n. the feeling that no matter what you do is always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there's some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their chair and calling out helpfully, colder, colder, colder.
* * *
"'Matanglawin' kung tawagin ng marami," Isidro states as he begins to tell the story. He might not have answered my question, but it had been evident on his eyes and his words that he is speaking about someone who is already dead. "Patapos na sana siya ng Panitik, pero, gaya ng kahit sino man sa marami sa amin, piniling itigil ang pag-aaral upang sumama sa himagsikan. Hindi na kagulat-gulat, tulad ni Goyong, hinahangaan naming lahat si Dr. Jose Rizal. Siguro naman ay kilala mo si Dr. Rizal, ano?" He looks at me with a quirk eyebrow as if to attest that he is right with his judgment of me.
I bite my lower lip and nod. "National hero nga ng Pilipinas, eh."
He laughs a little. "Noviembre 30, noong nakaraang taon. Halos mahigit isang buwan bago nagsimula ang laro na ito... ang digmaan ng San Rafael. Swerte na lang siguro si Enteng na nakatakas siya. Walong daang tao raw o higit pa ang namatay, mapa-bata man, o matanda; sundalo man o hindi; walang linigtas ang mga Kastila. Sabi pa nila, abot hanggang bukong-buko ang lalim ng dugo sa simbahan."
"Doon rin namatay si Heneral Enriquez," I add.
He nods and sighs heavily. "Sabi ng iba, marami raw sa mga napatay ay pugot ang ulo o wakwak ang mga sikmura ng mga ito."
I shiver, not daring to close my eyes to visualize his words. Somehow, I dread it. I am glad that I didn't arrive at such a world to bear witness of it. Perhaps, if it had been the introductory part of this game, it's already a 'game over' for me. And now, I wonder, if I die in this game, will I also die in my real world? I don't want to imagine it, but I can't help thinking even the possibility of it. Instead, I sigh heavily and clear my throat. "Anyway, nasaan tayo ngayon? Or di kaya... ano ang kailangan ko abangan dito ngayon?"
"Nasa labas lamang ng bayan ng Paombong. Mga isang kilometro mula roon," he answers.
"Saan iyon?"
"Bulacan pa rin, (Y/N)."
"Ah..."
"Hindi pa rin nagbabago ang iyong misyon, (Y/N). Sabagay, wala namang magbabago roon. Kailangan mo pa rin tulungan si Goyo sa kung ano man ang kailanganin niya. Ang tanong na nga lang ay saan mo ba siya dadalhin. Sa tama, o sa mali," he says, looking at me intently.
I match his stare and gulp in hard. I can feel the weight of my responsibility resting much heavier on my shoulders. After all, how much influence I'll be able to give a man who won't even take my suggestions seriously? Who considers me dumb for not simply knowing him, or, if according to how he acts around me, as if I don't know common human interaction in the first place.
I might perhaps escaped a bully and sardonic devil in my real world by being here, but it appears that he turns out to have an equivalent who ends up to be the main subject of this game. Maybe some 'restart' button out there will allow me to make new interaction with Goyo in a much lighter note.
"Pendejo!"
I freeze upon hearing that insult another time. However, I start to think of it comforting, since it gives me a reminder to change that acknowledgement of him to me. Perhaps we can change that 'stupid' from my real name instead. Soon. For now, let it be a reminder for me to remember that it is him, personally, calling me.
Isidro raises an eyebrow at that. I can see the question on his face, asking if he heard right such as 'Pendejo'.
I smile softly at him and sigh lightly before finally turning to the direction of the voice.
Right there, Goyo stops right in front of the two of us with his arms crossed across his chest with layers of fabric on one arm and a proud smirk on his face. Standing next to him is an unfamiliar face, one who is a little shorter than him (about the same height as I do), and a light scowl evident on his otherwise handsome features.
"Goyo. Enteng," calls Isidro right away as he draws closer to stand next to me. "Handa na ba ang lahat para sa magaganap na pag-atake sa Paombong?"
Goyo's smirk widens. "Masyado atang nagustuhan ng iba nating mga kasamahan ang plano ko." He perches in between me and Isidro, looking at the gathered men behind us. "Siguro naman ay naintindihan at pinapakalat na nila ngayon ang magiging plano, ano?"
"Na-ibahagi ko na sa kanila. Pinag-iisipan na lang nila ngayon kung sino ang sasama sa isa, at kung saan sila maaring pumwesto," Isidro replies.
He nods. "Basta. Hintayin ang senyales kamo."
Isidro agrees. "Naiintindihan ko, Goyo."
"Hinihintay ka na nila doon. Nandoon sila kuya." He chuckles. "Masyadong natuwa si kuya sa mga kasuotan. Bagay naman kamo talaga sa kanya."
The man along with Goyo stifles a laugh, as Isidro smiles before saying, "Kung ganoon, hindi ako magpapahuli sa kung gaano karamdam ni Julian ang pagsusuot ng saya. Puntahan ko sila doon." He turns to me for a second. "Maiwan ko muna kayo." And then, just like that, he is off to the direction from where Goyo and his companion came from.
I then turn to the two of them, almost shuffling on my feet, unsure of what to do or say to them. I know, for an instance, that I should head to where the rest of the women are. However, the heavy stare of these two young men right now seems to weigh heavily onto me. Judgmental, if ever.
"Humarap ka doon," Goyo tells me as he points me to the right, taking the colorful layers of fabric on one arm.
I raise an eyebrow at him and points at where he is pointing at. "Dito?" I follow his order, turning ninety degrees from them.
Goyo looks back at Enteng and beckons with his head to 'go ahead'.
"Sigurado ka ba rito, Goyo?" Enteng asks him, a little hesitant but walks forward as he draws closer to stand behind me. His back against my own.
I lower my eyes, a little shy with this. After all, if I am standing back-to-back with someone else unimportant, I'll not react this way. However, this man standing behind me is the younger brother of the Matanglawin, a close friend of Goyo who've died a brutal death. Aren't heroes either to die young or famous, and brutal or honorable?
"Hmm... Sakto lang naman. Magpalit na kayo," Goyo remarks.
I blink at him. "Huh?"
"Ibig niyang sabihin, magpalit tayo ng damit, binibini," Enteng says non-chantly, sighing heavily, as if he had been aware that this is leading to that before even coming here.
"A-Ano?" I blink at him.
Goyo sighs heavily, frowning a little. "Pendejo ka talaga, ano? Ano bang mahirap intindihin sa sinabi namin ni Enteng na magpalit kayo ng damit?" He then smirks. "O gusto mo ako magpalit sa inyong dalawa ng damit?" Before I can even say or react, he adds right away as his smirk disappears but his eyes are wild and piercing, "O si Totoy?"
I gape at him, my eyes widening, and I shake my head. "H-Hindi kailangan, ano! K-Kaya ko sarili ko, at naiintindihan ko! Na... Nagulat lang ako sa pinapagawa niyo eh. Ibig-sabihin ay susuotin ko ang damit..." I look shyly at Enteng. "...niyo po, Ginoong Enteng?"
Enteng offers his hand at me for a shake, introducing himself, "Koronel Vicente Enriquez."
I take his hand. "(Y/N). Isa sa mga taga-Cruz Roja." Apparently, there's the truth, and there's the half-lie that had been predetermined by this game as my role.
We let go off each other's hands.
"K-Kung hindi niyo lang po mamasamain na itatanong ko." I look at the two of them. "B-Bakit po natin kailangan magpalit ng damit?"
"Agaw atraksyon," Enteng remarks plainly.
Among the layers of fabric that Goyo has on his arms, I didn't realize the presence of a handheld fan. And now, he opens it up with one fluid motion and draws it closer to his face, eyeing me flirtatiously and seductively.
I roll my eyes, shaking my head a little. As if naman...
He chuckles lightly. "Ganito lang naman natin lulusubin ang Paombong, Pendejo."
* * *
A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)
#GoyoDeadReckoning || #GoyoAngBatangHeneralStories || #ProjectAguilaStories