Astronomer is the anagram of 'no more star'. But 'no more star' means it's a day, it's morning. A new morning. A new hope.
I was a fool to wait for someone who I know that will not come back. I was just being hopeful, didn't I?
• • •
"And lay you down on a bed of ro---"
The lyrics didn't end just the way it is, dahil isang malakas na pagsabog ang tumapos dito.
"Peter..." My hand tightened its grip.
Inagaw na siyang tuluyan ng kalawakan sa akin.
• • •
Years had passed by and I could feel that my hope is still here. I spent my whole ten years being an educator. I know that it is impossible for him to come back but still, I'm hoping. The woman of hope couldn't be hopeless.
One day, when I am preparing our breakfast, I received an email from the UASA, saying that they have received a message outside the Earth. The sender is unknown. They even said that they can't track the specific source, but they are skilled enough. I know. I trust them.
Inayos ko agad ang mga gagamitin ni Aaron at Sky sa school bago ako pumunta sa headquarters. Wala na akong pakialam kung totoo man yun o hindi. Basta ang alam ko, malapit na siyang bumalik. Nag-iwan ako ng notes sa refrigerator, marunong naman na silang magbasa. Malalaki na sila.
• • •
I just arrived in the UASA. My heart's full of hope and love. Yeah, it's me again, the woman of hope. Umaasa ako na babalik na talaga siya. I took a deep breath at dahan dahang naglakad papasok sa loob ng headquarters.
The whole staffs are busy. They seem like ants in a hive that are busy working. Noises are everywhere, arguments and debates are everywhere. Not until they saw me. They saluted on me and I saluted them back.
"Good Morning, Ex-Flight Lieutenant Behati Azalea Monzanto," taas-noong pagbati sa'kin ni Chairman. "Good Morning, Sir," I replied and saluted him. "Let's go, let's talk about the email I sent." Tipid siyang sumaludo at naglakad papunta sa isang sulok. Lakad-takbo ako para habulin siya.
"We have received a message from the outer space. We all know that before someone could send a message, years will be spent, we don't even know if someone can send a message from the outer space but why did the message simply looks like it's a prank? Does someone is fooling us? Or is it a work of a coming alien apocalypse?" he said, so composed.
"Prank, it is possible for me sir, but what is the message all about?" I asked him.
"I love you," he directly answered my question.
I sarcastically laughed. "This is not the time for jokes sir." I faked a smile. "This is a serious matter and it gives me hope that he's still alive, breathing and will come back home safely."
"I'm serious. The message is all about 'I love you'." He emphasized the 'I love you'. I got it. I grinned, Pedro..
"The woman of hope is hoping, didn't you?." He laughed. "So, you're still hoping?"
"Until I saw his plane and his body sir, I will," I said.
• • •
We are here in the laboratory. The scientists and staffs are also busy here.
"We can track the location by changing the position of Engineer Wright's satellite," rinig kong sabi ng isa.
"We can't take risk. Since there is a possibility that it will affect the signals all over the world. We can't easily decide. We will study regarding that matter."
"And one more," itinaas niya ang kanyang hintuturo.
"Engr. Wright's invention can't track that position. His satellite is for Earth only. We can't easily make a new one since Engineer Wright and Commander Mitts are on vacation."
"I think we just need to wait. That's the most efficient thing to do."
"WE CAN'T WAIT!" I yelled. My heart is aching, how can they wait? My Peter is on danger since ten years ago. How could they? A single tear escaped from my eyes. I waited for him, I waited for this chance, for this to happen! But what are they doing now? THEY ARE WASTING THIS CHANCE THAT I DON'T WANNA MISS AND I WAITED AND I LONGED FOR!
"Sinakripisyo niya ang buhay niya para sa atin, para sa mundo. Pwede ba? P-Pwede bang ngayon, magsakprisiyo naman kayo p-para sa kanya?" My voice cracked. My tears are endlessly flowing on my cheeks. Alam kong hindi nila ako naiintindihan at halatang nalilito sila sa mga sinasabi ko. Halata ito sa pagkunot ng kanilang mga noo pero wala akong pakialam. Commander Jensen immediately translated what I've said before and I know that they got it.
"We can't easily decide Ma'am, since our decision can affect the whole planet," the other one replied.
I just fell to the ground. The last thing I knew, I was in the clinic section of the building. Hindi naman ako ganito dati. Hindi pa ako hinihimatay mula pagkabata, but look what you've made me do Pedro. You're really impossible.
"B-Bakit ako nandito? B-Bakit? A-Anong nangyari? Did Peter came b-back already?" I uttered, my tears are flowing again. "WHERE'S PETER??!!!" I yelled. And out of the blue, I fell asleep again.
"I love you, I really do Behati..."
"Peter.."
"I love you, let the sky cross our paths again."
"P-Peter.." I can feel tears on my eyes.
"I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses."
I can remember his cold and beautiful voice.
"And lay you down on a bed of ro---"
"Peter!"
"And lay you down on a bed of---"
"Peter! Don't leave me please." I mourned.
"And lay you down.."
"And lay you down.."
"Peter.." I cried as I said his name. He and the lyrics are slowly fading on my mind.
I jumped out of the bed with heart shattered into pieces. It's was just a dream. "M-Ma'am are you okay?" rinig kong saad ng isang nurse sa gilid ko. "I'm.. I am ok," balisa kong sagot at bumangon. "Where's Peter?" I said, tears are now again forming to my eyes. I miss him. I badly need him right now.
"Someone phoned you Ma'am. I didn't tried to wake you up," sabi niya at binigay sa'kin ang cellphone ko. I grabbed my phone and immediately opened the logs. It's Chairman.
"I need to go." Bumangon ako at naglakad palabas. As I walk through the exit I received a phone call. 'Chairman', the phone displayed. "H-Hello, Sir?" I started the conversation. "See me to the main section of the building, you have to see something that will give you more hope," sambit niya sa kabilang linya. Sumunod naman agad ako.
• • •
Nandito na ako sa main section, magkahalong kaba at saya ang nararamdaman ko. Dinala niya ako sa isang sulok kung saan glass windows ang nakapalibot.
"Look," wika niya at itinuro ang langit. Tinignan ko naman agad ang gawing iyon at nagulat sa nakita ko.
'I love you, let the sky cross our paths again', it popped up to my mind. Sinabi niyang babalik siya, at ngayon tinutupad niya na.
I immediately went outside the building and went straight to my car. Pupuntahan ko kung saan man mahuhulog ang bagay na iyon, ang eroplanong sinasakyan ni Pedro.
Kinakabahan ako sa makikita ko. 'I love you let the sky cross our paths again.' Ito lang ang nasa isip ko sa mga sandaling ito. Ano na kayang hitsura niya ngayon? Asul pa ba ang mga mata niya? Maayos pa kaya siya? Whatever, kailangan ko na siyang makita. I missed him and his sapphire blue eyes so much.
• • •
Gabi na nang makarating ako sa lugar na iyon. Nandito na rin pala ang media at ang staffs ng UASA. My hands tightened their grip to the steering wheel. "Are you ready Behati?" tanong ko sa sarili ko habang nakatingin sa salamin. "I was born ready, I was born more than ready." I saluted myself. "This is Ex-Flight Lieutenant Behati Azalea Monzanto, the woman of hope, the woman of survival, the woman of beloved man who owns a beautiful pair of ocean blue eyes, and I am here to fetch Space Commander Rylandrien Peter Armstrong, my man." I smiled and saluted myself.
I took a deep breath at dali-daling lumabas sa sasakyan. Pinuntahan ko agad ang lugar upang makasigurong eroplano nga ito ni Pedro. Mabuti na lang at buhangin ang binagsakan nito kaya hindi ito gaanong napinsala.
Hindi ako nagkamali, ito nga. Ito ang sinakyan namin ni Pedro nang umalis kami. And as I walk closer and closer, hinila ako ng isang naka-unipormeng lalake.
"Ma'am, you're not allowed here." Pinilit kong kumawala sa mga bisig niya. Napangiti ako. Matagal ko nang hindi nagagawa ito. My favorite move. Siniko ko siya sa may bandang tiyan niya. Umatras, at tumakbo nang mabilis palapit sa kanya and gave him my spinning back kick. I landed with one bended knee and my other hand on the sand. Knocked out. Not me babe, not Behati Azalea Monzanto.
Dali-dali akong tumayo habang nagpapagpag ng kamay ko. Tumakbo ako papasok sa plane at hinanap doon si Pedro.
Mabaho.
Ang baho na ng loob nito. Pero bakit wala pa ring mga bakas niya ang nandito? Nagulat na lamang ako nang makita ang isang katawang nakahilata. Matanda na ito, nangangayayat na at teka— asul ang kulay ng mga mata niya.
"P-Peter?" Niyakap ko siya. Ramdam kong humihinga pa ito. Inalis ko ang pagkakayakap ko at bigla siyang nagsalita. "B-Baby.. I h-have done my m-mission...and my promise to y-you." I cried, chest pains are swallowing me alive.
"B-But time just p-passed by too f-fast there," he added. I wiped my tears. "W-What do you mean, Peter?" I said and looked at his ocean blue eyes, he is very ill... and.. old.
"Thirty years th-there is just t-ten years on E-Earth," sabi niya pa.
"I es..escaped Behati. Napunta a-ako sa loob ng b-blackhole. I immediately sent UASA a m-message when I came back to our solar system. I-I'm stucked th-there being pieces of photon."
"Sorry B-Behati, m-my sky. I'm j-just too o-old to be with y-you."
"How's Aaron and Skyna-nard?" Pinilit niyang tumayo ngunit pinigilan ko siya. Mahina pa ang katawan niya.
"They're good baby. Nakikita na nila ang mundong sabay nating pinaglaban. You want to see them? Please stay alive, stay awake Peter.. please baby." Pinalalakas ko ang loob niya habang pinalalakas ko din ang akin.
"I-I love you b-baby.. and our p-paths will surely c-cross again.. i-in heaven.."
"Peter! No, no! We will cure you! Mabubuhay ka okay? Mabubuhay ka!" Hinalikan ko ang pulso ko, idinikit ko ang kamay ko sa dibdib ko, itinaas at unti unting isinara. Hinalikan ko ang ibabaw ng ulo niya.
"L-Let's touch e-each other's hearts baby." Ginaya niya rin ako. But this time, unti unting bumaba ang kamay niya. No, no no! Hindi ka mamamatay Pedro! Niyakap ko siya, sa ganoong paraan ay baka mapakalma ko siya.
"I want to lay y-you down on a bed of r-roses. F-For tonight I sleep on a bed o-of nails.." He tried to sing the lyrics but he can't. Wala na siyang sapat na lakas. But still, he continued.
"I want t-to be just as close as the H-Holy Ghost is. And.. and l-lay you down.." Hindi niya na maikanta nang maayos ang liriko ng kanta. Unti unti nang nawawala ang boses niya. Ang lalakeng may bughaw na mga mata, the self-proclaimed sexiest astronaut alive. Ang lalakeng pinakamamahal ko, ang lalakeng nagturo sa akin kung paano bumangon at magmahal muli, ang lalakeng isinakripisyo ang sarili niyang buhay para sa mundo, ang ama ng mga anak ko.
Sa halip na titigan siya ay niyakap ko lang siya. I want to hear his voice only, I want to remember everything about him. I want to remember his voice. I don't want to forget it.
Ayokong matapos ang kanta. Dahil sa sandaling tumigil ito..
"And lay y-you down.. on a b-bed of r-ro..."
The lyrics didn't end just the way it is. Nawala na ang malalalim na paghinga niya. At ngayon, tanggap ko na. Tanggap ko na na wala na talaga siya. He died in my arms, the arms who once chose to help people survive. The arms of survival. I've been a survivor of typhoon, survivor of earthquake, of flood and tsunami, volcanic eruption, been a survivor of asteroid collision..
But never been a survivor of love.
"I love you Peter.." my arms tightened their hug to him. Inagaw na siyang tuluyan ng kalangitan sa akin.