Donghun wakes up to the smell of cooking food, to the cool bedsheets around him.
He sits up, hand reaching up to ruffle his bed head ridden hair. the bedroom lights are off, only the open windows curtains illuminating the familiar room. Donghun sighs, hearing noise from deeper into the apartment.
He knows Junhees is awake, and it makes his stomach churn.
with a deep breath Donghun slips out of the soft bed, bare feet padding against the carpet as he slowly steps towards the barely cracked open door.
he peaks out, seeing Junhees back to him as he stands in the small kitchen, movements sluggish.
It's hard, taking the few steps to exit the room. he knows what's coming, expects Junhee to yell and lecture him and kick him out. why wouldn't he? the butterflies in Donghuns stomach turn into rabid birds, slamming against his insides and making him nauseous.
finally he pulls the door open, the hinges making a soft almost inaudible squeak as they move. Donghun wants to stop and turn around, go back and continue the dreamless sleep he awoke from. but he presses on.
Junhee still had his back to him, shirt moving with his shoulder blades and arms as he cooks. the smell now better identified as eggs and cooking toast. How domestic it looks, but how sad it makes his heart feel.
as Donghun steps off of the living room carpet and onto the tile flooring Junhee turns.
His hair's still a bit messy, lazily brushed with his fingers to lay into submission, face still slightly puffy from sleep and eyes tired.
he's tired, but not just physically, Junhee is emotionally exhausted too.
Donghun never forgot how hard the other had it, never ignored or overlooked the triple shifts Junhee took or the missed rent payments that had the younger so stressed he made himself physically sick.
But Junhee, despite all his hardships, still looked out for and took care of his friends. his family.
Donghun would always feel guilty, about the days he kept the other up at night, talking on the phone to calm himself down, or the times he begged the other to stay with him despite knowing Junhee had work within a few hours. He was so selfish when he thinks about it .
He'd been so selfish these last two months, only indulging in activities that blanked his mind and distracted him. he ran from his reality, while Junhee dealt with everyone else's.
The younger startles slightly as his gaze lands on the disheveled Donghun. His eyes are soft for a split second, before his face goes blank again.
Donghun looks down, to the cold floor that's slowly chilling up his bare legs, he can't keep eye contact.
he can hear Junhee move around, feel his body walk closer to him before his wrist is grabbed and he's being pulled further into the tiny kitchen. they halt and Donghun bites down on his tongue as Junhee pats the counter near the heated stove silently before stepping back over and continuing to watch as the eggs cook.
Donghun feels himself slip back into their older days, mornings like this but without the tense atmosphere and the waking demons. one where Donghun sits on the same spot on the counter and watches Junhee attempt to cook.
so he does, hops up and cringes as his legs touch the cold surface where his shorts have bunched up. his back rests against the overhead cupboard but instead of watching pretty hands
mess up breakfast he stares at his lap.
Donghun and Junhee settle in silence, this awkward and tense silence that makes the olders skin crawl.
Junhee turns off the stove finally, but doesn't move to plate the food, only pushing the pan to a cold burner. He braces his hands on the edge of the warm stove, head down as he just breathes.
"Jun...?" Donghun bites down on his bottom lip as the name leaves it, hard enough to taste the metallic life on his tongue and feel it slowly coat his teeth. "do you hate me?"
Junhee sighs deeply, standing straight as he pushes himself off of the stove. He startles Donghun by suddenly letting out a frustrated yell, throwing his head back and taking a step back to lean against the tiny kitchen island.
The other stands there for a moment, eyes closed and chest heaving. He brings his head back down, dark eyes glaring into Donghuns watery ones. Junhee looks away again, this time landing on Donghuns hands in his lap, watching as his hands shake with nerves and fear.
he speaks up, voice soft but strained.
"No...I don't hate you..."
a pause.
"i hate myself... I hate that I can't hate you... why..." the words choke in his throat
"you should hate me... it's okay to hate me Junhee... I understand" Donghun blurts, words flowing out like the blood in his mouth. "I would hate me too, don't worry about it..."
Junhee let's out another frustrated yell, this time moving away from the island and stepping in from of Donghuns, grabbing the olders shoulders in an almost painful grip.
"i hate that i love you, why cant you fucking understand that Donghun!"
Donghun flinches and stares wide eyed at Junhee, seeing the tear dripping down his smooth cheek as the other continues to yell in his face.
"You're so stupid! I physically can't hate you, Donghun! You're all I can see, you're all I can smell, you're all I can feel! whether you're next to me or acting like a slut-"
"-p-please don't call me that-"
"I don't care! You can't even imagine what I went through when Sehyoon told me you ran off! I made myself sick, I spoke to that fucker more in those first two weeks than I ever did growing up because I was so worried and I thought... I thought maybe he could h-help!" his voice cracks as he plants his hands on the counter top around Donghun, he drops his head again "Donghun...you left. you just left us...you left me..."
as Junhees voice dies out Donghun can feel tears land on his legs, darkening the material in odd intervals like rain drops. Absorbing into his skin and taking his breath away.
There are times in our lives when we have to take responsibility for our actions. We could be small children who has just told our parents about eating sugar before bed, or we could be on our death beds at 86 having to spill to our kids all of our long kept secrets.
Secrets and actions come with karma and retaliation, and we have to face the music at some point. Sound waves bursting our ear drums and slicing arteries.
As Donghun stares at Junhees hair and listens to his choked breathing, he understands that now is the time he needs to take responsibility for everything he's done. for the years of actions and secrets he's kept.
he swallows the blood in his mouth, teeth marks crushed into his bottom lip stinging as he swipes his tongue over it in thought.
Donghun closes his eyes and leans forward, knocking his own head gently against Junhees.
"I..."
he takes a deep breath, bringing on of his hands up to rest loosely on the side of Junhees neck, feeling the others sudden gulp under his finger tips.
"I... I'm scared...I...I'm scared that you're the one for me...junhee...I don't and never will deserve you..." he drops his hand, letting it land on his lap and get hit with the slow dripping rain drops "...I'm...I'm not good for you...I've hurt you so much...i ruined anything we had. I'm stupid and useless, I will only hold you back! you're better off without me...a drop out...I do drugs... you're right to call me a slut, because what else am I? Junhee you shouldn't care for me because I'll just ruin your life even more."
Junhee pulls his head away, but Donghun keeps his still, eyes still closed as they leak his feelings down his cheeks.
"...but I think...I know..." his chest burns "I know that I...that I...love you! It's stupid, and I know you said you loved me but you should hate me! please, just hate me?!" his voice raises and cracks "I'm begging you to just hate me! Hit me, throw me out, call me names! Please...Junhee..."
the pain in his chest is covered by the harsh pressure against his bruised lips. Breath against his face and the overwhelming smell of home.
Donghun doesn't process the next few moments, because when he opens his eyes his fingers are tangled into black locks, there's blood and mint on his breath and he feels familiar hands on his waist.
There's still tears falling down his face, sad eyes burry from the water coating them and causing Junhee to look more like a dark and light colored blob in front of him.
"why did..."
Junhee laughs, it's sad and strained and hurts Donghuns chest like it came from him, but brings a hand from the olders waist to rest against his cheek instead.
"I think the only words I heard you say were that you loved me...I blanked on the rest..."
It's Donghuns turn to laugh, but his is loud, watery and wholesome.
"you idiot!"
Junhee doesn't stop the small grin that twitches at his lips as he watches Donghun smile. memories of an innocent boy with braces and sad eyes, the boy he met and saw the stars in. Of years later when it's no longer just them, when two kids joined their group and made it a proper family.
Junhee sees Donghun as he is, not as the hard words he's thrown at him in his fit of anger or the whispers of the town.
He sees him as a scared kid who fucked up, but who wants to fight in the ring.
Donghun, the boy he loved. the boy he loves.
Love makes people do crazy and dumb things, whether we choose to acknowledge them or not. We hurt each other and beg for forgiveness, because they're all we have, and we know they'll come back.
"I'm sorry..."
"I know."
"I...Junhee?"
a pause
"Yeah?"
"I meant it...y'know..."
"I know..."
"did...you...mean it too?"
a snort
"you're stupid, y'know that?"
"is that a no?"
"...of course I meant it..."
"...Junhee?"
"hm?"
"do you think I'm a bad person?"
"no, never."
"okay..."
A broken person needs someone to lean onto, even if they don't realize they have someone right beside them.
Donghun forgot that Junhee was his knight long ago, but maybe it worked out better this way.
no more secrets, no more lies, no more denying.
they hate that they love each other, but we don't get to decide who our hearts need.
NEED...not want.
Donghun NEEDED Junhee.
Junhee NEEDED Donghun.
they needed each other.
and for the first time in years, he didn't regret his actions.
Donghun was finally home.
-
That's basically the end of the DongJun plotline.
they probably won't be getting anymore separate chapters, since that's basically it (unless you guys want more? idek what to add?), and it'll only focus on WowKwan from this point on!
This chapter was hard to write, and honestly I originally wrote it to be much more fight heavy but I thought that they deserved to have a calmer chapter as their ending.
I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but I don't want to rewrite it again after I changed so much?
ya' boys tired okay...
but oof!
I hope you liked their little subplot, ONWARDS TO WOWKWAN! ~
ALSO
I made a Spotify playlist for this book!
it has all the tagged songs from the chapters, and it will be continuously added too til the end of the story!
just search up:
" strawberries and cigarettes - soundtrack "
or you can just tap the link in the tagged comment!
~