Author's Note: This story contains some small spoilers for Steven Universe Future. It is set after the events of Bluebird, so if you are behind in the series, please read at your own risk.
When doing research, I noticed most fanfictions focused on near-immediate corruption, but this didn't sit well with me. Steven Universe is all about exploring your emotions and learning to be okay with yourself over time and I wanted my work to reflect that as much as possible.
The entire story is done and will go up every other day. I hope you enjoy my latest plot bunny!
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Chapter One: I'm Not Pink
Everything was wrong, but this time, it was because of him. He needed answers, but no one could give them to him. While at first his newfound powers wowed the group and himself, he steadily grew more wary of them. In the Reef, when he lost control and let his anger overpower him, he nearly got Pearl and Volleyball rejuvenated. He caused Volleyball to cower, fearing for her safety. Fear that he too felt when he looked down and saw his pink reflection staring back at him.
Anger wasn't a new feeling for Steven, but this, this unrelenting loss of control, was.
Volleyball said it was an accident. That his mother had a temper, that her scream could shatter walls. But he wasn't her. He was himself. Steven Universe. No one more, no one less. He was better than Pink ever was.
But staring at his reflection in the cracked floor of the Reef made him less sure than ever. The fear in Volleyball's face. The look on Pearl's face when she protected Volleyball from a power she didn't know Steven had.
And that incident with Bluebird. Sure, she instigated the fight by hurting his dad, but it was he who hit her first. He didn't have the patience with her to talk her down. All he wanted to do was fight.
Sure, he could use his power to save people, to fight and make peace with gems like Jasper, to put a stop to those that wronged his family, to rescue those from mistakes he made; he could use it for good.
But Pink wasn't good. His mother, the gem who led a rebellion to save Earth and mankind from tyrants, was a tyrant herself. She was immature, always hurting those who loved her.
"No," Steven whispered to himself as he stared at his bedroom's dark ceiling. "I'm not like her."
His hand instinctively reached down to cover the gemstone in his naval as he let out a long sigh.
"I have the power to change. I can be better than she was. I can turn this into something positive," he told himself.
His mind wandered to when he and Amethyst, together as Smoky, managed to save everyone the day he royally messed up on the boardwalk with other gems. To Jasper, who enjoyed having the chance to fight again. To himself, who was so surprised about his ability to grow and change.
Yes, he thought to himself with a small smile, I can be better.
He turned over, but sleep still eluded him.
Even so...what was this pink glow? It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Nothing he'd ever seen –
Wait.
He sat up and looked at himself in the reflection of the sliding glass door. With a quivering hand, he pulled up his shirt and looked at his gem. He had seen it before. Stony. Stoic. Devoid of sympathy.
He remembered it so vividly that he cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. That day. In White's head. Right before she changed her mind.
-Flashback-
Pain. Everything he knew was pain as a high-pitched wail engulfed his senses. He was engulfed in blackness, but he felt it all. Empty. Weak. Slowly losing his grasp on everything around him.
"Steven!" A female voice cried. "Steven, wake up! Please..."
Connie. He struggled to open his eyes and focus on his friend. Her words sounded like they were coming from the end of a long tunnel, muffled and echoed.
"My...where's my..." he managed to whisper, grasping at his shirt and feeling the smooth skin underneath. His gem. Fear engulfed him when he realized what this feeling was. He needed it back. He wasn't whole. He couldn't be like this. He couldn't. He needed it.
Connie looked up, Steven's eyes following her gaze. It was there, a tiny pink spec in White's hand. Then a flash of light, a form of Pink Diamond, then Rose Quartz, then...
-End flashback-
It showed itself in a moment no one other than he, Connie and White were witnesses to. Sure, he told the Crystal Gems what happened, but they didn't see what it, what he, was capable of. With one scream, he managed to knock everyone off balance, including White Diamond herself. He blocked all of her attacks without breaking a sweat and incapacitated a room full of gems in a matter of seconds, its expression never once changing.
As much as he'd like to deny it, that pink coldness was a part of him.
If Pearl or Volleyball saw it, if Amethyst, Garnet or Lapis knew, what would they think of him?
Steven could hear their voices now.
"What? You're just like the Diamonds!" Lapis yelled. "You can destroy things just like they did. You can hurt other gems like they did to me. You have to control it, Steven. Don't be like them!"
Or Pearl and Volleyball, making excuses for why Steven was acting like, just like they did when his mother acted out.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it," Pearl would say. "He just hasn't learned how to control it yet."
"No, not at all!" Volleyball would back her up. "It's just like Pink's tantrums. She didn't mean it and tried to fix it, just like Steven is."
Garnet would just look at him with an unreadable expression, no doubt scouring for a future that would help her understand.
Amethyst would make jokes to poorly conceal her unease.
Bismuth and Peridot would be thrilled, no doubt.
"Woah Steven, you're pink!" Yeah, that would be Peridot's' gleeful response.
"A weapon finer than anything I've ever seen," Bismuth would say after seeing his increased strength.
Steven sighed again. He didn't need to be a weapon. He never wanted to be one. He wasn't like that.
His eyes turned to the night sky and he set his face. He knew where he'd find answers. They knew her before anyone else did and wouldn't make excuses for her behavior.
He pulled himself out of bed and grabbed his jacket, which was discarded on the floor. It was time for a family reunion.
He stepped into the cold brisk air, the wind off the ocean chilled is skin, but rejuvenated him. This was his home. If Pink's tantrums put it in danger, then he needed to make peace with her.
He quickly ran over to the console and left a message to his friends, knowing they would notice the warp going off.
Going to Homeworld. I need to find out more about my mother. Be back soon.
-Steven
Yes, he thought, that would work. He didn't want to worry them and they all knew he was having trouble processing some of the things Pink did. They all knew her once, after all. He never did. He just kept hearing awful story after awful story. They would respect that.
He stepped back onto the warp and braced himself. Back to the Diamonds. Here's hoping they don't try to get him to live there. Again.
With a blast of white light, he was off.
In moments, he was back in a large opulent room. The throne room was exactly like he remembered; four thrones, each the color of the diamond who sat on it. It was empty, but Steven suspected it wouldn't be for long. A warp to Homeworld typically meant only one thing.
Sure enough, loud footsteps were heard rushing to the door, only to stop just feet before the entranceway. Steven smiled, imagining the Diamond composing herself before entering.
Yellow stepped in, her face straight, but her eyes twinkling when she looked around.
"Steven!" she cried, letting her smile break through her tough exterior. "To what do we owe this pleasure?"
"I wanted to ask you something," Steven said. "To all of you, actually."
Yellow nodded. "I'll get the others. Wait here."
"Uhh," Steve called back. "Probably don't bring Spinel just yet. I don't want to upset her. It's about mom."
Yellow nodded knowingly before she left the room.
Steven walked over to the thrones, thankful Yellow was always so brisk and to the point. The throne he refused was just as immaculate as ever. It was his throne too. Smaller than his mothers, lowered down with stairs to accommodate him.
He turned away from it as more footsteps approached and shook his head, amused that the Diamonds believed he would actually use the seat.
"Steven!" White and Blue chorused as they rushed in. "How nice to see you!"
"Hey guys," Steven yelled up, craning his neck to see their faces.
All of the Diamonds dropped down so they could speak easily, surrounding him in blocks of white, yellow and blue.
"Yellow said you needed us," Blue asked, eager to be helpful.
"Yeah," Steven started, his mouth dry. "I wanted to talk to you about my mom."
The Diamonds looked at him, confused.
"About Pink?" White asked.
"Yeah," Steven said in an off-color shaky tone. "I've been thinking a lot about her lately."
He explained everything to them, from the Rose Quartzes in the Human Zoo, to Volleyball, and about Spinel.
The Diamonds listened and exchanged glances every now and then, but did not interrupt.
"Steven," Blue started, looking down at him kindly. "We didn't understand Pink. You helped us do that."
"I know," Steven countered. "But you knew her. And," he stopped, looking down at the floor, his eyes avoid his own gemstone. "And she hurt people."
He took a breath and told them about his new power. About how every time he felt it, he was overwhelmed and taken over by negative emotions or backed into a corner.
White cut him off. "Steven, Pink had a temper," she said, waving her hand. "She was young and didn't know how to control herself. She learned how to and you will to. It's nothing to worry about."
"Yes," Yellow agreed with a laugh. "I remember leveling a new city development when I was younger. A bad batch of amethyst soldiers refused to shatter one that came out wrong. I was furious."
She stopped laughing at the look on Steve's face. "Of course," she quickly added. "That's something I would never do now!"
"Oh no. We've learned better, thanks to you," Blue said, her hand touching her cheek and eyes softening. "Oh, you're so much like Pink."
"No," Steven snapped, his anger suddenly bubbling at the thought of being like his mother. He wouldn't leave his friend stranded in space for 6,000 years. He wouldn't abandon his family to start a new life. He wouldn't put everyone in danger for a secret he refused to face.
That's why he was here, wasn't it? To face a side of him he didn't like? To learn about this rage and an overwhelming urge to break down and yell in frustration?
Yet the Diamonds didn't even understand it and they knew her. They knew her tantrums and had ones of their own. And they dismissed them just like they dismissed her. He should've known they wouldn't understand. But they had to. They were the only ones that could.
"I'm not like that!" Steven yelled. "I'm the one that helps the people she hurt! I shouldn't be this way! I shouldn't feel like this!"
Blue and Yellow drew back slightly and straightened up.
"And yet you sound exactly like she did," Yellow said, smiling, though there was a strain behind it. "Telling us she was something different."
"And we didn't believe her," Blue gently reminded Yellow. "We need to believe her now."
Her.
"I'M NOT HER!" Steven shouted, the red-hot feeling burning inside him stronger than ever before. He didn't notice the cracks appearing beneath his feet from his outburst. The room shook and the fissure extended up the stairs and split the pink throne, but he didn't see it.
The room shook and debris fell lightly around him, but he didn't feel it.
All he could see where the Diamonds staring at him incredulously and all he knew was that they looked at his mother this way all the time.
"Steven," Blue raised her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't..."
Steven's gaze snapped to her face, saw her worry and concern, and then he looked down to his feet.
Pink.
"No," he whispered," taking a shaking breath. "I...I..." he stuttered, staring at his hands. "I'm sorry."
Back on the warp. He needed a moment alone. Where? He didn't know. Anywhere away from here.
"Steven, wait!" called White.
But he didn't wait. He was already gone.