Jily | I Can't Love Him

By uncertainwallflower

104K 1.3K 1.4K

[EDITING] "Evans!" James grinned, strutting towards her. "Fancy seeing you here, and I'm here too, with you-n... More

I Can't Love Him
Prologue
Filthy Little Mudblood
Number Thirty-Six Chipping Street
Convivial Company
Bombs Away
A Sticky Situation
The Lonely Broomstick
Mrs MacDonald's Fudge
Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs
The Absence of Broken Bones
Deck the Halls
Frogspawn Soap
The Surveying of Boris the Bewildered

Butterflies for Breakfast

3.2K 96 208
By uncertainwallflower

Gryffindor Tower was alive with laughter, dancing and celebration. The Hobgoblins were screeching through a gramophone, many people in the crowd sung along rather awfully. One fourth-year seemed to be sprouting a different song entirely. Lily was struggling to hear herself think over the blaring music. Fortunately for the rest of Hogwarts, an Imperturbable Charm had been cast on the Fat Lady's portrait, soundproofing the common room.

Mimi Pritchard enchanted a tapestry that stretched across the entire wall to replay the best highlights of the game. A crowd favourite was when one of the Slytherin Beaters missed the Bludger and ended up whacking himself in the face.

A group of students, namely the Marauders, had raided the kitchens and brought back enough food to feed a dragon. Someone had snuck fire whiskey into the punch; it was quickly disposed of by Dorcas Meadowes after a drunk first-year almost fell into the fire.

Lily was sitting by a window, away from the heart of the party, sipping happily on her fire whiskey-free punch. She was watching with amusement as Sirius danced on a small, rickety coffee table next to an armchair surrounded by the group of giggling fourth-years who had sat in front of Lily at the match. With a snap and a shriek, Sirius fell with a flap of arms; his fall was broken by Remus Lupin, who had been walking past.

"Thanks for that, Pads," Remus said sarcastically, glaring daggers at Sirius.

Sirius laughed and offered him a hand up from the ground.

Lily's eyes wandered away from the pair to two girls dancing in the middle of the room: Marlene and Jackie. She smiled fondly and searched for the rest of her friends. Alice was sitting with Frank; Lily wondered if they would ever actually get together, rather than always dancing around the subject.

"We don't wanna rush things," Alice would say every time someone asked her.

Mary was huddled near a tapestry snogging the face-off of who Lily could only assume to be Eoin Wiggins—judging by the arm in a sling.

Desperate to erase that sight from her memory Lily looked around the room once more and settled on the food table. It was currently being raided by a group of fifth years, an oversized tabby cat and two of the Marauders, Peter Pettigrew and James Potter.

Sighing, Lily put down her goblet. She supposed, after a month of avoiding eye contact in the halls and going to the library whenever he was in the common room, it was about time she faced her fears. Truth be told, Lily had forgiven James for what he did a week after their argument, which she regretted. She had just felt too guilty to talk to him until; plus, he still got on her nerves. Swallowing her pride, Lily stood up and slowly made her way through the crowd.

James had his back turned and was talking to Peter. Lily jumped at the opportunity to think of what she wanted to say but her mind was blank. Peter caught sight of her and scampered away, mumbling something about the bathroom to James.

Now was her chance.

"Nice flying today, Potter," Lily said as she tapped James on the shoulder.

He jumped and whirled around, eyes wide. "Evans?" he asked, evidently confused as to why she wasn't glaring at him from across the room. "Thanks... Are you not mad at me anymore?"

Lily shook her head. "You were just looking out for me, albeit irresponsibly, but all the same. I see that now. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "Does that mean I can sit next to you in Potions again?"

Lily laughed, nodding.

He smiled again and they went silent, watching the party blaze on in front of us.

A moment later James turned to her, smile gone, replaced by a serious expression. His voice was an octave deeper as he said, "Evans, do you think we could try to be friends?"

"Friends? Where's the fun in that?" Lily laughed, shaking her head at him.

"I'm serious. You and I have been back and forth since the second year and I'm starting to run out of counter curses, to be frank. Please, Evans? Friends?" James stuck his hand forward, an offer of ceasefire.

Lily frowned at his hand. "No more asking me to Hogsmeade? And no beating up boys that do?"

"Sure, if you stop taking house points away from me every three days."

"Only if you stop hexing random people whenever you feel like it."

A lopsided smirk spread across his face as he considered the terms. It was mirrored by Lily.

Not long after they agreed to be friends, Lily made her way up to her dormitory. She was the first one up and didn't expect the girls to finish celebrating the win anytime soon. The smile was still playing on her lips as she got in bed and fell swiftly to sleep.

---

The Marauders strolled into the Great Hall at their usual time the next morning, ten minutes late, excluding Remus who was currently munching on his bowl of cereal across from Lily. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as James sat next to her. Butterflies and the urge to protest.

This whole friendship thing is going to take some getting used to, she thought to herself.

"Good morning," he said jauntily, reaching across her for the jug of pumpkin juice.

"Morning." Lily mimicked his tone as she pushed the jug towards him.

He smiled in thanks.

Lily looked up and saw her friend's foreheads furrowed, their mouths hanging open. Marlene even had a bit of bacon hanging out.

"What happened to you two?" Remus asked, a deep frown creasing his brow.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, biting into her marmalade toast.

"You're being nice to each other," Jackie stated the obvious.

"Oh, that; we've agreed to be friends," James said as he poured the juice into his goblet.

"When did this happen?" Sirius asked.

Lily swallowed her mouthful. "Last night."

Sirius turned to James, a look of horror and hurt on his face. "And you didn't tell me?"

"Calm down, it's not like we're getting married. I didn't think it was that important." James shrugged.

"Close enough," Sirius grumbled to himself, disdainfully avoiding eye contact with James.

Everyone else laughed and returned to their breakfasts.

"Good on you, guys." Alice smiled happily at us. "Does this mean you won't be at each other's throats anymore?"

Frank—who was seated a little down the table with a group of seventh years—snorted at Alice's question.

"Yeah," James nodded. "Yeah, it does."

A rustle sounded above as dozens of owls poured into the Great Hall, soaring over the house tables. Lily looked up to see Monet flying straight for her; she landed neatly on the table, dropping a pale blue envelope onto her crumb-covered plate.

"Thank you, Monet." Lily offered her the corner of her toast which she accepted happily, gobbling it down.

Nibbling Lily's finger affectionately, Monet stretched her wings to fly back out of the hall, evidently ready for a day's sleep. As Lily picked up the envelope, she recognised her mother's delicate handwriting and slipped it into her rucksack, deciding to read the letter later on.

Looking up again, Lily came face to face with a wide-eyed barn owl. It clutched in its claws a Daily Prophet, which she took from it happily. Not waiting for a second, the paper-owl stepped closer, sticking out its leg expectantly. Dropping the required Knuts into the leather pouch, Lily spread out the newspaper and scanned the headlines.

"Interesting," James said from beside her, peering over her shoulder at the Prophet.

"What is?" Sirius asked, not looking up from his plateful of food.

"Appleby Arrows beat Ballycastle Bats last night; two hundred and ten to one hundred and sixty."

"Wiggins won't be too happy about that."

"Excuse me," Lily cut into the conversation, turning to face James as he pushed his glasses up his nose and leaned in to read the next section of the article aloud. "Get your own paper."

"Why would I do that? You've already got a perfectly good one right here."

The conversation ceased as an overflowing bowl of scrambled eggs flew into the air beside them, little bits of egg raining over the nearby students. Unfortunately, that included them. In the middle of the mess was a bewildered, brown, feathery something. A pile of letters neatly tied with string sat delicately beside it.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." A small Gryffindor girl was making her way towards the chaotic scene, apologising to everyone as she went. "You okay, Corky?" she asked as she scooped up the thing, which turned out to be an owl, into her arms.

She grabbed the letters from the now relatively empty bowl before hurrying back to the end of the table.

The rest of breakfast was uneventful. They had managed to get most of the egg off their clothes, scourgifying what couldn't be cleaned with a napkin. Soon they were all standing, plates clear, ready to leave.

"I'm going down to the greenhouses this morning, would you like to come? I can show you the Flitterbloom I've been growing," Frank asked Alice, who agreed almost immediately.

"Anyone want to head out to the lake this morning?" Peter suggested to the remainder of the Gryffindor sixth-years.

"Definitely, it's far too stuffy inside," Mary said.

They all agreed. Once outside Lily found myself wishing she hadn't. Although stuffy, the castle seemed much more appealing than freezing to death. The light from the sun was weak and provided little protection from the harsh cold that gnawed at our fingertips and cheeks. 

"The clouds are looking rather dark," Lily said, eyes trained on the sky above. "Maybe we should go back to the common room, in case it rains."

"It's fine, they'll blow over," Sirius said, strutting down the lawn towards the Black Lake.

Everyone followed suit, huddling together to maintain body heat. Lily trailed behind them, cautious of the angry masses of cloud churning and brewing overhead. James slowed and fell into step with her.

"He's crazy," he sighed.

Lily laughed, "Completely."

After fifteen minutes of shivering the granite clouds blotted out the measly efforts of the sun and there was a whispering in the air. A pattering sound reached their ears as the first beads of rain dropped onto the leaves of the beech tree. Only moments later they were sprinting back towards the castle as fast as their legs would carry them, sheets of water piercing their clothes. Marlene, Remus and Lily clutched coats above their heads in an attempt to shield themselves from the downpour. Rain fell heavier with every step, the ground becoming slushier with each passing second.

"I told you!" Lily shouted over the hammering of the rain.

It fell so heavily the sound blurred into one long, whirring noise.

"No need to rub it in," Sirius cried back, his feet kicking up mud behind him as he ran.

"I still told you."

Reaching the top of the hill Peter slipped on the muddy grass, falling heavily in a puddle, then slid halfway back down. He was shortly joined by Mary, who shuddered in disgust as she was hauled to her feet by Jackie.

Reaching the castle, James and Sirius wrenched open the large, oaks doors and they flooded into the Entrance Hall. Lily stood hunched over, attempting to steady her breath.

"Eugh," Mary groaned, wiping mud off her cheek with an equally mud-covered sleeve.

Drenched to the bone, they trudged up several flights of stairs to the common room, leaving behind watermarks where they stepped. The only sounds were the squelching of wet socks and the water dripping off of their hair and clothes.

Anthony Gibson and his gaggle of friends rounded the corner of the fourth-floor corridor as they reached the landing. He spotted the group almost immediately and nodded in their direction, but faltered. Lily smiled politely as he passed but his gaze was trained on the floor.

Lily didn't notice James glaring at him from over her shoulder. Bilius Abbott opened his mouth to say something but was silenced by Anthony's elbow jabbing his side. Lily frowned but didn't mention anything.

They continued on their venture up the final sets of stairs, light chatter being tossed around. Finally somewhat dry, they clambered through the portrait hole into the warm common room, chocked full of people sheltering from the harsh storm. Sirius ushered a few second-years away from the fireplace and collapsed on the closest armchair.

Lily was the first to join him, taking a spot on the couch and savouring the warmth the flames provided. Remus squeezed himself between James—who had taken up the other end of the couch—and Lily and allowed her to read his book over his shoulder.

"Wizard's Chess anyone?" Peter asked, seating himself on one side of the small, rickety, wooden table.

"Definitely." Jackie sat opposite him.

Mary had nestled herself in an armchair, pulled a throw draped precariously on the armrest over herself, and summoned her newest edition of Witch Weekly from our dorm.

"Marls, do you wanna do this quiz with me? "

"What's it about?" Marlene asked, swinging her legs up and over the armrest.

"Hmm..." Mary flicked through the pages until she found the quiz. "It's which Puddlemere Quidditch player should you date?"

The two bowed their heads together as they began, giggling every now and then.

"Why does it have to be raining?" Sirius whined after a while of calm.

"It's the weather, Pads, it does what it wants." James turned away from the disastrous chess game in front of him—Peter was about to lose for the fourth consecutive time—and looked over at him.

"It's a waste of a perfectly good Sunday." He eyed the rain pounding relentlessly on the window.

"If you're bored you should get started on your Divination essay for Professor Imago."

Sirius, disappointed, responded with a groan.

"Come on, Pads. It won't take you long. We just need to predict something that'll happen to someone each month next year."

Lily watched as Sirius grumbled to himself and stood up, wandering up the stairs to his dorm. He returned arms full of parchment and ink then flopped down, sprawling himself upon the carpet and spreading everything out in front of him with a huff.

"Predictions for nineteen seventy-seven, by Sirius Black," Sirius spoke aloud as he wrote. "January, I will survive getting crushed by a pile of Professor Flitwick's books. February, my leg will be broken by an unusually heavy Hippogriff,"

Lily turned back to the book as Remus flicked the page over.

"March, Remus will die of a stroke after receiving a Troll on his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay," he continued.

Remus sat up, affronted at the proposition. They burst into laughter as he mouthed silently in protest at Sirius. Lily threw her head back, laughing so hard her stomach began to hurt.

"Lily will drown in dragon bogies in April."

Silenced, her mouth gaped open in repulsion. The laughter increased.

"Don't worry, Evans. I'll protect you from any dragon bogies you might encounter." James leaned over Remus, who pushed him away with two fingers against his forehead.

James fell back on the armrest and laughed placing his hands behind his head. He flung his legs across Remus's lap, his feet resting on Lily's knee.

The Fat Lady's portrait swung forward during the commotion and Alice stepped through the portrait hole. Frank followed closely behind, bidding her goodbye before joining his seventh-year friends in the corner.

"What's all this?" Alice asked walking towards the fireplace.

"Divination assignment. I was just about to decide how you are going to die according to the alignment of the stars and what I dreamt last night."

Alice laughed and pushed away the pieces of wet hair that had stuck to her face.

"What happened to your hand, Alice?" Lily asked, noticing the white bandage that wound from her forearm to her palm.

"Oh, it's nothing. I thought a Chinese chomping cabbage was a carrot. It bit me."

"Perfect!" Sirius yelled. He quickly scribbled down her foreseen death. He paused. "What's a plant that can kill you?"

"Venomous Tentacula..." Alice answered hesitantly.

"Thank you, you will now be killed by a Venomous Tentacula sometime during May."

Alice nodded in agreement and sat down on the armchair that Sirius had previously vacated.

"Early in June, Marlene will contract a severe case of Dragon Pox. She will survive, only to die three weeks later in Muggle London in a car crash."

"What about me?" Mary asked, eager to find out what Sirius would come up with.

"Mary..." Sirius hummed, tapping his quill to his chin as he thought. "Natural causes."

Marlene laughed, "How extravagant."

Mary pouted.

Lightning illuminated the sky and a first-year shrieked as thunder boomed angrily in response. Lily started, her eyes darting to the young girl but she had flung to the ground, collecting the shattered pieces of a Knight.

"In September, Jackie will drink an unintentionally poisonous premature potion she concocted on the first day of class. She will spend the next month in the Hospital Wing under the intensive care of Poppy. "

Jackie, who had just destroyed Peter's Queen, frowned. "I don't take Potions."

Sirius scratched out her name. "I guess that will have to be Remus again... On the eighth of October, I will tragically trip on my shoelace and fall several flights of stairs, get stuck on a disappearing step and ultimately break my neck."

"Sounds like something you'd do." Peter sniggered.

"Wouldn't be the first time, eh, Moony?" James nudged Remus, who let out a howl.

"On Halloween, James will get murdered in cold blood by a Dark Wizard at large," Sirius sassed back. 

"Oh come on, Pads. Not even Imago would believe that," James laughed again.

Sirius huffed and scratched out his last sentence roughly.

"Fine, that'll be—" he glanced around the room quickly for inspiration, "—Frank. James will die during a Quidditch match after catching the Snitch in his mouth and choking to death. November the twentieth."

"Hey, I'm the Seeker here," Marlene frowned, feigning annoyance.

"Not anymore," Sirius shrugged. "Peter."

"Yes?"

"On your birthday in December, you will die of overeating during the feast given in your honour."

"An honourable death," Peter nodded. 

"What a way to go," Lily muttered.

"And done." Sirius put his quill down, ink dripping on the parchment. "That was easy."

Mary stood up and stretched her arms above her head, disappearing up the stairs to the dormitory. She returned moments later without her magazine, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I'm hungry, can we go to lunch?"

A murmur of agreement flew around the group. Lily yawned, standing up and heading toward the portrait hole. All of a sudden, the portrait flew open; a small girl came sprinting through, almost slamming into her.

"Is anyone here a Prefect?" She asked, looking around wildly. She was panting heavily, a bead of sweat dripping down her forehead.

"We are." Lily pointed at Remus who stood behind her, confusion plastered on his face.

"Me too," Timothy Goodman stood up.

The common room went silent and everyone turned to see what was happening.

"You have to help, follow me!" The girl spun around and ran back out of the portrait hole.

Lily furrowed her eyebrows and followed her out, as did the majority of Gryffindor house.

---

☞ This story just hit 6k reads, what is happening? Thank you to everyone who's supported/is supporting my writing!

Also, if you love Jily fanfictions—which I assume you do if you've read this far—you should check out Forget Me Not by lemondotboy it's so good!

That's all I have to say. Thanks for reading!

— 𝑩

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