And then, Christmas happened.
One of Rushil's mothers was Catholic, so the morning of the holiday, she squeezed Lee by the shoulders and said, "You're absolutely welcome to come to mass with us."
"Oh, no, I'm fine here," Lee said with a bright smile. "Thank you, though."
Meanwhile, Rushil's other mom was fiddling with Rushil's tie while Rushil whined, "I can do it myself!" His mother batted his hands away and said, "Hush up and let me do this for you."
Lee walked them all to the front porch. He felt like a grandma waving to her grandchildren as they drove off. Rushil paused at the steps and turned back, and Lee knew what he was going to say long before Rushil ever opened his stupid mouth. "Call him soon, okay?" he said.
Lee sighed and stared off into the distance like he had some great big quest to tackle and an internal crisis the size of Montana weighing on his chest. "Maybe some day," Lee said, mysteriously. He cracked a grin when he looked back at Rushil, who wasn't at all convinced.
"Rushil!" his mom called from the passenger's window.
"I'm coming!" Rushil shouted back. He spun back around as Lee smiled. He pinned Lee down with a pointed finger and said, "I'm serious."
"So am I."
Lee waved farewell from the front porch as they drove off down the street. He could see Rushil in the back of the Morano waving back until they were around the corner and out of the neighborhood. When they were gone, Lee swung open the front door and locked it behind him on his way to the guest bedroom.
The Patels set Lee up in their spare room in the basement. Their basement was small, cozy, and came equipped with an extra bath. The windows were almost too small for a lizard to fit through, which Lee thought might be a hazard, but he didn't mind the all encompassing dark in the evenings. In the mornings, he could barely tell if the sun came up at all and wound up sleeping in to unreasonable hours. His five in the morning schedule was sure to be fucked.
Lee shut his bedroom door and pulled his phone out. He brought up Milo's contact and, thumb hovering over the call button, hesitated.
I won't be able to turn him away.
Do I want to say 'no', though?
Lee pressed the button and put his phone to his ear. He listened to the ringer go off for several seconds. His heart started to beat faster, heavier in his chest as it drew near the end of the attempted call.
He swallowed and it pained him to consider it. His hand shook.
What if Milo had decided he wasn't worth waiting for? Lee figured his own narcissism prevented him from considering that sooner. He put a hand to his face and cursed himself for not thinking of it sooner. Of course Milo would be able to move on. Leon Asano wasn't worth it—Milo deserved better—Of-fucking-course Milo knew that.
The thought terrified him enough to hang up, but before he could, Milo answered the call.
"Hey, this is Milo."
Lee slumped onto the bed. He stared at the wall across from him. That momentary existential crisis had knocked the breath out of him—he couldn't recover that quickly. He put a hand to his forehead as he heard Milo's voice in his ear again, hesitant and quiet, "Lee?"
Lee cleared his throat and rasped out, "Yeah. Yeah, it's me."
"Lee!" Milo screamed so loud he had to tug the phone away with a wince. "Lee, I—! I'm so sorry—I'm so fucking sorry, please don't be mad at me anymore. I don't like it when you're mad at me—"
"Milo, shut up," Lee said, voice shaking. The silence that ensued reminded him that he could barely talk as it was. He folded over his knees, his elbow on his leg, heart pounding in his chest. "When you—When you didn't p-pick up right away I thought—Never mind."
"No, tell me."
Lee plucked together his resolve from where it had shattered at his feet. He cleared his throat and said, "I thought you gave up waiting for me to call."
"You could've called months from now and I'd still be waiting for it," he said. Lee opened his mouth to say something, but it wavered with his quivering lips. He put his closed fist to his mouth as Milo said, "But I mean, by then you'd be back on campus. I'd hunt you down."
Lee laughed. He smiled against his fingers and said, "Oh," because he felt like the pieces of his resolve were haphazardly strewn together with Scotch tape, teetering on the edge of combustion.
"Lee," Milo said, and fuck it if Lee wasn't already tearing up, "I really like you. Like like you. I'd say the word but I don't know if either of us are ready for that."
"Y-Yeah," Lee whispered.
"I don't want us to end just 'cause I'm an idiot. But I know you deserve someone smarter than me and more—more—"
"Don't tell me what I deserve," Lee said.
"Right, sorry—"
"Stop apologizing, idiot," Lee huffed. He rubbed his hand up the side of his face and to his forehead. "I- I already forgive you."
"Then will you come back to Sigma?"
Lee bit his lip. If he came back now, Milo would be gone anyway. Bowl Week started tomorrow. Milo probably had his bags packed and his tickets printed. But... he'd get to work. He'd work for the long shifts and build his savings through January.
But if he stayed here, in San Diego, Lee could have a real vacation. He'd get to hang out with Rushil, and the two of them could start apartment hunting and scheduling tours.
"I-I don't know," he confessed. "I'll look at ticket prices—"
"I'll pay for your bus," Milo promised. "If you leave now I could see you before I have to go—"
"I'll look at tickets for after New Years," Lee said. "I dropped fifty bucks on the tickets here. I might as well enjoy it."
"Right, sorry. Yeah, you should hang with Rushi Roll and I'll just—I'll wait for you to come back," Milo said.
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Yeah, that sounds good."
"I'll still pay for your ticket back," Milo said, and Lee had a feeling it was so that Milo would know the exact time Lee's bus would come in.
Lee laughed and sighed, saying, "Fine, whatever. I won't argue with that. I'll let you know what day and time I'm thinking."
Milo agreed with an eager, "Yay! Okay, okay. Text me and—fucking download Snapchat again because I miss your face. I want to see you."
Lee flopped back on the bed and huffed, "I'm—I'm not downloading Snapchat again."
"Why not?! I miss your cute little bitmoji on my best friends list."
"I—I was on your best friends list?" Lee said.
"Of course! Please, Lee?" Milo begged.
"I'll think about it," he said.
A moment of silence passed. Lee ran a hand through his hair as he listened to Milo's breath in his ear. His heart fluttered in his chest when Milo said, "You deleted your Snapchat."
"Yeah."
"Because of me?" he whispered.
Lee frowned and sat up. "Y-Yeah, I guess." He really only used Snapchat to talk to Milo, Roland, and Rushil. Sure, he had people from high school on it. He left his brother Sen on pending over a year ago. He and Kiki were too paranoid to even add each other.
"I won't put you through that again," Milo whispered, and the promise made Lee's throat tighten.
Lee thought he might sob if he spoke, but instead, his voice came out tight, clipped, and deadly. "Good. You better not."
He heard Milo take a sharp breath. "Yes, sir," he said, borderline purring it.
"Don't make it weird," Lee said.
"It's not weird if it's sexual."
"Park."
Milo groaned and said, "Say my name again."
Lee pushed to his feet. Amusement dissolved the tightness behind his eyes as he rubbed at his collarbone and said, "I'm not saying anything without a 'please'."
"Please say my name again, Lee. I'm going through withdrawals over here."
"Fine," Lee laughed. He brought the mic closed to his lips as he whispered, "Park."
Milo groaned again and Lee snickered to himself. At last, Milo breathed, "I missed your voice. I want my hands in your hair again—I want to lick the salt off of your neck. I want you so badly, Lee."
Lee's entire face flushed as his brain short-circuited. He didn't expect any of that, and now, thoroughly flustered, all he could manage was a weak, "Don't say things like that."
"When you didn't show up on Saturday—and then when you disappeared from my contacts—I lost my shit. I ran the mile to Manley in four and a half minutes."
"Jesus," Lee breathed. He'd never ran a mile faster than eight minutes. "Isn't the fastest record three-forty-five?"
"Something like that, yeah. I bet I'd beat it if you were at the finish line," Milo said.
Lee snorted. "We should test it. Do you have access to the track field?"
"I can get access. When do you wanna do it?"
They organized a time and date to time Milo's mile run. In the process, they volunteered the efforts of Roland to help clock the run. Lee couldn't stop laughing the more Milo volunteered his teammates. It sounded like they'd make an entire event out of it, and Lee couldn't wait.
Eventually, though, an hour went by and Lee knew the Patels would be back soon. Before leaving the call, Milo demanded that Lee look at tickets so he could know just how soon he could see Lee again. The instant they hung up, Lee flipped open his laptop and brought up the Greyhound website.
Since Lee had no intentions of celebrating Christmas, he went out for the day and let the Patels do their thing. He posted himself at the beach pavilion where he could sit in the shade and rifle through his emails from his next semester professors. In the midst of ordering textbooks, he recalled Milo's request to re-upload Snapchat.
He held up his phone with a frown. Snapchat had been on his main dock and now, the dock looked scarce without it. He reinstalled it then and, upon creating a new account, first re-added Rushil and Ezra.
A recommended account appeared in relation to both of them.
"Alex?" Lee said, raising his eyebrow at Ezra's username affiliated with them.
Lee added Alex Pikaart.
______
PikaPika🤙⛓ accepted your friend request!
12:51 Leon Me is typing...
12:52 LEE: How do you know Ezra??
12:55 PikaPika🤙⛓ is typing...
12:56 PIKA: O we dated last year
12:57 LEE: Excuse me wHAT
12:57 PIKA: Yeah we're in the same year, same major
12:58 PIKA: He's your RA right?
12:58 LEE: UH YEAH
12:58 LEE: I can't picture you two dating
12:59 PIKA: Yeah he was really loud even when nothing was wrong
12:59 PIKA: Lowkey not good for my anxiety
13:00 LEE: Yeah I feel that
13:00 PIKA: I hear he's a good RA tho
13:00 LEE: Yeah he is
13:01 LEE: So did you know about his live laugh love collection?
13:01 PIKA: Yeah
13:01 LEE: And you still dated him?
13:02 PIKA: I don't judge people based on their paraphernalia preferences
13:02 PikaPika🤙⛓ is typing...
13:03 PIKA: Also you should know that Lush asked if I knew about you and Park
13:03 LEE: ??? Lush ???
13:04 PIKA: Rushil
13:04 PIKA: Imma kick autocorrect's ass one of these days
13:05 LEE: Yeah I was curious as to why a soap company cared about my relationship status
13:05 LEE: And yeah Rushil did me a huge solid I owe him, like, a lifetime supply of boba now
13:06 PIKA: So Rushil knows now?
13:06 LEE: Yeah I still have to have The Talk with him
13:06 LEE: About boundaries and shit
13:07 PIKA: You make it sound like y'all are a thrupple
13:07 LEE: Excuse me a WHAT???
13:08 PIKA: You know like a threesome relationship
13:08 PIKA: A thrupple
13:09 LEE: I regret even questioning it
13:09 LEE: I just want that word GONE from my mental dictionary
13:10 PIKA: Are you three not a thrupple then?
13:10 LEE: NO Rushil's STRAIGHT
13:10 PIKA: Huh.
13:10 PIKA: I mean I thought I was straight
13:11 LEE: How does that even work when you have no gender
13:11 PIKA: Right that's what I'm thinking
13:13 PIKA: I thought about it and I really don't have an answer for you. I guess my sexuality is most accurately defined by my partiality towards non-aggressive men?
13:14 LEE: So not Ezra
13:15 LEE: Or the entire female population
13:15 PIKA: Yeah that just about does it
13:16 LEE: Do you think about that a lot?
13:18 PIKA: What, my sexuality?
13:18 LEE: Yeah
13:18 PIKA: Recently I have
13:19 PIKA: I only think about it when it becomes relevant
13:19 LEE: God that sounds like the dream
13:19 LEE: It's constantly on my mind
13:20 PIKA: That's because you're a hormonal teenager
13:20 LEE: Guilty 😝
______
Milo 🏈🤼♂️ Parking Lot accepted your friend request!
13:25 Milo 🏈🤼♂️ Parking Lot is typing...
13:25 MILO: Send me a pic of your face 😘🙏
13:26 LEE: Open snap
13:26 Milo 🏈🤼♂️ Parking Lot screenshot your snap!
13:27 MILO: 😩👌
13:27 LEE: You're so fuckin extra dude
13:28 LEE: Open snap
13:28 Milo 🏈🤼♂️ Parking Lot screenshot your snap!
13:29 MILO: Fuck me daddy 😍
13:30 Leon Me is typing...
13:30 LEE: I'm
13:30 LEE: Repulsed
13:31 MILO: O right daddy issues
13:31 LEE: 🤮
13:31 MILO: 😀
13:32 LEE: O shit
13:32 LEE: Fuck
13:32 MILO: What
13:32 LEE: gtg
13:32 MILO: What??? What happened??
13:43 MILO: Lee???
______
Lee snapped his laptop shut and pocketed his phone. If he moved fast, he could vanish off the side of the pavilion and they'd never see him, but it didn't change the fact that they were here and they were heading in this direction. The odds made it so glaringly obvious that Lee wanted to chuck his phone into the ocean and not look back.
Because there, on the sidewalk, sat a rented Maserati glistening in the sun and, from it, emerged his father and brother. Lee scowled at the sight of Sen there—he could handle his father without that psychopath staring him down.
So, Lee stood and shouldered his backpack and went to stand on the edge of the pavilion steps as his father and brother walked up the stone walkway from the curb.
"How did you find me," Lee said, though he already knew the answer.
His father raised his own cellphone up and gave it a little shake. His father had the physique of a goddamn rugby player and the hair of a Greek god—in other words, he looked like Zeus incarnate with that shock of pure white hair. His intimidatingly stoic expression wasn't nearly as threatening as Sen's ghostly impassivity, but it still put Lee on edge. The both of them combined, standing mere feet from Lee, made him sick to his stomach.
Lee narrowed his eyes at Sen, who tipped his head to the side as an ocean breeze tugged at his long, black hair. "We stopped by your dorm the other day," he said.
"Yeah, I wasn't there," Lee said.
"We still have to talk about registration," his father said. "Since you weren't at USFC, I figured we'd pay you a visit... here." His father took the final step up to tower over Lee, who took to staring at his father's chest rather than those eerie, crystalline eyes. Lee had those same eyes, that same hair, and it was everything that made the Asanos praise Lee as the future head of the family. So much like his father.
Lee shivered at his father's gruff, deep voice. Lee swallowed hard, every muscle in his body tight as his father put his hand on Lee's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Take a seat, son."
"I have nothing to say to you," Lee said, shrugging his father's hand off. He took a step back, fully aware of Sen in the corner of his eye, watching with those wide, unblinking eyes. He felt sick to his stomach thinking about Kiki living with them. It wasn't that she was in danger—she could fend for herself against his family's sharp, antagonistic words.
He watched his father turn to Sen. With a nod of his head, he dismissed Sen to the car. Sen stared Lee down for a moment before turning and walking away. Lee was too focused on his father to bother watching his brother recede.
Lee swallowed hard at the tense way his father watched him. "I've made my decision. I'm sticking with it."
"Your brother was accepted into USFC Law," his father said. Lee's jaw could have creaked with how tightly he clenched his teeth. "Do you really not care about his ambitions?"
"Kiki does just as well as me in school," Lee ground out. "She can manage to run the firm better than me."
"Kiki is not inheriting the firm," his father stressed.
"Neither am I," Lee snapped. He met his father's eyes, fists clenched at his sides. "I'm eighteen. I'm not your son anymore."
His father took a step towards him. Lee backed into the pavilion railing, eyes wide as his father pegged him with a furious sneer and said, "As long as you are on my insurance, hold my family name, you will do as I say."
"I-I'll go on the student insurance plan. I'll pay for it myself. I'll cut you off—"
"You will always be my son."
Lee froze at the tension in his father's voice. It wasn't anger—he'd felt his father's rage before. It was nothing he heard from his father before that moment.
His father's eyes flitted between Lee's as he laid a hand on Lee's shoulder, over his heavy backpack strap. He lowered himself to Lee's eye level and stressed, each word piercing itself into Lee's heart. "You will always be a Asano, Lee. I just want what's best for you."
"Th-This is what's best for me," Lee whispered. His father had never used this tactic on him. What was that shit he learned in English class? Pathos? His father was more of an ethos-logos type of guy. Lee didn't know what to make of the sadness in his father's otherwise unchanging voice.
"You're just a child, you don't know—"
"I'm not a child and I do know," he insisted.
They stared into each others' eyes until Lee felt his eyes glaze over. He rubbed a hand over his eyes and brushed his father's hand off of his shoulder. "You can't convince me, Dad. And I know I can't convince you. I'm not—I don't like the person you want me to be at law school. Don't my ambitions mean anything to you?"
His father knelt down in front of Lee. It made Lee feel like a child again, holding his quivering lip between his teeth as his father looked him in the eye and said, "Of course I care about your ambitions, Lee, but I also care about your future. I want your future to be with your family."
"My future will be fine without you."
His father turned to look out past the pavilion steps, opposite where Sen sat in the car, and adjacent to where Lee stood, frozen, against the railing. Lee dug his nails into the railing and watched his father's heavy brow furrow over his light eyes. Like Lee, his father depended on sunglasses. Their light, blue eyes made it hard to tolerate the glare of the sun on the ocean waves, or the bright white sand along the San Diego beach.
In some small ways, Lee was a lot like his father.
His father turned back with a sigh and said, "I can see I won't be able to convince you. I suppose that's my fault for keeping my distance this semester. I wish I would have let your mother convince me to move to San Francisco."
"The firm is in Portland and Seattle. Why would you move to San Francisco?" Lee said, frowning.
"We wanted to be near you, in case you needed anything at USFC," he said. Lee nearly spoke again, but his father was already rising to his feet. "I'll be leaving a deposit in your checking account later this week. It should be in time for your tuition payment."
With that, his father slipped his sunglasses back on and stepped down to the pavement. Lee stared at the spot his father once knelt in. It felt like someone had their fist around his heart and lungs, holding his breath in until he heard the Maserati's driver door slam shut. He turned to look back at the curb where his father pulled away and out of view.
It was as if Lee had hallucinated the entire interaction. Like his father and brother had not, in fact, traveled to San Diego just for a chat.