Crane's office door is a nondescript gray, just like all the others in this wing of the compound, but it still sends a shiver through me. Even though I've spent a staggering number of hours here during the course of my childhood, it's the first time I've been back since the Choosing. My knock is quiet and timid, and for a minute I wonder if maybe he won't hear and I'll wait outside forever.
"Enter," Crane commands through the door. I take a deep breath and turn the handle, slipping inside. The click of the latch sounds too loud behind me.
The office is stark and minimal, but the furniture and items it does have are luxurious, items we can't even make anymore. My father is seated in a throne-like worn leather chair, behind a wide wooden desk. The desk itself is simple, but the fact that it's made of something other than metal is what makes it special. Most wood furniture has already been repurposed into smaller tools or burned for fuel as it breaks down. A small wooden bookshelf stands off to the side, full of beautiful hardbound classics, each wrapped in its own plastic protector. I remember my grandmother Juniper showing me one of them once, carefully turning the pages so I could see the printed words. Crane has never touched them since he became chief.
Crane gestures for me to sit down in a rigid metal chair, on the opposite side of the desk. I comply, crossing my legs and resting my hands in my lap, trying to project a confidence I don't feel. He leans back in his chair, tapping his fingers together. It's the first time I've seen him in awhile, and to my surprise the lines in his face look more prominent up close, betraying stress and weariness. "So," he says, switching to tapping a strict rhythm out on the desk with his fingers.
"So..." I echo, wondering where this is going.
He says and does nothing, giving me time to get more nervous and uncomfortable. The metal of the chair is digging into my shoulder blades. I struggle not to fidget, but my hands still twist themselves in my lap, waiting.
Eventually, Crane leans forward, crossing his arms and balancing his elbows on the edge of the desk. "How was your visit with your grandmother yesterday?" He inquires, raising an eyebrow. It makes him look sinister, despite the pleasant tone he's adopted.
"It was fine. Nice," I venture cautiously.
"Did she happen to seem...out of sorts?" He presses a little.
"Is she okay, by the way? While we're on the subject?" I say sharply. "You didn't have to have your thugs manhandle her like that, in front of everyone."
Crane's eyes tighten, and the pleasant tone evaporates quickly. "She is absolutely fine. I can assure you that my security team was professional and gentle. Your grandmother, on the other hand, should know better than to make untrue and incendiary statements before the entire community."
"Well, can I see her?" I retort, growing angrier by the second.
"No."
"Why not?"
"You may see her during visiting hours next month, as usual. Provided she is up to seeing you," Crane tacks on to the end, becoming irritatingly calm and collected once again. It's then that I see that he will take what he can and use it against me. My best way to move forward with minimal damage is to not give him any more ammunition.
"Alright," I concede, leaning back in my chair, allowing the metal to dig more harshly into my skin through my shirt. I cross my arms too, in a position both defensive and defiant.
"I'll ask you one more time, how did your grandmother seem yesterday before the festival?" Crane maintains his cool detachment.
"And I'll say one more time, it was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary came up," I say curtly.
He exhales, his eyes hardening. "Alright. If you're sure. I'd like to know if you notice any other changes in your grandmother, is that clear?"
"Yes." I snap.
Smoothly, Crane changes gears. "Well then. I'm sure you're wondering how the new edict will affect you."
It's all I can do not to roll my eyes. "Oh, I'm sure you have a plan for me, whether you're willing to tell me about it or not."
He nods once, a faint wicked gleam in his eye revealing the pleasure he takes in shaping my life as he sees fit. "As a matter of fact, I do. You're still my daughter, even if you are no longer the future chief, and as such you are still very much in the public eye. Because of this, the people will be looking to you to set the tone for this new edict. I would like that tone to be one of acceptance, even joy."
Now I actually do roll my eyes. "So what, you'll force me to pair off and be all simpering and happy about it?"
Crane just stares at me. "I think we both know that would be impossible." You got that right. "But perhaps there's a way we can reach a compromise."
I arch my brow and give my father a quizzical look. "What could you possibly offer that would make me want to help you? You know I think this is sick, right? I know what doubling the pairing quota means."
At this, Crane's upper lip curls into a smirk. "I would have thought that would be obvious, Elia."
I huff. "Sorry, I guess I'm not that bright."
"Indeed," he says evenly, and it stings despite our nonexistent relationship. "Our community has grown up knowing you. Being able to share your happiness would go a long way to settling any...discord. So here's my proposition. The pairing ceremonies happen in four week's time. In two week's time, we'll announce your chosen partner, and you in turn will behave yourself and share your joyous occasion with the people in a public pairing ceremony."
I'm left staring. "What?"
Crane sighs, impatient. "Of course, you'll have to give me the name of your partner beforehand, so we can spread the news and garner a positive reaction, otherwise it won't be as effective."
My eyes widen. "I thought you said this was a compromise?"
He clasps his hands together. "To a point. I will get what I want from you either way Elia. If you don't choose your own partner within two weeks, I'll pair you off anyway, albeit in a private ceremony instead of a public one. Like it or not, you will be the point around which support is gathered for this edict. It's up to you whether you want to take advantage of the situation or not."
"Take advantage? You're still forcing me to partner with someone for life," I snort, instantly furious. "I'm seventeen. I wasn't even supposed to be allowed to pair off for another three years! All you're doing is destroying my future in every way possible."
Crane tilts his head, looking mildly amused at my outburst. "You could look at it like that if you want. I certainly can't change the way you think, as you proved at your choosing. Or you could look at it another way."
"And what way is that?" I hiss, breathing hard.
"You could look at it as an opportunity," he states matter of factly.
A buzzing noise has been growing in my ears during this whole conversation, and my head is spinning. "An opportunity." I say flatly.
"Yes," he says. "What I'm offering you is a choice."
- - - - -
I stumble into the ruins later that night. The rest of my day passed by in a blur. I've been given an ultimatum, ready or not. Choose or have someone be chosen for me. Either way it feels like my future has been taken away.
West is waiting for me in his hideout. We didn't have plans to meet tonight, but he must have known I'd come here. "How did your meeting with Crane go?" He asks, opening his arms.
I crawl gratefully into his embrace and lay my head on his shoulder. "I don't even know. Unexpected? Not good."
He rubs my back comfortingly. "What was it about?"
I tense up. There's no way I can tell him that I'm supposed to be choosing a partner, that I'll be paired off in a month no matter what. "Just...the obligations of being the chief's daughter."
He sighs, pulling me closer. "Okay."
I can tell West wants details, but at least he seems to respect that I can't give them. My mind is heavy with the idea of choosing someone to pair with for life. If things were allowed to continue on their natural course, I may have ended up paired with West. It's not uncommon to stay with your first significant other for the long haul. It's not like we have that many options. But we've only been together a short while, and we still don't know that much about each other. What if we paired off only to have our feelings fade away once the newness wears off? I can't imagine being like the crying bride, stuck with someone I don't love for the rest of my life. I don't even know if I love West. I like him a lot but love? It's just too soon.
But he's the only possible choice I think I could make right now. As close as I am with Jay, I know I can never feel for him the way he does for me, and it's not fair to take away his possibility for real love. At my feelings for West are mutual. For now.
I make a decision. I have two weeks to give my father a name, and I intend to take that full amount of time to try to make sure West could be that name. I know I'll have to share what's happening with him first as well, since I don't want to take away his freedom to choose his own future. He would have to agree for me to move forward with this.
Plus, I can't bring myself to ask him. Not yet.