...
I grip my mug tightly in my hands, the heat of the coffee warming them through the ceramic. The apartment feels so cold this morning and it's not because of the snow falling outside the window. The lights are off in the early morning, the room painted in dull grey hues from the lack of sunlight outside. I can't help but feel like I am painted in grey as well, not feeling much but numb.
Harry comes down the hall dressed in his usual white button up and slacks. I don't know if he spares me a glance because I can't look at his face.
"Have you eaten?" His deep voice rings out through the silence and my stomach clenches.
I nod and he sighs.
I don't bother finishing my coffee, instead I watch it swirl around in the sink and disappear down the drain.
I follow him to the front door and he holds out my coat to me. I don't look him in the eyes when I take it and mutter a thank you under my breath. He pulls on his boots and coat, double checking that his key is in his pocket like he always does.
I reach for the doorknob, the feeling of needing to get out in the open crushing me. The air is so thick in the apartment and I can hardly breath while he is the only person with me is a confined space.
"Skylar, stop," he sighs, putting a hand on mine and pulling it away from the door knob. My insides twist and I cross my arms, Harry not even trying to keep hold of my hand.
We stand in silence a few moments, my eyes in the floor and his on me. I can feel him looking at me, my face burning under is vibrant eyes that I know are watching me. Every fiber of my being wants to turn and leave out the door, but my head knows that will only make things worse.
"Look at me," he says quietly.
I don't.
"Please," he whipsers and let's out a sigh when I don't move. He raises a hand and his big fingers grip my chin lightly and tilt my head up so I'm forced to look at him.
I don't fight it, I am tired of fighting and arguing. We were in such a good place, we were better than we ever have been before I went away and Harry did something stupid. I'm trying not to let this bump get to me, but I'd be lying if I said it hadn't already made its way under my skin. The image I had only just created of us is slipping away and it is looking more and more difficult to get back to where we were.
I finally accepted that it was possible for us to be together, to have a future different than the last. I had only just accepted that we were possible, and now I'm not sure what to think.
"Talk to me," he says soflty, his pink lips turned down in the corners and his eyes holding mine. The bright green they usually are is still present, but I can see the doubt and guilt swimming behind them clearly.
"We'll be late for work," I mumble.
"That's not what I mean," he sighs.
"Can't we just -"
"No, I can't stand leaving things like this. I could hardly bear letting you go to sleep upset last night -"
"But you did," I remind him.
"Only because I knew if I tried to make it right that soon it would have only made it worse," he explains, a pain in his eyes that I do not see often. I notice for the first time the bags under his eyes and the unruliness of his curls that he hasn't set right. "I know us, I know how we work."
I take a breath through my nose, the pressure of his eyes too much to bear this early in the morning and in this circumstance. I turn my head away from him and reach for the doorknob again.
"We should go." My voice is hardly audible, my throat tight.
"Sky -"
"Harry, please. Please, so much is happening today I... I just can't handle this too," I admit, my back still to him.
Thoughts in my mind just keep piling up, higher and higher. I'm making a list of things that I need to sort out, that I need to get done and put behind me. My few days of stresslessness seem far away now that I am in the busy city. The feeling I had when Harry and I were together in an unknown place is fading fast as I am emersed once again into my worries.
"Okay," he says quietly, sounding defeated. "Let's go then."
We don't talk on the walk to work; partially because there is still tension between us, but as we near the building we are both lost in thought of what today could bring. We haven't heard from anyone about what has happened to Parker. I am hoping that in this case no news is good news.
I committed so much time and effort to end up exactly where I am; working at Parker. I never thought I would dread going into work. Harry and I both had dreams of working under Steve Parker, we spent hours talking about what it would be like. Now that Mr. Parker is in jail, everything has changed. This means new management, losing clients, new clients, shifts in positions across the entire agency and a lot more than we ever bargained for.
I reach out and take Harry's hand as we approach the building, needing his touch to calm my racing heart. I can hardly breathe and even though we are not on the best terms, he still can comfort me and make me feel safe like he always has.
"You okay, babe?" He asks quietly. I glance up at him to find his eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"Yes, I'm fine," I squeak, obviously lying.
Harry presses a kiss to my head and chuckles quietly. His grip tightens on my hand and he pulls me closer to him as we turn out of the crowd and come face to face with the glass doors we always dreamed of walking through.
"Everything will be fine. Everything has been sorted, I promise," he whispers and kisses my head again.
I nod, accepting his promise even though he has no control over anything that has happened behind these doors. I unwillingly allow him to pull me forward and he holds the door open for me. Everything looks the same and feels the same, but I know it is not. Nothing here will ever be the same, especially for Harry and I.
My heart is pounding and I feel skiddish as my heels click on the marble floor. I feel as if my throat is closing in and I am gasping for air. I so desperately want to turn around and leave, not caring whether I ever know what has changed here, but I can't.
"Mr. Styles? Miss Devin?"
I whip my head around, startled as our names are called through the near silent lobby. I scan the area for the owner of the voice; a few people headed to the elevators seemingly uninterested. My eyes fall on the receptionist sat at the large desk whom I have only spoken to once on my first day here.
Harry pulls me along, shrugging slightly when he sees my confused expression.
"Good morning, Maudy," he smiles politely as we approach the woman who smiles back kindly.
"Good morning. I was meant to page you two later on, but now that I've caught you it will save me the trouble," she says, ruffling through a few paper on her desk. She finds a small slip and reads it over before relaying the message to us. "You two are asked to head up to the top floor as soon as possible."
"Alright, thank you," Harry nods.
"Have a lovely day," I add and attempt a smile without my lips quivering.
My hand still in his, we make our way to the elevators and push the button for the top floor. My hands are shaking in anticipation to see who now occupies Mr. Parker's chair. It's an eerie feeling that is creeping up my spine; one of my heroes, my role models, has proven himself to be someone not worthy looking up to. It's strange that he is gone so easily and that now someone else has taken his place.
The doors slide open and I am immediately reminded of the many trips I made up to this floor in the weeks before Parker was arrested. I spent hours up here listening to him go on about a crime he himself had committed. No doubt the theories he had about who sold the design were ploys to blame his mess on other people.
"You can go straight in," Nancy, the receptionist, says when she sees the two of us.
"Thank you," Harry nods and pulls me along again.
His hand and his skin are the only think keeping me stable, offering me some comfort even though we're not in the best place. I don't plan on letting him go, and by the way he's holding me I don't think he plans on it either.
"You okay?" He asks quietly, his had poised on the door handle of the office. The familiar wooden doors stand before us and my throat tightens.
"Yup," I lie, nodding and putting on a brave face. There is no point because I know Harry can see right through it.
"It will be fine, I promise," he says for the second time this morning and kisses my head before turning the handle and opening the door in front of us.
I am more shocked than anything when the door opens. Mine and Harry's feet are both glued to the floor, our jaws dropped. All the anticipation and worry I have been keeping with me and wasting time milling over disappears in a matter of seconds as I take in the man in front of me.
"Look who's back!" Scott Zimm exclaims from the plush chair behind the desk. A wide smile is set on his face, illuminated by the light coming through the large windows behind him which overlook the city.
"No fucking way," Harry mutters beside me and Zimm let's out a hearty laugh. I look up at Harry and watch a smile slowly creep onto his face. "You're kidding me. They're letting you run the place?" He chuckles, stepping into the office and pulling me with him.
"Apparently so," Zimm nods, still laughing to himself.
"Well, this company is going to shit," Harry taunts and the two men laugh.
"How?" I ask, the only question on my mind. I am still too shaken to be able to laugh about the situation. "Who's running our team?"
Zimm's blue eyes flick to me as if noticing me for the first time. By the look on his face I can tell he's realized that I am not going to laugh along with them and pretend like nothing ever happened. Too much has happened to ignore it.
"Why don't you two take a seat," he says calmly and gives me a reassuring smile.
We comply, our hands unlatching as we take our seats. I've sat here too many times to count and I can't help the chill that runs down my spine from being here again. Everything I have ever heard in this room was a lie and it feels wrong to be here now that I know the truth. Harry, however, looks completely at ease.
"The reason I wanted to see you two as soon as you got in is because there have been some... changes," he starts, suddenly serious.
"Some?" Harry raises his eyebrows at Scott and chuckles to himself. I want to tell him to take this seriously but part of me knows that this is probably his way of keeping himself calm.
"Well, obviously a lot has changed, but what I'm referring to is your work placement," Zaim clarifies, leaning forward and folding his hands on the desk.
"What do you mean?" I ask slowly, not fully understanding what he is talking about.
"As it stands, we have lost a lot of clients," he sighs. "We've also had to make some shifts in management. Both of those together mean we've had to basically restructure the entire branch. Pear has left us and without another client to take it's place our team has had to be dispersed into others."
"Wait a minute," Harry cuts in, sitting up straight. His eyebrows are furrowed and there is no trace of a smile on his face. "There used to be a waiting list of clients. There had to be over fifty companies trying to get into Parker."
Zimm sighs, leaning back in his chair and shakes his head slowly. "All gone," he says simply. "No one wants to take a chance with us anymore."
Silence fills the space as we all take in the words spoken and what they mean. Parker used to be on top, the biggest advertising agency in the country and everybody wanted to be represented by them. Now, in such a short period of time we can't even replace one lost client. The future of Parker is hanging over our heads and there's not much we can do now to change it. It's been corrupted.
"So if our team doesn't exist anymore, what does that mean for us?" I ask, needing to know the answer so hopefully I can give my mind some rest.
"We've been split up," Zimm explains. "Skylar, I've kept you with Zayn because, the way I see it, he's your mentor. You two are now working on the fifth floor, he'll be waiting for you this morning so he can introduce you to your new team."
"And me?" Harry asks suddenly quiet.
"For now, Styles, you're on the eigth floor in that empty office you love so much. With the company changing we need your expertise with numbers until further notice, then you'll be reassigned."
"Is that everything then?" Harry asks harshly. I look over at him to find him standing from his chair, eyes narrowed at Scott and his hands in fists at his sides. He is hardly recognizable from two seconds ago.
"Yes," Zimm nods.
Without another word Harry spins on his heal and leaves the office. I turn back to Zimm with wide eyes, stunned at his behavior.
"I'm used to it," he smiles kindly before I have a chance to say anything. "Go after him."
With one last smile I'm out the door and following Harry down the small hallways to the stairwell we use to get up to the roof.
I don't understand what happened in there. One minute he is laughing and smiling and the next he's storming out of the office. My head is spinning, too much filling it for my own good. I take a deep breath and lean against the door of the stairwell watching Harry pace in the small space and tug at his curls.
"Harry?" I prod gently and he stops, turning to face me.
"How is this possible? How can everything change so quickly? We're not working together anymore and the company is going to shit," he says through his teeth. "My damn father is the cause of all this, every last bit."
"Harry, it's our first day back, you don't know -"
"I do know because I was just told," he cuts me off, venom laced in his tone. I recoil, crossing my arms over my chest and fighting to urge to fight back.
I can't stand to see him this way because of his own father. I know he's dealt with it his entire life, but I can't take the pain in his eyes that is present every time he brings him up.
"He ruins everything!" He raises his voice and it echos through the empty stairwell. He slams the side of his fist into the wall causing me to jump back in shock.
"Harry, calm down," I plead quietly, trying to calm him before he works himself up too much. I take a step toward him and reach out for him but he turns away, dropping onto a step and holding his head in his hands.
"You don't understand!" He spits, lifting his head to look at me. "This is my life, Skylar! This is what I have always known and I thought that once he was put away that things would be different but they're not. He is still part of my life whether I like it or not and he is still ruining everything for me."
"What's done is done, we can't go back. What happens to the company now is up to us," I whisper, not truly believing my own words. I take a seat on the step beside him, lowering myself down gingerly. "Zimm needs you to help figure out a solution -"
"I'm being used to fix what he fucking ruined!" He shouts, the sound booming out through the empty space. I shut my eyes and draw in a breath.
He's fuming, his face turning red with internalized anger and his knuckles white from his hands being clenched in fists. Behind the anger I recognize the hurt and the pain, but it's covered by his frustration.
"The worst part -" he starts, his voice loud and angry but he stops himself. He takes a deep breath, turning to look at me with pained eyes and a soft frown. "The worst part is that he's split us up."
I smile and lean forward to press my lips to Harry's cheek gently. He's flipping through so many emotions it's hard to follow, and I just feel numb.
"Working apart won't be so bad," I try to bargain, staring at my hands in my lap. His eyes flick to me, curiosity burning in them as they trail over my face.
I know these were not the words he wanted to hear.
"Maybe seeing each other so much wasn't helping us out," I mumble. "We live together and we worked in the same office, maybe it was suffocating us. We've only been apart for a day since I got back, Harry. Being apart a few hours a day will help us clear our heads without the other getting in the way."
"Yeah, I guess," he sighs starring straight ahead, nothing present in his green irises.
Normally at this point I'd be fighting to make him feel okay, but I'm so drained that I've no energy left. Even while he raised his voice I felt nothing. The only thing that registered was the hurt in his green eyes, but even so I dont know how to fix it.
I'm not sure how many more hits we can take before we fall apart completely. We aren't getting anything sorted, only adding to the damage.
Damage that did not exist two days ago.
The hope and reassurance I got while we were in Seattle feels like a dream, like it never happened.
"You'd better go meet Malik," Harry mumbles and makes his way to the door of the stairwell. He holds it open for me and I sigh, having no choice than to do exactly what he says.