Chapter Song: Pluto (Instrumental)- Sleeping At Last
Oh my God.
I shouldn't be here.
I shouldn't have come back.
I can't do this.
I tried to silence my screaming thoughts by only listening to the rain but it wasn't working. I had been sitting on a bench for twenty minutes contemplating jumping on the next flight out of here. Instead, I called one of the only people who would answer me these days.
Nothing was working.
I was dripping wet from running to the car. I stopped to jump into his arms leaving my bags on the soaking asphalt below us.
"Thanks for coming back. How was your flight?" He mumbled stroking my tangled braid I spent the last few years growing out. It was my natural straw color now. I hadn't touched it since highschool.
"Long. Did you get taller?" I asked him.
"Maybe. Or maybe you got shorter," he chuckled. "C'mon let's get you somewhere less wet."
I nodded placing my bags in the trunk with the help of him. He jogged over to the passenger seat and opened my door like a true gentleman. I made a joke about chivalry which he just laughed at and pushed me further into the car.
"Does anyone know your back?"
"No. Just you and Riley," I whispered flipping my phone over and over in my hands.
"Not even dad?"
"No, not even dad, Liam."
"Why not, Ken? He'd want to know. He'd love to see you."
"Because, Liam. I don't know. I guess I just feel like I've failed him."
"Failed him how?"
"I don't know all of it. Life," I muttered not wanting to talk about it longer. "I guess just being gone so long. I missed out on a lot."
He didn't say anything after that. The only thing he did do was turn up the heater after I sat shivering. I didn't tell him that I wasn't cold anymore. It wasn't why I was shivering. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I thought I tasted blood. It was hard enough to bring tears to my eyes.
"You know, it's okay to come back right? There never has to be an actual reason. I'll always have my back no matter what," he tried to assure me.
"I'm sorry for not being here," I whispered shutting my eyes. I was too afraid to open them and look at the ones right next to me. Fear of seeing disappointment maybe. Or, that look you give a stray animal. Either one would send me further into a spiral. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you with everything."
"You're here now," he patted my thigh giving me a reassuring smile. "How long are you planning to stay?"
"I haven't figured that out yet."
"Well, I have an extra room at our place, or you can stay at dad's. We'll go to my place tonight, I know Riley will want to see you." I smiled at the thought. I had seen her two or three times in the past, but it wasn't enough. No one teaches you that when you become an adult, it's harder to see your friends.
"Have you talked to him at all?"
"The last time I talked to him was a week ago over lunch. He'll be back in town here and there though." He warned me.
"Yeah, I know."
I watched the rain continue to fall down the windows. Placing bets on which raindrop would roll the fastest. The upper left corner won. Liam and I used to do it as kids all the time.
Any time the car stopped I wanted to open the door and run. Run as fast as I could to nowhere. I wanted to run away. It was something I had been doing for the last five years. But you could only run so far. No matter how far you ran, your baggage always ran faster and would always catch you.