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**Niall's POV**
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I really am a screw up aren't I? I get a once in a life time thing, and I let it go. No, I don't let it go. I take it in my hand, and strangle the life out of it, I strangle it until all that's left of it is what used to be. What I sued to love. What I would give anything to have back, lays helpessly dead in my hand. That's excatly how I feel. How could I have ruined things so much? I had Kylie. That's all I ever wanted, right? All I wanted was to be able to hold her, knowing that it meant as much to her as it did to me. All I wanted was to kiss her, not on the cheek out of friendship, but actually kiss her, with everything I felt for her. I wanted her to go to bed at night, knowing she was protected from everything, just because she had me. ANd I had that. I actually got everything I had wanted, and more. And what did I do? I threw it all away on my cheating ex. Why? Because I'm weak. I crack under pressure. I act on things before my mind has a chance to get me out. I'm a teenage boy.
I'm a teenage boy. Teenage boys cheat. They lie. They become scumbags who only hook up with girls to have sex. They only think of themselves. Teenage boys make a girl feel special, and then throw it all away. They make a girl fall in live with them, and walk away. I never thought I would classify myself among them. And yet that's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm calling my self a teenage boy, and throwing myself a pitty party. Why? Because I let the best thing inmy life walk away. Sure, I might have managed if she had walked away to oh, say, her house, or a friends hose, but no. She walked away to college. Without me. In California. Leaving our plans of going to college together here with me. But I guess I deserve that, huh? I am the one that cheated after I promised her forver and always. I am the one that shattered the promise I made to her mom in the hospital. I am the one that said We'll be forever and always.
"Ni, come on man. I know you miss her. I do. I miss Arianna more than anything. But you can't just lock yourself up all summer. We need to get you out there! You're a single man now! SIngle and ready to mingle!" Louis got off the couch in the corner of my room and walked over to the bed, plopping down next to me, patting my back sympathetically. I groaned inwardly and flopped backwards, grabbing a pillow and smothering my face with it.
"I don't want to." I heard Louis sigh and get off the bed. Thinking he had given up, I settled down lower into my duvet and layed in silence.
"Well, I don't care," Lou appeared out of no where and ripped the pillow off my face, leaving the harsh sun rays streaming through my window to stab my eyes. "You're coming with me and that's final."
I sat up at glared at Louis. "No." I don't care if he straps me to the roof of his car, I'm not going out.
"Yes.You.Are." Louis latched onto my wrist with a firm grip and pulled me into a sitting position. "I'm tired of seeing you mope around because you fucked up. Enough is enough Niall. I know for a fact Kylie would hate to see you like this, regardless of what you did to her. So get changed. We're going to the fair." And with that, He finished dragging off my bed and push me into the bathroom. "Get in the shower, I'll get you some clothes." I rolled my eyes at his motherlyness.
"Yes mum." Louis stood up straight and looked me dead in the eyes, pointing a finger at me.
"And don't you forget it mister." I chuckle and the short boy's response and wave him off. Softly shutting the door to the bathroom, I pad across the chilling tile floor to the shower faucet and turn the valve to hot. I strip myself on my wrinkled clothes and stare at the person in the mirror. The person isn't me. They have a ghostly face with hollowed cheeks, eyes that have no spark, no glint, no life. His hair. Its sprawled out in every direction, varying from it's natural brown roots and the dyed bloned ends. He isn't me. The me I remember was a happy one. His eyes were full of life and love. His skin was full of life and spirit, cheeks constantly sore from the laughter erupting from deep within. Not this.
I stare at this intruder until the steam from the shower coats the boy in a mist. "Mate, You alright in there?" I hear Louis call from behind the door. I guess I was staring for a while.
"Yeah mate. I'm good." Lie. I'm not good, if I being honest with myself. I put in my happy mask and flaunt it around, sure. But am I really okay? No. I just want Kylie back. I push aside the shower curtain and step inside, letting the steamy jets wash over my tired body. I sort of just stand there, letting the water's intense pressure chip away at me. At my thoughts. At my worries. At my memories. At me.
I stand under the shower head for a while. Going throught the motions, not contemplating what I was doing. Shampoo. Rinse. Conditioner. Rinse. Wash body. Rinse. Stand under water. Turn off water.
I thrusted the curtian aside and stepped out, regaarding the comforting towel perched on the rack, allowing the frigid air attack my scorching body. It's a nice wake up. A relazation almost. A relazation that Kylie is gone, that I screwed up and I need to move on. That I'm only human. And humans make mistakes. That if we truley are meant to be forever and always, she'll find her way back to me. And if she does, I will do everything humanly possible to get her back, and I won't stop until she is mine, forever and always.
A shiver shoots its way brutally down my back, leaving me to writh under the sudden effect of the temperature change and snatch the suddenly inviting towel off the counter, wrapping it around my prickled body. Heading towards the door in long strides, to minimize the amount of cold tile my feet must endure, I completely ignore the mirror, not wanting to see the haunting image of what I assume has become of me. "I swear Niall! You take longer than Arianna does to shower! And that girl takes loonnnggg showerss." My clothes are chunked in my direction as I emerge from the steamy bathroom.
"Gee, thanks so much Louis." I laugh and head towars my bed to get dressed.
"Aww mate! Not here! I don't want to see your pale bum!" Louis screetched as his hands flung to cover his eyes and he made a mad dash out of the room. I suprseed my chuckle and called after the poor boy.
"I NEVER SAID YOU HAD TO LOOK AT MY DEVISHLY HANDSOME PALE BUM!" I shook m y head and pulled the fresh clothes on.
"MY BUM IS SEXIER!" Shaking my head at the older boy's remark, I style my hair up and do one last over look. It's as good as it's gonna get.... I shrug and head downstairs, seeing Louis sprawled across my couch watching some bizarre T.V. show. "You take forever to get ready...ya know?"
"What can I say? I takes time to make this..." I gestured to my hair, smirking as it looks a lot like the hair style he is currently sporting.
"It's....ehh." I stared gapping at Louis.
"You did not just insult my hair Louis Tomlinson!" I grabbed a spare pillow off the couch and lunged at him.
"AHHHH!" Louis dodged my attack and left me flip over the back of the couch, landing in an odlly uncomfortable position. I hear Louis hit the ground, roars of laughter erupting from god knows where with in him. I joined in laughing with him, thinking maybe getting out would be a good idea afterall. "Alright mate, lets go."
"Where are we going Louis?" I chirrped as we bounced down the corridor and out to his car.
"The Fair, remember! I think you might have used to much hair dye this time Ni..." He chuckled as he beeped his car unlocked and hopped in the front seat.
"Oh right..." I trailed off at the end, getting lost in memory.
*Flashback*
"But I'm scared Nialler!"
"It's just a Ferris Wheel Princess! Nothing is going to happen. I promise." We stood at the gate leading to the staggering line to ride the Ferris Wheel, staring up at the flashing circle illuminating the ngith sky. This was the one thing I've been waiting for all night. Sure, I love the roller coasters and the fun little games and rides, but I REALLY wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel. There were supposed to be fireworks tonight too. How awesome would it be if we were at the top when they went off?
"But what if it brreaks? Or a screw falls out? WHat if the thing comes completely unattatched and rolls away with us still on it? What if our carriage just falls out of the sky..." Kylie trailed off staring wide eyed at the wheel as it started to move, grasping tightly to my hand and snuggling closer into the arm draped across her shuolder.
"Kyles, you know I wuld never let anything bad happen to you right?" She nods her head, never daring to waver her gaze from the ride infront of her. I press a loving kiss on her forehead. "Besides, do you know how funny it would be if the wheel juststarted rolling through town? Pretty funny if you ask me.." I laugh inadvertantly at my own sarcasm and earned a punch to the arm.
Kylie sighed loudly and nodded. "Fine. But if I die then you will be at fault."
***
"Niall? Helllloooo. Earth to the leprechaun. Oi! Mate! Helloooo!" Louis tugs me back into present day, parked in a Fair's parking lot.
I sigh quietly and quirk an eyebrow at him. "Yes?"
"Mate,I've been trying to get your attention since we left the house...that's like 15 minutes...You okay?" I nod, not wanting to tell him I'm still depressed. "Niall, You are like Casper the friendly ghost. You mean well, but I can see right through you..." My gaze shifts to the suddenly very interesting detailes on my supras. "You're thinking about Kylie again aren't you?" I nod. "Well that's why we're here! Come on! Lets get your mind off her for a while."
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A/N..I'm so sorry i haven't uploaded in ages. Some..err..things came up. But I finally did! I hope you guys liked it :3 Thank you for all the amazing support I've been recieving. It means so much<3
Stay lovely my oompa loompas :*
Cassandra.Xx