n. the sadness that you'll never really know what other people think of you, whether good, bad or if at all—that although we reflect on each other with the sharpness of a mirror, the true picture of how we're coming off somehow reaches us softened and distorted, as if each mirror was preoccupied with twisting around, desperately trying to look itself in the eye.
* * *
"Narinig ko na ang rason ni Presidente Aguinaldo," Isidro says, "kaya niya napagdesisyunan na ilipat ang gobyerno dito sa Malolos ay dahil kay Goyo. Mas pinagkakatiwalaan niya raw ang Bulacan kaysa sa Cavite."
"Siguro dahil mas malawak-lawak ang matatakbuhan niya?" I jokingly inquire. "Alam mo... kapag may biglang umatake, malawak-lawak ang norte. Isa pa, madami sa mga pinagkakatiwalaan niyang heneral ay taga-norte. Di lang kapani-paniwala na ginawa niya iyon dahil kay Goyo."
Isidro turns to me sharply, frowning a little bit; causing me to look at him the same way as well. Slowly asking, unsure if I've said something completely out of the blue and not worth it, "Bakit?"
He then shakes his head after a few seconds of just staring at each other that only didn't ease my uneasiness about the topic but makes me curious much more. "Wala lang," he says after a full minute of silence. "Naisip ko lang na... malaki-laki nga ang norte mula sa Bulacan, kumpara sa timog. Hmm... maganda siguro gawing kuta ng republika ang mga bundok sa norte kung kinakailangan, ano?"
"Hmm?"
He smiles at me softly, reminding me of that soft and very gentle-hearted Isidro that I've first met. The one that I've considered to be just as innocent as I do with this war, but appears to have the blood of a warrior hidden beneath those scars he has. "Sabi mo nga, kung sino ang nasa mataas na posisyon... siyang mas nakakaangat sa panahon ng labanan."
# # #
A few days later, just about the same time that President Aguinaldo arrived in Malolos, representatives from different provinces started arriving one by one.
Most of them are people that I don't know of, a few had been generals carefully ranked by Aguinaldo, but most of them were the rich folks. The people you expect to be behind huge establishments, all the while the poor were shakled to work for them. They have that vibe, and it is frightening how, aside from the generals of each brigade Aguinaldo has, that decisions were also handled by these very people who surely are not going at the frontlines of the battle. But people who'll surely be tossing another useless coin from their purses for some rash decision making when needed, than look at the bigger picture and gather all essential data before deciding that will benefit the majority. The same people you expect to be the first ones to run if a threat is going on about fifty nautical miles or more from them, carrying their riches as they run away from the problem on hand.
I wonder how Aguinaldo had chosen them as part of the Revolutionary Congress he'd decided to open in Malolos. Well, anong bago? Ang Pilipinas nga sa real world hinalal ang mga taong mas uunahin ang sariling kapakanan at pera kaysa sa bayan. Pilipinas... kailan ka magbabago?
Two weeks after Aguinaldo announced that they've finally made a draft of the Constitution of the First Philippine Republic, a grand feast is expected to be held, along with the ratification of the Act of the Declaration of the Philippine Independence that had been earlier drafted in Bacoor, Cavite just on the first week of August. And, since it is like celebrating two important events, grand becomes double grand. I mean, you expect a grand celebration for one, and since there are two, it is like putting one grand celebration and another one grand celebration together.
Everyone is ecstatic as Aguinaldo's generals from different parts of the Philippines gather for the important event. Their troops trailing them with their own distinction of which brigade they are part of. It is not surprising to find out that majority of the soldiers are under Goyo's brigade. Well, this is their province; and he is the commandant of this province. If there's someone next in the ranking to Aguinaldo in Bulacan, it is him.
Julian laughs as he has his arms crossed across his chest, laughing at Goyo, who continues fixing himself for no apparent reason. "Goyong, mas lalong magkakaroon ng bakas ng dumi 'yang damit mo kung hindi ka titigil kaka-ayos niyan. Puting-puti pa naman."
"Iyon nga ang dahilan kung bakit sinisigurado ko na maayos. Ang hirap manatiling kuntento kapag sa puti," Goyo remarks as he continues brushing off his white rayadillo. "Madaling mahalata kapag may madumi o may mali."
"Madadala na iyan ng kagwapuhan mo, Goyong," Julian chides. I don't know if he is joking, and I am wishing that he is indeed joking.
Lalaki lang lalo ulo niyan, I tell myself.
Enteng, who've been holding the reins of Goyo's white horse, sighs heavily. He says with his usual discontented frown when the two are bickering nonsense such as this one, "Tama na iyan. Hinihintay ka na ng tropa, Goyo. Napaka-init pa naman ngayong araw. Tapos mabilad sa initan."
"Naku, atat ka lang ata magsaya sa pista, Enteng," Felix comments, laughing a little as he places his hands onto Enteng's shoulders as if to massage them and relieve the discomfort.
"H-Hindi! A-Ano ba!" Enteng shrugs his shoulders for Felix to remove his hands from him, and the latter complied.
However, Totoy draws closer to him and surrounds an arm around his shoulders. "Goyo, 'wag ka mag-alala. Hahanapan ka namin ng maganda. Napakadaming dilag dito sa atin sa Bulacan!"
"T-Tangina naman, Manahan," Enteng remarks again, completely irritated. He tries to shrug Totoy off but the latter remains steadfast as he and the other members of the seven musketeers laugh at him, as well as Goyo.
Goyo immediately mounts his horse and reaches for the reins, causing Enteng to let go off the horse, handling the petting and controls. "Pista ito para sa Pilipinas. Trabaho muna."
Totoy laughs much more. "Sige na. Unahan ka na namin." And with that, Totoy drags Enteng along with him, the rest of the members of the musketeers following after him wherever they are off.
Isidro is waiting for me to follow after them, but before I can even do so, Goyo calls out for me. He says, "Pendejo."
I turn to him, frowning a little. "Oh, bakit? Kinakabahan ka?"
He shakes his head and sits up straighter as he clears his throat. "Gwapo ba?"
I look at him as if he is seriously asking me that. "Che!" I immediately turn away from him as I follow after Isidro and the others. "Doon ka na!" I hear him laughing as well as the clip clop of the horse's hooves moving away, and I pout, whispering to myself, "Akala mo kung sinong gwapo."
# # #
Part of the ceremony that marks the official start of today's celebration is a parade of soldiers. Since Goyo's the commandant here in Bulacan, as per my thinking of the reason, he was chosen by President Aguinaldo to head them all. I stay along with the rest of the members of the Seven Musketeers of Pitpitan, I trail behind them with Isidro in Julian and Totoy's earlier exploit of eyeing beautiful maidens for Enteng. Felix keeps me, Isidro, Lesyo and Gabriel accompany with his happy stories and gossips that since the time I've arrived here in the game, knows that he will go on and on for days before he finishes with all the talking. He only stops talking when we've arrived at the plaza, just by the side of the Malolos Church where President Aguinaldo is to see the trooping. And everyone else are gathered by the sides to witness the presentation.
Soldiers dressed in their best rayadillo are lined in absolute perfection, holding their arms as per awaiting for the next command from their guard. Goyo was already there astride his white horse, facing his men as he watches a lieutenant of his give the orders just as he surely had practiced his men. After all, if there's someone who wishes for such a hundred percent performance, it is Goyo, right in front of President Aguinaldo and his family and his other generals viewing the ceremony from the balconies.
And, suddenly, out of the blue, one of the soldiers present his arms. Followed by another until everyone does. It slips my hearing that someone's voice cut through the stillness of everything, ordering the soldiers to present arms.
It happens too fast that all I hear the next is Enteng cursing, "Tangina." And Julian muttering under their breaths, "Patay tayong bata diyan." The latter even pulls away from where he is leaning by a lamp post to look at the direction from where the voice comes from, pinned to the balcony where President Aguinaldo is with few of his other closest generals present.
And, Goyo, immediately motions his horse to the middle of his troops causing deformation. He faces his horse to where President Aguinaldo is, visibly furious. Though he is addressing the lieutenant, he keeps his eyes to one person in particular who is next to Aguinaldo, saying in a loud voice, cutting through the stillness in everyone gathered, "Teniente! Ang dapat na harap ay sa Presidente!"
The soldiers who've been stationed close to where Goyo and his horse are right now, adjust with his presence there, and so are the others, keeping the show of perfection still. However, this time, with Goyo on his horse in the middle. The lieutenant, a little shaken with how Goyo addresses him in public, still manage to do as he had ordered, commanding, "Harap sa kanan, na!"
This time, the soldier obeys, doing as commanded and surely as practiced.
"Heneral Torres!" Goyo addresses with a loud voice, audibly angry. I can't very well see his face from our position but I can envision his anger from my position, feeling the chills as if his words are directed to me. The feeling of how it could've been if he will direct his next words to me. "Kapag utos ni Heneral del Pilar," he adds, undaunted, "wala kang pakialam. Maliwanag?"
One of the generals close to where General Torres is ushers me away from the balcony as the entire plaza is then envelop in complete silence. No one even dares to say anything else or even break the silence. I guess, no one will have the courage to do so. To cross the double-edge sword that had been Goyo's words and confidence.
I turn to Isidro and find him looking at me. It appears like we've come to the same thinking. It looks like my mission of helping Goyo to enlightenment and in being a good soldier isn't as easy as I guess it will be.
* * *
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