It wasn't particularly my idea of fun when Jay had come running down the hallway, seeming all bubbly and happy, which was unusual, but I knew in that moment as soon as I had left the library during after school hours, it could only mean one thing as he came bustling down the hallway in a bee-line towards me. "The answer is no." I hissed with venom, though he didn't seem to hold back as he continued to approach me and grabbed my shoulders.
"It's time! It's time, it's time, it's time, it's time-" Jay repeated over and over in a chant as he always did whenever he was in an attempt to get me out of the safe room. "I'm not ready Jay."
I said as I fumbled with my bag and started to walk towards the exit with him, as he bounced around happily whenever he was in an attempt to cheer me up. "Yes you are!" He replied as he opened the front doors and ran ahead as though he was in some kind of movie.
"Yeah, and who said I was ready?" I bit back in reply, though Jay always seemed to have something ready. "I did!" He said, running back and grabbing my left hand with his free hand and lead me through the maze of cars located at the parking lot.
"You never do anything fun, it's time to open up!" He added, as he finally seemed to calm down as we approached a black car sitting at the far end of said parking lot, right in front of the soccer & football field located at our school. "I play video games and we go out for pizza. What more could you want from me?" I asked, as he looked at me with an unimpressed look.
"Fix yourself."
"What's wrong with me?" I asked in replied as I studied myself. I looked fine, but apparently I wasn't.
"Hair. Your head looks like a rat's nest. New shirts. You're constantly wearing stained shirts to school. Wash your face. You look gross, or maybe you look like that all the time." Jay hissed as he drove off school property, me sighing as I leaned against the window and crossed my arms. "I look fine, Jay. Even if I don't look fine, it's not like I'm trying to impress anybody."
"Whatever, Vermin. All I'm saying is that you need to put in more effort and leave your room. Besides, Ann invited me to a party because she wants somebody to hang with, and she said I could invite somebody else too, and seeing as you're the only person who isn't part of band or props from the drama club, you're the only logical person to choose."
"Mhm. And may I ask why you couldn't have chosen somebody from band? Or anything else for that matter." I asked with a grunt as he stopped at a red light, tapping his fingers frantically as he looked behind us with the rear view mirror. "I'm going to be honest with you Stephen." Jay said, though he fell silent for a moment and just sat there, staring blankly to the empty road ahead before he pressed the gas pedal down and went flying along the road.
"Band kids are awful. Everybody in the band secretly hates one another, and outside of class we're at one another's throats. On the way to the actual show people are in the bus doing drugs, and smoking, and giving each other blow jobs and shit, drinking stuff that shouldn't even exist.. & I mean okay sure, not all of us hate one another and I might be over exaggerating, but the other stuff- even if not all the kids do it, it's more common than you'd think. Closed doors, my friend."
I stared at him, blinking solemnly at him as I turned my attention back to the road ahead. "Jay."
"Mhm?" He asked in reply, glancing at me. "That kind of stuff will probably be there anyway. I know.. I know you're just trying to do this to get me out of the house."
He didn't say anything, just stared at me.
* * *
We sat there, parked outside in front of my house. Here it was. My house! Broken mailbox, chipped green cabinets awaiting me in the kitchen, the door at the end of the hallway that always stood slightly ajar. Jay was staring at me, or maybe it was past me at the house that we had spent so many weekends in when we were little, constantly running down the block to one another's place and letting our fingers tangle through the spiral phone cord when we were grounded yet still spoke to one another.
I looked back at Jay, before opening the door and getting out and walked away without shutting the door, making sure that when I opened the door to my house and walked inside, I made to shut it without looking back at him to get my point across. Maybe.. Maybe not the best way to do it.
I sat there for a moment, and more than anything, I just wanted to lean against the door and let myself slide down against it, though I knew that other things needed my attention more than me at this moment, so I walked towards the living room. Sitting there was dad, who was still in his work clothes, despite probably getting home an hour ago. He was just sitting there, waiting.
I stood in the doorway, also waiting before looking to the window. There were beams of sunlight shining into our house through the window, and dust was visibly shining through. The trees that sat outside covered the stretched road ahead in darkness, though the sun seemed extra prominent today as it stuck it's fingers among the leaves and branches. "Ahem.." I mumbled, which caught his attention as his head snapped up to look at me.
"..Hi. I'm home from school." I responded dully, though I forced a smile and posed. He let out a dry chuckle. That was the only thing he did anymore. Better to get straight to the fucking point then beat around the bush. "Jay invited me to a party. I think it's a sleepover, or something. I don't think I want to go." I added quickly, tripping over my words. We stared at one another, and he got up walking towards me. "No, you should go! Get out of the house, don't let me hold you back. I'm busy anyway, I'll be fine, don't worry about me."
One,
Two,
Three,
Four,
I don't know how many more.
'Don't worry'
'I'm fine'
'Go on without me'
I've heard them all before, but he seemed so genuine. "No, I think I should just stay home." He blinked. "With you. I mean, I don't think that it's really the best idea, being out late and-" I started, though he continued to press against my words, even if it was coming off as polite. "No, you need to go have fun! Remember that long-"
"Boring." I jutted in, gripping my bag tighter as the pictured and framed faces of the wall behind him stared at us. "Yes, boring, lecture about how these are your golden years?" He asked me. "This is your time! You don't have to go if you don't want to, but if you do.."
* * *
The day I got home from school, I wasn't expecting the letter to arrive so soon, but it was from an Executive High School for those who were the best of the best in grades had to take this big test, that of course, you had to pass. I had worked my ass off, and the whole school knew about it. I mean, of course it was obvious that the entire school would be full of know it all dorks, but it'd make me feel right at home.
The day I walked into the house, my mother's voice called me into the kitchen in a happy tone of voice, and I ran. I don't think I've ever run so fast in my life, so fast that the rug in the hallway slipped beneath me and I ended up busting my chin on the tiled floor when I fell.
I didn't care. There it was. An envelope. The good kind of envelope. If you failed the test, it was small. If you got in, you got a big one.
"Yesssssss!" I screamed in triumph, holding it up once I had gotten myself up and steadied my body against the kitchen table, my glory overriding any pain I felt in my chin as tears streamed down my face, my mother attempting to usher me into a chair so she could get a look at my chin. The room was filled with joy from me, and shock from my mother as my dad could hear the commotion and came down from his office. I held up the letter, refusing to sit down as I stared up at it, the light streaming against it from the window as the golden lettering on the front glimmered at me meaningfully.
I could've used it to start a holiday! Or I could've made, y'know, love to it. I kissed it and held it in my hands until my mother began to pester me and laugh at the fact that I was getting blood on it and my green shirt was now also covered in drops of blood, but I could only smile at her as my father shook his head in dissapointment, mumbling loud enough for us to hear: "I'm stuck in a house with a bunch of psychopaths.."
But we laughed and cheered, hugged, kissed, went to the emergency room, then we went out for ice cream.
* * *
"But if I do..." I whispered to nobody in particular, running my fingers over the scar on my chin as I stared in my mirror, glancing to the side to look at a photo of my family, staring as the only child between my parents. I sat there silently, studying the photo. It was my mom, dad, and I, sitting in front of an ice cream shop. It was dark outside, but the lights that shone from the nearby stores lit up the scene as we sat there, ice cream in hand and all of us smiling, the stitches brand new and my chin having a few dry blood splotches. I was still wearing my shirt, despite how cold it was outside. "But if I do."
ButifIdoButifIdoButifIdoButifIdoButifIdo..
It repeated over and over. "But if I do." I spoke aloud again. I sighed and grabbed my phone, opening Jay's contact up and letting my fingers fly across the letters on my phone screen. "I do." I said, sent it off and pulled off my shirt. I smiled. This was my time! These were my golden years! I don't need to waste them sitting around and mourning, I gotta fucking fix myself up!My phone buzzed and I was quick to check it. Jay: You do? You do what?You fucking idiot, Jay has no idea what you were talking about, why the hell did you say "I do?!"