When I moved in with Remmey, I only had a suitcase with me. Claire met me at the door like she knew I was coming. She opened the screen and took the suitcase from me, then stepped back out of the way and looked at Remmey. He was on the sofa talking to the baby when I walked in. It looked like he and the baby were just two old friends hanging out. I had never seen him so comfortable.
He picked the baby up and stood up when he saw me.
And my suitcase.
Our eyes locked, but neither of us spoke. I turned to Claire and she put her arm around me. I flinched and she looked into my eyes, silently asking if Papa beat me. I nodded. Claire looked back at Remmey again and then walked into the kitchen to pour salt into a glass and mix it with hot water. When she walked back out into the front room, she was holding the glass and nodded for me to follow her into the bathroom.
She looked back at Remmey, and then at the baby. He nodded and sat back down with her.
Claire waited while I unbuttoned my shirt. Her eyes grew bigger and bigger as more of my black and blue flesh appeared.
"What happened?" She whispered. They had never even beaten her like that. They definitely had never beaten me like that. Only Marguerite once, but that was for sleeping with one of Papa's married friends. Claire knew I hadn't done that.
"They were just...saying things...about you." I had my back to her as I continued to unbutton my shirt. "And I just...lost it. I went crazy and mother slapped me. Then Papa went crazy."
I took my blouse all the way off and heard Claire's breath catch in her throat when she saw the deep bloody gashes across my back. They were worse than she had ever seen. She never saw Marguerite after they beat her like this. I made sure of that.
"Claire, just pour it on quick." I braced myself for the sting of the salt and waited for her to pour.
But she didn't.
I heard the glass break behind me and when I turned around, Claire was...checked out. It was like she was asleep, but awake. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't moving. It looked like she wasn't breathing.
Just like the night Papa tried to force her baby out of her with Mother's knitting needles.
I screamed at the top of my lungs and Remmey came running with the baby in his arms. He didn't even knock. He just rushed through the door.
He looked at Claire and then looked at me. His eyes traveled down over my bruised and swollen breasts and I quickly scrambled to cover myself. When I turned around to grab my shirt, Remmey sucked in a shocked breath, and the baby started crying. I tried to throw the blouse on and keep myself covered with my hands at the same time.
Remmey handed me the baby.
"Claire ok, Jazz. She do this sometime. If she get...too worked up." He picked my sister up like she was his own child and held her close to him. Her fifteen-year-old body looked so small in his strong arms. Remmey was tall and muscular. But slim. Claire's arms and legs dangled lifelessly around him.
I started crying along with the baby.
"Jazz, take Sammy to the other room. I'ma put Claire to bed."
I didn't want to leave her.
I followed Remmey into the bedroom. He gently laid her across the bed and took off her shoes. Then he pulled the covers halfway up over her. He seemed to measure how much of her was covered, then he pulled the sheets up another inch. I just stared at him. He was acting like this was normal. Just like he did when he kicked that man's hand away from him. Everything crazy was normal to him.
"Jazz, she be ok. It only last a few minutes, and then she ok. Every time, she fine."
I handed the baby back to Remmey and then sat on the bed on the other side of my sister.
Remmey rested his hand on Claire's forehead for a few seconds. Then he stood up and left with the baby.
A few minutes later, he came back in without the baby, to check on Claire. She was still staring at nothing. He wiped a cold washrag across her forehead and studied her face. Then he studied mine.
"Your sister ok, Jazz. She do this sometimes." He looked down at Claire. "I took her to the doctor. They say she have seizures. Just let 'em pass." He looked back at me. "You ok?" I nodded, clearly still traumatized...by too many things. "Who did that to you?"
"My Papa," I whispered. "And my Mother."
Remmey's face didn't change. "You want to stay here?"
I dropped my eyes. "Yes."
"Don't look down," Remmey said softly. I looked back up at him. "You can stay."
I nodded. "Thank you."
He nodded back. "What Claire was doin' to you in there?"
"Pouring saltwater in my gashes so they heal faster. And don't leave marks..."
Remmey frowned.
"What he use to hurt you like that?"
"A belt buckle."
Remmey's frown deepened.
Eventually, Claire's eyes came back into focus. She scanned the room before resting her eyes on Remmey. Then she grinned at him. "I did it again?" He gave her a gentle smile and nodded. She looked over at me. "You ok, Jazz?"
I nodded and watched Remmey for a cue of what to do next. His smile widened when he realized why I was watching him. My cheeks started to burn as soon as he smiled at me. Remmey looked back at Claire and patted her hand.
"The baby sleep in my room," he stood up. "I go get her."
I watched him leave and then laid down next to my sister. We turned onto our sides and looked into each other's eyes like we used to do at home.
"You like it here?" Claire smiled and nodded. I nodded, too, and whispered "He take care of you like Papa."
Clair nodded. "Better than Papa. He never beats me or yells at me. He don't call me any of those awful names. Christian's brother was like his brother. They brothers. Now he gone, so Remmey take care of Christian like he his little brother. And he treats me like I'm his little brother's girl. Like I'm family. He treat Sammy like she Christian's, too. Because she is. We both belong to Christian." Her eyes got weepy at the thought of him. "Remmey loves us, Jazz. He really loves us. He don't let nobody hurt me, be mean to me. Nuthin'. All because we Christian's..."
I looked into my sister's eyes and felt sorry for her. All those beatings from Papa. So many horrible words thrown at her by Mother. All the girls in the neighborhood were mean to her. All the boys harassed her. All the time. And even some of the men when no one was looking. I knew it was true, because she told me. She tried to hide it from everyone else, but she told me. And she probably told Christian, too.
If it wasn't for Christian, she wouldn't have been able to take it.
I wondered if she was doing ok without him.
"Claire, you miss Christian?" At the sound of his name, tears sprang from her eyes. She wiped them away. "I'm so sorry, Claire." She buried her face into the pillow and started sobbing harder.
She was still crying when Remmey walked back in with the baby. I got up and Remmey laid the baby down next to her. Then he sat down on the other side of the bed and patted Claire's back.
"I take you to see the young boy real soon, ok?"
Claire sniffed and wiped at her brown-grey eyes. They were swimming in tears. "Ok." Then she turned her head back into the pillow and continued to weep in silence. She was trying not to wake the baby up, but couldn't keep her sobs all the way in. I felt like crying just looking at her.
Remmey stood up and nodded for me to follow him out the door.
"She do this all the time, Jazz," he said, closing the door behind him. "She miss that young boy too much." I nodded and followed him into the front room.
As soon as we sat down next to each other on the sofa, it was unbelievably awkward.
I lived there now.
Remmey observed me silently, reading every thought that traveled across my face. When I started bouncing my foot nervously, he put a hand on my knee to stop me.
"Jazz, calm down. It don't have to be that if you don't want that." I nodded. "You fuck who you want to fuck, right?" I nodded again.
My cheeks burned. He had never spelled it out so plainly before, but I knew the whole time that's what we were talking about.
He looked calmly into my eyes. "I won't force you. You scared because of what you thought you saw. But what you thought you saw...wasn't what it was." He moved his hand off my knee and covered my nervously balled up fist with his own broad, protective hand. "Wally B asked me to care for you, too. He told me to be careful with you. Remember?" I nodded. "So, I will. I be careful with you. Even while you here. I protect you in my house. Nobody beatin' you or talkin' mean to you here." He ran his fingers down my cheek. "Nuthin' changin'."
For some reason, it felt like he had given this speech before. I nodded anyway as our eyes locked. He ran his thumb across my bottom lip and I parted my mouth open for him.
He kissed me.
Then he pulled back to look at me. "That ok?"
I stared up at him with my fingers to my lips and was finally able to find my voice. "You kiss Claire like that?" I still couldn't let it go.
Remmey shook his head no and continued to gaze directly into my eyes. "No. She Christian's girl. I don't touch the young boy's girl like that. He love her too much." I nodded. "Nobody should touch her but him."
I nodded silently, then said "Ok."
He kissed me again. "Jazz, I ain't gone hurt you." He looked straight into my eyes. "Huh, bruh." He had a way of looking at you that let you know that he meant what he said, and he wasn't going to say it again.
I nodded and started biting on my fingernail. I don't know why.
"Let me take care of your back." I shook my head no. Remmey nodded his head yes. "Claire need to rest. Let me do it." Remmey read my face. "I won't touch you. I just want to help you."
We stared at one another for a long time, and then I finally nodded ok.
I followed Remmey into the kitchen and told him how much salt to pour into the glass. Then I told him to make the water as hot as he could get it. He looked at me doubtfully but did what I asked.
After we cleaned up the mess that Claire made in the bathroom, I stared at Remmey until he finally got the hint and turned his back to me while I undid my shirt. After I had taken it all the way off, I covered my breasts self-consciously with my hands and said "Ok."
I heard Remmey turn toward me, but I didn't look at him. I saw him in the mirror, though, and he was one hundred percent focused on my back. He leaned in close, inspecting the details of every gash, and then his eyes traveled down to the bloody shirt that I had let fall to the floor.
I watched him in the mirror until he looked back into my eyes, and then my eyes dropped.
He didn't tell me not to look down.
He just refocused in on my back and started pouring the salt water into my open wounds. I clenched my teeth and braced my hands on the counter when the sting hit. It was almost unbearable, but I knew it had to be done. Remmey paused only once to look at my face in the mirror, to see if I wanted him to stop, and then he kept pouring. When I looked like I was getting weak at the knees, he put his hand on my shoulder to steady me.
Finally, when he was finished, he put the empty glass down on the counter next to my clenched fists.
I turned to face him.
"What else you do?" he asked. His face was void of any emotion, and his eyes stayed on my eyes.
I shrugged. "That's it. We usually clean it off with soap first, but..." I dropped my eyes again.
He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face to his.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I shrugged. Once I took my blouse off, my mind went blank. "What I do now?"
I looked into his eyes, appreciating the kindness that I felt in them.
"Nothing. That's it."
I turned to pick my shirt up off the floor, still covering my breasts with one arm. When I stood up, I felt Remmey step closer to me and touch my back. I stood still and stayed turned away from him. I hugged the shirt to my chest and kind of froze when he started kissing me.
He was gentle.
He kissed every open gash in my back softly, like he thought he could heal me with his touch. Then he kissed my neck and moved his hands to my waist. When I stayed frozen, he pulled his hands back and looked at me in the mirror.
I felt his gaze.
But I didn't meet it.
I kept my eyes cast downward.
"All done," he said quietly, and left the room.
I kept my back turned to him until I heard the door close behind him. Then I put my shirt back on and tiptoed across the hall to Claire's room.
I slept with her and the baby that night.