I looked outside my window to view the twilight, it was beautiful. The sky mixed with amazing colors, I could hear distant noises coming downstairs,seems like Mum is back. For no particular reason, I seem to be thinking, i decided to shrug off the thought before I get depressed.
The Adhan for Maghrib prayer was called, I answered the call to prayer then went into the bathroom to perform an ablution. I finished performing my ablution then went ahead to pray.
In some minutes, I was done with my prayer. After reciting my duas I headed downstairs before mum throws a fit that I can't greet her when she is back.
As usual we ate dinner, I barely touched my food just kept twirling my fork which happened to get the attention of my mum.
"Is everything okay?" She asked", "u keep playing with your cutlery".
"Am fine mum"I wore a wry smile, "I just feel exhausted even after sleeping"
"Well, you slept in the afternoon which is not good" she replied. "Next time try not to,okay and how are your lectures going?"
And that was how we started gisting until the rest joined us at the dinning table.
"Mum!! I will be heading upstairs to study"
"Okay"
*******************************************
I sat on my bed trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. I just feel anger and extremely tired at the same time.
" Just go grab a book" my mind mentioned.
My eyes scrolled through the time table I pasted on the wall.
Oh! I have to read Eng212... God! Such a boring course. Well, I have no choice.
Minutes of reading turned into hours.
"Now it's time to have some peaceful sleep" I heaved a sigh.
The isha prayer was called, I prayed as usual.
Stripped into my pajamas,then off to bed.
But little did I know sleeping peacefully was just a mere wish.
I slumped into my bed getting ready to sleep but somehow my thoughts evaded my mind mostly flashbacks. I seem to be having a flash back into my past. The past I regret, oh yallah why?! It's been long I had these thoughts. I couldn't help but think about how I was abused when I was growing up. As a child and as an early teenager.
Honestly,it's risky growing up as a girl child and equally frustrating too.
"Childhood should be fun and carefree,playing in the sun and not living in nightmare in the darkness of the soul".
Flash back
My horrible memory started when I was asked visit my mum's friend. I happen to meet her son, which was about 16 and I was about 12. He kindly opened the door and ushered me in, directed me to the couch,told me to sit that he would get her now.
Some minutes later, he came back informing me that she would be here any moment.
I just nodded in agreement, he then offered to bring snacks. I declined politely but after much persistence I finally succumbed. I asked about his sisters which he replied saying they went to get their hair done.
The snacks were brought, I was happily munching the snacks and looking at the movie which was playing. The house was silent but I felt it was normal since only him and his mum were around.
It wasn't long when I felt two hands on me, it was more like a grip. Which happens to be wondering around my body. I was taken aback.
Sobs!! I tried standing up to get out before any thing happens but I wash pushed down on the chair.
His hands were already on my developing boobs. I tried screaming due to the pain he inflicted on me but I was slapped. Tears only flowed freely.
I kept struggling but he seems to be getting stronger. He removed his hands from my boobs and hunted for my lips. He hungrily kissed my lips, his tongue moving in all direction seem to be exploring my mouth.
I couldn't do anything, I just prayed for this to be over or for his mum to help. He removed his lips from mine and then looked at me with lust, I kept crying and begging him to stop but that didn't stop him. His hands went grabbing my butt like he was kneading flour, caressing them, hitting them and even went ahead to pinch it. His hands stopped grabbing my butt then went again to my boobs. The pain was much. I kept struggling but his strength kept getting stronger and stronger.
I didn't give up fighting. I fought still I was able to push him on the couch.
I ran out as fast as my legs could carry me. My heart kept palpitating, what should I do? I can't believe he did all that.
What do I tell mum? What if she asked why I stayed long ? Oh! ALLAH
I CANT LET HER SEE ME LIKE THIS
IN THIS STATE, she will know something happened and that's the last thing I want her to know about cuz it will lead to relationships being destroyed and image tarnished.
END OF FLASH BACK
These sorts of stuff kept happening countless of times but I was extremely afraid to voice out. For once, I don't want to think of others I want to think about myself.
"Why am I like this?"I said to myself,"Am tired of this thoughts".
"Oh why Allah?" My mind didn't stop wondering as it made me flash back again to what happened when I was seven.
FLASH BACK AGAIN
I was heading to a neighbor's house that was about seven houses from mine. I was walking down the road when i saw my friend.
She insisted I come in that she would dress up and accompany me but I humbly rejected.
After much persuasion I agreed. Upon entering into her house, she led me to the sitting room where I sat comfortably while she entered the room. Minutes later, her uncle appeared, I greeted as usual and in some minutes she came out asking him where her stuffs were kept. He directed her and she went back in.
Her uncle kept asking me how school was and toys and cartoons. He then told me to come and sing Twinkle twinkle little star( a popular nursery rhyme)
I was scared at first but he seem nice and friendly
I went over.
HALF WAY THROUGH FLASH BACK
"God!! Why is this happening to me! I can't take this anymore. I just can't,it hurts" I uttered through sobs.
I abruptly got up from bed, Switched on the light and headed downstairs to get water.
It's somewhat creepy but what doesn't kill u makes u stronger. I navigated towards the kitchen light switch then switched it on and went ahead to the fridge to get a bottle of water because thirst seems to be getting stronger.
I sighted a bottle water and immediately I started gulping.
"Now time to sleep again" I uttered.
I got to my room, switched off the light and tucked in. Minutes into sleeping, the flashback kept coming. I tossed from one side to another but nope
Seems like my past struggles is getting the best of me. This time I closed my eyes tightly just for the blur vision of what happened to appear
FLASHBACK CONTINUATION
He asked." if I worn a pant, I replied yes!"
He said. "I was lying that he wanted proof,proof that he wanted me to carry my skirt up to see if I worn one".
As a small child , i didn't really know what he was up to so I didn't do what he said.
I carried my skirt up and he saw clearly that I worn a pant. Then he went ahead to start feeling my part and asked why my pant was wet.
I thought it was just a mere question and I went ahead to say " I urinated so I washed it as per Islam"
Seems that answer wasn't enough,he suggested I took it off.
So he can dry it up for me. I turned my hands both sides indicating a "No"
But he just smiled saying he wanted to just help me dry it
He pulled me closer, and made me sit on his lap. As a child I thought it was nothing
I guess he was a friendly uncle but...
I completely forgot my friend was in her room searching for her jeans
As I was sitted on his lap, he started pulling off my pant saying he will dry it quickly, when he pulled it half way. He stopped,then told me to stand up
I did as instructed, then he placed his hands on my part. he said my part was cold and wet from the urine.
He told me to sit on his lap again but this time
My legs were open and I was facing him with my legs opened wide.
He kept talking to me about toys I liked and cartoons I wanted.
I being a child kept blabbing
He kept touching right from my navel wanted to touch down but my friend came in.
She quickly came closer and said
Oh! Uncle u don't want to carry me on ur laps too right if I could remember vividly
Sorry! Alright come here he uttered.
We both sat on his lap but then he directed her to bring something from his room. I offered to follow her but he told me to stay.
Once again we were left alone
Again he opened my legs wide
Traced from my navel to my vagina lips
He kept playing with my glans of clitoris
"Uncle,stop it it's tickling" I mentioned.
"Don't u want to play with uncle"he uttered.
He kept touching it until he wanted to insert his fingers deep down
When his phone rang and at that moment I sat up right
Then my friend came back and then requested we leave and that was how I was almost abused. The rest was history
END OF FLASHBACK!
Tears kept rolling freely, after many years of trying to forget various incidents that kept happening I failed. I act like nothing is wrong when deep down something is wrong, that's why I have trust issues,that's why am not open to any one
It's frustrating!! No one to talk to, no one to confide in.
Can't voice out
My sleep seem not to be coming, I decided to make ablution and pray two rakaat prayer. I finished praying and sat down on the prayer mat when I burst out into tears. Deep down my heart ached, it did.
I kept crying still I drifted to sleep there.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
"Rage swept over her at being young, young and little, as if some evil fairy had put that spell on her. Why must you be locked up in this dreadful cage of childhood for twenty or a hundred years? Nothing in life was possible unless you were old and rich, until then you were only small and futile before your tormentors, desperately waiting for the release that only years could bring."-Dawn Powell
Child abuse!! There is no greater inhumanity in the world than belittling or hurting a child
No child should ever experience the feeling of terror, fear, and Let's stay united in raising our children right, safe from any harm.
What have the children done but to stay innocent and trusting even towards the most undeserving? Child abuse is child abuse – there is no excuse🌹