"And suddenly, she felt exhausted. Like the world has drained her for everything she had finally conquered."
- via
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(TW)
"IT'S ERIC, LINA. HE-" Her cries are between loud hiccups and my mind is going a thousand miles per hour, creating every scenario to what might have happened, "I can't bring myself to finish these words."
"Tell me already, Bella!" I'm shaking, my hands trembling as I hold the phone against my ear and I can't see anything in front of me. I need to know he's okay. He has to be.
Breathe.
Breathe.
"This time, he succeed, Adelina." The moment I assimilate what she is saying, the air escapes my throat, and a strangulated cry leaves my lips.
I can't breathe.
I collapse on the floor, my knees sinking into the carpet, and Damien calls my name from behind while his hands try to support me, but I don't feel his touch, I feel nothing.
Tears roll down my cheek like a waterfall and I let out a scream while looking up between a blur when the realization of my friend's words sink in.
My best friend is dead.
We couldn't save him.
Gosh, it hurts. It's a stab in the heart.
"I'm on my way to his house." I don't know how I find my voice to continue talking to Bella, but I do. It leaves as a mumble through my trembling lips.
"You are probably drunk at some party and we don't need that kind of person right now. Come by tomorrow morning." With that, she hangs up, her voice tone harsh, but I don't care, the phone falling off my hand instantly.
I can't move, my mind replays every single moment I had next to Eric.
I couldn't be there for him.
Sobs continue to erupt from my throat, tearing away all the air and I feel muscular hands lifting me up, carrying me somewhere in bridal style. It's all a blur, but I still try to fight back, kicking and hitting the boy's chest.
"Leave me alone!" My voice breaks as I yelp in pain, feeling like my heart is breaking. My tears soak the soft fabric against my cheek and still, the person doesn't let me go.
I'm placed in a bed, not understanding where I am, but I could care less. I hug my knees, my eyes locking on the sheets in front of me and I can't help but think how I didn't see this coming.
It only causes me to cry harder, making the air impossible to reach my lungs.
After a few moments of trying to breathe so I don't pass out; I focus on Damien's voice.
"Hey, look at me." I can't bring myself to do that, my heart thundering in my chest, but he doesn't let go and places both of his hands on my neck, caressing my skin to calm me down.
"I can't, I simply can't, or else it will come true." My voice breaks.
I shut my eyes even harder, feeling the bile rise to my throat when an image of Eric lying on a cold floor takes up my mind. I bite my lip so hard that it draws blood, and I suffocate the loud hiccup that follows.
"Don't do that to yourself, Adelina. Please," The bad boy's voice is low in my ear, his forehead against my cheek, and a muffled cry escapes his lips. He is suffering for me, "Tell me what happened."
It's a whisper, a demand, and I can sense his unsteady breath against mine. All I do is nod, gathering every ounce of what's left of my strength to face him.
When I open my eyes, his are locked on mine, searching for me and my heart tightens inside my chest for making him go through this.
"I'm here for you." He reassures me one more time while running his thumb through my skin, cleaning the unstoppable salty tears, and I take a deep breath before letting out the truth I've been denying this entire time.
"My best friend Eric killed himself." It's unbearable, and the minute these words leave my lips, I feel like I'm going to throw up. More tears come, a sob escaping from my mouth and I see nothing, not when Damien pulls me closer in a single motion and buries my face in the crook of his neck in a tight hug.
He continues murmuring repeatedly that everything will be fine, but I know it won't.
Still, I have him and I haven't thought until now the bad boy has become my safe harbor.
The realization comes in a horrible moment and I don't focus on it, not when I feel like my entire world has collapsed.
I don't know for how long we stay like that, but I fall asleep in Damien's arms, letting the darkness take me away.
It feels like an immense weight takes place in my head the minute I open my eyes, a headache pounding sharply. I know it's because I cried a lot and the realization of what happened comes crashing like a painful wave.
There are no tears left, but a hole has formed on my chest.
A body next to me shifts from one side to the other, a large palm splayed on my belly, and I hold back the sad smile that dares to dance on my lips when I watch Damien sleeping next to me.
I notice he has changed to a pair of grey sweatpants and a thin white t-shirt and when I look at my outfit; I realize I'm comfortable as well.
I probably look like a mess, but the costume from last night is gone, replaced by a black oversized sweatshirt that hugs my skin. Everything that I've needed.
"Kayla changed you." He whispers with his eyes slightly open, probably noticing my furrowed eyebrows at the piece, and I nod, murmuring back 'thank you' underneath my breath.
I don't think I will be ever capable of paying back what the Stones have done for me.
"I need to go to the Thomas's." I don't know how I find my voice to say that without breaking at the end and now it's the bad boy's turn to nod and sit on the bed, dark bags now clear under his eyes.
He probably stayed up all night to check on me which makes my heart warm and hurt for making him worried.
"Do you want company?" The hand that was on my waist finds mine in a consoling way, our fingers interlocking on my tight, and even though he wants to be my side, I'm ashamed to look at the boy in front of me.
Yet I don't say that. I only need him away.
"I have to see his parents alone." It leaves as a whisper while I peek his lips in a quick kiss for what's probably the last time, and Damien deposits a short one on my cheek before I stand up to get ready.
He leaves the room in the same moment, shooting me one last glance, and I force myself to give him a sad smile.
I wanted to scream for him to stay, but he doesn't deserve me like this.
Completely broken.
Taking my attention back to the day ahead, I do not know where to start, feeling my entire body weak from last night.
Somehow, between the good memories of Eric flashing through my mind and a few more tears shedding, I change into a simple black dress with the same color cardigan on top, a simple sandal on my feet.
When I look at myself in the mirror, it looks like a truck has run over me, from the smudged shadow and lipstick to the puffy eyes. I take away all the makeup, applying only a gloss to my lips and I put my hair up in a messy bun, doing everything on automatic.
I'm numb, but I need to face his parents.
They need my support and I need to ease the pain inside my chest of knowing that I could have done better.
I should have done better.
I don't see anyone before I'm out to the driveway, and I remind myself to thank Damien for respecting my feelings. Even though he does not know, I'm pushing him away.
Deep inside, I need him, but I won't be able to open up again so soon. Not after losing the part of me that was incredible. Eric had an immense piece of my heart.
A few tears leave my eyes once again, and I quickly clean them while entering my car. I put on the loudest song to make me forget my thoughts and even though the way to his parent's house is quick; it feels like an eternity.
In each red light, I feel my heart in my throat even more and my hands are sweating against the wheel.
Their home appears down the street, and it's impossible not to relive every single moment I had with my best friend. We three as kids, trick-or-treating and dressing up as the three musketeers. The many times we chased each other on the street after Eric sent a message to one of Bella's crushes without her knowing.
Good old times. I don't even realize I'm crying again until I look in the rearview mirror.
Gosh, today will be tough.
With one last deep breath and cleaning the tears once more, I park the car in front of their house and get out of it.
My steps are slow, anxiety running through my entire body in facing them, and I almost leave to cry alone but I need to do this.
It's the bare minimum that I can do after giving up on their son. Fuck.
I press the doorbell with my shaking fingers, waiting for someone to open the door, and when it does, I don't think I will ever be able to forget how death is clear in Jocelyn's face.
There are deep black eye bags under her light blue eyes, her once shiny red hair opaque, up in a strange bun and it's the first time I see her wearing pajamas in daylight.
The minute she realizes it's me, fast tears run down her cheeks, probably for the millionth time today, and I don't even think twice about taking her into a tight hug.
We cry together like babies, our pain coming as one, and even though I'm suffering, I could never understand what she must be going through. How painful it is to lose a child.
I don't know for how long we stay like that, pouring our feelings into each other and uselessly trying to ease the pain, but it's Mr. Thomas that pulls us apart with a palm on his wife's shoulders.
I haven't realized, but the woman in front of me is shaking, her lips trembling and her hands can't even stay still as she hugs me tight. It's probably the reason Dominic interferes.
Jocelyn is on the verge of breaking and he gently takes her upstairs while I stay in place, feeling my heart grow even tighter with this sight.
I thought Eric's parents would be suffering, but seeing it in person makes me feel sick.
I clean the tears with my sweater sleeve while looking around at the house that became one of my safe harbors these past years. Even my friends didn't know that.
If someone looks to the surface, it is still the same, the expensive and luxurious furniture flawlessly in place, the marble floor without a speck of single dust or stain, but it's cold now.
Eric was the one who brought life to this mansion of stone.
He brought life to everything around him.
"I'm sorry for that, Adelina. It's been tough, but for her... I honestly don't know if she will recover from this." Dominic lets out with an exhausted sigh while coming down the stairs and now I can see clearly that he needs to be the strong one or else everything will collapse.
It seems like the wrinkles on his eyes and forehead, despite the esthetic procedures, have grown even more and the immaculate combed-back white hair is now to all places after he runs his hand through it.
"There's nothing to apologize for, Mr. Thomas. My sincere condolences, Eric was-" I can't bring myself to finish those words without looking up not to cry and breathing deeply. "He was the heart of every party. One of the few people that saw the good before the bad in every person he met."
My words bring tears to his dad's eyes, and I push all the formalities aside when I take Mr. Thomas in a hug. He tenses a bit from the sudden touch but gives up and I let him finally free the agony buried inside.
He lost a son as well.
"Thank you, Adelina. You can take anything from his room. He would have wanted that." We part away and all I do is nod, biting my inside cheek so I don't start crying all over again.
I excuse myself and head directly to my best friend's room, having to stop in front of the door before entering it. My hand trembles on the doorknob, but I gather every ounce of strength there's left and with a deep breath, I open it.
I'm welcomed by the place I spent countless afternoons in, laughing and watching series with our trio.
The walls are still dark blue, posters of Eric's favorite singers and bands covering the entire right side where his bed is still undone.
None of his parents had the courage to enter here yet. It shatters my heart.
All the memories come flushing as one and now I don't hold back the tears that soak the hem of my sweater.
I feel the pain, letting myself suffer for my best friend.
Why did you have to do this?
It feels like at any moment that he will walk from the bathroom door with a crazy idea on his mind, probably one that will make Bella and I laugh out loud.
A broken smile dances on my lips as I stop in front of his desk, the photos of us three covering an entire cork board behind it. There are a few from when we were young, mostly from our birthday parties, but one, in particular, catches my eye.
It's a newer photo from Chadwick's party and we are hugging each other on the dance floor, a huge smile on our face and only now I can recall that Eric's hookup took a photo of us.
I didn't know my friend put it up here, nor that it existed and between a blur, I take it, knowing that this meant the world to him. It may not have been enough for him to stay, but one thing I don't doubt is that he loved me and Bella.
He could take a bullet for us and us for him. Yet, I couldn't save him.
"I'm so sorry, Eric." I mumble between hiccups as I run my fingers through his belongings, trying to connect myself with him one last time before letting him go for good.
I'm heading out to the door with my heart and the photo in my hands, feeling the guilt eating me alive, when I notice a little notebook open on the floor next to the bedside table.
I grab it without even breathing, wondering if I should look at it or not since it looks like a diary, but the minute I see what he wrote on the last and most recent page is enough to make me sick.
I can't bear more comments on my photos, mean notes on my locker. I can't. I don't think I can do this anymore.
I read between tears leaving even faster from my eyes now and I have to look up so they don't fall on the paper. A strangulated cry leaves my lips as I realize Eric took his life because of bullying.
I'm a mixture of emotions, feeling my blood boil as the person responsible for most of it comes to mind.
Brett Michelson, the football captain.
My mind is a thousand miles per hour and I don't even take think to leave the room, heading straight to my car.
I say bye to Mr. Thomas and tell him one last time how wonderful his son was before going out while cleaning the reminiscent tears on my cheeks. I have to avenge Eric.
There's no way I will let Brett get away with it.
Now, even though the pain is still hanging on my chest, pure anger takes place.
I need to let it all out, and I know just how.
Today the jocks from our school train in the morning and that's exactly where I'm heading to.
The building soon grows in my sight, a place that I can't wait to leave behind, and the cars parked outside and the loud sounds coming from the football camp confirm my idea.
I don't lose any time and park in the nearest spot possible before walking straight to the field, my palms sweating and my breath unsteady. I can feel my veins throbbing in my neck and now angry tears wet my cheeks when I realize that if it weren't for Brett, Eric would still be here.
I could still be at his side.
I don't have to search for long to find the football captain when he loves being the center of attention, even on Saturday morning when not a single soul is at school.
He has a smug smile on his stupid lips while he grabs a water bottle from the bleachers and I take the opportunity that he is alone to go straight to where he is.
"You killed him." That's the first thing I say when I stand behind Brett, my fists already clenched at my side and my heart thundering against my chest.
"What the he-?" I don't even wait for him to finish his sentence and punch him straight at his nose when he turns around, catching him completely off guard. It shoots a painful wave through my knuckles even though I trained that with Damien but it completely pays off when I hear him curse underneath his breath.
"Crazy bitch." Brett snarls when he lifts his head up and looks straight into my eyes, finally seeing who punched him.
Even though it was good, I don't feel the relief, not close, and that's why I punch him again.
He is faster this time, dodging it but he doesn't know I train now and I take advantage of his feet, kicking him straight there. The football captain falls on the floor, groaning, but now I don't let him even recover. I get on top of him and send another punch to his face.
Brett deserves this, and much more.
Each hit causes him another yelp in agony and between a blur, I continue, images of Eric taking up my entire mind.
I'm sobbing, hearing people scream at my back when they notice what's happening, yet I don't stop seeing anything but the pain in front of me.
"Fuck, stop, Adelina!" Strong hands grab me from behind and take me away. I let out a startled cry but I fight back, trying to lose the tight grip around me from whom I don't know.
I need to ease this pain inside my chest.
I scream, kick, but it's useless. I'm completely locked up in the stranger's arms. I sob between hiccups.
The pain of losing Eric is even bigger now, and the only escaping I found has been taken away from me.
"It's me, Lina. Calm down!" A deep voice that I know so well screams, breaking at the end, and I turn around to look at his face, still feeling my blood boil.
"I asked you to leave me alone!" I yell back, hitting his chest, but Damien doesn't move, his dark blonde hair falling on his eyes and his hands tightening around my waist.
"To do what, exactly, huh? Kill someone?" I'm taken out of surprise with his words, furrowing my eyebrows and he points out to somewhere behind me, "Look for yourself."
Two of his teammates lift Brett up, their arms sustaining him, and he can't see anything when they have to guide him to the parking lot. I put my hand in my mouth when I see his entire nose covered in my blood and a swollen, deep red eye taking place in his face.
I did that?
A few people widen their eyes at me, ready to yell and curse and that's probably why the bad boy protects me with his body, taking me away from the crowd.
The tears haven't stopped and if I thought hitting Brett would help, somehow it made everything worse.
I don't recognize myself.
"Let me take you home," Damien whispers in my ear so tenderly, taking his hand to the back of my head, his thumb caressing my cheek, and that makes me look straight at me.
I can't be the person he wants right now or the one that he desperately needs. I do not know if she's still here and I'm used to handling things alone.
He doesn't deserve this kind of suffering, not when he has been through a lot.
"Don't follow me, Damien." The pain that flickers through his eyes is enough to break me and with that he lets me go, the warmth of his body pressed against being missed instantly.
I walk away before he can even say anything, feeling even more tears running down my cheek and I can't help but bring my hands to my mouth when an agonized yelp leaves my lips.
I don't know how I manage to enter my car between a blur, not knowing where to head to and when the realization comes that the bad boy isn't coming after me, just like I asked him to, I let out the scream I've held back ever since this nightmare started.
I just want to wake up.
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{A/N: Oh wow, I don't think I can say much after this chapter. Heart-breaking, right? ;( What do you think will happen with your favorite couple? And remember that characters are flawed and humans, every grief is different.
Thank you so much for reading and if you liked it, please all comments and votes are appreciated! See you in the next chapter. Now the plot will get more and more intense. Stay tuned!
Lots of love, Ally.}