Dining with Jungkook at his place enlightened me about several aspects of his life. I can tell that him sharing dinner with someone else is something he rarely does. He probably attended business dinners or went to expensive restaurants with his family but from his body language, the way he crouched his figure, the slight stutter that came out from his mouth when he spoke, his deep breathing-it was as if he was afraid he would say or do something wrong. I however tried to lighten the mood by discreetly telling him that he's doing okay or by touching his hand from time to time and gently caressing it. That seemed to ease the tension.
I find the fact that he's worried over small details such as this, so adorable and so out of character. He is taking us seriously and I want to believe that whatever it is that we have will develop into something pleasant. I'm still having my doupts about his sudden character alteration but something inside me wants to cling onto the hope that Jungkook actually wants the same thing as me. And yet, what Joy told me the other day is still gnawing at me.
But what if its all an act? What if when you finally surrender, he alters back to the cruel persona he had in the beginning?
A part of me always returns to the worst case scenario. I didn't need Joy to point out that specific detail, but when she voiced my thoughts I really couldn't help but overthink and obsess over this situation. I am scared of the slightest chance of Jungkook trying to get in an actual relationship with me only to crush my heart like he did before, even though we weren't labeled as something back then. I would hate Jungkook and I would loathe myself even more if I let him use me for his own amusement and then dump me like I'm some piece of trash.
"Hey, you're staring into space." Jungkook suddenly says. "What's wrong?"
"Huh?" I pipe. "I was just thinking." I mumble finishing off my second piece of lasagna.
"About?"
I tense up. "About how amazing this is." I smile gesturing to my empty plate. "It seriously tastes like heaven."
Jungkook chuckles and takes a sip from his wine. "Maybe you should tell me what's actually on your mind Eye Candy." He says, his voice becoming deep.
I sigh. "I guess I'm still worried."
"Worried about what exactly?"
"Us." I say hesitant.
"I'm afraid you're gonna have to be a little more specific."
"It's nothing really." I insist. "It's a habit of mine to overthink things."
"If you're overthinking things right now it's gotta be serious." Jungkook says. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No no no! That's the thing."
Jungkook's brows furrow in confusion. "I'm lost now."
"It's complicated."
"Then make me understand." Jungkook says.
"You changed drastically over the past month, you treated me better in ways I sometimes can't comprehend, you even apologized to me for being disrespectful and I just can't help but continue being insecure about us. Don't get me wrong though, this date has been amazing so far wasand I really want to continue this. I want to know you better Jungkook, because I feel that there are things that happened to you in the past that scarred you. And I totally understand that it won't be easy for you to open up about this to me in a heartbeat, but this is what couples eventually do, they tell each other about the dreadful past." His eyes are cool and dark. He's gazing into my own eyes, yet there's this distant shine that worries me. There are so many things hidden under the surface and I don't know where to start.
"And please don't get mad with what I'm going to tell you." I say carefully.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Promise you won't get mad." I insist.
Jungkook's eyes are soft. "I won't, I promise."
"Okay," I breathe. "I kind of tried to make a backround check on your family."
"What!" Jungkook's eyes are inflamed and I gulp. When he sees my conserned expression he tries to calm down. "What exactly did you find?"
"I-I only read the stuff that was on Wikipedia and some articles. I just wanted to see what your family is like."
"But I told you they are horrible people." Jungkook says, his voice laced with relief. "There's nothing intriguing or interesting about them. Why did you do this?"
I put my hands on my lap and look down on them. "I just wanted to know more about you. I just-I wish you could be more comfortable to talk to me about your past."
Jungkook's hand reaches for mine under the counter. He pulls me close until I have to get off my seat and he gestures on his lap. Bitting my lip, I climb onto his rock hard thigh and face him.
"Be careful what you wish for." He says in a whisper. "There are things about me that if you ever know, you'll either be frightened of me or repulsed."
I place a hand on his cheek and caress the smooth skin with my thumb. "The things you did to me at the Golden Closet frightened me. I'm sure that whatever it is you're keeping from me I think I will be able to understand why you did what you did."
"It's not as simple as you think Elena." He mutters.
"Nothing is simple Jungkook. But we're here now aren't we?" I say and he gazes into my eyes in such a way that makes my heartbeat accelerate in my chest. He holds my waist, his fingers tracing circles. I can feel his warmth through the thin silk barrier that covers my skin.
"Why are you so perfect?" He says, my eyes locking with his but after a little while they fall on his lips as they utter every single word in that throaty tone.
"Don't-I'm not."
One of his hands escape my waist and holds my chin up. "You are perfect to me." He says. "You are willing to listen and accept a part of me that I resent. That's all I ever wanted."
I smile and wrap my hands around his neck. "Then you know what to do whenever you're ready." And with that he shifts me on his lap guiding one of my legs over his other side so that I'm straddling him and I suck in a breath. We haven't been this close since-oh yeah, when we were at uni. We have had our little moment in the janitor's closet but it didn't go exactly the way we wanted it to because I didn't declare our relationship status. Personally, I would prefer if we went slow and see where the current takes us, but I also want Jungkook to remind me where I belong right now.
His touch feels so soft as he traces imaginary shapes all over my waist, his fingers sending heat waves that result in making my breathing deep and my heart ricochet against my ribcage. He's looking at me with want and desire-it's obvious that he has missed this too and I tangle my fingers in his bouncy raven hair as I shamelessly stare at his plump bottom lip. I'm mesmerized by the sight of his mouth whenever he speaks and sometimes I get lost during our conversations as I become totally engrossed by his lips.
Warmth spills out from his hands as he traces my skin over my clothes and I immediately become relaxed on his lap. Without warning he aims for the corner of my mouth. He kisses me and when his mouth detaches from my own I eagerly press my own lips against his, savoring the softness and the fruity aftertaste of the Apoch Blend Wine. He groans as my pelvis is mashed onto his. I can feel his erection harden under that tent on his crotch. His tongue enters my mouth and falls into battle with mine. I enjoy the little challenge of making an attempt to be in charge just this once when Jungkook puts me to place by digging his fingers into my hips, holding me still while his tongue works its magic in my mouth. I purposely press against his groin causing him to groan once more and his lips leave mine.
"Don't start something you can't finish Eye Candy." Jungkook says warningly while planting kisses on my jawline. I smirk and run my hands all over his chest area and he begins pecking my neck. He slowly helps me remove my red cardigan and lets it fall on the floor. His lips graze my shoulder and he kisses my skin until he reaches the strap of my blouse. Meanwhile, his hands travel upwards on my chest and grab ahold of my small breasts. He smiles at the fact that I'm not wearing a bra. A moan escapes from my mouth when he teases my nipples, twirling the buds with his thumb and his forefinger. The silky fabric of my shirt is already wrinkled and a demonic smile is lingering on Jungkook's face.
"No bra." He points out. "Someone's daring." His hands play with my sensitive buds and I rub myself on his thigh desperate for more friction. My arousal is evident on the crotch of my panties and I need more of this. I need him to touch me.
"Did you expect something like this to happen?" He inquires, softly kissing my collarbone.
I shake my head. "No,"
He raises a douptful brow. "Then tell me why did you show up here without wearing a bra?" He asks. "Did you want me to notice your nipples poking through your blouse?"
What? I had no intentions of the sort. "I-I just wanted to be comfortable." I gasp and that's when I feel his teeth come in contact with my flesh.
"Is that so?" He remarks. "I am comfortable walking shirtless around the house whenever I'm alone but I wore a shirt for tonight."
What does that even mean? "What?"
"Are you attempting to tease me Elena?" He asks gravely. "Do you expect me to fuck you tonight?"
"No," I reply my voice coming out in a moan. "Because of our deal."
That seems to convince him when he parts his lips and takes my hand in his. "I want to." Jungkook says lowly. "My God, I love touching you." His thumb traces random shapes on the roof of my hand.
"I love it when you touch me." I admit.
"Don't say things like that." He groans.
"Why not?" He talks dirty all the time so what's his deal?
"Because 99 percent of my thoughts consist of you and you alone Elena and all the fucked up things I want to do to you."
I gulp hardly. "What do you want to do to me?" I inquire and he laughs to himself.
He runs his finger on my bottom lip and I close my eyes. "I want to take over you baby."
"Then do it." I whisper.
"I want you to be mine first."
I open my eyes. "Could you at least enlighten me to all the things you want to do to me?"
"Give me your answer and you'll find out then." Jungkook says simply and I pout.
"Give me a clue? Please?"
He sighs then tucks a hair behind my ear. "There are things that you can probably handle but I want to test your limits and extend your boundaries."
"How are you going to extend my boundaries?" I ask.
He grins. "There are many ways to do that. Experimentation is one of them and I'd like to think you're pretty open minded."
"I guess."
"Punishment is another method that will suffice." He adds and when he sees that I'm looking at him strangely, he proceeds with his explanation "Don't take it the wrong way I won't be looking for an excuse to punish you Elena, but if your behavior or actions cause me any disappointment there will be consequences."
I raise a brow. "That means that the same goes for you."
Jungkook glances at me intrigued. "I'm listening."
"It's simple really. What applies to me applies to you as well." I tell him.
"Fair enough." He agrees.
"So what kind of punishment are we talking about?" I inquire and he laughs. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing I-"
"Then stop laughing. I'm serious."
He chuckles. "Okay, so do you remember that time when you left your bag in the auditorium and I found the adjustable whip you were hiding in there?"
"Oh," I can feel myself become red as a tomato as I flash back to the very first time Jungkook punished me. He kissed me for the first time in that auditorium and he quite literally fucked me with a whip on the professor's desk. Even though it was one of my most pleasurable sexual experiences it was also the one of the most emotionally draining one too.
"I know you wanted to use it on me that day." He grins and I hit his chest.
"No, I didn't! Don't make this about you."
Jungkook plants a kiss on my cheek. "It's okay sweetheart you can deny it all you want but I know the truth. Just like I know how much you enjoyed it when I fucked you with that toy. I would like to make you cum on a crop again baby."
My thighs squish around his waist and I automatically grind on his thigh on the image of him forcing the leather crop inside me.
His forefinger enters my mouth and I suck on it. "And after your juices coat the leather I would make you taste your own arousal. I bet you want this too Eye Candy." He says huskily and I lick his finger, imagining the crop.
"Mmm," I moan on his finger and he wipes it across my lips.
"There are so many things I want to try with you baby." He says in a whisper. "I really hope you will let me try them on your body." He kisses the spot behind my ear and I nod eagerly.
"Yes," I blindly oblige. I trust him with my body.
"I will keep you safe baby once you become mine. I will make you feel good in ways you have never imagined. Pleasure can come in various forms," he starts and he kisses down my neck, his fingers sensually trail a line along my spine and I arch my back "gentleness, roughness, immobility even pain." I nod as he bites down on the sensitive skin of my neck. It stings at first but when his tongue caresses it I let out a blissful moan understanding what he's telling me. "I will make a mess out of you and then take care of you and then treat you like a queen."
Goosebumps spread on my skin as he continues to attack the surface with kisses and love bites. My teeth tug on my bottom lip so hard it will break the skin.
"I want you tied up baby. Blindfolded. I want you to beg me to pleasure you. Hurt you."
This is so fucking wrong and twisted but I want this. I crave this.
"Jungkook, I want you to hurt me." I mindlessly say and he smiles against my flesh. "Please."
"Be mine Elena and I will."
"I am yours." I breathe.
"I know." He says. "I want you to be 100 percent sure though. I know you're still douptful about this."
At this moment I am fairly certain that I want to be his. I want him to own every part of me and take control of my entire core. I need him to claim me as his own. Fuck, I would be his own personal plaything at this point. This man can have me drop on my knees for him.
So I decide to enter an unfamiliar territory by saying "Aren't you going to punish me for not wearing a bra?"
what's up with me at 3 in the morning?