~~
Peggy parked her old, beat-up Buick in front of Hercules' house. It looked like every other house in Runako, but cleaner than we both had imagined. "You're insane if you think I'm staying in the car."
I unbuckled my seatbelt (safety first, bitches) and opened the passenger door. "Okay, but you're insane if you think you can change my mind if what I think is true."
"I hate to burst your bubble," Peggy said, "but I don't think Laf killed himself."
I shrugged as she followed me to the front door. There was no sign of a doorbell, so I knocked three times and took a step back, waiting for someone to answer. After what felt like a minute or two, Peggy decided to knock again, but harder and louder this time. Before she could finish her third knock, the door swung open.
There Hercules stood, wearing a plain black t-shirt and blue jeans. His mouth was full of what looked like potato chips. He looked pretty cleaned up, aside from the food falling out of his mouth. A football game was playing on the tv in the background. "What?" he spat, a few crumbs landing at my feet.
"Uh, hi," I said, slightly disgusted by the man that stood in front of me. "It's me, Alexander Hamilton, um we used to be friends a few years ago."
"I know who you are," he said after swallowing.
"Oh, great. Well, uh, I was wondering, if you're up to it, I mean, if you're not busy or anything-"
"Can we come in?" Peggy interjected, wasting no time at all.
Hercules scanned the both of us up and down, before turning and allowing us inside. "Sure, just don't sit on the recliner. I dropped some nacho cheese on it the other day and never cleaned it up."
The outside of Herc's house definitely did not match the inside. There were empty soda cans and chip bags covering the coffee table, and a strange, yellow stain above the tv. There weren't any pictures or area rugs or knickknacks to personalize the room. It was just plain. Disgusting, but plain.
Peggy and I took a seat on the couch next to each other, while Hercules sat on the arm of the stained recliner. "Do you live here by yourself?" I asked.
Hercules breathes a heavy sigh, one that had a story behind it. "Yeah, I do. But I don't wan'na get into that." There was a short moment where none of us spoke. Peggy and I looked around at the room, taking in our surroundings until Herc asked the dreaded question. "Not that I don't want the company or anything, but what brings you's here?"
I looked over at Peggy, silently pleading for her to start the conversation, but she turned her nose away. "I'm not the one who wants to know so badly."
"Know what?" Herc asked before the lightbulb in his head went off. "Look, if this is about Lafayette, I really don't wan'na talk about it."
"So you know what happened to him?" Maybe my suspicions had been correct after all. "You two were soulmates, right?"
If looks could kill, Hercules would have definitely killed me in that moment. "I said I won't talk about it. Now, if that's all you wanted from me, I'm gon'na have to ask you to leave."
Hercules stood and started towards the door, me and Peggy in tow. "Please," I begged, "I need to know if he killed himself!"
Peggy grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away from the fuming Hercules, who was now standing still. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. He doesn't know-"
"He fucking killed himself for me, okay!" Hercules whipped around, shouting. His voice cracked and he fell to a soft whimper. I could see the pain in his eyes as they became glossy. "Are you happy now?"
Oh my god.
Silence.
Peggy whispered in my ear, "you got what you wanted, so can we please just go?"
I went against my better judgement and pushed further. Was I crossing a line? Maybe, but I needed answers. I was so close that I could taste my freedom. Maybe I can do it. "How?"
I knew then that I should have kept my mouth shut. I didn't think Herc could get any scarier. His eyes were red and wide, and I think I saw one of them twitch. He pressed his lips into a thin line to refrain from saying something he might regret. Peggy held her hand over my mouth once the words had left them. "Ignore him, he doesn't know when to shut up." Her words were directed towards Hercules, but were hinting at me to actually fucking listen to her or else I would get my ass beat.
"Why the hell should I tell you?" Herc's voice was quiet, yet you could hear his strength. He was struggling, but holding on with every ounce of strength left in him.
I peeled Peggy's hand from my mouth one finger at a time. "Because I-"
I couldn't even finish my thought before Peggy cut me off. "Alex, think about this. Is this really what you want?"
I knew it was. This is all I had ever wanted since John left. "I want to die. I need to die!" I shouted. Tears were threatening to fall at this point, and I had no reason to stop them. "I can't live without John anymore! Jesus, I just wish I could trade places with him! I've tried so fucking hard to off myself since he died and I'm still here!"
Peggy knew I felt this way, but she wanted to deny it up until this moment. She wanted so badly to think that I wasn't troubled or sick. Hearing me break down like this sent her storming out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her. Hercules didn't know how to react. He kept opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water, trying to piece together a response. "Alex, I- ... I don't know what to say, I-"
"What you can say is how to get John back." I said, fighting the sobs in the back of my throat and wiping the snot from my nose with my sleeve. "Please, just... help me."
Herc seemed conflicted, trying to decide if telling me was really worth it. He heaved a heavy sigh, ran his fingers through his buzzed haircut, and pulled at the short strands. His eyes were shut tight, as if he was holding in all of the pressure the world had to offer. He didn't know what to do, until he released the tension. His hands dropped to his sides, and his gaze met my forehead. He couldn't bare to look into my eyes anymore. "I'm not going to be responsible for your death. I can't have that on my conscience."
"Then I guess we're done here. I'll find out in my own, one way or another." I brushed past him and made my way towards the front door, until I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.
"Elizabeth Schuyler. She works at the diner on 6th avenue."
I pulled my arm from his grasp. "What about her?" I came off more hopeful than I would have anticipated, but I couldn't hide it.
"Her father works at the birthing center. If you tell her I sent you, she'll help."
I finally turned to face him, but he couldn't look back at me. "Why is the birthing center important? I'm not having a fucking kid."
Herc's head was hung low, as if he regret telling me already. "I can't tell you. I-I can't be responsible for what happens, but- ..." He took in a sharp breath, then released is slowly, looking me in my eyes now. "I want to help you. Lafayette felt the same way you do, and I know he would make the same decision he made over and over again for me. Elizabeth will tell you everything you need to know, but I can't." Herc looked back down at the floor, trying to hide the signs of his tears beginning to fall.
"Thank you," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck as he sobbed into my shirt, grasping at the fabric with clenched fists. I couldn't hold back anymore. We both held each other, shirts wet from each others' pain flowing out of us like rivers. We both needed this moment. We've been long long for this, and now that we finally had it, there was no stopping.
He finally lifted his head and looked me in the eyes again after what felt like years. His eyes were red and still dripping, and I'm sure he could hardly see me clearly anymore. "D-don't make me regret this, Alexander."
~~~
I closed the door to the passenger seat and looked over at Peggy. Her body was tense, and her grip on the car keys remained tight as she revved the engine. "Where to now?" She said, trying her best to remain stoic.
"The diner on 6th."
"You're hungry all of a sudden?" Peggy white-knuckled the steering wheel as she pulled forward and started down the road.
I looked out the window at the passing houses. John hated how boring they were. "You could say that."
~~