A/N:I don't know how the upcoming Black Widow movie will tackle/ handle Natasha's reunion with Steve before Infinity War, so this is just my idea and it will do for now for me :). Writing fanfic is kind of a mental and writing calisthenics for me so I just had to write this one down for my own peace of mind. Hope you like it!
**********************************************
It's been almost a year since Steve left Bucky in a cryotube in Wakanda. It's been almost a year of him, Sam, and Wanda playing hide and seek with Ross' men. It's been almost a year without Natasha by his side. And he had to admit it has been a struggle. Of course he didn't say it out loud nor act like it because he knew how much Sam and Wanda depended on him. But deep inside, Steve was grasping at straws.
He didn't know much about being a fugitive and the logistics that come with being one. All he knew was things would be much easier if it was just him but no, he had two other lives to take into account. Not that he didn't want Sam and Wanda around, but he had to remind himself that the two were in this situation because of him, because they chose to follow him and the least he could do was look after them now.
His emotional stress was so evident in his eyes. It could have easily taken a toll in his physical body but thanks to his serum, he didn't have to worry about that that much. So his eyes bore all of his internal struggle. They were dim and often staring at something far away. His mind wandered off to a lot of things that he started neglecting some of his usual routine like shaving every two days. He just woke up one day and suddenly felt what a task shaving was, so he stopped. When Wanda started to notice months ago how unkempt he looked, Steve simply made an excuse that a fully-grown facial hair was a handy disguise.
Aside from the logistics of everything, Steve's heart was also weighed down by his ruined relationships. He and Tony never met eye to eye with a lot of things but Steve still believed that at the heart of everything Tony does was the greater good. So he cannot truly despise the man even if he didn't agree with most of Tony's logic and methods.
Then there was Natasha.
He had to admit, Natasha's decision with the accords felt like a knife in his heart. But he cannot be angry at her, really, nor at anyone who stands up for what they think is right. It pained him to see her at the other side of the battle line but they both made their choice and they had to see through it. He didn't want to leave her at the hangar that day. He actually believed that if T'Challa didn't catch up with them, Natasha would have jumped in the jet with them. But Natasha put herself in the line for him and Bucky. She was his shield.
He sent Tony and Nat a phone each and while he didn't expect Tony to be calling him anytime soon, he thought Nat would take a little risk to check up on him especially after their prisonbreak at the raft. But no, nothing from her. No phone call, encrypted email, nor a coded message. And as the months passed, the more bothered and puzzled he became. He tried telling himself not to worry because she's at the compound anyway, continuing their work and just probably didn't want to take a risk now that she's working closely with Ross. Besides, he had Bucky to attend to. Two weeks ago, the princess called them back to Wakanda for the last test before they can declare Bucky one hundred percent free from his HYDRA programming.
Steve told Shuri that he wanted to be there for this because he didn't want anybody else getting hurt should they need to neutralize Bucky. So heart pounding and muscles tightening, Steve started to slowly recite the triggers words as best as he could while Bucky waited inside a containment pod made out of pure vibranium. Okoye and the king's guard surrounded them, Sam and Wanda stood ready by Steve's side, the latter's fingers steadily glowing red. Steve watched as Bucky readied himself too for whatever was coming. His Russian wasn't that bad so the words would still work if Shuri's work on Bucky's head was a bust. Good thing the princess was a genius, even more of a genius than Tony, if Steve was being honest, because after he uttered the last trigger word, he saw Bucky ease up, put a huge grin on his face, and two peace signs. Steve let out a huge sigh of relief. One less thing to worry about.
That night they celebrated their victory and Bucky's HYDRA liberation with a small dinner. Steve was truly happy for his bestfriend but he couldn't shake off Natasha his head. He badly needed to hear from her. He badly needed her. He brought out his phone and flipped it open. It only had two numbers and he scrolled to Natasha's name. His thumb hovered over the call button.
"Still nothing?" Sam asked with concern.
Steve snapped out his thoughts and saw everyone was looking at him, including T'Challa. He shook his head and said, "Probably just doesn't want to risk it."
"What is, Captain?" T'Challa asked.
Steve sighed and decided to share his burden with them. It was getting too much for him to bear anyway.
"I sent Nat a burner and I was hoping she would have called by now. But, still nothing. Maybe I should finally call her and see how's she's doing," Steve said, not bothering to mask the sadness in his voice.
"Where did you send the phone again?" Sam asked.
"At her apartment in DC," Steve said. "She drops there once or twice a month to keep her lease."
"Why there?" Bucky asked.
"I figured after what Natasha did at the airport, Ross would have her closely monitored especially at the compound, including her mail," Steve explained.
T'Challa walked over to Steve and breathed in before speaking. "I'm sorry, Captain, but there is a possibility that she didn't get it."
"What do you mean?" Steve asked the king.
"Before I followed you to Siberia, I told General Ross what Ms. Romanoff did," T'Challa said, apologetically.
"What does that mean?" Wanda asked.
"Ross most probably sent his men to arrest Ms. Romanoff," T'Challa said.
Wanda gasped and Sam placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Steve's eyes fell on the floor.
"I'm truly sorry, Captain for not telling you about it sooner," T'Chall continued. "I wasn't sure what Ross did after our talk and when you came back from the raft without her, I figured she's alright."
"It's okay, your highness," Steve said.
"But she's not alright,"Sam interjected. "Because if she is, she should have gone to DC as per her routine then found the phone there."
"She probably just stayed at the compound, you know, avoid further suspicion," Wanda said.
Steve kept silent, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
"I can check if you want," T'Challa offered.
"Not if it would put your position with the Accords at risk," Steve said.
T'Challa shook his head and added, "If Ms. Romanoff is in danger because of what I did, it's the least I can do, Captain."
Steve nodded in thanks before excusing himself. But instead of retreating to his room in the palace, Steve went to the quinjet. He opened the radios and listened to every frequency there was. He figured that Natasha might have indeed tried to contact him after all but through underground channels. But his heart sank to hear nothing but static. Out of frustration, he threw his headphones to the floor.
"Stop," Bucky said.
Steve saw his friend enter the jet but kept staring at the radio.
"You're thinking of worst case scenarios right now. Don't do that," Bucky continued.
"I can't, Buck."
"You really care about her, don't you."
Steve looked at his right and straight at the weapons drawer with Nat's name on it. 'Romanoff', the letters spelled.
"I do," Steve admitted.
He has admitted that to himself a long time ago but had to keep it to himself because Natasha was dealing with a broken heart at that time and him confessing to her wouldn't do both of them any good. So he contented himself by simply being there for her. Banner vanished, Thor left Earth, Clint left active duty, and Tony stepped out of the game. But Nat stayed and for a while he couldn't ask for anything else. Until the accords happened.
Bucky grinned at him with pride. Steve couldn't help but smile back as his cheeks redden with Bucky's knowing, teasing look.
"I'm proud of you, pal," Bucky said and clapped him at the back. "But I think something's wrong with you 'cause you always fall for the tough ones, don't you."
Steve had to chuckle at that.
"Wait, what's with that kiss then? With the blonde?"
"Nothing," Steve said almost immediately. "Just something that was long over due. Nothing more."
Bucky smiled in understanding and said, "Romanoff's one hell of a fighter, Steve. I know that. I'm betting she's is okay. And if not, then, I know she's out there fighting to stay alive."
"I wish you're right, Buck."
*******************************************************
Three days later T'Challa arrived from a meeting with Ross and confirmed Steve's fear.
"I'm afraid Ross sent his men immediately after my call," T'Challa reported. "They arrived at the compound while we were on our way to Siberia."
"Then she was at the raft, Steve!" Wanda yelled in panic. "She was there the whole time! We need to get her!"
"Calm down, Ms Maximoff," T'Challa said. "She was gone by the time Ross' men arrived at the compound. Stark tipped her off."
"That's why she couldn't get to her apartment, Steve," Sam surmised. "She knew that Ross had her known addresses staked out and couldn't risk it."
Sam and Wanda felt a little relieved.
"Yeah, which means," Steve said with a sigh then continued, "she's on the run too."
"At least now we know why she hasn't reached out," Bucky said. "It's not that she didn't want to, it's just flat out dangerous."
Steve tried finding comfort in what Bucky said but he couldn't. He knew Natasha's more than capable of taking care of herself but realizing that she's on her own like in her pre-SHIELD days made him feel guilty. He knew how much Natasha worked her ass off to leave that life but it seems like Steve himself pushed her back underground because of his choices. But as much as he wanted to find her, he didn't know where and how to begin. Besides, he was sure Natasha would be close to impossible to find right now, when their faces were on every kind of alert in over one hundred countries. She was that good at what she does. And this thought scared Steve because then there was a possibility that he'd never see her again. Unless she knew he'd been looking for her. But Steve was also clueless on how to make her know that.
"Got any idea how to find her?" Steve asked Bucky.
Bucky thought for a while but then said, "When HYDRA needed me to hunt someone down, I usually had something to begin with. An address, coordinates, something. But I think even if I had those info on her, she'd still be impossible to find. I think you know that, too, Steve."
Steve nodded in defeat.
"I'm afraid you'd only find her when she finally wants to be found, pal," Bucky admitted. "All you can do right now is to trust her."
Steve managed a smile and said, "I do, Buck, with my life."
Steve tried to distract himself with other things in Wakanda. He, Sam, and Wanda would soon have to leave. They couldn't overstay their welcome in the kingdom and put everyone at risk. They needed to leave so they could come back again. Bucky would stay of course, but didn't need to go back in his cryo again, much to Steve's relief. Instead, Bucky would try to assimilate back into the world and Steve was thankful to T'Challa for letting his friend do that in Wakanda.
Three days before they leave, Shuri, Sam, and Bucky worked on the quinjet, making sure it was fit for flight, while Steve and Wanda, with Okoye's help, took care of their other provisions. Soon enough they have crates and boxes of food and supplies ready for loading.
But that night, as Steve tried to sleep, his phone rang. He was so surprised to hear the ringing that he just stared at the phone on his night stand, unsure if it was really ringing or he was just hearing things. Then, finally coming to his senses, he snatched the phone and flipped it open without bothering to check who it was.
"Hello?" Steve greeted, nervously.
But there was only silence which made Steve even more nervous. He removed the phone from his ear and looked at the caller ID. Natasha.
His heart raced. He slipped out of the covers and sat by the edge of the bed as he intently listened to the other end of the call. The ID said Natasha but the phone could be compromised so Steve stayed silent too.
"Hello?" Steve repeated, cautiously.
Then after a few beats Steve heard someone that made him cry in relief. Finally.
"Hey," Natasha greeted back.