The night was finally arriving, the next sunset would give place to the full moon. Being honest to themselves, Severus and Remus couldn't wait for it. In the last days, Remus' mood didn't give them any signs of improvement. Snape was even contemplating the idea of inviting him to spend the night before the full moon on his bedroom, no second intentions, it was simply to give him some company. Remus, however, was declining any activities that required interaction with others, not wanting to be a burden to anyone.
The werewolf just stayed in his own bedroom making the plans for his classes and listening to music, slightly panicked to think that he would be transformed by this time tomorrow. He had this ritual of staying up late or not sleeping at all so that the wolf would have less energy when transformed. Snape, on the other hand, went to bed early, knowing the next night would probably be a long one.
When their eyes met for the first time in the morning, they smiled briefly to each other, the type of smile that has a deep meaning beneath the surface. Remus had this thing about Snape, he couldn't look directly at him and also had a hard time looking away from his direction for too long.
Lupin was nervous, it was noticeable. The wizard knew Dumbledore was probably analyzing him the same way he did every month before the full moon. Snape noticed the werewolf barely ate and seemed to be looking around too much, almost searching for someone that knew his secret and would say it out loud at any moment.
After long moments of daydreaming as he looked to the Great Hall and all the students, Remus felt Snape holding his wrist over the table. He widened his eyes for a second, startled with the contact and for not concealing it.
"No need to be so nervous. You shall be fine" Severus leaned a little closer to whisper to him
"Severus, people are looking" Remus said also in a whisper
"I know" He said in a somehow bitter way, breaking the contact, "Can I meet you... later?"
"Absolutely not" Remus said in a decisive way
"If you have been taking it correctly, I assure you it will be safe for us both" Snape said in a calculated manner
"Are you testing me?" Lupin accused
"I am. And I also want to go" Snape said finishing his coffee
"I'm taking everything correctly but I'm also taking the other one this time, what if... you know" Lupin said anguished looking around
"Get up, we need to talk where we can use at least a third of our vocabulary" Snape said raising from his chair wondering why they still bothered trying to eat and have a conversation at the table
They went to Lupin's classroom and sat over the desks to talk to each other. Lupin was horrified with the idea and Snape was trying to make any possible deal that included giving him assistance.
"Severus, you asked me if you could go, I suppose my opinion still counts for something"
"Why don't you allow me to stand by you? I can help if you need anything. And if the Wolfsbane doesn't work under the influence of the second potion, wouldn't you say it's better to have me around to make sure you don't scape the house?" Snape said finally
Lupin wanted to have something else to say but Snape had a point.
"It's not just that... I... Don't want you to see me that way" He said looking away and touching his neck
Snape got closer to answer him and look into his eyes.
"I've seen you as a werewolf before and when you transformed back. Doesn't... change anything, Remus" he said touching his face
Remus smiled briefly, relieved to hear those words. He was indeed bothered with the idea that if Snape saw him transformed he wouldn't want him anymore.
"Still, I don't want you to see it, listen to it... makes me... embarrassed" Remus confessed
Their negotiation continued for quite some time. It wasn't easy at all, but Snape managed to make Lupin allow him to stay outside the house and only enter after a series of confirmations that he was still himself. Remus also made a huge point out of making Severus promise that if his life was in danger he could do whatever it takes to protect himself.
When it was four o'clock, Lupin finished his class, got this bag, wrote a note and left for the Shrieking Shack. He knew the transformation was creeping on the edge of his consciousness and it could happen early in the night. It was not worth the risk waiting any longer.
About two hours later, Snape found Remus's note on his desk and went to the house as well, bringing a couple of things with him using an undetectable extension charm on a small box.
On his way to the Whomping Willow, listening to the cracks the leaves would make as he walked, Severus observed the moon just behind some clouds and started thinking about Remus. Nightfall was earlier in the past week, maybe the influence of the moon was stronger this month. He also tried distracting himself mentally with other theories to calm his nerves, this particular path made all sorts of noises that were putting him on edge.
As soon as Snape was reaching the place, he prepared his wand to make sure nothing would catch him off guard. His heartbeats were faster, his instinct was telling him to turn around and run. The thought made him feel bad, it was Remus after all. Not only that, it was his own potion. Still, his instinct was making his steps slow, short and careful. Maybe the experience he had as a teenager was more traumatizing than he cared to admit.
Closer to the house, he heard loud screams of pain coming from inside. That only made Snape think that his numbing potion probably didn't work as expected and his instincts were also telling him this screaming was maybe Remus losing his human consciousness.
Silence came next and going against the cold sweet on his hands, Severus waited outside, as promised. After long moments of wait in the cold, he heard four paused scratches on the front door and one on the metal lock. That means the Wolfsbane was working. Snape got closer, wand still ready.
"Another two scratches if you can understand me, Remus"
Remus answered accordingly, also howling in the specific way they agreed. It was really him.
"I'll open the door now. Step aside" Severus warned him
Snape was scared, he had to admit it, his hand was shaking slightly while he held his wand. When he opened the door slowly the werewolf was there, fully transformed with his arched back and eyes dark as night. It was Lupin, his expression was there somehow, only that he moved in a very different way, purely animalistic.
Lupin was sad to see Snape was scared of him, but of course, he didn't blame him. Remus sat on the floor, letting Snape get closer when he was ready. When Severus kneaded on the floor and looked directly on his eyes, he finally touched Lupin's face on the side.
"Evening Remus" he tried to say in a friendly way
Remus made a wolf-like sound moving his head slightly, maybe it meant the same.
"Forgive me for all this, I can see it's you now" Snape said apologizing for his first expressions
Another low howl followed and Lupin poked Snape's hand with his nose. Maybe it meant for him not to worry. This wasn't so hard after all. Snape caressed him on the head and behind his ears, receiving a satisfied expression from the other.
Lupin was extremely self-conscious about himself that way, he always thought the werewolf was an ugly creature. They went upstairs, where Lupin would usually stay to sleep during the night. As they walked to the bedroom, Snape couldn't avoid feeling sad about the place. Everything there was rather old or dusty or broken. He also got an unsettling feeling by observing some walls and furniture had deep scratches on them when he was on his way. Overall, it was a place that carried a heavy atmosphere.
When they were on the second floor, Snape decided to cast a spell to remove the dust from the room, it was unthinkable to let Remus stay in a place like this. But when he raised his wand, the werewolf made him lower it again, waving his head negatively.
"Why not? I won't fix anything, I'll just remove the dust from the bed" Snape said to him
Lupin made a couple of gestures to answer him. First, he let him finish the spell but later he pointed at himself and next to the broken couch in the corner of the room.
"Not a chance. I can see it's you, Remus. Also, you need to sleep well, I saw the dark circles under your eyes today. You should rest" Snape said lowering his wand
Lupin was still saying no with his head, it was noticeable he was afraid to hurt him on his sleep. He showed Severus his claws and the dark-haired wizard finally agreed on not sleeping on the same bed. However, he fixed the couch magically and made it more comfortable.
Remus went there and snuggled himself on the corner, resting in a dog-like position with his paws.
"So that is why you sleep that way" Snape said in a friendly way, approaching him
Remus flexed his neck and face in an inquisitive manner, asking him a question.
"You always sleep doing this with your hands, didn't you know?" Snape said, mimicking what he saw other nights
Lupin had never noticed this before and poked Severus back, this time in a sharper way, responding to the fact the other wizard was teasing him a little.
They stayed there on the couch for quite some time, Snape petting him all along. If Remus looked relaxed while receiving this type of care after the transformation, now he was at least twice as pleased. The way Severus managed to always pressure the right places was making him have trippy good thoughts.
Severus continued, amusing himself when he scratched under Remus' chin and got a lick in response. Remus looked back at him, apologizing for it since he probably did it out of instinct. But Severus wasn't disgusted by it, just giving him a smile in the corner of his mouth in response. After Remus fell asleep, Severus got changed into something more comfortable and went to bed.
There, laying under the blanket and looking around the room in the dark, Severus allowed himself to ponder about the place. It was a sad thing to see someone he had grown so fond of inhabiting a house in those conditions. The wallpapers were all dried and peeling from the walls and Severus wanted to make a spell first thing in the morning to remove all broken glass from the floor. It wasn't a house that was abandoned in a charming mysterious way, the place was a wreck. He looked at the werewolf sleeping on the couch, breathing deeply. Such an unfair thing to make Lupin's life harder, this was never his fault and he wasn't dangerous at all when taking his potion correctly.
Snape was expecting to take more of a nap than having an actual night of sleep, they slept late and as soon as the moon went away, Remus would painfully turn back into his human form. Snape got prepared to be awakened by screams similar to the ones he heard in the forest and while he waited outside the house. However, he woke up naturally, the room was illuminated by sunlight coming from the little holes in the curtains that covered the windows. It startled him for a second, but when he moved in bed and felt someone behind him, he relaxed.
"What's... wrong?" Remus asked half asleep
Severus turned around and saw Remus there, back into being a human and with the blanket covering his naked body.
"I didn't hear you transforming back, thought you weren't here for a moment" Severus answered
Remus opened his eyes fast in realization. He didn't remember any pain, all he could recall was being awakened by the transformation, turning into a human and going to bed with Severus out of instinct, so he could embrace him and feel some warmth.
"Actually, it didn't hurt. Last night I felt the pain as usual but nothing at all when I transformed back" Remus said as he scratched the back of his head. "What is it?" He asked, observing Severus looking straight at him
Snape froze for a moment, he couldn't take his eyes out of the men next to him. Something about that lazy expression, that messy hair and some parts of his body showing was just too distracting to him.
"Nothing... I just... find you handsome this way" Snape said looking to the side
Remus was caught up in surprise but didn't look away. He felt flattered since Snape wasn't someone who gave free compliments to anyone. Lupin only wished he wasn't exhausted to enjoy this moment in a more complete way, both mentally and physically. Still, Remus came closer and they kissed. They went on touching each other but never changing positions in bed. The kiss was very passionate, similar to the way they kiss before something more intimate, but neither gave a step forward.
Instead, they stopped and spent a while looking at each other. Severus laid down again and Remus followed, resting his head close the other's shoulder.
"Sorry, I wanted to continue but I'm too tired" Remus said in a low tone
"You don't have to apologize. Last time you slept for sixteen hours, you must be exhausted. Also, did you injure anything?" Snape asked
Lupin stretched himself a bit and his body remembered him that he stumbled back while transforming, hitting a spot on his back on the side of the couch.
"Just a bruise, nothing to be worried about" he said feeling his eyes getting heavy again
"People will notice I'm missing at the castle, I must be back by noon. Do you want to stay here or are you coming back with me?" Snape asked poking Remus a little, trying to make him be awake for enough time to answer
"Later" He said almost in a low howl
Snape felt him get heavier on his shoulder, meaning he was back asleep. It was quite surprising since he seemed very awake about two minutes ago.
The Slytherin left him some food he had brought inside the enchanted box, got dressed and was about to leave when he stepped on glass. He cast a spell to gather all the glass in a corner and, later, turned it into sand. A cleaning spell finished his task and he was ready to leave.
Snape went by his day, feeling his absence could be conspicuous but prepared to give a perfect alibi for every minute of the morning. Every time he had a break from teaching, he wished he could know if Remus was back.
Meanwhile, Lupin was on his second try on getting up in the afternoon. The first one had been two hours before, where he drank some water and fell asleep three minutes later. He was starting to fight against it, knowing he had to eat and get back to the castle before nightfall. Although every little task was making him abnormally tired, he was feeling more rested than he had ever been after a full moon. By this time he would usually not be able to get up from the bed.
When it got closer to nightfall, Severus searched for him everywhere, reaching the conclusion Remus was still at the house. It concerned him that Lupin would have to walk in the woods and make his way inside the castle with dementors floating freely around it. Once again, Severus got his enchanted box and rushed there, so they could avoid the night in the forest.
He didn't bother knocking, going upstairs only listening to his own steps in the old wood from the floor. At first, he didn't see Lupin there, growing anxious as he searched for the other.
"Remus? Are you still here?" he asked out loud
Snape almost jumped when he heard an old door opening behind him.
"I'm here" Remus answered
Snape had mixed feelings about Lupin's appearance. In a way, he seemed better than last time, after waking up on his bed after the incident in the forest. However, he looked worse than when the wolf made him sick in the middle of the lunar cycle.
Lupin noticed Snape was observing him in a meticulous way, maybe without his own knowledge. The werewolf tried to shrug it off saying he was about to leave the place and although Snape politely agreed with his statement, he wasn't so sure that would have been the truth unless he had been there to pick him up.
The Slytherin escorted him back to the castle, always making sure no dementors and other creatures were close. On their way to Lupin's room, some students were still walking around the corridors and it made Lupin far more uncomfortable then he was before. It all only got worse when a ginger Hufflepuff student from the second year approached them as they passed by.
"G-good night..." she said timidly, visibly afraid of Snape. "Are you alright Professor Lupin? Do you need anything? I can call Madam Pomfrey for you" she offered
Snape was about to dismiss her in his harsh manner, implying she should mind her own business. However, seeing right throw his intentions, Lupin held Snape's arm before he could speak. Lupin had stayed quite some time helping her on his lunchtime once, she had been unable to produce any charms in his class so far.
"I've seen better days, Christine, that's for sure. But I'll be fine, Professor Snape will take me to the hospital wing. Don't tell anyone about this, ok? I don't want to scare other students, but dementors can be unpredictable. Do everything you can to stay safe" Remus said to her with a kind expression
"A dementor did this to you?" she asked terrified
"It would have been me, wasn't he close at the right time. Now, if you excuse us" Snape said with his rough voice
With that, they continued their route to Lupin's room, which luckily was on the same direction of the hospital wing in that part of the castle. There, Lupin changed into something more comfortable and went straight to his bed, although he wasn't going to sleep anymore.
"Thank you for going along my story, Severus" Remus said to the wizard sitting in the chair across the room. "I just didn't understand why you said that, to be honest" Lupin remarked
Severus went to his direction and sat by his side in bed, he also had been thinking about what just took place.
"I wasn't going to intervene but you are the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and you can perform the Patronus charm very well... Seemed unfair to let people think you were attacked and was unable to protect yourself"
Lupin couldn't believe his ears, this person sitting right next to him was so different from the man he met on his first visit to Hogwarts as an adult. It only made him more certain that given the right treatment, everyone had something positive to share, even someone like Snape, who spared his smiles for private moments.
They continued there passing the time for some hours. Remus was trying to slowly introduce the other to his musical taste and also have a glimpse of what he liked to listen to.
When a particular song started, Severus was writing some notes on the book he brought, facing the wall. Remus never really liked that song, so he had a very clear thought on his mind about changing it. He was about to move in the bed to do so when Severus said he would change it for him, he just had to finish a sentence.
Severus looked up, clueless on why Remus seemed so perplexed for a moment. He then changed the song and went back to his book.
Later, when Severus returned to his room in the dungeons, Remus couldn't stop thinking about it. Severus was very observant, this was something embedded in his personality. However, this was something else.
Did he just use legilimency on him? And if so, was it the first time?
And the answer was no, it was not the first time. Remus realized it and put his hand over his mouth in surprise.
Lupin remembered he thought Snape acted like a 'metaphysical entity" while he made tea for them, but never said it out loud. And some time later, Severus used the expression to tease him while they talked.
Remus didn't know what to think of it. He didn't know much about the subject, wasn't even sure Severus was doing it on purpose. Snape was capable of calculating things in a very cold-blooded way when needed. If he went to the trouble of sneaking into his mind, why would he be so careless about concealing it?
The idea was upsetting to him, having your thoughts exposed was unnerving. It made him insecure about how everything had been going between them. This detail could potentially turn very nice acts into something doubtful in intentions, even manipulative.
Remus decided they should talk about this in the following days. His tired mind wasn't making him any favors.