The day before my wedding day I woke up early in the morning, 3am in the bloody morning. Not even the chickens are up yet! I was very annoyed. If that wasn't bad enough we all had to go to the dam to bath in ice cold water. That isn't even part of the process but when the Ol mighty great aunt Gugu has spoken no one goes against her word. We were all cursing her out the entire time especially Thobeka. "Can that bat just die already! She thinks she's a fucking goddess and her word is the goddamn law. If there's not a special raging fire just for her in hell the devil would have failed!" She grumbled as we were making our way home and the rest of us let out guffaws of laughter forgetting our own anger.
"You know what I need now is a shot of Tequila. I can't feel my fingers." Zandi said rubbing her hands against her arms. "Even after a week of non stop drinking you want more, no mahn Siza was right you are a drunk." Mangaliso whispered as we entered the gate so the elders wouldn't hear her. Siza and Amy snickered besides me. "Dear lord, you know I've been trying to be good but your child is tempting me to curse her out. Amen." Zandi said walking away from us and we all laughed at her theatrics.
"Ntombizonke it's time." Came my fathers deep commanding voice from the distance. I felt my heart twist at his words. A part of me kept hoping it was all just a dream but these moments are set to remind me that I'm marrying a stranger all because my father lost a stick fight.
We now had to walk around the Kraal with him chanting our clan names telling my ancestors that I'm leaving my fathers house and going to get married and that they are to shield me and ensure I don't come back, it's frowned upon for a woman to comeback home after she's married.
"Mkhize, Khabazela kaMavovo, kaZihlandla, Gubhela, Mumbo omhlophe, wena waseMbo, Wena okhanya amasi esiswini, Singela, Nhlama eyaphelela etsheni , Ngunezi, Mumbo ombulazi, wena owafaka umunwe endunu waphuma nelahle I call upon all of you. Here is your child Ntombizonke. She is off to build her own home kwaHadebe. I ask you all to shield her from harm her sister fell into, guide her, ensure she has a successful marriage. "He started chanting the clan names again as we made one last round around the kraal.
"After this my child go to the car and don't turn your head back. This is no longer your home. Your home is with the Hadebes now." He whispered and I looked up at him for the first time in a while. He looked worn out, conflicted and sad, so sad. I had half the mind to throw my arms around him and hug him like I used to do when I was a child.
Father and I were once inseparable. I lived to be his shadow. We grew apart when I grew older and had to take my place in society as a young girl then eventually as a woman because my views were liberated about how women should be. He looked like he wanted to say more but my heart clenched in hatred, I told myself it was that but I knew better. The little girl in me still longed for her father's approval and affection I was just so angry and disappointed in him. "Yebo baba, nisale kahle (stay well). I whispered turning and walking to the car waiting to drive me to my in-laws homestead, well not inside a distance away but we'll see their house from where we'll be.
We got there and the sun had risen. The bus with everyone else arrived a bit after we did and the maidens broke out in song. The women sat under trees in the shade cheering them on and ululating in between. "Honey if you ever decide you want to be a runaway bride I can always take your place. This family seems loaded. That yard is ginormous and those houses are magnificent. They must be loaded." Amy said settling on the grass mat before her
"Or better yet does he have brothers?" Fezeka asked fixing her outfit.
"You whore you have a man behave but me on the other hand am single and have been been ready to mingle." Mangaliso muttered checking her make up on her mirror. We all turned to her and Sizakele asked the question that perhaps all of us have been thinking. "And then when did you do the face beat?"
"On the way here." She replied smiling at us I tried so hard to hold back my laughter . "Better me who's a whore than you clown face." Fezeka said and that broke our resolve. We all doubled over in fits of laughter. "Go wipe that stuff off. There are wet wipes in my purse." Zikhona somehow managed to say between fits of laughter. Manga sulked all the way to the car. As she was making her way back 5 women were making their way over to us with trays filled with what I assume is food.
The one who appears to be the oldest made her way to us whilst the other four went to serve everyone else. We made space for her in the circle we were sitting in and she knelt before us and handed each of us a plate of food and settled besides Sizakele. "Hello everyone I'm Dumisile. I'm your husband's cousin." She spoke ,her eyes were on me the whole time. She appeared welcoming. Seeing someone who was friendly as her put me at ease. "Hello sisi. It's nice to meet you. I'm Ntombizonke these are my cousins Zandile, Sizakele, Mangaliso, Thobeka and Fezeka and these are my bi..best friends Amy and Zikhona." I said with a polite smile. "It's nice to meet you too. Give me your phone so I can give you my number. You can contact me if there's anything you'll need." I handed her my phone she dialed in her number and called her cell. When I took it back I saw she'd saved her name as "Fave Skwiza😘" (fave sister-in-law). We both shared a laugh. Everyone looked at us in silent question. "Welcome home makoti." She said as a beautiful friendly smile etched on her face. "Thank you my fave Skwiza." I said and we shared another laugh before she left.
"Well that puts me at ease. Knowing at least one of them will have your back." Zandi spoke diffusing the silence that ensued after Dumisile left "Yeah, we'll tell aunt not to worry at least you have an ally in there." Sizakele spoke in support of her sister.
My mother wasn't allowed to come. She had to take my place where I had sat so as a result wouldn't attend my wedding. That was just adding to my heartache. Her younger Sister Mam'Thandi was here but it just wasn't the same. I wanted her but tradition forbade it.
As we were sitting there morosely finishing up our plates some maidens collected the plates and were taking them back whilst the others broke out in song again. Fezeka and Sizakele were the first to stand and join them then Amy and Zikhona. Zandi and Thobeka howled my ass up and we also joined.
Everyone made a circle around Sizakele and I. They all marveled at our reed dance. No other maiden back home could move their waists like we could. We moved so fluidly as if the bones in our waists were non existent or made of jelly. We used to dominate at Umhlanga, where virginity testing take place monthly and we were taught how to carry ourselves with pride and treasure our virtue. The ladies we came with began ululating and a voice came out from the crowd "Those are my girls! I hope the rest of you girls are watching!" She screeched. She was the lady who'd been in charge of mentoring us but she's since retired.
That went on for hours until our voices grew hoarse and our feet hurt from all the stomping. I found I was happiest then. This was Sindile and my favorite pass time although my poor sister couldn't sing to save her life she could move in time with the best of the drum like no other. Part taking in this dancing made me feel closer to her.
"How come we didn't know you could move like that?!" Amy enquired as she and Zikhona looked to me in question. "An occasion where I had to dance never came up so the topic naturally never came up." I replied shrugging sitting down and Fezeka came and threw herself at me. "You fat cow! Get off!" I squealed trying to push her off to no avail. They finally pushed her off me. "Child what are you made off bricks?" I grumbled rubbing my hip "Nope I'm just a girl that has a good relationship with food." She replied giggling.
"A damn good one. I don't get how you stuff your ass so much but haven't got anything to show for it." Thobeka complained. "Speaking of here comes lunch." Fezeka said doing her all not to get up and meet them half way.
The day went on with song only interrupted by food breaks in between. They sang all night. We were meant to do the same with them but Zikhona and Zandi heard none of it. "We won't have a bride with eye bags. You need your rest." Zandi said as soon as Mam'Thandi left us. She came to tell us about pulling the all nighter to which we agreed to politely. "And lord knows I can't function without my shut eye." Zikhona spoke seconding her. "All for the motion of sleeping in the minivan race me for the best seat." Sizakele yelled and that's all we needed to hear to howl our asses to the minivan.
We all woke up to loud knocking on the window. No one told the other to wake their ass up. We all jumped to attention. "I'm not opening that door and facing that fire breathing dragon!" I said first. There were several me toos. "Just unlock the doors will you." Amy said annoyed with us. "You speak so easily because you're all the way there missy!" Manga grumbled from besides the door. "Oh bloody hell!" Zikhona muttered reaching over Manga and opening the door and we were all scorned by Mam'Thandi's fire.
"I clearly told all of you not to go to sleep! You agree to this so imagine my surprise when I can't find you anywhere! You know what I won't let you raise my blood pressure. Get up and go to the river now!" She said in a tone that clearly enabled no argument but Thobeka ever the one to go against authority thought it'd be a good idea to argue. "Don't patronize me my girl. I'm mad as it is." Mam'Thandi intercepted even before Thobeka spoke. "We're sorry mama. We'll do just that." Zandi spoke pacifying her. She turned and walked away. "Do you have a death wish or something?" Sizakele asked Thobeka as we all tumbled out of the minivan in the darkness and headed to the river.
"I'm just sick of bathing with cold water all the damn time. I don't even get why." Thobeka grumbled to herself. "Well if there's a shower somewhere do lead us there. But in the meanwhile we'll bath with the only source of water we have." Fezeka bit out. "Everyone calm down please." I whispered and a silence ensued. We all bathed in silence and made our way back to 'base' in silence.
Everyone was bustling around. There was a buzz in the air that only ever lingers in the atmosphere when there's a big celebration about to take place. In the distance you could hear a maiden asking another where her beaded neckpiece was and you could spot a group practicing their dance. The young men and the uncles huddled in groups around a pot of traditional beer all singing.
I wish my wedding was taking place in different circumstances, that I was marrying a man I knew and loved, that my sister and mother were here to witness my nuptials. I wanted to bury myself deep in my bed and weep and mourn my sister's passing. I didn't want to sit here and pretend she never existed. I wanted to cry so badly but I held back my tears. If I shed another tear I knew the make up artist would be mad at me. She was meant to do my make up first but with all the crying I'd been doing she'd move on to someone else until she was done with everyone else and I was the only one left.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror in admiration. I looked beautiful. It made me wish I was sharing the day with someone special all the more. I was interrupted from my morose thoughts by Mam'Thandi's ululating. "Oh my baby you look so precious. Your mother has to see you. Do that thing you kids do timed face on your aunt Londa's phone." We all laughed at her. "It's FaceTime mama." Manga corrected but she was too excited to care or listen. "May you girls please give us a minute." They all stood up and filed away.
" Hello aunt Londa May I please talk to mama." She seemed excited to hear from me. "You look gorgeous. Your husband won't be able to keep his hands off you tonight." She said suggestively. "Anti stop." I whined "Quit teasing the child Londa." Mam'Thandi admonished but she too seemed to be enjoying my discomfort. "Anyway here's your mom." Aunt Londa muttered still laughing.