7. If these walls could talk
Mental breakdowns aren't really Tim's thing, but he needs one so desperately. He feels as though he has bottled up his feelings for so long, that he just can't keep them contained anymore. The overwhelming emotion that he is feeling is definitely not normal . Although at this point he's pretty sure he doesn't even know what normal is anymore.
He clicks submit.
After a very long morning he finally catches up on all the work he didn't do the past few days. Thankfully it helped him keep mind off of things.
He slouches back on to his chair, closing his eyes, not caring that his glasses fell lower on the bridge of his nose.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
He wants to tell him that it was all a mistake. Wants to tell him that he wasn't in the right state of mind, but lately, he's never in the right state of mind. His relations with the 'Big Bad' Red Hood aren't exactly civil either, although recent events state otherwise. It feels strange to say the least.
He can't fathom as to why they keep meeting. Especially under such… inappropriate circumstances.
Tim keeps rereading the texts. Keeps blaming himself. Keeps wanting to rewind time and change things (which he could very well do).
He knows this number. He knows how he has it. He was young and dumb and VERY stalker-ish. He had gotten Jason's number back then and he had saved it. Although it surprises Tim that Hood still has the same number he had when he was 15. But, it is clever. Genius even. If anyone wanted to contact him through his phone number they wouldn't try to use his old number.
"Jason." He reads the contact name, sounding more like a whimper than anything.
His name feels so natural on his tongue, even if it does bring back some terrifying memories.
A tear slides down Tim's face as he remembers the night Jason had almost beaten him to death in Titans Tower. When this mysterious figure at angrily called him "replacement", that was when he realized it was his "dead long-term crush". He had felt some strength and whimpered his name. He doesn't know what happened next exactly, due to his concussion. All he knows is that Jason stopped, and left him there all bloodied up, bones broken and dignity lost.
He knows that all the horrible crap that Jason has put him through has been the Lazarus Pit, but he still ultimately feels scared of Jason. He feels vulnerable around him, as much as he hates to admit it. He knows he shouldn't, but the scars he has just… scare him.
Though one thing's for sure, things have changed. For better or for the worse, the answer to that question is unknown and quite frankly, he might never even find out.
Jason is on a path of redemption. Tim doesn't know if Jason is trying to help him so that he can forgive him or just because he'd help any kid in danger. He admits he hates that Jason interfered with his plans, but it is for the best. He's not completely okay , he gets temptation (like yesterday), but he wants to get help. However, he just feels like he can trust the bats. He is scared of Bruce. Hood on the other hand, genuinely has helped him through shit the past couple of days.
He knows he's hated Jason for a long time now. But can you blame him? When your long term dead crush comes back to life and the first thing he does is tries to kill you (multiple times), would you just forgive him? (unless you're a machinist, but that's an entirely different story). Jason has… changed. Nonetheless, Tim still hasn't forgiven him. It takes time, you don't get over something overnight, but they're getting there.
Tim breaks his chain of thoughts and just looks around the room, as he humorlessly laughs. He feels so lonely in this apartment sometimes, but then sometimes he likes it. He just wonders what would happen if the walls in this place would start talking.
All his excellently covered secrets would most likely come out. His whole life would fall apart. It's like these stationary things have seen too many things, and in the world he lives in he doesn't doubt that there could be a way to make the walls talk. It'd probably be for the best though, but he isn't ready. He isn't ready to face his problems. Isn't ready to face that he can't blame his problems on other people.
It's when he hears the door open, he gets back to reality as he jumps and falls on his face. "Damn it," he mutters.
"Tim!" A voice cheers. He looks up and sees Stephanie.
"Oh my God! Steph!" He says joyfully, as he quickly jumps up back on his feet.
"Hey there dweeb," She replies, as she tackles him into a hug, offering him one of her most charming smiles.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, giving her a smile a of his own.
Truthfully, he doesn't mind Stephanie coming. Out of all the bats he doesn't mind her showing up. They have a long history sure, but she is also his best friend. She makes him feel accepted.
She's had to fight her way through her life, living in the 'bad' part of Gotham did that to you. Maybe that's why drunk Tim had felt safe to text Jason. Because Jason and Steph are alike, they both have lived on the streets. They both are accepting that way.
"Well, it's been forever! I missed you! Wanted to know how you've been, like I rarely even see you on patrol anymore." Tim feels guilty. Most of the reason why they haven't been talking a lot lately is because Tim's been keeping his distance. Not necessarily from Stephanie, just from all the bats in general.
"Sorry," Tim mutters, looking down at his feet in guilt.
"Oh no no, I've been busy with Cass myself," She says, putting her hair behind her ear, as a blush creeps up on her face.
"Oh my God! Are you guys official!" Tim squeals, suddenly sounding like a girl more than anything.
"Maybe," She replies, smiling shyly.
"I'm so happy for you guys!" He says, giving Stephanie a hug.
----
"Well that was shit," Tim mumbles, as the movie in front of them rolls the end credits.
"Agreed." Stephanie replies before stuffing her mouth with more fries.
"Hey Tim?" She suddenly asks after two minutes of silence, all of sudden serious and looking Tim straight in the eyes.
"Hm?"
"I know."
"Know what?"
"About… your, um, problem and uh, erm, Red Hood." She says, trying her best to get the words out of her mouth.
Tim freezes. "W-Who, uh, t-told you?" He stutters, panicking.
"Hood."
"W-What?!" He can't believe it. How could Jason tell her? "W-Who e-else k-knows?" Tim asks, as he looks away, too ashamed to even look at his best friend.
"Cass and I, that's it......Tim he's worried about you," She says. "I know… it's hard, especially when you're addicted, I know you have a lot of shit to going on at school and work and what not, but you should realize that drugs… they aren't it."
"I get that! I get it all! I know! I got desperate okay? I realize I shouldn't have, but… now I just c-can't s-stop." By now Tim was full on sobbing.
"It's okay, it's okay," Stephanie soothes, as she hugs him, trying her best to comfort him. "You know you should… try to get help." She mumbles in Tim's hair.
"I know," He sniffs. "I-I'm j-just not ready y-yet."
"I get it, but do you promise to get help when you're ready?"
"Yes, I promise."
~-=====-~
S
tephanie is baby and is the best like I love her sm??? Again this isn't my proudest chapter and it's more of a filler than anything but it does help Tim a bit and he deserves happiness.
Next time:
- Jason needs to deal with his own shit
- thankfully he gets company