Taeyeon's POV
Well after explaining ourselves to the girls and eating dinner tonight it was Soo's turn to spend the night with Pany-ah since she won the game we were all playing. I thought for sure I'd win and spend more time with her tonight but I guess being with her for most of the day today will do for now.
We were all preparing for bed since we all have schedule tomorrow, Soo's already in Pany-ah's room making herself comfortable. We were still figuring out when to tell the girls about our relationship, we need to tell them soon 'cause it feels awful to hide this fact from them and the sooner we tell them the sooner we can act more lovey dovey in the house.
Everyone's already in their room and I'm the only one left in the living room watching TV then I heard a door open and I thought it was Yoong since she's always hungry and might want to eat again before bed but to my surprise it was Pany-ah, I immediately smiled at her and gave her some room so she can sit beside me on the couch, but no, she much rather preferred sitting on my lap and I'm not complaining, she gave me a kiss on my forehead and the on my lips "Hmmm..What are you doing here? It's late you should sleep Soo's waiting for you." I said to her "I thought you'd be here and I guessed right, I just wanna give you a goodnight kiss TaeTae." She replied with her eyes smiling like crescents, "Goodnight Pany-ah~ I love you." I said to her while giving her a peck and she giggled cutely and wished me goodnight with one final kiss on the lips and went back to her room.
I went to my room not long after, and laid in bed with ginger already tucked in his side of the bed. It's already around 1 or maybe 2 am in the morning and I still haven't slept at all, I genuinely don't feel sleepy, so I sat up and looked around my room looking for anything interesting. My eyes landed on a box inside my closet, it was kinda old and it smelled old, when I got near it I realized it was all my stuff from the previous dorm we were in, the one where we all moved in when we were trainees. I honestly forgot it was here, I thought I lost it or it was back home, I never expected it to be here, so I looked through all the stuff inside. It was a big box and it was mostly filled with music scores, lyrics and some notes from when we were trainees. Its nostalgic rediscovering these old memories, it's like I took a trip down memory lane. I found a couple of old photos of me and Pany-ah, there were stacks of letters from her too, and I found a box and it was filled with friendship bracelets, key chains and stuff Pany-ah gave me back then. To be honest I didn't actually remember some of them and I don't really remember where I put them now so I' m very impressed and thankful to the younger me for being so thoughtful in organizing and keeping all of this. After almost emptying the box, right in the very bottom is a notebook, maybe a diary of some sort.
It was a diary, MY diary, I was a bit surprised 'cause I thought for sure I lost this a long time ago. As expected it was full of stupid scribbles and doodles, I never really wrote a meaningful log into it, it was mostly just me being bored during rehearsals. I'm going through the pages and I realized that half of the notebook was indeed logged into; I actually wrote stuff in it, it was almost 13 years ago I didn't remember I did write stuff in here. The first entry was when I met Pany-ah for the first time and I found out we were roommates, '...she's a little weird and her accent's way off, but she's beautiful and her eye-smile is to die for, they turn to crescents when she smiles.' Were the lined that really made me smile, Even way back then I was already starting to like you Pany-ah. I thought to myself. The proceeding pages were mostly about experiences with Pany-ah, funny moments I remember clearly and some that honestly, I didn't even remember happening, but thanks to this diary of mine I recalled most of them and even if I don't remember I still have written proof that it did.
While reading the pages of the diary a bunch of pictures fell out, I scrambled to find all the pictures and when I'm sure I got all of them that's when I realized they had writing on their backs, the pictures where of me and Pany-ah and a certain picture caught my attention. It was a picture of us kissing using tangerines in one of the radio shows, I remembered that pretty well, it was one of my favorite moments we shared, '..we kissed‼ Well technically we kissed the tangerines but still we KISSED‼ I swear my ears are red it's a good thing no one noticed. Today is officially my new favorite day‼ Pany-ah if only you knew my feelings for you‼" was written on the back of the picture. I had to laugh at my younger self's enthusiasm and dorkiness. After I finished reading the notebook and the pictures, I carefully put them inside a drawer on my nightstand. I laid back down in bed and reminisced about everything, I mean I knew Pany-ah and I have had the most memories and experience together but I never thought we had THAT much memories, but I'm upper happy we do.
We are best friends, although I thought cultural differences and language barriers would set us apart and we might not get too close at first but even then, we've overcome it and now our bond is even stronger. I's now beginning to feel sleepy and my eyes are getting heavier by the minute, I guess I need to sleep now, 'Goodnight Pany-ah~.'
Sooyoung's POV
YES! I thought to myself, it's finally my turn to spend the night with Fany-ah, it's been a long time since we spent time together since that Midget is hogging my little Fany-ah all to herself.
When Tae told us that Fany had cancer and it's already in stage 4, I felt like a part of me just wanted to go in a hole and never come out again, I felt depressed, devastated and dead.
When I first met Fany-ah I completely belittled her and teased her since she doesn't a understand a word of Korean and I thought she was either stupid for coming here without knowledge about anything related to Korea or she's super brave for coming here and pursuing her dream. There was one time the choreographer was really mad at her 'cause she was always screwing the dance moves and he had it so he scolded right in front of us and told us to go back to the dorm and for her to stay and practice. When we all got ready to leave she came over to us one by one and apologized for the inconvenience and that she'll work harder all while having that bright eye-smile on her face. 'wow, I can't believe she's still not crying, she's brave.' I thought. Tae was hesitant to leave her but we had no choice or else we'll get scolded as well, so we left and while heading back to the dorm I realized I forgot my charger and earphones on the couch so I hurriedly went back to get it and as I was a approaching the training room I heard music and realized Tiffany must be practicing, so I peeked inside and there she was, she was all sweaty form practice and she still had trouble with one part of the choreography which she kept screwing up, after multiple failed attempts she slumped down on the floor, she looked read to faint anytime, but she stood up and kept going until her knees were shaking out of exhaustion, she collapsed on the floor. I was about to leave when suddenly she started crying and saying stuff in English which I don't really understand.
She looked miserable so out of instinct I went over to her and gave her hand, we sat on the couch and I asked her if she was okay, she nodded at me and quickly wiped her tears away as if nothing happened and gave me her eye-smile. I was skeptical if she was really ok but then I don't really know her that much so I just let it slide. Since it was getting late I told her I'd teach her and we could go back to the dorm together. She stood up again and we practiced for 1over an hour then we called it a night.
After that incident I couldn't get her off my mind, and I was starting to get curious about her. So when we were rehearsing for a dance and the choreographer was teaching her individually I called Tae over and asked her about Tiffany since they're close and they're roommates. She told me that Tiffany hates letting people see her cry, she always tries her best to study Korean so she can communicate with all of us better, she always encourage and help people out, and she often cries herself to sleep or inside the bathroom. She also apparently doesn't like it when people worry about her or are burdened because of her. After hearing what she's like I began to admire her and I felt really sorry for always teasing her.
From then on Fany and I started getting along, we grew closer but not as close as that Midget and her but their bond is different and I'm happy to be one of her best friends.
We were both lying in bed and it was getting quiet and I was getting hungry, so I did what came to my mind, I tickled her on the bed, and she was totally caught off guard, I stopped after a while 'cause I don't want her to have an attack considering her fragile condition. I starred at her while she was wiping her tears and then she looked at me with a confused and sad face, that's when I realized that I had tears in my eyes. I'm in shock with myself as well since I didn't know I was crying, I frantically wiped the tears and tried to smile but the more I tried to wipe them off more tears would come. Fany moved closer to my side and wiped the tears from my face; she smiled a sad smile at me and hugged me tight.
When she hugged me that's when I realized I never really fully accepted the fact that Fany-ah had cancer. When Taeyeon said she had stage 4 cancer I cried 'cause of shock but I never really fully reflected on it until tonight. As Fany-ah held me, I had a rush of flashbacks of precious memories I've spent with her, from the time we first met till now. Fany-ah, I've never imagined life without you by side, know we'd disband one day as Girl's Generation and go our separate ways but I know we'd all be friends and that the bond we all share will never be broken. We talked about future plans, about marriage, you promised to be my Made of Honor someday right? You'd be my first child's God parent and me yours, we'll have lots of adventures....I never would've thought you'd be gone someday, I can't imagine doing those things without you, celebrating a birthday without you will never be the same Fany-ah. Your smile gives us all strength; you're our Energy Pill, our happiness. SNSD will not be SNSD without you Fany-ah. I thought, I hugged her tight and held her close, "Fany-ah, you're one of the most special and precious persons in my life, I love you." I said in between sobs. "I love you too Soo, you're also one of the most precious people in my life, thank you for everything." She said in a whisper and just hugged me tighter. We bought cried ourselves to sleep after that 'cause when I woke up it was 2 in the morning and we were still in each other's arm, my eyes hurt from all the crying, I stared at Fany-ah for a while, she looked really peaceful, I still can't accept the fact that she'll leave us soon, I tried not to cry and just stay strong for her. I slowly went back to sleep after a few minutes.
Tiffany's POV
Last night with Soo was really emotional, when I woke up earlier Soo was sprawled all over the bed I laughed at her position and took a picture of her sleeping. I got up to brush my teeth, when all of a sudden my head started hurting and I almost screamed but then I remembered Soo was still in the room sleeping, I bit my cheek a couple of times to stop myself from screaming, I don't want to make everyone worry, especially Soo. Luckily the pain subsided after a few minutes but there was still a stinging pain but it was bearable.
I decided to get some food from the kitchen but when I came out of my room the girls were all in the living room and Yoong, Hyo and Tae were in the kitchen cooking breakfast for everyone, "Pany-ah good morning! We have to tell you something! Wait their on the couch! Seo can you wake that giant shikskin up please! Thanks!" TaeTae yelled from the kitchen, I laughed and took a sit next to Sunny and waited.
All the girls assembled in the living room, "Okay! Everyone starting today manager Oppa told me we'd start rehearsals for our upcoming concert!" Tae said enthusiastically, we were all shocked but at the same time happy, it's been a while since we had a concert, Tae said it will be held in Seoul and we're all excited.
We ate our breakfast together and prepared ourselves 'cause we'll start practicing starting today and manager Oppa will be picking us all up from the dorm in like ten minutes. I was finishing up my light make up and was about to head out my room when all of a sudden I started to feel light headed and all I felt like vomiting, so I ran to the toilet and I was shocked, blood came out of my mouth, I cried but had to quickly compose myself since Tae just yelled manager Oppa will be here any minute. I rushed to redo my make-up but the pain from my head and throat were still there, they weren't so extreme so I was thankful for that, I took a deep breath and went out my room with a smile on my face hopefully hiding the pain away.
We went to the company studio and rehearsed our choreography, luckily we won't be practicing or recording song today so I'm a little relieved but the pain is starting to bother me, my movements are starting to slow down and I'm afraid the girls would notice so I had to force more energy to go faster thus causing more pain, but I had to endure it, everyone's working really hard for this, I don't want them to worry and cancel the concert because of me. TaeTae would often ask me if I as okay, I felt guilty 'cause I'm lying to her but at the same time I don't want her to worry and be depressed again.
All throughout the day the pain was constant and it was getting worse, every movement I make causes pain and I have to disguise it, it was exhausting, when we arrived back to the dorm I immediately went to my room and I instantly collapsed on my bed.
Taeyeon's POV
Today Pany-ah and I haven't really spent much time together and during practice when I look at her she was always so serious and she looked too serious, asked her many times if she was okay and she would always she is, and she'd often head to the bathroom or excuse herself to get more water.
After practice she slept on the car and when we were back in the dorm she immediately went to her room, I was beginning to get worried, so after I took a shower I gently knocked on her door and she didn't respond so I opened the door and I saw her passed out on her bed, I quickly ran over to her and she was sleeping, so I positioned her in a more comfortable way and kissed her good night. I guess she was exhausted after today's rehearsals.