thank you so much for 6k on crumble!
i never expected to finish crumble, let alone have it reach over 6000 reads...now here we are.
not to get cheesy, but i cannot thank you guys enough for the support. writing these books has changed my life. when i'm sad, when i feel lonely, or when i want to isolate myself and escape for a little while, i'll come on here and write. putting what i feel into these books has been incredibly therapeutic and if i can make people feel the same way when they read my work, then there is absolutely no stopping me. so, if you are here reading this right now...please know that i appreciate you and love you and if you happen to be having a shitty day today, then i hope i can make you feel at least a little better through my writing.
okay, sorry for the cheesiness lol.
please enjoy, vote and comment! i love you.
//
Lydia White
An ambulance was called that took Harry to the hospital. I begged to go in the ambulance with him but they didn't let me because I wasn't family.
So, we all took Louis' car. I sat in the back with Niall while Liam sat up front with Louis.
It felt like the longest drive of my life. I could only pray that Harry was still alive in that ambulance right now.
Seeing him overdose was the scariest thing I've experienced in a while. Watching his eyes roll back into his head was something that will be burned in my memory forever.
It made me think. I thought Harry was high on weed...but weed doesn't do that to a person. He had to have taken something stronger.
"What did he take?" I speak up, because I had to know.
It was silent for a few moments, as the guys hesitate to answer. But eventually, Louis sighs and speaks. "He took painkillers."
I widen my eyes as my heart pounds. Harry used to be addicted to painkillers. He even overdosed on them before.
So Harry didn't just overdose tonight, he relapsed.
"When did he take them?" I ask in shock. He wasn't high when he came to my apartment. So he had to have done them after that.
"He did them when you inside the hotel. I tried to stop him but he locked his car doors and trapped himself in there." Louis confesses.
I don't know what was worse, the fact that he took them when I left, or the fact that he already had some in his car.
My stomach had a dreadful feeling. I couldn't help but believe that I was the reason he took the painkillers again.
When we got to the hospital, Louis parked and we all ran in as fast as we could.
We ran up to the front desk, to be met by a very confused nurse with dark skin, purple scrubs and glasses.
"Where's Harry Styles?" I ask her, out of breath.
She shoots me a weird look before looking down at a clipboard laid in front of her. We all wait in aching anticipation as she scans the paper for his name.
"He's in the ER right now." she starts, but I start running in that direction before she can finish.
The guys waste no time following me. We all head straight for the emergency room. I had to see Harry. I had to know that he was okay.
We weren't supposed to be in this area, but none of us cared. We ran past each room, looking in each one quickly to see if he was there.
And then I saw him.
I saw his unconscious body, getting hooked up to machines by a nurse. His suit jacket was gone, and the undershirt had been ripped open.
I froze, followed by the guys doing the same thing.
"Oh shit." Niall says.
We watch as the nurses finish hooking him up, putting an IV in and turning the machines on. She turns around and gasps at the sight of four, formally dressed, out of breath people staring at her.
"You guys cant be here." she says as she tries to shoo us away from the door.
"Wait, please. I have to stay." I say desperately, looking over her shoulder at Harry.
"Ma'am, you can wait in the seating area."
"I'm his girlfriend!" I shout, making her step back and look at me.
I had to say it, because it might have been the only way to get in.
"Alright, come in. Just you." she says after a brief hesitation, guiding me in. I turn back to the guys quickly.
"Wait for me in the sitting room." I say.
The nurse pulls out a chair next to Harry's hospital bed and directs me to sit there.
"Is he okay?" I say while sitting down and looking at him.
"He had a seizure caused by an overdose. If it went on any longer it could have caused damage to the brain. He's very lucky. He's also stable now so he'll be alright." she informs me, looking down at Harry as well.
She leaves the room after I thank her. I look back at Harry's unconscious state. His eyes were relaxed shut, his lips were parted slightly. His now short curls were messier than before, but yet still appeared somewhat tidy because of his haircut. Both his hands were at his sides as his head was tilted slightly to face me. He looked like an angel.
I just wish I knew what was going on in his tortured mind. I wish he'd open up again. If I knew exactly what was hurting him then I'd be able to help him in some way.
I wanted him to realize that this isn't the way to cope. He's hurting himself. He's hurting me.
I could have lost him again. And this time by his own doing.
I'm so tired of seeing him in pain. I'm so tired of him hating himself.
"You really scared me tonight." I say softly, knowing he can't hear me. I grab his hand in mine."I thought you were gonna die." I say to his sleeping body.
I take a deep breath as I continue to look at him. The man I truly loved.
"Why did you have to do this?" my breath hitches. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you more about it. I'm sorry I turned you away. I regret it, Harry. I do." I choke on my own air.
"I should have heard you out." I shake my head.
His chest rises up and down at a steady pace as he softly breathes through his mouth.
"You told me you still loved me...and I didn't say it back." I take a deep breath. "I realize now that it was a mistake. You've been turned away so much in your life and I went and did the same thing. I'm so sorry."
I pause before speaking again, saying something I should have said earlier.
"I love you, Harry."
I knew he couldn't hear me. I knew that when he woke up, it would be like I never said anything at all.
But I meant what I said. I loved this man more than he would ever know.
He drove me crazy, but he made me love the insanity. He made me fall in to a deep endearment of all his small quirks...like his lip picking, his ring twisting, his stubborn ways. Harry was this incredible force that drew me in when I was least expecting it.
I was in love with the way he loved me. I was in love with how he made me feel.
I loved him. I loved his eyes. I loved his smile. I loved his laugh, his voice, his touch, his heart. I loved Harry Styles.
Harry Styles
I opened my eyes to be met with the nearly blinding white light. The constant beeping noise continued to ring in my ears.
When my eyes adjusted...she was right there.
I woke up earlier, when I heard her come in. I just kept my eyes closed because I was too exhausted to open them.
I heard everything she said.
I listened to her whole speech about how she was sorry...how she loved me.
"I love you, Harry" was the last thing I heard before drifting back to sleep.
Now I'm awake again, and she's right by my side. She was leaning from her chair so that her arms were crossed on top of the bed, with her head resting on her arms. She had fallen asleep.
I didn't know whether to wake her up or not. She looked so peaceful and she's had a really long night.
I definitely contributed to that...
I felt awful. I've messed up way too many times tonight and it's hurt her.
I took the painkillers when she got out of my car. It was impulsive and extremely stupid...but I needed to escape.
That was my problem. I couldn't find an escape.
And then the girl situation happened. I was just sitting at the table with the guys when she came over and sat on me. I was too out of it to do anything about it so I sort of went with what was happening. Louis took it upon himself to stop Lydia from coming over to us, but when she did, I totally snapped out of my high and everything cleared up for those small moments.
I felt fine until we got outside, where everything sort of hit me and I had realized that she was in so much pain. All that stress came crashing down on me in a split second and that's when the seizure happened.
The fact that Lydia had to witness me in that state will haunt me forever.
I looked down at her once more. She was breathing calmly, with her back moving up and down slowly.
Her piece of shit boyfriend cheated on her tonight. He broke her heart and I watched it. This beautiful girl deserved so much more than what she got.
For fucks sake, I didn't deserve her. Even if we weren't together, she was still here making sure I was okay...after she had just had such a bad night.
I ran my hand through her sprawled out blonde hair. It had the same soft feel to it as it did a year before. I watched as my large hand got tangled in her golden strands.
She began to stir and her breathing hitched slightly. She was waking up, so I took my hand away.
When she fully woke up and became aware of her surroundings, she sat up almost immediately. She rubbed her eyes and licked her lips as she readjusted herself.
"You're awake." she says, referring to me.
"I'm awake." I repeat, giving her a half smile. She bites the inside of her cheek, looking down at her lap.
"H-how are you feeling?" she stammers.
"Good. Fine." I say, shifting in my bed so I'm sitting up. "Well, I mean as good as I can be for someone who just had a seizure."
She shakes her head. "You really scared me." she mumbles.
"I know." I respond, putting my head down to look at my hands.
She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear while letting her eyes wander around the room. I was at a loss of what to say to her, knowing what she had just spilled to what she thought was my unconscious body.
"Are you mad at me?" I ask, raising my brow as I wait for her answer.
She bites her bottom lip and shakes her head with shut eyes. "No." she whispers. "No, I'm not mad at you." she takes another pause, sucking in a deep breath through her mouth. "it's just-"
She's interrupted by Louis, Liam and Niall sneaking into the room, closing the door behind them so they don't get caught.
"You're alive." Niall says, walking over to stand next to Lydia's chair. Louis and Liam follow, standing on the other side.
"Aren't you guys not supposed to be in here?" I question.
"You're right." Liam says, "Three criminal gang members definitely should be respectful and abide by the hospital rules." he snickers in sarcasm.
I roll my eyes at his stupid remark. However, admittedly, having the boys here did break some of the aching tension between Lydia and I. Although I knew how she felt about me, it was still so awkward between us. It made me so angry, simply because we never had this problem before.
I should have tried harder to find her after the explosion. Things could be so different.
"Sooo.." I hear Niall draw his voice out, bringing me back from my thoughts.
I look over at him, standing tall next to Lydia's sitting form. "What?" I ask.
"Are you like, gonna live- or whatever?" Niall questions.
"For the moment, yeah." I suggest sarcastically, knowing I'll be fine.
I got lucky, though. This is the second time I've overdosed on painkillers. Believe it or not, this time was nothing compared to last time.
Last time I was 23 years old, alone in my bathroom, foaming at the mouth and passed out. Louis was the one who found me. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead. Since then, Louis has always been adamant on me staying far away from painkillers.
That's probably why he looks so pissed at me right now.
Arms crossed. Jaw clenched. Narrow set eyes. Yeah, he's pissed.
"Guys, can you give Louis and I the room?" I request, making Louis suck in a breath through his nose.
Lydia, Liam and Niall all exchange weird looks before eventually filing out all together.
Louis wastes no time. "If I could punch you in the face right now, I would." he scowls.
"I know I fucked up." I say, watching him as he sits in the chair next to the hospital bed.
"Why would you do this? You almost died." he remarks, as if I didn't already know.
"I realize that, alright?" I shake my head in annoyance. I get that he was angry, but he doesn't get to bitch me out...I'm still his fucking boss.
With a sigh, he sits back in the chair, more relaxed and runs a hand through his hair. He then props his elbows on the arms of the chair and folds his hands near his mouth.
"I should've tried harder to stop you." he says with his voice quiet and low.
"Louis-"
"I saw it happening. I should've fucking kicked the car window in or something." he bites his knuckle, blaming himself for the situation I was in.
"Stop." I shake my head. "It was my mistake and I clearly am making up for it."
"I just-" he blows air out of his mouth. "I don't know what I'd do if you died by your own doing."
He was right. My death would have been my fault. I look at my best friend who looked more dishevelled and hurt than I've ever seen him in my life.
This was really ripping him apart.
"All I'm saying is-" he begins to stand up. "you're a gang leader...you're gonna be legendary when you eventually leave this world. You don't want to be remembered as the leader who killed himself by painkillers."
I take a moment to let what he was saying sink in, but the thought process is stopped after what he says next.
"Also, a lot of people would be really hurt if you die." he pauses. "Especially blondie out there." he gestures out the door, referencing Lydia.
The amount of correct points he made was kinda starting to piss me off.
But, I do know for a fact that Lydia would be absolutely devastated...even as much as she was mad or hated me right now.
I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital that night, because they wanted to keep me monitored for the night. I expected Lydia and the guys to go home, but none of them did.
The guys slept in the fucking waiting room, while Lydia crept in around 1:30 in the morning to sleep in the chair next to me.
I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted that I needed some company.
Halfway through the night however, I heard her tossing and turning in the chair. Her body was curled up, her knees to her chest. She couldn't get into a comfortable position.
I sat up in the bed, looking over at her as she huffed half asleep in frustration.
"Lyds." I whisper, causing her to let out a small whimpering sound but keep her eyes closed as she continued to stir.
"Hey. Lydia." I say, a little louder this time.
Her eyes flutter open this time, and they land in me sitting up and looking down at her. Her brows knit together as she sat herself up in a normal sitting position.
"Can't sleep?" I ask.
She simply shakes her head and rubs her eyes. "This chair makes it feel like I'm sleeping on a bed of nails."
I bite my lip and look down at my bed, then back at her.
"There's room." I say, gesturing to the bed.
She catches my drift and presses her lips together, as if thinking about my offer.
"Oh, I don't know, Harry. I don't wanna ruin your slee-"
"You won't." I scooch over and pat the now empty side of the bed once. "Come on."
She hesitates, but ultimately crawls on the bed. She lays down, pressing her back against the edge and looking at me. Her scent filled my nose due to the proximity. That's some fruity, vanilla smell.
"Thanks." she half smiles. I nod.
I lay down, facing her. I flick my eyes between hers as she gazes into mine all the same.
Even tired and worn out, she was still so beautiful.
My eyes wander her body, landing on one of her hands that rested on her hip. It was the hand with ring I gave her.
Against my better judgment, I reach out to grab it. I bring it up to my face and look at the sparkling gem.
I remember how doomed I felt the day I gave this to her. I would be facing my death in 24 hours and I needed her to know how much I loved her.
Nothing's changed.
I hear her voice whisper a soft, "Goodnight, Harry."
I bring my eyes up to meet hers. It felt like a moment I've been craving for so long.
"Goodnight." I whisper.
When her eyes shut, I flip onto my back, staring at the ceiling.
I had to leave tomorrow. I had to go back to the gang.
I just prayed she would come with me...
//