Tyler:
“Caspar?” I whispered, feeling salty drops of heartbreak ghost down my cheeks, “why?” I choked out, barely holding it together. I was on, what had been up until now, a perfect date in the park with my love. We had just come back to my apartment and I had planned a lazy night in with a movie and popcorn.. However, Caspar Lee, the man I’d been dating for a year, and inadvertantly fallen in love with, was breaking up with me. Caspar told me he was going to England for four months because he needed to figure things out, and that he leaves tomorrow.
“I just need some space right now,” my boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend mumbled, looking down at his brown business shoes. His words snapped me out of my distressed thoughts and back into this crazy reality.
“Baby, stay with me, we can make this work. I promise. Please,” I begged desparately, reaching to grab his hand in mine, and felt a cold slap of shock when he pulled away from me immediately. My bleeding heart began to harden into anger, protecting me from the only man I had ever loved, “Fine,” I barked out crisply, causing him to glance up at me in surprise, “leave me.”
“Tyler, it’s not like that,” he spoke up, looking into my eyes for the first time all night. My chest clenched when I saw the tears welling up in his eyes, but I forced myself to put on a detached mask. I needed to sheild myself from this moment.
“Well then tell me, what is it like?” I asked, grabbing his shoulders and not letting go, “you are fucking going to europe, to ENGLAND, for FOUR EFFING MONTHS. Oh wait and apparently you leave tomorrow! Yet you didn’t think to tell me this? You didn’t think to tell your boyfriend, who you supposedly love, that you were leaving?” I watched as Caspar flinched at the word love, and our locked gazes grew more tense with each passing second.
I just wanted him to say something, anything, but when his next sentences reached my ears and registered in my brain, I took back my wish.
“Tyler. I don’t know why, but I don’t think I love you anymore. I did, but I don’t know what happened.” Caspar spoke so softly, but I heard each word as if he were shouting.
“No,” I gasped, feeling my body start to shake even more than it had already been before, “NO! NO! NO!” strangled screams left my lips as I stumbled away from his form, but my knees buckled underneath me so I collapsed on the floor.
“Tyler?” Caspar called, reaching down to help me stand up, but I crawled away from him.
“Get away from me,” I growled, refusing to let this heart breaker touch me, “I don’t want you near me right now,” my head ducked low, trying to hide my tears, as I folded my legs to my chest and backed into the wall, sobbing softly the whole time.
Caspar took one step towards me and stopped when I let out a quiet whimper. Muttering a few curses under his breath, my ex-boyfriend turned around and pulled out his phone. He walked far enough away so I could not hear his conversation, but I didn’t really care about not knowing what he was talking about. I just wanted a hug, preferably from anyone but him. I let my eyes close gently, and barely registered time passing, nearly jumping in shock when slim arms wrapped around my trembling body.
“Shhh. It is going to be okay Tyler. I’ve got you,” a familar voice whispered comfortingly into my hair, before calling out louder to Caspar, “I’ve got him from here Casp, you, just go call your friend and let him know what you are doing.”
“Okay, I will. Thankyou though Zoe. I care about Tyler, you know, really I do, that is why I couldn’t string him on when I wasn’t in this till the end. He deserves forever, not a boy looking for better. I didn’t want to hurt him, please take care of him while I’m gone. I have to go now, I’m so sorry, I wish this had all never happened. I need to figure this out but for now I need to leave,” Caspar called back to Zoe, and I opened my eyes to see the love of my life walking away, leaving me behind.
Caspar:
The door shut behind me and that’s when I felt like properly breaking down. I tried to keep it in for the sake of Tyler and Zoe, but now that I was out and nobody could see me, I felt like I was allowed to cry as much as I wanted.
It was a strange sensation. I could feel huge amounts of water trying to escape from my eyes but only little droplets welled, and although I wanted to scream, I couldn’t breathe and everything was all choked up. My head spun and the world was a blurry mess.
To snap me out of this weird haze, I tried to concentrate on something, anything other than what just happened.
Zoe’s words.
I’ve got him from here Casp, you, just go call your friend and let him know what you are doing.
Just go call your friend and let him know what you are doing.
Call your friend and let him know what you are doing.
Right.
Troye Sivan Mellet. The boy that confused me. The boy that made me have these thoughts. No, not those kind of thoughts, I thought. Even in my state, I laughed. In all seriousness though, I couldn’t really comprehend them myself. Why I was having them, what caused them or most confusing of all, why they were about him.
All I knew was that I was falling for him… and somewhere along the line I fell out of love for Tyler.
I wondered why they had to be about my best friend… scratch that. I knew all the reasons to why it was Troye. He had perfect eyes that were a dangerously peircing blue in the light, perfectly carved lips that were always a pretty shade of pink, a natural blush that was evident on his cheeks and his eyebrows were just…
That wasn’t all. He was amazing. He knew how to make me smile and he would always have the best jokes that would make me laugh so hard that I would cry and he would help me plan some of the pranks I played on Joe, my roommate. He also had a serious side which would come out whenever I needed it to. He would listen to me and then comfort me with a pizza and cuddle with me on the couch while we watched a movie to make me feel better.
I didn’t think much of everything until I had Tyler, and that’s when I lost the time to do anything with Troye. I missed him and sudddenly, everything Tyler did was replaced by Troye.
When we held hands, Tyler’s strong hands would mold into Troye’s in my mind and then I would grip onto them a little bit harder.
When we kissed, I imagined a brown haired boy on the other side of those lips instead of a blonde one, the image making me press more forcefully, wrapping my arms around the other’s shoulders to draw them closer.
I shook myself and, as my confusing thoughts faded, I could finally see the world clearly. I had mindlessly arrived at the park, which was very close to where Troye and I would go busking together. We would sometimes come here to just hang out and waste time so that he wouldn’t have to go home to his dad.
It felt different without him. The atmosphere was thick and sad to match my mood, and I was cold and alone.
Sitting on an aged oak bench, I made up my decison. I needed to get out of here, and when I did, I needed to get over this stupid crush. England. It was huge and full of opportunity. It would distract me from everything. I wouldn’t be going completely, just taking a break from life here. When I came back, I would hopefully be a better, renewed version of the person I was now because being honest, I wasn’t at all proud of what I did to Tyler, the person I called my boyfriend. If I did this, though, I would be losing Tyler, Zoe… and the boy who was always there for me even when I wasn’t there for myself. The boy who found me when I lost myself. I didn’t want this to be a spur-of-the-moment thing that I would regret the next day… but I didn’t think that it would be.
I was going to get tickets and leave as soon as I could if not tomorrow, but before I did that, I had a couple of people that I needed to call. Picking at the peeling paint chips, I dialled the number that was too familiar and then listened to the empty ring of the call.
The phone clicked and I knew that he had picked up the call but there was no greeting. The cheerful sentence that was usually said completely absent. The only sound that could be heard was heavy breathing. I think Tyler was waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t do it. I ended the call.
I was going to talk to him someday, but that day was not today.
I lowered the harsh beeping from my ears and that was when I realised how irregular my breathing was. I took a deep breath, calming down before tapping the screen of my phone which was asleep and then tapped on Troye’s name, which was conveniently on my Recents list.
In a couple of seconds, he had picked up.
“Hello?” he whispered.
"Hey. It's me, Caspar." I replied quietly.
"I know, you doofus. I have you in my contacts."
He spoke lightly and I knew that his intention wasn't to offend me.
“Troye, I need to tell you something and you can hate me if you want but I was thinking that I should go to England… because I don’t know how I feel about all the things that are happening around me right now and I just feel so confused and I don’t feel that good because I just broke up with my boyfriend and it was all my fault because I didn’t love him and I think I broke his heart because he was crying and I was crying too and my life is such a tangled mess right now and I thought this was the best thing to do and I’m calling you because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to just leave and not tell you anything because I don’t want to lose you by accident because you’re so important to me and you were always there for me, but now I’m just leaving you and I don’t know if I’m doing things right because I have no guidance at all on this decision and I’m so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry.”
“Caspar, you need to relax. That’s okay.”
“I just… I want to take a break from everything that’s happening here and I’m planning to go to England to get a hold of myself but then I remembered every single thing that you did for me and I remembered everything that you have to put up and go through right now and it just feels so wrong to leave you alone with everything and-”
“Caspar, I’ve told you already. It’s okay. I’ll be fine, and you will be coming back, right?”
“Yeah…”
“Now sing something. It always seems to calm you down, and I want to be able to hear your beautiful voice when you’re in the same country so that I don’t have to spend shitloads of money to pay for calls…” he paused, realising what that sounded like. “Not that I would mind because your beautiful voice is so worth it.” he added. I could hear the small smile in his voice.
I didn’t like singing solo, but because he had asked, I was going to do it. I knew exactly what I was going to sing before I could even think about it.
I took a deep breath and sang, “You and I
Two of a mind
This love’s
One of a kind
You and I
We’re drifting
Over the edge
And I will fall for you
And I will fall for you
If I fall for you
Would you fall too?
You and I
Learning to speak
With kisses on cheeks
You and I
We’re lifted
Over the edge
And I will fall for you
And I will fall for you
If I fall for you
Would you fall too?
And I will fall for you
And I will fall for you
And if I fall for you
Would you fall too?
Would you fall too?
Would you fall too?
Would you fall too?
Would you fall too?”
“Thanks Caspar,” Troye’s voice floated softly over the phone to my ears when I had finished.
“It’s-”
I never got to hear what he was going to say. The familiar angry footsteps of my best friend’s father sounded, and that is when the volume was muffled, but I could still hear shouting. My knuckles went white from clenching the cellphone in my hand harshly with concern… and then the call ended with a piercing silence.
“Troye?” I whispered hesitantly over the line, knowing full well that he was gone. I worried about his safety, falling silent for minutes on end as the quiet stillness pressed ominously in my ear. I debated mentally on how badly he’d be hurt, and when I realised I was only hurting myself by thinking up of the different scenarios in my mind, I forced my thoughts to take another direction.
Unfortunatley, as often seemed was the case, I began to think of how messed up it was to develop feelings for my best friend. However, even as I told myself this, my heart still fluttered nervously with unsaid words, and I knew that I had to say them. If I didn’t now then I might not ever. Even if he never heard them, I needed to hear them. I needed them to be given wings, so they could fly off my chest, carrying some of their suffocating weight with them as they left. “Troye Sivan Mellet, I really like you, and I wish you would fall for me, because I think I’m falling for you, and to be quite honest, the thought terrifies me.” I looked up towards the sky, a faint smile coating my features as my words flew away with the breeze. I sighed to myself when I lowered the phone from my ear, and clicked ‘end call,’ walking quietly out of the park.
It was time to go pack, and buy some plane tickets.
Troye:
I shoved the phone down underneath my pillow as my dad walked into the room, hastily remembering to press mute on my end before the real shouting began. Streams of curses and insults flew from my father’s mouth, and I glared at the ground in front of me, desparately wishing to be anywhere but here. It was over within a few minutes, and I breathed a sigh of relief having gotten of easy, understanding he was too tired tonight to give me a real beating. It took me a moment to catch my breath and calm down before I remembered Caspar on the phone. Withing seconds I was diving towards its hiding place, and clutched it to my ear, seeing the call was still going, and I hoped he hadn’t left.
“Caspar!” I whisper shouted into the phone, forgetting that I’d placed my phone on mute. I was just about to call my friend’s name again when he started talking, making my breath catch in my throat.
“Troye Sivan Mellet, I really like you, and I wish you would fall for me, because I think I’m falling for you, and to be quite honest, the thought terrifies me,” The simple words rang soundly in my ear, and I knew I hadn’t misunderstood him. I’d never been more relieved when I realised he had hung up before I could respond.
Holy Shit.
yo it's bella but this was a collaborated chapter bbetween me and vicki.
we created a monster. literally. it has a total of 2.7k words which like omg how did that happen...
this was everyone's perspective and a bit of background and backstory so i hoped you liked it :)
VICKI WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO SAY? (she's asleep rn oops)
um idk bye
love you little munchkins x