treat me like a damn dog, at least let me off the fucking leash to walk around!" His silence only made me angrier, my skin heating as my cheeks flushed pink, convulsing beside me.
When he left the bathroom, a stern look which read "shut the fuck up before you regret it" was thrown my way, but what did I do? Ignored it. Clenching my jaw, I huffed and grabbed his pillow, throwing it with all the force I could, which was quite a bit considering the aching throughout my body, hitting the side of his chest as he passed in front of the bed.
"ACKNOWLEDGE ME!" Screaming much louder than necessary, I felt a bit of my tension release, but still trembled in fury. How dare he leave me like this all day, chained like an animal, and then pay no mind to me as he flaunted his mobility? Yesterday was awful enough; can't he give me a break? I'm always stuck in the fucking crossfire of his emotions.
Turning to face me, he stared point-blank at my face, eyes as cold as ever. "Don't expect to get anything from me with that attitude and all your screaming." And just like that, he continued walking, not bothering to wait for a reaction, although I didn't give much of one. My eyes remain fixated on the spot he stood, shocked that he would brush me away so carelessly.
Why are you shocked? Since when has Chandler cared about what you thought?
Regardless, getting treated in such a manner hurt, despite how often Chandler did it. Bringing the glass of water on my bedside table to my lips, I thought of throwing it to the floor or wall but talked sense into myself. Throwing a tantrum wasn't going to make anything better for me or him.
Sighing in defeat, I laid back down, reaching for the tv remote. I guess I'll just have to be patient and wait for Chandler to decide when it's best to uncuff me. Lovely. With a deep frown set on my lips and coarse eyes, I gripped the remote tightly, trying my best to ignore Chandler as he walked towards the door.
He left noiselessly, the door closing into the frame signaling his exit. Eventually, I decided to watch Planet Earth, thinking it'd maybe calm me down. I could feel angry tears sting at my waterline, but I refused to let them out. Already, I cry about everything remotely upsetting or saddening, and it makes me seem weak.
Soon enough, Chandler came back into the room carrying two fairly large boxes. Only observing for a few seconds, I turned my attention back to the show, watching whales and fish. If he wanted me to be nice and happy about my containment, he'd have to settle for silence.
Turns out, those two boxes were new chairs, since I had broken the others. Oops, can't say I feel bad. Every now and then, I'd steal a glance at Chandler as he put together the wood and canvas, occasionally meeting his eyes, to which I'd quickly look away.
When he was finished, the empty spaces by the glass table filled, he came over to the bed, crossing his arms and he stared intensely at me, like he could see through my body. "Should I expect another meltdown from you?" He asked, silently scolding my childish actions. "No," I mumbled, doing my best to keep eye contact, although his strong gaze made that difficult.
Raising his eyebrows, he made a face as if he doubted that, but reached over and released my ankle. "I'm not tolerating any attitudes right now, Jess. You're going to listen and behave." Setting my feet on the floor, I stood, accepting Chandler's hand to steady myself, feeling dizzy after laying for so long.
"I'll behave." I sighed and shut my eyes for a second, hearing my limbs release painful pops and cracks. "Good." Although I could tell he was still quite upset, his grip was gentle as he stood still and waiting for me to regain my balance. "Go take a shower and come downstairs in twenty minutes to eat," he commanded, leaving no room for me to argue. Nodding, I pushed off him and went to get clothes, embracing the pain in my legs. It was better than lying down for even longer.
...
After showering, I dressed in warm clothes, braiding my hair back. Despite not feeling totally hungry, I went downstairs without a complaint. Nakoa offered a small smile as I entered the dining room, Lucas, close by her side. I gave a subtle greeting, not feeling up to smiling since my good mood from this afternoon was ruined.
Stepping into the kitchen, I watched as Chandler took a tray of chicken from the oven, having never seen him cook. "Do you need help?" I asked and moved towards him, wishing for a distraction. He glanced back, looking down my figure before meeting my eyes. "You can stir the vegetables," he answered and pointed to a pan on the stove, slightly simmering.
It wasn't an eventful task, but I enjoyed simply being in the kitchen, and the food smelt nice. Beside me, Chandler sliced lettuce, expertly working with the knife. Ironic, since he appears to be quite skilled with knives. Behind the windows, the sun was nearly gone, the bright city lights preparing to take over.
"Don't talk to Nakoa." Feeling my heart skip a beat, I sharply turned to him, my mouth agape. "What?" He set down his knife, facing me. "Don't talk to her." There was a shadow of a smirk on his lips, and I automatically knew he was enjoying this.
"Why not?" Taking a deep breath, I calmed my existing anger. "Because I said so, and you said you'd listen to me." With one hand cupping my jaw, he answered nonchalantly, fully expecting me to keep to my word. I didn't want to listen, but what would disobeying bring? Pain to us both?
Not wanting Nakoa to get hurt on my account, I asked, "Just for tonight?" We both had a miserable past few days, is it bad that I wanted to give us a break, even if it meant ignoring her? Sometimes we have to make unwanted decisions to better our situations, and this was one of those times. Perhaps someone else would decide differently, but I'm so tired of feeling pain for no cause, especially when I know it's only affecting me negatively.
"Yes," Chandler responded with a nod, running his fingers over my chin before continuing to chop the lettuce. Taking one deep inhale, I collected all the doubt within me and released it with an exhale. "Okay."
Everything in your life is a reflection of a choice you have made. If you want a different result, make a different choice.
...
I know it's been longer than we've all wanted since I updated, I'm sorry, forgive me.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, let's all hope I write lots soon. I love you all so much!