The tears continued to fall as I pondered the wreckage of my life over the past three months. I'd been lied to, taken advantage of, kept hostage and deceived by everyone I knew.
Gunnar had kept me from my family, lied about being my husband and had hurt me both physically and emotionally.
Milos, the man who was supposed to love and protect me had also kept the truth from me, kept my own daughter from me. How could he have left me with Gunnar in that house all these months? The repercussions filled me with guilt, shame, hurt - anger. In one way or another I continued to live my life under some man's thumb. I was a mere pawn in the games that men played.
He had let me become an unfaithful wife, leaving me alone with a dangerous narcissist, when all the while I should have been with him - with our daughter. I still loved him - I could no sooner live without half of my heart - but it was apparent I could trust him about as much as I now trusted Gunnar. And what is love without trust?
And if all of this wasn't enough, Stephen, who was supposed to be my best friend, had decided to abduct me in some Machiavellian attempt to rescue me from Gunnar. To what ends, I'd yet to discover.
I felt arms wrap around me and my head pressed into Stephen's shoulder as I tried to seek logic in the cluster of puzzle pieces I was attempting to arrange in my mind. My weary heart told me that even with all my memories intact, this past month would still have been one giant mess.
"I can't bring you home to Gunnar, Anna. I'm sorry if you think I'm a monster, but sometimes we have to do hard things to protect the people we love. Especially when they're vulnerable and unprotected."
He had no idea how right he was. Of all the people in my life, as insanely misguided as this abduction had been, Stephen had been right about the people in my life who had tried to hurt me, and I did need to get away.
Gunnar and Milos had both hidden behind masks and lied to me. Pretended to be something they weren't. At least Stephen, though irrational, impulsive and laden with the emotional baggage of our past relationship, came to me without pretense. Though, it was hardly a small comfort at the moment.
"You're right, Stephen. I can't go home to Gunnar. He's a liar and a manipulator...he used my injuries against me for his own selfish gain. But I need you to bring me to Milos. He has something very important to me." I turned to him, begging with my eyes.
His eyebrows knit in a puzzled expression, Stephen thoughtfully shook his head in the negative, placing a kiss on my forehead and pulling me back into a hug.
"Anna, we're leaving tomorrow. The only way you'll be safe from him is if we leave the country. I've already created new identities and arranged a place where he won't find either of us. Milos will only lead Gunnar back to you. But...can I ask you why you're suddenly agreeing with me?"
"Milos has already been trying to help me escape Gunnar, Stephen. He wouldn't put me in danger, I promise. I need to speak to him...I can't leave the country...not yet."
He shook his head again, but the fight in me had just begun.
"Suddenly, you don't want to go home to Gunnar, but you want Milos. Anna, you know I'd do anything for you but this time I can't...we leave in the morning. Look, I'm sorry you're upset. I know you're angry at me today, but one day you'll understand I'm just trying to protect you," he answered earnestly.
I groaned in frustration, shaking free from his embrace. "Stephen, no! You don't understand, this is important! I don't want to go back to Gunnar...I finally remember, and he isn't my husband. He's been lying to me, to everyone. But Milos knows were to find someone very important to me, and I can't leave the country without her!"
"You're saying you want to leave with me, but you don't want to leave without contacting this person?" he replied coolly, though I could sense that he didn't believe me.
"Yes! I swear to you, I just need to find her, and we'll figure things out from there. I can't leave yet."
Stephen sat up from the bed, arms crossed over his chest, the frustration starting to show in his expression. "Honey, I'm sorry, but it's too risky to get in touch with anyone before we leave. I know it's hard, but it's how this needs to be. Nobody is worth your life, and I know, Anna. I know what he did to you! I know how he hurt you...how he still would hurt you. We can't risk it."
I didn't want to tell him the truth, I wasn't even sure know how to process the news myself. I was terrified to speak the words aloud, let alone involve Stephen in my daughter's life, knowing he's become this unhinged. But I needed to buy time to keep us here so I could get my life back, get my daughter back.
And right now, he was my only fucked up version of hope.
"Stephen, he...he has my daughter. I can't leave without her," I whisper, pleading with my eyes. The words bring a fresh batch of tears to my eyes and both a sense of both crushing loss and more fragments of memories to my mind.
I felt her in my arms, saw her lying asleep in the tiny white bassinette beside our bed. I could see her in the soft teal sleepers with little dinosaurs we dressed her in because Milos wanted to raise a 'tough Principessa'. I saw her beautiful blue eyes that had started to change from the generic baby grey blue to a brighter ocean hue, that look just like her Daddy's. And the soft blonde locks that curled against her head, the heart shape of her sweet, chubby jaw that reminded me of my own. I could hear the soft sighs she released while she was napping, dreaming about whatever consumed the minds of little babes.
I remembered our laughter, our little family, laid out together on the living room floor while Lily rolled around kicking her feet and grabbing at the hanging toys on her baby gym with her chubby little ivory fingers. She was the best thing I'd ever done with my life, and my heart broke for the months I'd missed with my little girl. I was angry at my own feeble mind for allowing me to forget my precious girl and furious with Gunnar for the time he'd cost me with my daughter. Our daughter.
Lily was every bit Milos' little girl, and he'd loved her with everything he had from the moment she was born. But she wasn't his blood, she was Gunnar's.
As the joy of remembering the beautiful girl I'd missed rushed over me, the memory of our plans to protect her suddenly unlocked from the prison in my mind.
I'm pacing the floor, hands running through my hair while Lily squeals in her playpen, shaking a small toy in her little fingers. She's getting so big, so strong. She's ready to start crawling any day now, and I'm saddened by how quickly her childhood seems to be getting away from us. We've done so much to protect her, to keep her safe from the monster who would take her away if he knew of her existence.
She is too precious, too innocent to be let near my ex-fiancée. Gunnar is like the child who finds a tiny butterfly to love and plucks off its beautiful wings, not understanding he's destroying the delicate creature. I can imagine the damage he would do to my precious little girl with his furious temper and controlling manipulation. It terrifies me to imagine the 'lessons' he might teach my little girl to instruct her wayward behaviour. I will protect her at any cost, and I don't care what I have to suffer personally, if only she stays safe.
"You know his men are coming. We can't put her at risk, Milos... or you. He doesn't know about us or about her, so you need to pack her up and bring her to Mamma's without me," I plead, gazing at my daughter with tear filled eyes.
"We'll all leave together, Ellie. Leave with us...we can all stay in town for a few more hours and then we'll go together. Please, I don't want to risk us being apart. Lily needs you...I need you," he pleads, taking my hands in his, kissing the tops of my knuckles.
"Baby, please. You know we have to do this. We've thought of every possible solution and we're out of time! This is the only way that keeps her safe and you alive. If he finds you, he kills you. If he finds her, he takes her. If he finds me and I keep Lily hidden, we can all still get away," I manage with a whisper. "Besides, it'll only be a week, maybe two until I can shake him and we'll all be back together," I nod my head, trying to reassure him.
His eyes turn dark. "It's not safe, Tesoro. He could hurt you, he could kill you...I can't leave you unprotected like this," he pleads, and I can see the fear in his eyes that mirrors my own.
I pause and pull his face down to mine and meet his lips for a soft kiss, pulling him into my arms. We've only a few minutes guaranteed to get everything hidden and Lily away before Gunnar's men are expected. We need to move fast, and as much as I want to hold my husband and kiss away our fears, I need to put my daughter's safety first.
"Pack what you can quickly, I'll hide the rest once you're gone. And Milos...if anything happens to me, swear you'll keep her safe and hidden no matter what. She's more important than me...you need to choose her every time. Promise me...please?" I beg him, pulling away to look at him earnestly.
"You can't ask me to choose between my wife and daughter, Ellie. You don't know what you're asking of me. You know I'll keep you both safe, I promised you and I always keep my promises," he replies.
I shake my head. "Promise me, Milos. I can't do this...I can't face him unless I know she'll be safe, even without me."
Milos nods his head, fire burning in his eyes. "Fine, I'll go pack. Get her ready in the carrier, I'll be out in a couple minutes," he grunts out as he stalks away, full of anger. I know he's not really angry at me, he's angry at the situation. The situation Gunnar always seems to put all of us in.
I tuck my little pumpkin into her carrier and keep her warm with a fuzzy pink blanket and a soft white hat. She's fussing with angry little cries and pumping her fists in her carrier, affected by the negative emotions that have filled the room. Our fear, our frustration, our anger that this fight still isn't over yet. I lean down and kiss her pink cheek while I rock the carrier whispering words of love into her ear. "Mamma's going to be back with you soon, my Princess, real soon. Be a good girl for your daddy. I love you to the moon and back," I whisper as a tear slips down my cheek.
Milos walks back into the room with bags over his shoulder and pauses to pull me into his arms before leaving.
"Please come back to us quickly. You know I can't sleep without you," he attempts the joke without smiling, touching my cheek and brushing his lips softly against mine.
"I love you," I whisper, "Stay safe, keep Lily safe."
"I love you too," he says and without another word that will surely have us both in tears, he leans down to take the carrier and heads out the door, closing it softly behind him.
I sigh as my heart leaves me and follows my family, terrified I might never see them again. But I step away from the door, and begin the rush through the makeshift apartment we've built and remove every piece of Lily I can find in our living area and hide them in the storage area that's hidden behind a steel panel, a place impossible to see unless you're looking for it.
Not ten minutes later I hear voices in the warehouse and a banging noise as the apartment door flings open. I see three men I recognize from Gunnar's security team and then the man himself walks into the room. I wasn't expecting him yet and I hurry to wipe my tears from my face as I prepare for the performance of a lifetime.
Staring at me with a haunted expression, Gunnar slowly walks toward me, never breaking eye contact. I'm frozen to the floor in fear, watching him warily until he stands directly in front of me and says," You look surprisingly well. Miss me, baby?"
My heart sinks as I realize he knows the truth. No amount of acting will save me this time, and I can't fool him into a false sense of security until I sneak away. I need to run now.
I turn on my heel and bolt for the back of the unit. There is a side emergency exit that leads to the back of the warehouse and I let my body carry me with a speed and agility I've never possessed in my life, slamming doors behind me to slow the pursuit of his men.
As I fling open the heavy, metal door, I pivot and turn toward the busy streets where, if I'm lucky, I can blend into the bustle of rush hour traffic.
I don't have the luxury of turning behind me to see how far back they are, I need to press ahead with everything I have, moving around the obstacles strewn around the sides of the warehouse, jumping over objects that would otherwise leave my face planted into the mixed gravel and dirt surface. I can hear the beat of their footsteps and my heart pounds, as I imagine the loaded guns behind me, praying that Gunnar wouldn't allow them to shoot me in broad daylight.
I reach the street and turn around to see his man only a foot away, his hand nearly grips my arm and I twist away, terrified, stumbling backward into the busy street, and tripping over a parked car. I fall on my arms and ass and it knocks the wind out of me.
Someone yells my name but I'm dazed, pulling myself off the road when a deafening screech sounds. I'm barely on my feet as I feel a blinding pain at my side and I tumble into the air and brace my right arm to land. And then everything is black.
Stephen's eyes register shock, and he's rendered speechless. I'm feeling the same emotion as I process though the memory and more pieces finally start to click into place.
Milos did everything I asked him to do. He kept my baby girl hidden, he played his part and payed the ultimate price to keep his promise to me. The only thing he didn't do was leave me. He was supposed to have left the country with Lily, but he had stayed behind and put us all at risk.
I was equal parts furious and overjoyed at the realization. But I couldn't really blame him; I understood his choice. I could never have left the country without him by my side, yet I had expected him to do just that - I had asked the impossible of him. He had stood back for Lily's sake and watched Gunnar take advantage and lie to me for months. I had slept in his bed and called him my husband. A wave of nausea hit as I imagine the pain it must have caused him. I'd have personally clawed out the eyes of any woman who did that to my husband.
And he had quietly sat back, watching and waiting. To keep Lily safe. To keep me safe and close.
I choked on a sob, longing with all of my being to have my husband back, needing to be in his arms. Needing my little girl.
"Please, Steve, you need to take me home to my family," I begged him.
He opened his mouth and closed it again, his eyes darting around the room, processing, panicking.
Instead of responding, he suddenly rose, walked to the door and turned to face me before leaving.
"We leave in the morning at seven. Get some rest, Anna." He quickly turned and closed the door behind him, placing the deadbolt back in place on the other side. I could hear his footsteps retreat as sobs racked my body.
"Stephen! Stephen you need to let me out of here! Stephen please! You don't know what you're doing!"
I thrashed against the door with my fists for hours, but he never responded, never returned.
Exhausted, I finally climbed back into my bed with tears spent. I laid in the dark for hours, pining for my family, desperate to find a way back to them. I didn't sleep a moment as I tried to plan how I would get back to Milos and Lily.
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