**trigger warning**
this chapter deals with drugs and suicide. please, please be safe.
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Luka's POV
I spent the night at Kagami's place. Her folks were out of town, probably for something about the move here.
Her place smells like candles and lavender. Her parents really like candles, and it's obvious, because her whole house is filled with them. The soft hum of Sailor Moon from the TV is on in the background. I can't see it, however, because my sleeping bag is facing away from the television. I don't mind, I'm cozy anyways. I'm on the carpeted floor covered in blankets, and Kagami is on her bed, tucked in and fast asleep. She looks so happy. I can't believe I ever hated her.
The first time I met her, I was really jealous of Kagami. We both were living in the United States, and we just had started seventh grade. It wasn't fair that Kagami got everything I longed for. She had parents who weren't only together, but loved each other. She had money to buy cute clothes to wear to school. Popularity was never a problem either, because everyone at school liked her anyways. I envied her money, her fame, her parents... I envied her whole lifestyle.
One morning in seventh grade, I was writing in my journal when she came up to me. She had her hair clipped back with red clips, and was wearing pigtails. She had a cute skirt on, with grey leggings to match. I simply glanced at her, not wanted to even wonder how much that outfit must have cost, but suddenly, she pointed at my journal.
"Whatcha reading?"
"Actually, I'm writing." I said, with a bit of growl.
"Woah, no need to be hostile. What's it about?"
"Lyrics."
Her mouth dropped open. "As in... song lyrics?"
I nodded.
She jumped in the chair next to me, and leaned on my arm to read the notebook. Back then I was still jealous of her, but thinking about that moment now makes my heart flutter. It was just us two in the back of the class, cuddled up and reading my song lyrics. Just us. Her breath on my shoulder, the smell of her expensive perfume... it was a perfect moment.
Out of the blue, Chloe, an exchange student from Paris, called us out. "Ew, are y'all a couple?!"
The whole class stopped to turn and see us. The room got silent. I clutched my notebook close to my chest, and prayed for the judgeful eyes of the classroom to stop looking me over.
Kagami didn't jump, but simply stood up and smiled. "No, we're just friends." She turned around, and held out her hand to help me up. "Right?"
And just like that, our friendship started. I grinned. "Yeah."
At the end of the year, we were great friends. We made lots of other great friends too. I met a boy named Nino, and instantaneously grew tight with him. Kagami did too. But, no matter how hard I tried, I was never as close to him as I was close to Kagami.
We stayed close until the middle of my freshman year, when my mom told me we were moving to Paris. I was heartbroken. At this time, I started to like Kagami. I never opened up to a person as much as I opened up to her. I wanted to tell her.
I told Kagami two days before I moved. A dick move, I know, but I couldn't bear to tell her I was moving across the world. Maybe if I didn't tell her, then I wouldn't have to move. Eventually, I realized that wasn't the truth, and I needed to tell her sooner rather than later. I also decided I would tell her how I felt. I pulled her aside after class, and we met under the school's cherry tree.
You know how some schools have the really good mascots? Like tigers, or cougars, or something along those lines? Well our school chose a dumb cherry tree. How is a cherry tree going to beat other schools in football games? Sure, the cheerleaders look super cute in pink and white, but our mascot looks like a walking pool noodle with pink puffballs for hair. To make matters worse, the quarterback of the football team dated a girl named Cherry, so our school earned ourselves the nicknames, "the cherry f*ckers." yeah, high school in the states was brutal.
Kagami was dressed in knee high white socks, a pink blouse, and a pink bow. She was cheery and happy, but more than usual. I wouldn't find out why until later. I took a deep breath. When I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, I started to cry.
"Luka!" she said, shocked.
"I-I can't, just give me one minute!"
I dashed, and ran to the nearest bathroom. The one on the first floor was closed, so I sprinted to the one on the second story. I sprayed water onto my face, and forced myself to calm down. I was hot and sweaty, and the bathroom was dark. I did not want to be in there, but it was the only safe place from the truth. Eventually, I look at my black-blue hair in the mirror, and decided I needed to tell Kagami. She deserved to know.
I rushed out of the boys bathroom, and bumped into Nino. I apologized like a million times, but he kept looking at the ground, avoiding eye-contact. Okay, something's up.
"So, you're about to go meet up with Kagami under the cherry tree, right?" he mumbled.
Shocked, I laughed. "Yeah, actually. How did you know?"
"K-Kagami told me."
I blinked. Okay...? Why would Kagami tell Nino? It's nothing too important.
"Good luck, dude." he said, holding himself.
"Um, yeah? Okay." I said, confused.
I continued to walk back to the cherry tree, and Nino went up to the third story of the school. Why on earth was he stuttering so much? He was acting like it was the end of the world to talk to me. Weird.
"Luka!"
I whipped my head around. "Kagami?!"
She jumped onto me, and I fell back on the slick cold school floor. I laughed, and shoved her off.
"Get off, you fattie!" I laughed.
"Hey, at least I don't eat two whole burger meals everytime we go to McDonalds!" she said, giggling on the floor next to me.
That scene must have looked weird, us laying on the floor, only an inch apart. We were just laughing, on a school hallway floor. I was just thinking about how happy I was, until I looked out the window.
My mood was kicked out of me. My stomach was empty. I heaved, and ran into the bathroom, and barfed.
"LUKA!" Kagami screamed. She ran into the bathroom, and grabbed my shoulders.
The world was spinning. I could barely see Kagami. I used all my effort to speak.
"I... I just saw someone jump off the roof."
Kagami jumped back and stumbled to the ground. Her voice shook. "L-Like a suicide?!"
I grabbed her hand and we run to the roof of the school. The sun was hot, and my mouth tasted like acid from my puke. I scan the scene.
Kagami tugged on my shirt. "Two s-shoes." she whispered.
My heart dropped.
I faced her in total shock. "No..."
We sprinted toward the shoes. There's a note left. Its Nino's handwriting. I fell onto my knees and wept. I held Kagami in my arms, trembling. Tears poured down her face.
"I rejected him." she said. "I rejected Nino. He asked me out, and I said no. I thought... I thought you were going to ask me out, because we we're meeting under the cherry tree, a place where people confess their love. So I told him I loved you instead. He was upset. So upset. Jealous. I didn't know.. I didn't know..."
"Shhh," I said, through my tears. "I know."
At that moment, we pledged we would never love each other. Stupid, respectful, idiotic, humble... there's a thousand reasons you could describe that pledge. But we just couldn't love each other if we were the reason a friend ended his life. I told her I was moving away. Those were my last words to her for a year and a half.
It was the most traumatic thing that ever happened in my life. It was so out of the blue.
I felt so alone. Kagami and I didn't speak again. Maybe out of shock, or respect. But whatever it was, it caused me to not even text her goodbye when left the country. Something as traumatic as that can just shake your whole world. It can make you feel like it was your fault. I wanted something to make me forget what happened.
When I moved to Paris, I started to do drugs. I started with meth, because meth gave you a high, and you forgot about all the pain. It was nice while it lasted. Then the withdrawal hit, and I thought I needed more. I was depressed. I lost all energy to do anything. I didn't feel happiness at all. Then, the craving for more methamphetamine hit. I thought if I got more, then I would be happy again. That ended up just being the addiction starting to take control.
So I bought more. The same cycle repeated. The high, then the depression, then the need to buy more.
Thank god when I was just about to buy my third round, the cops showed up and busted it. I was in sooo much trouble, but in the end, I'm so incredibly thankful. That could have killed me. The only life long effects I have now are increased heart rate and blood pressure. I don't have any of that damaged blood vessels or irregular heartbeat stuff, just a few kidney issues.
Now, I stay as far away from drugs as I can. I sound like your school counselor, I know. But I can't describe how I felt.
Kagami shifts around in her bed, and mumbles something. I look around, realizing I'm still just in Kagami's room. I must have really zoned out. I sigh, and lean on my side.
Tomorrow's the day, huh. The day we take down Ladyblood and Wild Chat.
I'm doing this for Paris. I don't want anyone to feel what I felt, the loneliness with someone they loss taken away from their life forever. I have to do something about it.
We have to do something about it.