Did ya ever experienced how it felt like to fail so badly at something, ya just wanna bury yerself in a hole, and never get back out? I asked, cause that's how I feel right now.
Two months ago I took an entrance exam for a famous school called JaysonScord Academy. It's called JSA for short. And I failed the entrance exam.
Ya probably could've guessed where I am going with this story of mine. And I don't really wanna repeat the whole thing to tell ya'll what happened, and repeat the whole thing in my head. But I am going to anyway, cause that's what we all do when we fail at something, it just stays there, like a broken radio on repeat. And it never stops.
I received a rejection letter from JSA today. They had sent it to me by mail and not an E-mail even though everyone in Steins Rundalwarts uses E-mails now and even I like to use E-mails when I send important stuff to my friends. But else, I'd just use the Padttwa app on my phone to text em a text of the important stuff and don't go on and E-mail them.
But JSA was weird that way, and they sent a real mail and not an E-mail all the way out to this remote place, a countryside in Stein Rundalwarts, and into our personal mailbox outside our house.
It feels like I've being honorably rejected, and it just feels horrible.
I heard myself internally screaming.
I couldn't stop it.
And I didn't stop it.
Cause I never could stop it.
Steins Rundalwarts is one of the 6 main countries in Luthenbergh. Luthenbergh is like a huge district, if ya drew it on a map, it'd be the size of a hand, and the countries would be small little patches on the hand.
Kitty Muffins Elementary is located in the centre of the city of Steins Rundalwarts, which is where I'm currently going for school. And yes I know the name is kind of cute, no- TOO CUTE, but I've gotten used to it. And the cute name grew on me, so I kinda like it now.
In the mornings I usually take the bus to school and it takes around 2 hours to get there.
I'm internally laughing now.
Yeah! I love waking up early too! This is sarcasm.
But ya know, now that I think it, it ain't really true cause I do like waking up early, since I normally do to help my dad open up the Candy store.
At 4 AM in the morning, I'd wake up and help my dad out with the candy store, cause the candy store opens and 5 AM and it closes at 9 AM.
And now that I think it, I didn't know the time right now,
I took a moment to take out my phone from my skirt pocket- I love skirt pockets! Cause they are handier than skirts without em, cause ya can put yer stuff in it and it doesn't feel like yer empty handed all the time. But sometimes ya need to make sure the stuff ain't heavy or it'll feel like yer skirt will fall off and feeling like that all the time is kinda embarrassing.
I clicked a button and the phone is a touch screen phone, so like all touch screen phones, they shine up and they got clocks on em, and I looked to check the time. The bus usually arrives around 4.30 AM, and it's about 4.36 AM right now. Usually...
This day seems to get better by the minute! And this is sarcasm.
"Poppy?"
"Yes, Jeyne?"
"Nothing~"
Poppy is a spirit, and a spirit he is, you heard that right.
All spirits are either bound to places or bound to things, Poppy is a spirit for two things, one of them is bus stations, the other is roads.
Every morning I would wait on this bench at this bus station. Poppy would be sitting on the left side. He's as tall as the bus station itself, which was around 2 and a half meters tall, and he looks like a giant soccer ball, but more fluffy, like a giant fur ball, or a really fat Persian cat. He takes up about 3 quarters of the whole bench alone, but all spirits can't be seen or touched by normal people, so people kind of just ignore him and sits inside him, or sits through him.
This normally never happens though, cause almost no one comes to this bus station. But sometimes when it does happen, they'd look like they're in a huge hamster ball. Which is kind of funny.
Ever since I was little, I was the only one who can see spirits. So I guess there's not much point sharing in all of this. Cause ya'll probably can't see it too.
"Poppy?"
"Yes, Jeyne?"
"I failed the JSA entrance exam..."
"Failed huh..."
"Yep!"
I took out the rejection letter that I had brought along with me. I don't know why I did so. But I do know why I did so.
I just didn't want my dad to find out.
My dad's name is Jeorge Scarlet. He's a great dad. He's not the type of dad that would get mad at me for failing entrance exams, or anything at all really. But he cares about me a lot, maybe too much. Knowing him, he'd be the first one to break into tears after finding out that I failed my entrance exam.
I slipped the letter out from within the envelope and reread it.
The letter said the same things it said before.
It tells me I failed, it tells me how sorry they are to inform me about all this 'bad news', and it wishes me good luck in my 'future'. The same words, in the same short 3 paragraphs of printed text, and on the same fresh beige paper that smelled like almonds but not like the almonds from an almond tree but like almond from another tree that didn't have almonds on them. This doesn't make sense but somehow that's what I think it smells like, and I feel like I'm right.
I kind of hoped it was all just a dream. Maybe.
And whatever I read a while ago was all a lie.
And whatever I'm gonna read now is probably not 'bad news'.
But this is the lie, and this is the lie I tell myself every time I tried reading this letter again.
I was always proven wrong.
"Well! There goes my dream to space! Yay!" I exclaimed, stretching my hand out with my fist clenched, and shot it towards the sky, making a little -Woohoo- gesture.
Then, I swung my head onto Poppy's shoulder.
-Poof- it went and I started sinking into his soft white fur.
Unlike everyone else in the world, I can touch spirits. It's not the greatest thing in the world if ya actually experienced it yerself, cause sometimes, they block all the doors when ya wanna enter places and they block all the exits when ya wanna get out places. And ya gotta watch out for more of who ya bump into when yer in really really crowded places.
Don't even get me started on how people laugh at ya for bumping into thin air.
But right now, Poppy's fluffy fur is so comfy, I'm starting to forget I all the bad things in my head, I even forgot I was about to cry.
I am so glad I can touch spirits.
-Pok- and landed Poppy's karate chop onto my head.
'Ouch!' was what I was about to say, but Poppy's hand is just too fluffy, I puffed out a giggle instead.
"Whadaya mean there it goes, if that's all it took to give up dreaming, what kind of dream is that?" Poppy said.
Silence fell upon us. But I didn't like this silence. It was suffocating.
"JSA huh... is it that one famous school on Mars?" Poppy asked,
"Mhmm!" I said, nodding my head. My voice came out hoarse, my throat was a little dry.
"Look around you Jeyne," Poppy said,
I didn't want to at first, cause I had my head in poppy's fur and it made my eyes blurry, or was there water in my eyes I didn't know, but I didn't want to look either way, cause it was nice feeling his fur and it was nice not looking.
But I waited awhile and then I did.
I looked.
We were surrounded by paddy fields. The station was just about squeezed on one side of a long road that stretched to the horizons. It splits the paddy fields around us into two separate little flat islands. My house was nearby but it was about a 10-minute walk away from where this station was, so it was out of sight.
All I could see was the glimmer of paddy all around us.
I almost didn't notice the four small spirits that were walking by. They look like they are on their way to a picnic but spirits don't eat, so that can't be it.
My feet don't touch the floor when I sit on most benches, this one too. And no I don't need ya'll to tell me how short I am. There's a small gap between the tip of my shoes and the ground. It was about 3 inches, maybe 4, maybe... 6... -and the little spirits were about that size. They all looked like little Poppy clones. They bounced and hopped, walking under my feet, merrily playing with each other as they go.
"In life, everyone's got dreams of their own," Poppy said,
And it made me smile. Cause it looked like they really did.
"And sometimes things don't go all that smoothly," Poppy said.
And when he says so, one of them tripped and fell.
The little spirit that fell struggled. It swung its little round arms and legs that weren't long enough to reach the ground.
Just then, Poppy nudged me and said, "All we can do is lend them a hand."
And so I did, I stood up and lend it a hand. I picked the little spirit up. Soft and cute in my palms. And oh my gosh- I didn't want to let go actually, but I did, placing him on his two little feet.
And the little spirit, teary-eyed, with a little sore spot on his forehead, smiled and waved.
Then he took off.
His friends looking worried, Is he okay? I felt like I heard them say. They stood there dazed and hesitated, but then followed along.
"But the will to keep going,"
I saw them bouncing again, one after another,
"Lies in our own hands."
They were back on their journey.
"It's fine to fail sometimes too Jeyne," Poppy said as I sat down again.
He pats my head and started stroking it, brushing my hair with his fluffy palm. Spirits don't have warmth, but I felt warmer.
"Because then, we can learn from those mistakes, and make us stronger."
Just then, there was a -Brrrrrr-
"Ah- the bus is here." I said.
...
"The will to keep going" I thought out loud.
I gave myself a moment to think about it, then I waved Poppy goodbye, "Thanks, poppy!"
I hopped onto the bus, feeling a bit fresher, I guess. I found a bigger smile on my face, I guess I'm right.
I looked around the bus and saw a hand in the air. Its skin was chocolate brown, and it had a cream shine. It was waving my way. I knew who it belonged to, her name is Nives Quinn. She's one of my best friends.
I walked to where she was to take a seat. She always keeps a seat empty beside her, one by the window, cause that seat was always for me.
Unlike my other best friends, she's not super-rich, like me, but only, she's not super-poor either, unlike me. So we both take the bus to school every day, but I was the only one that needed to, and she wanted to join me.
Nives lives around the shoreline which was way further out in the countryside than I was. So she'd always be the first on the bus. Cause of her, we always get the same seats to ourselves.
She doesn't like the window seat, or so she says, so she gives me the window seat, cause I kinda love the window seat, it's the best seat on the bus, especially for a 2-hour trip.
"So, Jeyne! How was it!? Weren't the results for yer entrance exam out today!?" She said after I sat down.
And I looked at her.
And she gave me that reassuring smile.
She knew my answer.
"Alright, we will throw ya the best party ya've ever had afterwards!"
"Wha- why?!" I said surprised. Who throws ya a party when ya failed an entrance exam!?
"Jeyne, it's December 25th, your birthday. You forgot didn't you?" Nives said.
I did.
And I didn't want to admit it. So I didn't say anything.
But Nives was grinning, cause she already knew.
I looked out the window, trying my best to ignore her, and a moment later I heard her snoring.
Now it was silent, peaceful at first, then it was suffocating again.
The envelope was still in my hand. And I saw it.
"Best birthday present ever!"
This day just couldn't get any better.