(edited)
There were too many times in my life that I've been scared, but this? Waiting to see if she's gonna even make it out alive? This takes the fucking top.
When we were younger, my mamma was the only reason we went to church. She believed in God and she would always say to us that if we prayed, God would always hear us no matter what. The last time I prayed was when she was dying, but no one heard my prayers. We buried her two days later.
And now, I'm praying again, hoping that this time I won't have to bury another person I love.
"Dio, ti sto affrontando di nuovo, impotente. Non puoi salvare mia madre, ma per favore salva la ragazza che amo. Per favore ..." I pause and take a shaky breath. "Per favore, non lasciarla morire a causa dei miei errori. Puniscimi. Prendimi invece se vuoi, ma non lasciarla morire ... "
"Silvio?" Then, out of nowhere, I hear Lazzaro. I didn't even notice when he walked inside the hospital chapel.
My back stiffens, worrying that he'll notice the few runaway tears on my cheeks. I hurriedly wipe them off and turn around.
"How's she?" I ask him. His look toward me is a dirty one. He's clearly angry, just like everybody else.
"They are operating on her now." There's a quick contemplating expression on his face, but it disappears when he comes near me. "Silvio, I think you should take the boys and go."
"No. I'm not leaving her."
"Not leaving her?! Are you fucking kidding me?" Lazzaro laughs with no humor evident in his tone. "It's your fault she's in that shitty operating room, fighting for her life. What more do you want?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Lazzaro. I know it's my fault, but I need Willa to know that I would've rather shot myself than her. I need her to know that when she wakes up. I need to see her alive and okay. " I say with no room for negotiation and Lazzaro simply glares at me.
"You are one selfish son of a bitch. You know that, right? You'd rather tell her you didn't mean it and clean your fucking conscience than consider her feelings. Has it crossed your mind that maybe—just maybe—if she wakes up she wouldn't want to see you ever again?
"When. When she wakes up."
"Yeah, right. Because her chances of surviving are that high. Her lung had collapsed, Silvio. She had been choking on her own blood the whole drive to the hospital. Do you know that even just a few centimeters to the right and that bullet could've been in her heart instead? Do you not consider that as life threatening?"
The anger boiling inside of me makes me shoot up from the chair and face my little brother with a menacing glare.
He doesn't know shit about me caring for her. He doesn't know that I'd consider her burning her tongue on hot pasta as life threatening, just like she did few weeks ago. He doesn't know that her fussing over a harmless paper cut would have me burning the damned book just because I care for her and he sure as hell doesn't know that my heart had been breaking all those times I heard her cry or sob.
"Of course I fucking do, Lazzaro! You don't have to tell me that I could've killed my gattino on the spot. Don't make it even harder for me to deal with this."
And just that simple thought of me being the reason she could've been dead long ago has me going fucking crazy.
He chuckles dryly now. "Your gattino? Since when do you call Willa your gattino, hmm, Silvio? What? Do you love her or something now?" I take a step forward and take a slow look at my brother already assuming what's on his mind. Just at the thought my jaw clenches to the brink of painful.
"If I didn't know you any better I'd say that you love her, little brother." My words come out through gritted teeth. I wait for him to deny it by some miracle because, frankly, I'm hoping he will so I won't have to do something stupid.
"And so what if I do?" Lazzaro comes even forward, his eyes looking right at me, daring, while a dark smirk fleets on his lips.
Cazzo!
Next thing I know, I have my little brother by his collar, pinned on the beige wall. His eyes never lost that gutsy spark.
"You as much as think about her that way again I swear I'll smash your head open, Lazzaro!"
This was the stupid thing I was avoiding.
He growls lowly, "So you do love her then? Tell me, brother," saying the last word sneeringly he continues, "Who do you think has better chances then? Me or you, a guy who's kidnapped her, wants to kill her sister and has literally shot her? Do you seriously think she'll choose someone who goes against everything she believes in? Who has dragged her into this world and still thinks he can give her happin-"
"Shut your fucking mouth!" And just few inches to the left and I would've smashed my fist in his head instead of the chapel's wall.
"Go on, dear brother, hit me and ignore what I just said as true." He taunts me with his words, a sardonic tone deeply rooted within them, when he knows very well that I'm on the brink of actually hitting him, and losing this dangerous game.
And if I lose, I implicitly lose Willa. too. Oh, what am I saying. I already lost her.
Not wanting to play along anymore and lose, I send one final growl in Lazzaro's way and jerk away. However, I catch his last words towards me before I disappear behind the chapel doors, "At least try not to hurt her anymore, Silvio."
Believe me, this time I'll try.
It doesn't take me more than three minutes to get from the chapel, through the reception and to the waiting room right outside the operating room.
I look down on my knuckles for a quick second and notice they're bruised from earlier. They'll heal in a couple of days. Then my thoughts drift to Willa again.
I'm too distracted and immersed in thoughts about her that I almost miss the suspicious men at the reception when I walk past it. I count four—no— six of them in the lobby, asking the nurse something in broken Spanish. Fucking americans.
I also take a quick look at their clothing. They're dressed as civilians, of course, but then I notice the underarm holsters they have under their jackets and I chuckle humorlessly.
These motherfuckers are either CIA here on 'unofficial' business or they are 'private contractors'. In any way, it's not a good sign they show up after us.
One of them, a man no taller than 5ft9 with buffed build, takes notice of me and informs the one next to him who I think is the one in charge of the group. He tries to be subtle and not look shady while eyeing me up and down to see if I'm a threat. I remember I don't have my gun anymore if anything decides to go south.
I continue my walk up the stairs now fully aware that something is actually going on, but I still cannot determine whether they're here for one of us or not.
I can't help but think about Willa again now. Has she gone out of surgery yet? How's she doing? Is she hurting?
However, various steps behind me take me out of my remissnes. I take a swift look over my shoulder and notice that four out of the six men from downstairs are on my tail but keeping a distance. Deciding it would be best if I get out of their way just to see who they're after, I come across an open office and get inside.
Thankfully they just continue ahead.
After they get past me, I resume my walk behind them. I can no longer see them, but this hallway only leads to the waiting room so there's one place they can go and honestly I don't know why they'd even go there.
However, I didn't expect the next thing that's happening. They're issuing a court order to take Jade in and they have already put her in handcuffs.
Gio doesn't say anything, surprisingly. He only sends her a reassuring look on which Jade only nods. She even looks like she had actually expected this. And then her eyes fall on me.
I expect a curse, a threat, a promise to kill me, but nothing comes out of her except a pure sneering expression.
Then the men shove her forward a little so she would start walking down the hallway.
"Gio, take care of her for me, yeah?" She tells him with a small smile while they drag her away with her hands cuffed behind her back.