the distraction
Niall has just gotten out of the shower -- he decided to sleep in and skip both breakfast and gym because they're the last things on his mind this morning -- when a text message from Astrid appears on the screen of his phone.
Wanna have lunch with me?
It's a simple yes or no question but knowing what might have happened last night between Astrid and Leo, Niall is having a difficult time forming a reply. There's a possibility that she's asking him out for lunch so she could break the news to him. To tell him that she's engaged and to probably invite him to her wedding.
The mere thought of Astrid and Leo sitting in front of him whilst they break the news to him sends shivers down his back -- and not the good, exhilarating kind of shivers.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Niall has always known that one day Astrid will get married and the person she marries won't be him but he never really entertains that idea, ignoring it whenever it pops into his mind. Ignorance is bliss, people say, and Niall agrees with that.
Astrid and Leo getting engaged — and married soon — shouldn't bother him too much. He and Astrid recently got in touch again after spending years apart so he doesn't have the right to feel, well, dejected. He should feel happy for Astrid even if he can feel his heart breaking at the thought of Astrid settling down with Leo (or with anyone, really).
Yeah, sure.
Astrid's reply comes less than a minute later, which tells him that she must be waiting for him to reply.
Awesome! I'll meet you at the lobby in ten?
Okay.
Niall puts down his phone and heaves out a sigh. What has he gotten himself into is all he could think of as he walks over to his luggage -- he didn't even bother to unpack because it's a pretty short trip and he hates packing -- and picks out his outfit of the day. He's not spoilt for choice so he puts on the first thing he sees and walks over to the mirror to make sure that he looks presentable at the very least even though he feels like shit inside. Going to sleep with a heavy heart does that to a person, he supposes.
Less than ten minutes later, Niall steps out of his hotel room and makes his way to the lift that will take him to the lobby. Astrid's back is on him when he gets out of the lift so she doesn't see him at first but before Niall could compose himself, she turns around and greets him with a smile and a wave.
Almost on instinct, Niall looks around the lobby for a sign of Leo but he doesn't see him. He only sees Astrid, approaching him with a smile still fixed on her face. Niall mirrors her expression when she nears him.
"Hey," she stops in front of him. "You ready for lunch?"
"Yeah," he replies as he shoves a hand inside the pocket of his jeans. It's one of his nervous habits, one that he picks up when he tries to stop biting his nails. Guess you can't get rid of all habits, can you? "You have a place in mind?"
Astrid nods as she pulls out her phone and shows a Google page to Niall. She has googled a place called Santiago's, a family-owned restaurant and bar, and it seems like a nice place to eat based on the first review and the pictures he sees.
"I've wanted to come to this place since Victoria told me about it. She swears that if she's not so busy all the time she would've flown to New York every week so she could eat their food." Astrid tells him as they make their way to the exit. "I trust her judgment."
Niall watches Astrid as she's practically bouncing in her steps and Niall wonders if that's what getting engaged does to people. Speaking of, Niall still hasn't gotten the chance to ask her about it. Or maybe he should wait for her to mention it to him. Either way, he doesn't think he'll be able to stop thinking about it because not even the promise of a good food could push that very thought to the back of his mind.
"That sounds promising."
Although those words are spoken with a smile and a nod, it lacks enthusiasm and if Astrid notices it, she doesn't point it out. She carries on talking about the place they're heading to. Astrid doesn't point anything out until they're both seated in the restaurant and have placed their orders.
"You stare at my fingers a lot," she mentions. Niall blinks his eyes once, twice, as his entire face turns red including the tips of his ears. He mumbles his apologies, turning his head to look away pointedly, embarrassed that he's caught red-handed. Astrid simply shoots him a small smile, waving his apologies off. "Leo told me he talked to you last night."
"He did?" Niall asks. There's no hiding the shock in his voice and on his face. Bringing his fist up to his mouth, Niall coughs into it and then clears his throat. "What'd he say?"
"You knew that he was going to propose to me." Niall opens his mouth to say something but decides against it and settles for a nod of his head. Astrid shifts in her seat. She looks uncomfortable, like she'd rather have the floor open up and swallow her whole. After nearly sixty seconds of silence, Astrid continues, her voice small, the complete opposite of the way she usually speaks. "I said no to him."
Niall almost misses it because the waitress comes over to place their meals in front of them. It isn't until she has walked away that Niall finally addresses Astrid again. "You... said no?"
The shock in his voice is obvious and he doesn't even bother to hide it. Because he is shocked. The last time he and Astrid spoke about wedding, she told him that she didn't think a wedding is in the card for her and Leo but he didn't conclude that as her not wanting to marry her boyfriend.
Astrid nods as she picks up her fork and stabs at her side salad, something that she does when she's upset. She's avoiding his eyes too, he notices, and he doesn't blame her for it. The Astrid he knows doesn't like talking about her feelings so he could tell that this isn't something easy for her to talk about.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Niall adds, giving her an out in case she needs one. He reaches for his drink and takes a few sips, eyes fixed on Astrid's face. "We could talk about something else."
Astrid meets his gaze briefly and then shakes her head. "It's no big deal." She says with a shrug before continuing, though she takes her time talking. "It's just so weird. When he proposed, I didn't feel what I thought I'd feel, you know? I mean I've thought about us settling down before 'cause we've been together for years but when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him, it didn't feel... right. Maybe the timing isn't right, I don't know, and I told him that but he didn't take it well. One thing led to another and next thing I know we're fighting and then he just... left."
Niall wishes he's one of those people who always knows what to say to make the other person feel better. Because right now, Niall would do anything to wipe the dejected look off of Astrid's face -- it doesn't belong there. Back then, he would just reach out and push his fingers into the little creases on her forehead. That would make her frown disappear because she would shove her hand away and laugh. But Niall can't do that anymore, can he, because that gesture, much like other things, is now trapped in the past.
Astrid runs her fingers through her long hair and heaves out a sigh. Then, she glances at Niall and an embarrassed look crosses her face. She ducks, hiding her face. "God, I'm so sorry for dumping that on you. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut now."
Niall nudges her foot with his and that elicits a look from her. She looks defeated, another one of her looks that Niall doesn't like seeing. It awakens something inside of him that makes him want to do anything he can to make her feel better, to make that look disappear. "Hey you have nothing to apologise for. I'm here if you want to talk." Even if she wants to talk about something that he'd rather not talk about -- that's what friends are for, right?
Astrid is quiet for a moment, her eyes darting from the plate in front of her and to Niall's face then back to her plate. Whilst the two of them sit in silence, Niall worries that he might have said something wrong. But then corners of her mouth turn up and she breaks the silence, "You're a great friend, Niall, do you know that?"
Niall should feel happy that she thinks he's a great friend considering that they lost touch for years (they're both guilty for that, though if you ask Niall he still carries that guilt all by himself) but what he does feel is sharp little stabs on his heart and a particular memory from when they're younger slips into his mind, one that he's kept locked in a box and one that he hasn't accessed in years.
Niall could still remember that night vividly. The night they went to the school dance together as each other's date (someone had asked Astrid first but she turned that boy down because she wanted to go to the dance with her best friend). Niall had been working up the courage to tell Astrid that he liked her, had even thought of the exact moment he was going to come out and say it. But as they danced along to the slow song the DJ was playing, Astrid rested her head on his chest and said the words that shattered his heart. They were also the same words that made Niall realise that they would never go beyond friends. Because that's what they were, that's what they are and that's what they'll ever be. Friends.
That's better than nothing, right?
Plastering a smile on his face, Niall shrugs. "Well, my friends might beg to differ."
Astrid lets out a laugh. It's a short laugh because a few seconds later, her expression hardens and her smile slips from her face. Her shoulders sag forward as she quietly admits, "I don't know where Leo and I stand now."
Niall frowns at that, brows shifting and lips twitching at the corners. There's a great deal of emotions hiding behind the words she's speaking. He has the why question at the tip of his tongue but he swallows it, not wanting to press even further if diving deeper into what she feels is not what she wants to do. So instead Niall remains quiet and lets Astrid speak at her own pace -- if that's what she wants to do.
Astrid plays with her food again, pushing it around in her plate before eventually she puts down her fork and sighs. "It's been a long time coming, anyway," she continues with a half-hearted shrug. "The only thing that's been keeping us afloat is the fact that we're both so busy that we didn't get the chance to talk things out. And when we finally did, that fight happened. It's... It's the last straw for us, I think."
Niall wants to know what it is that they were fighting about because something tells him that Astrid saying no to Leo's proposal is just the tip of the iceberg. But Niall bites his tongue from asking. It's not his place to ask her about it. If she wants to talk about it, he'd listen but if she doesn't, then he won't push.
"Anyway, that's my problem to worry about," Astrid says like she suddenly snaps out of her head, her expression closing up when her eyes meet Niall's. Although there's a smile on her lips, her eyes are saying something else entirely. Niall knows instantly that they're done talking about her. "So, what'd you think of their food?"
///
After they had their lunch where they steered from any Leo-related or relationship-related topics, Astrid insisted that they should explore New York, visit as many places as they could before they had to return to their hotel rooms and pack their things up to catch their flights back to London later.
They visited the Museum of Natural History first since it's the closest to the restaurant they were at and whilst Niall isn't exactly a big fan of museums (he finds them rather boring but he wouldn't dare voice that out in front of Astrid, lover of museums), seeing how fascinated Astrid was by everything in that museum made the trip worth it. When they stepped out of the museum, he even thought that he might have changed his mind about museums.
After that, they got themselves some coffee and strolled down the infamous Central Park. Walking around the park wasn't the only thing they did. They also took a trip down the memory lane, talking about the things from Ireland that they missed the most. Astrid missed the pub that they used to frequent, missed the bakery that she used to visit every morning to get her favourite pastry and she missed the music store that she and Niall used to go to after school. Most of all, she missed how easy life was back in Ireland, how things weren't so complicated back then and Niall could relate to that, though spending years concealing your feelings from your best friend wasn't exactly the definition of easy.
When they're done with Central Park, Times Square was the last place they visited. The first time Niall went there he was amazed by how congested the place was, by how exciting and colourful everything around him was, and yet it didn't make him feel suffocated like most crowded places did. He felt the same thing when he visited Times Square again today. Niall and Astrid took pictures, went into some of the shops that they found interesting, doing all of the things that tourists would do when they came here. When it's getting dark, they both agreed to grab something to eat before they reluctantly got into a taxi and returned to their hotel rooms.
And now they're standing in front of Astrid's room, stomachs full and heads a lot lighter than this afternoon.
"Thank you," Astrid says as they linger around, neither of them looking forward to what awaits them in their room. Admittedly, Niall doesn't have much to pack except for his toiletries in the bathroom but still, the idea of packing up to leave isn't so appealing. He's going to miss New York (and the person in front of him).
"Thank you?" Niall repeats, forehead creasing in confusion.
Astrid nods, a soft smile playing at her lips. "For being an amazing friend. For keeping me company the whole day. For being my distraction. For amusing me at the museum even though I know you didn't like going to museums--" Niall opens his mouth to tell her that he has changed his mind and he thinks he's a fan of museums now but Astrid holds a hand up, stopping him before he could get a word out. "--When I woke up this morning I was so sure that today would be a shitty day but you turned it around. You didn't have to explore New York with me but you did and I appreciate that."
"We did plan on exploring New York together, didn't we?"
"Yeah, but I sprang that idea on you at the last minute and you could've said no but you didn't. So thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me."
"I could never say no to you," Niall finds himself saying. Whilst it's the truth, those words aren't supposed to be spoken out loud. It's something that he should keep to himself, something that he has been keeping to himself but he supposes the secret's out now. And there's no taking it back. "I'm sure you know that."
Astrid holds his gaze, her expression softening. The warmth in her dark brown eyes knock the oxygen out of his lungs and he hopes she couldn't hear his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage when she closes the distance between them, her arms wrapped around his neck as she pulls him in for a hug. The embrace lingers and Niall feels his entire body relaxing when she squeezes him. He squeezes back and she lets out a laugh, squeezing him again one last time before they pull apart.
Straightening, Niall gazes down at Astrid's face. He didn't get the chance to ask her the one question he's been meaning to ask today, afraid that he'll ruin her mood but now seems like a good time to bring it up. "You're gonna be okay, yeah?"
Astrid pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, chewing it. "Yeah," she answers with a nod. "I'll be okay."
"Good," Niall replies. "I'll see you in the morning?"
"Okay," she smiles.
Niall looks at her one last time before he begins his walk back to his hotel room and when he's halfway there, Astrid calls out his name. Halting in his tracks, Niall glances over his shoulder and meets Astrid's eyes. "What's wrong?" He asks.
"Nothing. Just... I'm so glad you're back in my life," she says before she disappears into her room, her door clicking shut seconds later.
Niall exhales. "Yeah, me too," he mutters to himself.