chapter eleven,
more than anything.
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[unedited] 11.
in darryl's car, our hands were linked together, sitting in between us. i asked him, "can you drive properly with one hand?" and he replied, "i can do anything, honey."
my patched hand was sat in my lap, looking sad. i glanced out the window, the trees blending in with everything else nature had to provide. it was pretty.
"can i roll down the window?"
darryl nodded, "you don't need to ask me that." and smiled, "you're royalty, remember?"
"yeah, yeah." i smiled too. by opening the window, the fresh air felt refreshing. it filled my lungs with confidence and hope, wishing me good luck on our "date".
"this is a date, right?" i questioned, peering over my shoulder to look at him. we arrived at a stop light and he looked over, "if that's what you want."
"it is what i want. is it what yo—" "more than anything." he interrupted, squeezing our hands gently.
during this date, i'll try my best to forget. forget about things like my panic attacks, his disease, kit's not blue, my loss of money. with him, everything was okay.
making up random conversation, i wondered, "have you gotten any noise complaints? for the music blasting, i mean." because his father has been blaring music lately, but it didn't annoy me as much, because darryl had always been with me during it.
"no." darryl stated, "no one has really noticed, actually."
"really?" i was confused. "that's weird. if i can hear it from my room, i could only imagine what the people living beside you thought. also, why do you still have the 'for sale' sign in yo—"
"we're here!" darryl exclaimed, pulling into the parking lot of a 'east side mario's'. "i've never been here before, but i've hear many good things about it." he smiled excitedly, pulling into a parking spot.
it looked clean, and we walked hand in hand to the door. there was a lady standing with a book in her hand, giving me a sweet smile, "have you booked a reservation?"
"no." i said, pursing my lips. i didn't know we needed a reservation.
"oh, that's perfectly okay then. there isn't a long wait, maybe five minutes at max? is it a table for one or..?"
"table for two." i spoke up, and she nodded, "got it. follow me, sir."
me and darryl followed her to a booth, and i felt accomplished. these looked way more comfortable than the other seats.
"i'll come with your menus." she told us, and then she was gone. i zipped off my sweater and placed it on the seating beside me, looking up to darryl's smiling face. my eyebrows scrunched, and i felt my face turn hot, "what?"
"it's our first date. isn't this exciting? ooh, what should we get? should we share something!" he rambled on.
"it's so, very exciting. look at me! i'm on a date with the hottest man i know!" i exclaimed, and he shushed me, "zak! oh my goodness!"
"i'm only telling the truth." i shrugged, "you're some kind of sex-god or som-"
his eyes widened, face palming, "aaa! stopp!"
"okay, sorry, sorry. didn't know some facts would offend you." i said, leaning forward and admiring his adorable face. "you're just.. adorable."
"see, i appreciate that." he told me, leaning lower to the table and whispering, "but, if i was being honest, i'm glad that i'm going out with the hottest man i know, too."
i leaned down with him, our heads grazing the desk. we were like kids in playschool, talking useless crap and living the best life. i ruffled his hair with my left hand, "glad to know you think i'm attractive, sex-god."
"enough!" he claimed, "my hair! aah! it actually looked good for once!"
"you look good no matter what, darryl." i told him, "don't worry about it."
"can i ruffle yours, then?"
"fine." i sighed, tilting my head down. he shoved his hand into my hair, ruffling it crazily. he stopped, covering his mouth with his hand while he cracked up. i tilted my head, "are you happy now?"
"yes! very!" he said, trying to hold himself together. he suddenly let it all out, using his hand to hold his mouth shut.
"what! do i look that bad!" i said, laughing along although i couldn't understand what he was laughing at.
"not-" he breathed, "not bad, ju- jus-" he giggled again, "just different than usual. i like it."
"clearly." i joked, smiling lovingly at him, "i like different."
another woman came with our menus, placing them on our table, "hello! i am beth, and i will be your waitress for the day. would you like to start off with some drinks, or are you waiting for anyone?"
"drinks are fine." i told her, looking over at darryl. he pointed toward the water on the paper, and i spoke for him, "can i get a water and a coke, please?"
"coming right up." she said, leaving to go grab our drinks. darryl flipped through the book, asking, "should we get an appetizer?!"
"whatever you'd like, honey."
his eyes washed over the lists of food, i spoke again, "we should get to know each other, right? i mean.. we already know about each other, but more." more serious stuff, because we were going to be serious.
"i like the sound of that." he agreed.
"well, as you know, i'm zak carder. i was born on january 17th and i am 17. cool, i know. i like drawing.. listening to music — at a reasonable volume — and i like you too.. and yeah. that's basically me."
"my full name is darryl noveschosh," he told me, "i was born on april 2nd, and i'm 16. but in one month i'll be 17 so you aren't that far ahead!" he exclaimed, shoving his finger in my face. "anyway, i enjoy writing, reading, music, and shopping for clothes."
if he was only 16, how could he drive? didn't my mother say only adults lived at his house?
"sweet." i replied, asking him, "do you go to school?"
"no." was all he said. no explanation, no continuation, just blank, no. i guess that was good enough.
"have you decided what you will be eating yet?" beth asked us, a small notebook in her hand. i looked at darryl for guidance again, and he pointed to a spinach dip. i nodded, "i'll be having a spinach dip for appetizer."
"one spinach dip." she mumbled under her breath, writing it down, "is that all?"
"yes, thank you." and she left.
darryl sighed, "you're just so good."
"what?" i asked. he looked down to his lap, "you're good at talking with people, you're amazing at comforting me, you're really sweet and caring — and funny when you wanna be —" he laughed, shaking his head, "i'm just so lucky. like, you bought me a thing full of roses, when you didn't even know me. that's amazing."
yeah, i guess he was right.
"i don't know.. i just – i don't think i deserve someone as good as you."
"if you make me, i'll go on another rant on how amazing you are. i'm not afraid and i won't hold back." i instantly replied.
"those are your specialty." he slyly replied, "but then again, everything about you is special."
"i don't know if it's just me, but my ego is really getting boosted right now." i said, "or it's just you being a sappy romantic. a perfect, sappy romantic."
"oh, it's definitely not just you. and with the sappy romantic part, you're the only one who makes me like this, y'know."
"oh? i assumed you went around and told everyone they were special and perfect?" i sarcastically replied. he rolled his eyes, telling me, "nope. only you.
"you're the only one who deserved to hear it."
and maybe i was. maybe i deserved all of his compassion.
still, while this whole scene rolled out, making my heart twist and my stomach light, those small words were bubbling beneath my tongue.
kit's not blue.
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